Paunches and Folds.

Paunches and folds were all I could see whenever I looked in a mirror. The folds below my chin. My paunch. The folds close to my back and every nook and cranny of my body. I honestly didn't like the sight of them and felt bad whenever I saw them. Like one of my crushes said, "It is a displeasing sight."

I sighed for the umpteenth time within three hours, as I scrolled through my friend's - turned model - IG page. She was body goal. She was the only one amongst the both of us, which got what we both dreamt of - the perfect body and fame. I gave my phone power button a gentle push, switching it off as I stood up from my bed. It wasn't too late to start losing some weight. I began jogging on a spot, but the hard tiles of my room began hurting the under of my feet, which made me stop and start jogging about instead. I forgot to set a timer and before I knew it, I was panting and gave up. My heart was beating really fast and, my legs became so weak and shivery. So, I fell on my bed and checked the time, I didn't spend up to five minutes. It wasn't long before I started sweating, still panting. "You're a lazy goat," I whispered to myself. I sighed as I adjusted myself on my bed, shutting my eyes tightly when my head was rightly on my pillow. My mind gave my body no rest, as my awful life began to play in my head. I sighed out into my room, gradually opening my eyes to stare at the roof of my room. I spent almost three minutes staring blankly at the white ceiling of my room. It was like I was gone for a couple of minutes, thinking of arrantly nothing. But, the rumble in my stomach, brought me back to realization, making me get down from my bed and headed for the refrigerator.

Staying in a one-man room, had its advantages and numerous disadvantages. I love my space, fair enough. But, the more I stayed in my space, the worse it began to become for me. It made it harder for me to relate with people, always wanting to be alone, because of the excessive peace and quiet that came with it. My room was pretty large, large enough for a four-man room. I sometimes loved it, but also sometimes despised it. My friend since elementary school - Tolani, used to come to my hostel every now and then but she became too busy with her modelling career that, she couldn't even visit once in three months. I only saw her occasionally in class, and sometimes occasions. We also lost contact. It wasn't like we didn't have each other's number anymore, but rather because she became too busy and I became less social, letting paranoia and self-shaming take over me. She wasn't messaging, and I wasn't also. So, to an extent, we had no friendship left anymore.

I fetched a medium sized ice-cream from my room small sized fridge and a plastic cylinder of Lays from my shelf. I sat down with wide open legs on my bed as I began to dive in, picking my phone from where I dropped it. The very moment I unlocked it, I went straight to my Netflix app, whispering to myself, "You've had enough for today dear." I began to watch 'The Perfect Date'. It was a movie I had been targeting. I smiled to myself when the Netflix logo popped up and the movie started. It was one of the most enjoyable moments of my life.

The serenity of my room, my self-space, no shaming, enough sugar, and a movie.