*Y/N's P. O. V. *

My breath came back to me in a snap. I involuntarily gasp for air as I slowly gained my full consciousness back.

I guess life's not done with me.

I slowly open my eyes and these artificial lights are already blinding me. As I have guessed, I'm already inside a hospital room.

"Y/N, oh thank god, you're awake," I heard someone say. I looked to my right and realized it was Pete.

"Pete," I called his name helplessly. I was just on a blank state at first, but the problems came crashing in, making me feel hopeless again. I can't believe my eyes can get teary this fast, "I don't...Why am I still..." I can't form a sentence. Every single problem that follows this is bothering me so much now.

"Hey, hey, shh. I know, love... I know," he quickly hugged me, "Please, Y/N. I need you to calm down first. We'll figure this out. I just need to call the doctors and let them know you're awake now," he explained.

"T-the others? Where are they?" I asked the moment he pulled back.

"I forced them to go home and rest, they have been here since yesterday. They just went home, but I can call them immediately if --

"No, please... Don't tell them yet. Please, "I pleaded and thankfully, Pete agreed.

After that, he went out for a while and immediately came back with my doctor behind him.

"Ms. Y/L/N. I'm really glad that you're awake now. You've faced a close encounter and like I have told you days ago, it is due to your condition getting worse. Pardon my straight-forward manner of talking here, but you really need to have a decision soon. Your choice of staying and not doing anything for a year has taken its toll, now you need to make a choice," she told me, "All the results of your physical examinations tell that you're now on Stage 4 of the disease, it will ---

"...just be a matter of days before I completely suffocate from it. Yeah, I know. I've always seen it with our patients," I interrupted her. She looked at me with pity which I hate. This is why I didn't want them to know, I don't want them to pity me.

She just proceeded to check all my vitals, making sure that everything is functioning the way they should. During that whole course, the silence was so loud in the room, but I'm glad it stayed that way.

"So far, you're stable again. We'll give you a little more time to decide, Ms. Y/L/N. I'll continuously send the nurses to monitor you, for now, the least I can do is give you painkillers. Take them, please. It will help," she said the moment she was done, "I'll leave you both now."

I looked at the small table to my left and saw the medicine there. I didn't want to be stubborn and I honestly want to ease the pain so I drank it without hesitation.

"I'm guessing she discussed all of that to everyone by now, right?" I asked lowly. Pete carefully sat on the bed, making me look at him.

"I told you that you can talk to me, that you can tell me if something is up. W-we didn't know a thing! That you're suffering from this...godforsaken illness. We could have helped," Pete said, he's hurting too.

That's understandable, who wouldn't be hurt if they saw their friend in this condition?

"It wouldn't have made much difference, Pete, you know it wouldn't," I answered with a sad chuckle.

Pete just stared at me with sorry and pity in his eyes. I know he's lost for words because I am too. I don't know what to say now, I don't know what to do now.

I'm sure everyone is upset, I'm sure Patrick and Elisa are now feeling guilty when they shouldn't. I know I've messed things up and there's nothing I can do to fix it.

~~~Short Time Skip~~~

The door to my hospital room suddenly flies open, making me look at that direction quickly. Elisa came into view who immediately looks at me. Even if she's still far, I can see her puffy red eyes, probably she's been crying for god knows how long.

"Hey," I greeted stupidly. She remained unmoving there, just standing for a couple of seconds, shocked to see me awake.

Elisa's lips trembled and tears quickly escaped her eyes. She ran towards me, burying me into a tight hug. I don't like seeing and hearing people crying...most especially if it's because of me.

"I'm so so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Y/N, I'm sorry," she said between her whimpers and that does it for me.

I sobbed in there and hugged her back. I genuinely feel his sisterly presence now and I just want to melt in her hug. I feel like a kid who just got home after being bullied and my sister is now comforting me as I cry my eyes out.

"You don't have to say sorry. It's not your fault, it will never be your fault," I told her, making her hug me tighter, "Elisa, what I always tell you and Patrick are all genuine. I mean all of that. I want the best for the two of you, I really do and I still do...so please, don't let this change anything," I added.

Elisa pulled away and gently hold my cheeks as we stare at each other. We're both ugly-crying now and if this isn't a serious situation, we would have laughed at each other. "If it wasn't for me, if I didn't meet you guys back then...you'll still be fine...y-you and Patrick would--

"Cous, we don't know that. We won't know what could have happened if we didn't meet you. It's not you...or Patrick...or me. This is just one fucked up situation that life has put us through. It's not anyone's fault and I know how that can be frustrating...we can't blame anything because there's really nothing and no one to blame," I stated which just made us cry more. Elisa weakly sat on my bed, pulling her hand away from my face to hold my hand. There are really no words needed for this, just cries.

The door opened again and another person walked inside. I honestly don't know how to deal with this situation. It breaks me even more.

Patrick stared at me with sadness all over his eyes and just like Elisa's, both of it is puffy. I can't believe that I made them both cry that hard.

"Goddammit, why did I still wake up and see you guys like this?" I murmured out loud between my cries.

"Please...please don't say that Y/N, "Patrick's voice cracked which gave me a different kind of pain.

"I'm going to leave the two of you to talk for --

"Elisa, please, you don't have to. I don't want this," I pleaded while holding her hand. This is not what I want, this is the thing that I've avoided for the past year.

"We've talked about it and it's okay. I want to give the two of you the privacy too...I'll be waiting outside." Elisa gave me a hopeful smile before getting up and walking away. She and Patrick exchanged looks as she walked by, I'm sure they're getting their strength from each other which is honestly beautiful.

The moment Elisa was out of the room, I coughed roughly which pushed a new flower out my mouth.

"Y/N," I heard Patrick's voice in panic as he hurried next to me. He gently holds me and started to stroke my back. I was still hunched down a little but I gazed at him, seeing tears fall from his eyes. He looks so broken and angry at the same time.

"I'm not going to stop saying it's none of your faults anytime soon until you engraved those words into your heads," I stated, finally completely looking at him. "I can see it in your face, Stump. Don't be angry at yourself, please...please, I'm begging you. It's not your fault, it will never be," I told him face-to-face. Never in my whole life that I expected for something like this to happen. I never wanted to see him this broken and crying in front of me.

"I-I should say a lot of things right now, but I hate the fact that I can't form any decent sentences right now instead of I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." His beautiful eyes met mine and I just wanted to stay there forever. I ignored the sharp pain on my chest that I just felt, just wanting to focus on him.

"We're on the same page, Patrick. All feeling sorry for something we can't do something about," I told him.

Patrick gently cupped my cheeks and the warmth of his palms gave me a second of comfort. He was whimpering, trying so hard not to sob loudly that I'm also seeing him biting his own lips.

"S-stop crying, please," I begged. This scene in front of me is making me cry more tears I don't want people to see. Patrick, then, leaned his forehead against mine.

"Why? Why didn't you say anything?! I wish you told me, Y/N. I can't... I can't imagine the suffering you've went through because of me. W-we could have done something! Anything!" he said while gritting his teeth. He was so angry - no, not to me, but to himself.

"That's the exact reason why I stayed silent. I don't want you to do something, I don't want things to change because of this, I don't want you guys to compromise for me. I chose not to complain, not to whine, not to ruin things because I am so happy to see you and Elisa develop feelings for each other. I truly am even if it literally hurts and kills me. Don't get me wrong, there's no bitterness inside of me. I'm honestly so happy for you guys and I will forever support you both. All the effort that I did for the two of you are genuine, I really want to help you. I'm not just a masochist who loves to feel pain, I would have eliminated that aspect if I can," I explained, pouring my heart out on each word I can say. The cries didn't stop, how can it stop when this is what we're saying to each other?

I know Patrick loves me, but not the way I do...not the way that could stop this disease to eat me alive. But because of that, this whole thing becomes more and more painful. We've been together for as long as we can remember, we've done so many things together, dream of things together, help each other pass their worst times...but all of a sudden, THIS happens. A situation where we can't do anything to solve it. A situation where we are both losing.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry for putting you through this pain. I'm sorry I didn't see it, I'm sorry I didn't feel it, I'm sorry for not being there, I'm sorry for not returning it. Even if you kept on saying it's not my fault, I will never get this guilt off of me. The fact that I could have stopped this from happening if I just saw and felt it, will forever be in my mind. I COULD have stopped it, this couldn't have happened, " he said.

"But it did happen, Patrick and there's nothing else we can do about it now but just to accept it. Thinking of that, being guilty and sorry will not change anything, will not change my condition, will not heal me and truth be told? I think I don't want to be fixed anymore. I just... I just want things to continue like before. I won't do anything," I said, suddenly having a decision.

"Y/N...that's...are you...--" Patrick moved back and we faced each other again. I tried my best to wipe all the tears off of my swelling face and give him a bright smile.

"There's nothing else we can do and I don't want to go under the surgical procedure. I don't want to take it out, we know what would happen if it succeeded...it might take the disease away, but that also means I'm going to be a machine - unable to feel love and give love and I don't want to be like that. I don't want to eliminate it, I'm not ashamed of it. Why would I be? It represents that I fell in love with an awesome, talented, kind guy which is also my best friend. It's a part of me now and I don't want to remove it," I finally said it, I finally confessed it word by word in front of him and I actually didn't expect it to be this sad.

I couldn't hold the pain anymore and I coughed roughly again. I faced away from him and coughed out three full-blown flowers at the same time, "God, I wish this isn't really painful. This would have been a great magic trick to show kids," I managed to joke, making Patrick chuckle and whimper at the same time.

"Just how...how can you still shine through this?" Patrick asked me. I gently wiped the tears off of his face.

"Through you. As much as you're my weakness, you're my strength too. I remained because I want to see you happy, I want to see you do the things you love, accomplish you dreams. That's why I'm begging you to stop crying for me. I've accepted it a long time ago, Patrick...that 'we' can never be. I've learned how to live with it and you should too," I told him.

"B-but Y/N...that would mean... Your condition isn't getting better, sooner or later...--

"Stop. My decision is final already and I hope you respect that, Patrick. I'm not doing this to hurt any of you, I just think it's the best action to do," I stated with a sad smile.

Suddenly, I've accepted it. I've finally accepted this fate and it's a bittersweet feeling.

Patrick took my hand and pressed it against his lips. The poor guy is shaking so bad, but thankfully, he finally gave me a nod while his eyes are closed.

"The best thing you can do for me is to continue living your life to the fullest and create a wonderful future with my cousin. You know I would haunt the soul out of you if you messed up," I said with a smirk, trying to lift this very low conversation. I'm so impressed with myself that I went from ugly-crying to this playful chuckling in mere minutes.

I playfully messed Patrick's hair and he finally stared at me again.

"If it will make you feel better, yes, apology accepted even if you really didn't need to. No hard feelings, Stump. And I don't regret meeting you and being your best friend. I wish it's the same for you," I told him.

"Of course, Y/N, of course," he murmured.

///
A/N: Serious question. If you really are in Y/N's position, what would YOU do? Get surgery or accept your fate or _________? Why?
Just want to know what you guys think.

Thanks for reading this very sad chapter.