Imagine #34: Everybody Wants Somebody Who Doesn't Want them (Part 3)

*Patrick's P.O.V.*

"Hey, Patrick? Are you sure you're okay? You've been not like yourself since we watched a movie a few nights ago. You know you can tell me anything." Y/N suddenly asked, and really, I'm afraid she'll ask this.

Maybe I somehow changed after that incident...I just found out Elisa is back here and she was actually beginning to help me with the Soul Punk album. Actually, we've started working a few days ago. It's really not that I am cheating, I swear I'm not doing anything under that category...or maybe? Honestly, I don't know. All I'm doing is just talking and spending time with her...and know to myself that I kept on liking the girl...while simultaneously, trying to be a boyfriend to my best friend.

I'm a fucking mess.

"I'm just a bit stressed with all the Soul Punk album, Y/N. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Promise." I said, gently pulling her close to me and giving her a kiss on the forehead. Y/N looked at me and smiled sadly. I know she's noticing something and I know I should stop, I really don't want to hurt her.

But then again, what I'm doing to her will hurt her...but that won't be the case as long as she doesn't know. 

I can feel how much she loves and admires and I really appreciate that, but I can't bring myself to reciprocate that love. The way she looked at me, the way she efforts to make me smile, and almost everything, she's actually a perfect girlfriend...but again, I'm not seeing her that way.

"Okay then, if you say so. Just know that you can tell me everything, okay? You know I'll fucking understand you no matter what that is." she said and I have no idea if that was a hint or something.

After that small talk that we have, I went over to the recording studio to work there alone for a while, but I was shocked to see Pete in there, already waiting for me.

"Pete, what are you doing here?" I asked him, but Pete was just staring at me seriously.

"Stop what you're doing to her, Patrick." he suddenly said and I was taken back. "Stop before you do her more damage." 

"Pete, you know I can't---

"And then what? Continue to let her think that you're in love with her while in truth you're falling continuously for another girl? Patrick, that's fucked up. I know you want Y/N to be happy, but not like this! Pull your shit together, man!" Pete said in outburst and I sighed.

"I-It was my fault for kissing her that night! I couldn't take back what I did so I continued with it and she's so happier now...I love her too, Pete, but not romantically, but I'd do things like this to make her happy." I stated.

"Dude! You are falling in love with Elisa and it's so obvious! Patrick, know that you can't create feelings and you can never hide feelings. You have to choose, you have to do the right thing here. Just stop, you're just ruining yourself and her." Pete said. "Don't be selfish."

"I'm not, I'm even giving myself to her, can't you see that?" I answered, a bit frustrated now...not to Pete, but to myself. "Pete, please, leave me be for a while...I want to be alo---" I walked to the door and opening it for him, but to my shock, I saw another person standing just outside the room - Y/N. And she's already crying. "Y-Y/N...h-how long have you been h-here?" I asked stupidly.

"Long enough to know everything and make me realize that I'm fucking stupid for believing you." she stated...I honestly can't bear the pain I'm seeing in her eyes now.

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*Y/N's P.O.V.*

All I want to do is give Patrick his cellphone since he left it at my apartment...but now all I got was the truth...and as they say, truth fucking hurts.

I heard it, I heard what Pete and Patrick said and every word broke me. I realized how stupid I am for really thinking that Patrick loves me, for thinking that he's really feeling something for me...but all that was just a white lie. A selfish white lie to make me happy.

Actually, I don't know what to feel. Patrick did this to make me happy, but at the same time, he's fooling me. 

"I'm not, I'm even giving myself to her, can't you see that?"   I heard him say as if I owe him something because he's doing this.

Finally, he opened the door and saw me behind it. I know I look like a crying mess in here, but I don't care...I have the right to cry. I was so hurt when I saw him, I can't believe he did something like this, and to think I believed him and made a fool out of myself. I wanted to slap him or to shout at him, but I can't, instead, I just ran away.

"Y/N...please, let me explain." I heard him say while he held back my arm.

"Why? Just why? I told you I would have taken no for an answer! I was ready for the rejection, I wasn't even pushing you to feel the same way! Why did you have to make me believe that there's something when there's none? That you do love me when you don't?!" I asked him while crying. I feel so shit right now. I don't even want to cry anymore, but I can't help it.

"K-Kissing you that night was just a spur of the moment, I...I thought that I would feel the same way if I did that...but...it just worsen things, but I saw how that made you happy, Y/N. A-and I'm willing to --

"You know what, I fucking appreciate the gesture, Patrick...but you're making me happy with a LIE! With a false hope. Didn't you think about that, Patrick? I was looking so stupid falling and falling for you, thinking that you chose me, thinking that you love me when in truth, you're doing this out of pity?! That's the truth right?" I cried out the words and thankfully, everything is still comprehensible. "I even feel shittier now, because I know, Patrick! I can feel you drifting away since Elisa got back, I thought I was losing you already...but no, it turns out that's not the case. Why would I be losing someone that from the start was never mine?" I continued to cry.

"Y-Y/N...I-I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong and I deserve every anger you'll give me. I-I didn't think of all the consequences...I-I'm so sorry." he murmured and I can see him crying too.

"I...I'm angry at you...yes...but I'm more disappointed than angry, Patrick," I told him. "Aren't you supposed to be my best friend? You know me too well, you know I'll be hurt if you did this...but did it anyway. The permanent damage you've done is much more than the temporary happiness you've given me. I'm so disappointed in you." I told him and I feel like there's a poison in my mouth. I never thought I'd be like this to Patrick, but this just pushed me too hard.

I know he's realizing it all now and I know he's feeling so guilty too, but now, I'm just done with him for the mean time. I love this guy too much and believing that he loved me when he doesn't fucked me up big time. I'd never be able to move on if I continue to see him around.

"Y/N...I promise I'll do everything to make it up to you...to make you forgive me. I-I'm so sorry." Patrick murmured and I faced him completely. I wiped my tears with my shaking hands as I look at him.

"Save the effort to yourself, Patrick. I know eventually I'll be able to forgive you...but for the meantime, I can't continuously see you. It'll just break me. You don't have to make an effort to make it up to me, I'll forgive you without you doing anything...that's how fucking much I love you...but I also have to help myself eliminate that feeling." I stated, I know I have to do this. "I hope you now follow the girl that really makes your heart beat, Patrick...not someone you're feeling pity for." I said, removing his hands away from my arm and walking away.

And I swear every step I make feels heavier, truth be told...I never want to go away from him.

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