*Y/N's P. O. V. *

I would have broken down in here if I hadn't poured all these emotions into my performance.

I saw him leave...even saw him looking at me as if he wants me to know that he's leaving before this important performance of mine. It's painful to see us go down like this and it's more painful that I don't know why it happened. It's really unfair, and it's sad that I can't do anything more about it.

This supposedly lovely piece of mine turned into a heartbreaking performance. This should have been a feel-good piece, something delightful that one can imagine it being played on their wedding, but now with some impromptu tweaks on it, it's the complete opposite. Oh, how powerful emotions are.

My performance moved a lot of people in the audience. I saw some tearing up as if they're feeling the sadness and pain I've put in this performance. I'm honestly happy that I got to do that, but still, that's not distracting me from this pain inside me.

They all congratulated me, saying that I exceeded their expectations. Everyone was praising me, but I only want to hear one voice now. Yes, all these people's opinions are still important, but I want to hear him. Even just one sentence, even just a mere 'you did well'. But how can he say that when he didn't even want to see me in the first place?

It took my all to set those thoughts aside and enjoy the end of this event. I tried to feed myself with every positive thing just to forget it and somehow, it's helping a little. I also decided to surround myself with people so I can drown my thoughts with the noise. I honestly don't want to be like this, it's not like I depend on him, but this performance was just really that important for me and from the beginning, I was expecting him to be around. But alas, how wrong I was and now I'm left in pain and alone.

"Come with us, Y/N. Let's have an after party!" one of the organizers of this event said to me. I've became friends with them since we've been working for this for months too.

"Alright, I'm all free anyways," I said which is unusual of me, but right now, I just need some company.

Let's just hope I don't push myself too much tonight.

*Patrick's P. O. V.*

Elaine and I might be together physically earlier, but I didn't say anything to her...not even a word. I was so frustrated and I know if I opened my mouth, I will have a hard time stopping myself from saying things to her. Yes, she might be doing something awful, but I don't want to be that kind of person...so I'm keeping everything in. We just had a very silent and fast dinner and I gave her a ride home. All of that were done in silence and the moment I got home, I created a dent on the wall by punching it a couple of times out of anger.

The thought of Y/N thinking that I don't care anymore breaks me. If she only knows that I'm doing this for her sake.

------------

Hours passed and the night got deeper. I'm now spending my night chugging down this whiskey, finding a temporary comfort from it, when all of a sudden, I heard a knock on the door.

My heart leaped. Who could that be in this middle of the night? I tried to make myself look decent before opening the door, shocked to see Meagan outside.

"Good evening, Mr. Stump. I know it's so late right now and I'm so sorry to bother you," she stated and I could already see the worry on her face, "But I'm just wondering if...if you've seen Y/N. I know it's stupid to ask you this, but I've already looked everywhere and asked anyone we know where she could be. She still hasn't come home since the event finished hours earlier and she didn't tell me where she would go. That's unusual of her and she's also sick which is making me worry more, " she explained which was enough to make me sober.

"N-no, I haven't seen her. But I'll --

"Oh, is that so. Thank you and I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'll go now." I'm sure she knows things about me and Y/N, that's explains why she's reluctant in asking me.

"I'll help you look for her. I'll contact you in case I see her," I said which shocked her.

"Thank you," she said before going her way.

I grabbed my jacket and car keys before heading out. Meagan is right, it's unusual of her to go out like this without telling anyone where she's going. Y/N is the kind of person that doesn't want people around her to worry about her. It's her habit to tell people if she's going to be late or what, and now that it didn't happen today...it'll totally be enough to make us worry.

I drove around the area, checking places where she could be. I know that girl, she'll either be in a coffee shop or in some 24-hour convenient store or fast food chain. I've checked everywhere, but as Meagan said, she's nowhere to be found. I also tried calling her number which I don't intend to forget, but sadly, I only heard her voicemail.

"Come on, Y/N. Where are you?" I murmured to myself while I quietly sit alone inside my car. As I'm parked here on the side on the street, I'm still pushing myself to think of more places, but I'm so blank now. I'm just overwhelmed with worry.

All of a sudden, like someone answering my prayers, I saw a familiar silhouette walking towards a bus stop that is meters away from where I am. I'm quick enough to climb out of my car and approach the person and thankfully, my gut is right. It's Y/N...and it's obvious she's drunk.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N! You have me so worried!" I said and run to her, forgetting everything about my deal with Elaine.

Y/N looked at me and even if she's obviously drunk, she still seemed to be shocked with my presence.

"W-what are you doing here?" she asked me weakly. I'm observing that she's really trying to be sober.

"Come on, I'll get you home," I said. I didn't want to confuse her more, I just want to get her to her house. Fortunately, there are not many people in this street since it's so late already. I slowly approached her, looking at her worriedly.

"Patri-- I mean, Mr. Stump. I'm fine. Just go," she said.

"Y/N. It's obvious you're so drunk, it's 2 in the morning, it's dark and you're walking home alone. Did you know how worried Meagan and I was? Come on---

Suddenly, she laughed...not in a happy or mocking way, but in a sad way. She's probably thinking that I'm bluffing. Y/N is about to speak again, but she began to gag. She was quick enough to go to the further side of the walkway where she vomited. I quickly ran next to her, holding her hair up and soothing her back.

"Fucking hell," she's very groggy now. Y/N doesn't drink that much and maybe she has pushed herself to her limits tonight. It's understandable though, I completely understand why she could have done this.

After finishing, she stood up again, but now she's having a hard time keeping her balance. I lifted half of her weight and guided her towards my car.

"Just let me get you to your house, please," I murmured and thankfully, she didn't argue anymore.

I guided her to the passenger seat and gently seated her there. I ran back to the driver's seat and started to head towards their apartment.

"Why are you still even concerned about me?" she asked weakly. Again, her thinking that I don't care anymore hurts a lot.

I decided not to speak. I actually now have the chance to tell her everything, but I'm still holding back. If I tell her, all the sacrifices that I have already done will go in vain. If I told her, Elaine would still not be done with her.

For now, my only goal is to get her back to her house. I ignored her and just phoned Meagan, "I found her. I'm getting her to your apartment," I said.

"Oh, thank goodness! I've gone a little further to find her and I think it'll take me around two more hours to get back. I know this is too much to ask Mr. Stump, but can you please just look after her while I'm still gone. Please," she begged.

"Okay, just get back quickly," I answered before hanging up the phone.

Honestly, I'm glad that I'll have a little more time looking after her.

~~~~~~

"Careful," I stated as I helped Y/N climbed up the stairs to get to her bedroom. Y/N is so silent now and I think that's because she's just that drunk. She really has pushed herself to her limits.

Finally, we reached her bedroom and I gently laid her down on her bed.

"I'm so so so sorry, princess." To say that I feel bad and guilty is an understatement now. I'm breaking this girl in a way. Yes, I know she's so strong and trying to be okay, but what I'm doing to protect her is surely hurting her deep inside. And I never wanted to hurt her.

As I slowly leaned closer to put her head on a pillow, I felt her tug on my shirt. "I...I'm sorry for being like this. I know I'm better than this, I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry for not being enough. I-I'm sorry for being stupid and hoping. I'm sorry for being disappointing. I'm sorry...I'm sorry." Y/N's words are slurred, but I could still hear the pain from it.

This is breaking me. She's not the one who should be saying sorry. She has all the right to be like this, but I can't say anything. No, not yet.

Y/N has been my everything since the moment that I fell for her and I've always wanted her to feel that she's my all. Us, being finally together, allowed me to do a lot to make her feel like she's my everything but now she feels the exact opposite.

And it's so frustrating.

Y/N kept on saying sorry. She was a mess. She's so drunk and emotionally breaking down. What have I done?

Her grip on my shirt didn't loosen and honestly, I never wanted her to let go. I carefully went on the bed with her and slowly pulled her in to hug her, and god, oh how I miss this. Her skin, her touch, her heat...everything. I didn't want to let go.

She curled up as I hugged her tightly, letting her lean and cry on my chest, "I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm sorry," I mumbled as I place soft kisses on her head. Her loud whimpers turned into silent ones as I rub her back to soothe her.

I didn't stop whispering sorry, but I don't even know if she's hearing me or understanding it. 

"I swear I'm better than this...I'm sorry," she murmured once again.

"It's understandable why you're like this. I'm doing this to you and I should be the one who's sorry. Just...just try to hold on a little longer, princess. I'll make everything right," I said with a hopeful tone. "You're my everything, Y/N. I'm so sorry for making you feel like this."

Y/N is not really responding to what I'm saying but I'm hoping she's understanding me. I hope when she wakes up tomorrow, this, however vague my words is, will keep her going.

I didn't let go of her, I didn't stop putting soft kisses on her head, I didn't stop rubbing her back. I even started to hum a song that I created for her...

Honey is for bees silly bear
Besides there's jellybeans everywhere
It's not what it seems in the land of dreams Don't worry your head just go to sleep

It doesn't matter how you feel
Life is just a Ferris wheel
It's always up and down, don't make a sound

When you wake up the world will come around
When you wake up the world will come around

Finally, she fell asleep and I just didn't want this hour to end.

///
Ey! I'm so so sorry for the unannounced hiatus for a month.
Work has flooded me last month and I only got a chance to write like 3 sentences per day for this update  😅
I'm so sorry!
I'll try to make it up to you guys!
Thanks for waiting~