With a full belly and the rules from Joel and Taylor still in my head, I was now back in my new bedroom (it still felt funny saying that because I was still a foster kid with nowhere else to go) mulling over what my new foster parents had said to me. What's their endgame in all of this, I thought to myself as I began to change into some sleepwear. What does this family expect from me even if they say that they care about me? I mean, it's no secret that I'm far from the rough side of Fort Worth and away from all things familiar. What would happen if it turns out that I don't fit in with them after all? Would that mean I would have to find somewhere else to go? Wouldn't it be more easier to just make other arrangements to end my life and spare everyone the time and money just to find me a home?

So many questions, yet so little answers.

At least I can say that I won't be left to fend for myself, not if the next-door maid could help it. And I could at least find a friend or two to lean on, Mrs. McGillivray-Sullivan included. But what happens when I start school soon? Would I be seen as invisible just like my old school did- being left alone and given more homework? Would everyone act too cool to be seen with me? And what about the teachers? Would they accuse me of being jealous and petty because the popular crowd thinks that I'm only good for being a whipping boy? Or would everyone be decent enough to actually start helping me?

I didn't know what to think or even do at this point but assume the worst.

I wish for thunder and lightning to kill you.

You will never amount to be anything, boy.

No one would blame me if I decided to make you disappear.

You're like a bad-luck penny that turns up everywhere.

We'd all be better off in a world without you in it, Demario. If you had any courtesy for this family, it might be best for you to end your life. Spare us all the misery of being stuck with a pathetic runt as yourself.

Thanks a lot, Mama. Thanks for leaving me with a cynical and pessimistic mindset that almost had me end it all.

I huffed out a bed, getting ready to dive into the covers when the door swung open to reveal Javi in his pajamas and looking like a perfect fitness model for teens as he stepped in. "Uh, hi," I said uneasily, looking into the Hispanic teen's hazel eyes. "What's up?"

He handed me what looked like a hard-cover notebook that was leather-bound alongside a fancy-looking pen. "I meant to give you this at dinner when we were talking about what plans you might have, but Dad and Pops needed to talk to you," he replied. "It's a new journal that I picked up for you at the nearby bookstore. Dr. Nguyen said that you should consider starting a diary to help you with your journey. This could be like some sort of therapy."

I looked at the journal and pen, both items looking and feeling as gaudy as everything else did in this house. "I'm not too sure if-" I began.

"Look, man. I get that you didn't have much back at your old house and your late family left you with the crumbs from the table and some old rags for clothes if they were charitable enough," Javi cut me off. "But that doesn't mean you have to settle for less here. This is your moment to finally claim what's yours and start to have nicer things like your siblings did. And as for your journal, Dad and Pops already approve, so they'll expect you to write something."

I sighed, knowing that he was right despite my cynical mindset saying otherwise. "I'll give this a shot, for your sake," I replied.

"Don't do it for my sake," Javi admonished me as he began to leave. "Do it for you."

He shut the door as I stood there in the middle of my bedroom, wondering if this journal could lead me to something else. There was one way to find out. I took my seat at the desk, opened it to the first blank page, and began to write.

Private Journal of Demario Bader, the Lost Boy.  Do NOT Disturb!

Well, this is a new chapter for someone who almost ended his life after being rejected by his entire family just because he was different from everyone despite giving them what they want. And as much as I can say that I have no idea for what's ahead for my un-charmed life, I might as well introduce myself.

My name is Demario Bader. And from being treated like unwanted old furniture by my parents and siblings to losing them to a freak car-crash and not being taken in by my extended relatives; I guess you can say that I was one step away from being pushed to the limits. In a way, I wanted out and didn't want to face being homeless or lured into a life of crime. So I planned to end it all. But I guess the hands of fate had other plans. So here I am in my new bedroom as I'm living in a foster home with two gay dads and their adoptive sons as all of them (alongside my therapist, the next-door maid, my former landlord back at the Fairlake Arms Apartments and his family, and even Jose and Gianna- the nurse and orderly who are coincidentally my foster brother's siblings) want to help me on this road to recovery. I don't know what to expect other than more failures and rejections. But everyone wants to help me heal from the scars that my mother laid on me.

So here I am.

Life, you gave me one too many bad hands in your bizarre card games. This is your last chance to have the stack decked in my favor as much as it is my last chance to finally have a happy ending. All in all, this is our last chance to finally gain some sense of a new normal.

And so it begins.

There. I hope it was enough because I would need all the luck and support to finally kick off my journey towards self-acceptance and self-love. Putting my new journal away, I ducked under the covers and let the waves of sleep take me under.

"This is my last chance," was the one sentence that I murmured tiredly before falling asleep. And I meant it, too. This was really my last chance to get things right.

Just a heads-up, you guys, I'll be posting more of Demario's  journal entries of his pathway to happiness throughout the story, so expect to see more of his feelings as the story rolls along.

In the next chapter, Demario is ready for another therapy session after doctor and dental visits before he meets a possible new ally (someone his age) and a stud of a young man who catches his eye. Stay tuned!

Dedication: CAITLlN and theaclairecreative.

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