PRESENT

The paper crumples in my hand until the words mesh together and overlap, crushed by the weight of my fingers curling into a fist. Fucking shit. The third letter I've received this week.

I glance over my shoulder and make sure my parents aren't looking. They're busy bickering over which TV channel to stay on so I slink away to the guest room for privacy. When I'm sure they won't come to check on my anytime soon, I open up the letter.

Asher,

We are starting to lose our patience. You know how much of a hassle it is to send letters but we have no choice. We can't risk inside information of the Vice Lords being tracked virtually.

We also can't do this exchange without you. Our people all have their own assigned jobs and all that's left is for someone to pick up the package. Your safety is guaranteed this time. Jacob will be sitting in the van and watching your six the whole time. There's nobody else for this job. Everyone from the Westies has seen the members of the Vice Lords except for you. As long as they don't recognize you, you'll be safe and we will receive the package without complications.

We would hate to resort to more drastic measures for your cooperation. We will do what it takes. This is important and you owe it to your parents. You wouldn't be here without us and you will always be part of the Vice Lords. You can't pretend otherwise.

The operation is three months away, until we put all our safeguards in place, but we need your answer ASAP. For your own sake, it better be a yes.

Next time, we won't ask so nicely. Next time will also be the last time we ask before we find a way to force you. Remember that.

— Mike & Nora

Pure and unfiltered rage courses through me until I'm literally shaking with anger. Fucking pieces of shits. Their nerve is on another fucking level.

I don't waste another second ripping the letter to shreds and stuffing the pieces away in my pockets. I always made sure to burn every letter so my parents don't find them. They have no idea that my birth parents have been in contact with me or that I've seen them twice now. They have no idea I've taken a life. I can't let them find out no matter how selfish it is of me. They deserve to know the truth but my truth will take them away from me and I don't think I can handle that. They're the only real parents I've had all my life and I'm too far gone to lose them now.

I roll up the sleeve of my t-shirt, tracing the large cursive letters that spell out "Realize" from my wrist to my inner elbow, strategically covering the scar I got from my fight with Marshall. I got the tattoo as a reminder of my lowest point and a warning to never fall back that deep. Every time I look at this scar, it's a realization of what I became and this tattoo has served as my wake-up call since. I'm still on my path to realization and discovering who I am now, what the scars of my past have made me in a way I can't take back, and try every day to just be better. I stare at the tattoo now and use it to banish any thought about taking the job. Until I figure out how to take my parents drug gang down for good, I can't risk responding to them. I just can't.

My ears catch on to a third voice in the house and I pull my sleeve down quickly, listening close. There's no way my birth parents sent someone to my house, is there? My heart beats faster because who the fuck am I kidding? Of course they would pull that shit.

"Fuck." I leap from the couch and pull open the door, all but jogging into the living room. Why did I leave them alone? How could I be so stupid?

But then I stumble over my own feet and come to a freezing halt when my eyes land on the last person I expected to be here. "What the hell?"

"Asher! Manners!" Mom scolds and crosses her arms.

"Sorry." I apologize half-heartedly without taking my eyes off Aria. "What are you doing here?"

The only consolation I take is that she looks just as surprised as me, if not more. "I...uh...your parents invited me for dinner. They said they wanted to catch up with me. I didn't know you..."

She didn't know I'd be here.

I swing my gaze to my parents who are grinning innocently. My ass. Those two are always up to something.

"Mom? Dad? A word?" I smile tightly.

"I'm good." Dad chirps and I stifle my growl. "Anyways, dinner is ready. Let's eat."

He takes Mom's hand and the two practically skip to the kitchen. I'm nothing short of mortified because I know exactly what they're trying to do. I just don't understand why they're doing it.

"I'm sorry." I tell Ria as soon as the two are out of sight. I rub the back of my neck when I feel it grow warm. "You know how those two are. You don't have to stay if you're uncomfortable."

"Don't be ridiculous." She crosses her arms and smiles but it looks forced. "I love those two to death. I'm happy to be here."

For them. Right.

I've had to keep myself in check around Aria on more than one occasion. I don't know why I keep doing stupid shit like flirting with her or convincing myself that there's something going on between us. She clearly doesn't feel what I'm feeling and all I've managed to do since she came back is make an ass of myself. I didn't expect my feelings for her to grow so strong since I saw her almost a year ago. I've always had feelings for Ria but she only saw me as a friend, probably even a brother. Most of my life was spent pretending like I wasn't stupidly in love with her and when she moved to California those feelings eventually left. But then I saw her for the first time after seven years and my feelings came back full force. That was ten months ago and I've only fell harder since. I couldn't make it more obvious and she's clearly uncomfortable as hell. No wonder our friendship is barely existent at this point. It's all my fault.

"They're probably waiting for you." I tip my chin toward the kitchen. "You should go."

Her brows draw together. "Aren't you joining us?"

Does she want me to? I thought she didn't want to be anywhere near me.

I shrug awkwardly. "I don't know. I guess?"

"You should." She says quickly. "I mean — I'm sure your parents would want you to."

I stuff my hands into my pockets, not sure what to do with myself. I wish shit wasn't so weird with us and it just seemed to be getting weirder. "Alright."

"Alright." She murmurs and looks away, walking ahead of me. She's practically running. Clearly she feels as weirded out as I do.

I can't help that my eyes fall to her ass when she walks in front of me. Damn, it's a fucking spectacular ass. It's big and round and the way it sways when she moves could give any sane man a heart attack. I'm glad my hands are in my pockets because they literally twitch with the desire to do things I should not want to do — like run my hands down her body, playing with those fucking tits that teased me in the rain the other day with her nipples poking against the thin cloth of her shirt, and continue all the way down to her long legs that would look like a fucking dream wrapped around my waist or my neck. Or both.

Fuck. I clench my jaw tightly and drag my eyes away from her before my thoughts get dirtier than they already are. This is Ria, for fuck's sake. My best friend. Friend. The girl I fucking grew up with, damn it. What the hell is wrong with me? How did I go from bothering her as kids to wanting to fuck her brains out until she's begging for more?

I blame the fact that she's been gone for eight years now and came back almost entirely different. Ria's ex-relationship took a huge toll on her and she'd become nothing more than a shell. She was severely underweight and looked haunted. Even then I thought she was beautiful and it was her strength to get through everything that made me think that. Now she's back and healthier than ever and although I'm grateful to see it, I feel like a fucking sleaze-ball having inappropriate thoughts about her outrageous body. Nate would murder me in my sleep if he knew I was thinking about Ria in any way other than a friendship. I'm such a fucking asshole.

I tug the collar of my t-shirt, annoyed as hell with myself, and reluctantly take the seat next to Ria. The dining table is a four-seater and my parents took up one side, leaving the other side vacant. They probably did it on purpose. Traitors.

"How's your new job?" Mom wastes no time striking up conversation.

For the rest of dinner, my parents and Aria chat it up and I take the opportunity to get a better insight on her life since her and I haven't talked all that much. I learn about her job, more about her relationship with Lenny, about her moments spent in California. It sounds like she made a good life for herself over there and I don't blame her for prolonging moving back.

"Is the bar exam as hard as they say?" Dad asks, passing her the jar of water.

"Even harder." She admits and pours herself a glass. "If I wasn't so hell-bent on proving to anyone that I could make something out of myself then I doubt I would have passed."

"You didn't have to prove anything." The words escape me before I can stop them. All three heads then toward me in surprise. That was the first thing I said since we sat down. Might as well keep going. "You say that like you didn't have anything going for you and that's bullshit. Nobody doubted you for a second no matter how much you doubted yourself."

Aria's mouth parts slightly, her eyes searching mine quizzically. Probably because I've never said anything like that to her before. I shrug, acting casual, and go back to eating.

"So." Dad clears his throat. "What did you do to celebrate passing?"

"Oh, that." Aria laughs nervously. Curiosity makes me look at her again and I'm surprised that she's blushing. I've never known Ria to blush. "I got a tattoo that Lenny did for me. That's how we became friends."

"You have a tat?" I raise a brow. That's just another thing I didn't expect from her.

"I have a few." She pushes her food around, keeping her eyes on it.

It's clear she doesn't want to elaborate or she would have by now. Mom keeps the conversation flowing smoothly. Her and Dad are both good at that. "Maybe I should get a tattoo."

"Of what?" I laugh, surprised at the change in direction.

"My face." Dad wiggles his brows at her. "You should totally tattoo my face on you, babe."

She wrinkles her nose. "Don't I see enough of it on a daily basis?"

Aria chokes on her drink, coughing into the glass when laughter bubbles out of her. I catch myself watching her with a smile. It's been a while since I've seen her laugh like that and I forgot how beautiful it makes her look.

"I would do it for you." Dad defends.

The two start bickering and I roll my eyes, more than used to it.

"You done?" I ask Aria and nudge my chin to her empty plate. She nods and I take it from her, our hands brushing briefly. It's the stupidest shit to notice but for some reason that brief touch is burned on to my skin as I carry our dishes to the sink and rinse them off, loading them in the dishwasher. Without a word, Aria starts clearing the table and the two of us fall into an easy routine. We've done this countless of times before and for a moment it actually feels like old times.

"Thanks." I tell her once we're done and make our way to the living room.

"No problem." The smile she gives me is the most genuine one yet. She turns to my parents. "I should probably get back now. Thank you for dinner, you two."

"Don't leave without dessert." Mom insists and gets up from the couch, holding up a finger as she passes us. "I just need a moment to put it together. Take a look around the house in the meantime. It's changed since you last saw it. Ash, sweetie, you'll show her?"

"Yeah, Mom." I stifle another sigh. Could she more obvious? I side-glance Aria who's avoiding my stare. Apparently not.

"C'mon." I say quietly. There's no way either of us is getting out of this and Aria knows as much, following behind me.

It doesn't take long to cover the first floor since she's seen most of it already. There isn't much upstairs besides my bedroom which I figure I'll briefly let her look into. She can see part of it from her room anyways.

"It's exactly how I remember it." She comments, looking around. Something about the sight of Aria standing in the middle of my room seems fitting and out of place all at once. She's spent practically half her life in here but in this moment, she almost seems like a stranger.

"I was never good with change." I remind her.

"I know." She replies softly. Her knowing eyes meet mine for a moment before skittering away. They pause at something on my dressing table. When she picks up the photo frame, I already know what she sees. It's a picture of us when we were thirteen, standing side by side with our arms around each other. I was already several inches taller than her by then so Aria's head was resting on my chest. Both of us are grinning wide and it's one of the few pictures I have during those years where I actually smiled. I was always smiling with Ria. She looks at me now with an expression I can't quite understand. "You kept this."

"Why wouldn't I?" I ask honestly.

"I kept mine, too." She whispers. We both have the same picture in our rooms and it makes me happier than it should that she didn't get rid of her copy.

Her laughter snaps me out of my thoughts. "What?"

She picks up the Scooby-Doo bedsheet from the first day my parents started fostering me. I keep it for sentimental sake, tucked away at the bottom of my closet. "These are still so ugly."

"They are." I chuckle, walking over to her. I take them from her hands. "Dad is a sucker for these. I was thinking of giving them back to him for his birthday this year. He'd love that."

"He would." She agrees. Her eyes scan my closet and when they meet mine, they're full of teasing. "Look at all this colour. I have to admit I'm proud of you."

I roll my eyes at her sarcasm. I was notorious for wearing all black all the time. In the last few years I've added some navy blue and grey's but that's about as crazy as I get.

"You think this is good? Look at what Mom got me as a welcome home present." I bend down to retrieve the shirt I'd balled up and threw in the corner, horrified that I now own something like this. It's kind of worth it when I hold up the hot pink button down shirt and Aria bursts out laughing, her head thrown back. When's the last time she laughed like this with me? Too long.

"Oh my God." She covers her mouth. "I've got to see you in this."

"Not happening."

"Oh, come on." She grins. Aria's smile transforms her face into the kind of pretty that makes men go stupid, including me. I almost don't understand her when she says, "What'll it take?"

What'll it take? She might jump out my balcony if I tell her what I'm thinking. My ideas are nothing short of way too inappropriate, including reciprocating the request for what clothing we want each other to wear. Personally, I want her in nothing.

Instead, I ask her something else I've been wondering. "Show me one of your tattoos and I'll wear that shit whenever you ask."

She looks surprised for a moment. "Why do you want to see my tattoos?"

"I just never expected you to get any. I'm curious about what you decided on."

"Fair enough." She says slowly. She takes a moment to think and I'd bet she's wondering which one is the least personal. I know her too well.

After a moment, she reaches for the collar of her blouse and slides it down just below her shoulder. The bit of smooth skin she reveals is almost a tease and I curl my hands into fists. She points at the ink on the very top of her shoulder. It's a date written in Roman numerals.

"What is it?" I ask and tentatively run a finger over it. I hear her suck in a small breath and look back up at her face. She's not looking at me, though. She's staring at how my finger lazily traces the writing. For a second, I almost believe that she doesn't want me to stop — that she's enjoying the barely-there touch.

"It's the day I moved to California." Her voice drops to a whisper.

"Why'd you get it tatted?" My voice is equally quiet.

"Because it was a new beginning for me; a second chance. I didn't ever want to forget how lucky I was to have that."

"I get that."

"I know." Her stare moves to the ink peeking out of my sleeve, just the top of the letter 'R'. She pushes my sleeve up to my elbow to reveal the whole thing and I almost shudder when the back of her knuckles brush against my skin. It's like I'm on hyper alert and her every touch is searing into me. I wonder if I'm doing the same thing to her. It's bizarre to even think about. I've spent so many years hugging Ria, even kissing her on the cheek or forehead, and none of those touches ever felt like the much simpler ones I'm feeling now. "What's this one for?"

"My wake-up call. The scar was enough of a reminder but I didn't want Mom and Dad to notice it so I covered it up with a word that would remind me instead."

"You still haven't told them about that day?"

"How can I, Ria? They're my parents."

"Exactly, Ash. They're your parents. There isn't anyone who would understand better than them."

"I can't." I drop my arm and pull my sleeve back down. "I won't."

"Okay." She puts her hands up. "I won't push."

Fuck, I'm such an ass. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I get it, Asher. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"I don't?" I challenge. Before I can convince myself not to, I ask her the one question that's been burning my mind for years now. "And what about you? Do you understand why I did it? Can you stomach the fact that I'm a killer?"

"Ash." She flinches. Maybe I shouldn't have said it so patronizingly but this is what I do — I force the worst out of people so I know exactly what I'm dealing with. I've had trust issues all my life.

"Tell me." I get in her face and don't stop until we're toe-to-toe. She blinks fast, tipping her head back to look at me. She smells so fucking good it's hard to keep up my act. I want her all over me. "Tell me the truth."

"When have I ever lied to you?" Her voice is still a whisper but she sounds mad now. She jabs finger into my chest. "Do you really think I wish it had happened differently? Because if it did then you wouldn't be standing in front of me right now. You'd be dead. So yeah, I can fucking stomach you defending yourself just fine."

I stop breathing for a moment. I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear those words until she said them and I swallow hard, barely able to speak up. "Promise me."

Her eyes lose their fire, turning soft. "Ash."

"Pinky promise, Ria." I hold it up.

It sounds fucking childish but it's not. Ever since we were kids, Aria and I have used pinky promises for the most important things. We saw it as the ultimate tier of trust and that didn't stop with age. Its importance remained so she knows how serious I'm being right now.

"Pinky promise." She wraps hers around mine and we both look down at our joined fingers. Hers seems so much smaller in comparison. "I never blamed you. Not once. You did what you had to do and it was a mistake. One mistake doesn't define who you are. You're not a killer."

"I took a life." I try not to sound like an asshole like before, keeping my tone light despite the words. "That's what a killer does."

"Would you do it again? Would you do it to someone else? Willingly?" Her pinky tightens over mine in a silent challenge.

I don't hesitate. "Of course not. What the fuck? I still have nightmares about Marshall."

"Then there's your answer." She shrugs.

That shuts me up. I don't think I ever really thought about it that way before and it's no surprise that Ria of all people made me see things differently within a span of two minutes. I was never a good listener but for Ria, I always was.

"I guess." I stare down at our hands again and this time span my fingers out so our palms are pressed together. The pads of her fingers rest right below mine, her hand almost hidden by the size of mine. I bend my fingers so they intertwine with hers and hold her hand tightly. Even as a kid, I would turn all of our pinky promises into an excuse to hold her hand. I do it now and the action comes to me like muscle memory.

"Are you really okay?" She asks me so quietly that if I hadn't been staring at her lips, I wouldn't have knows what she said.

"I will be." I can't lie to her. I can't break a pinky promise like that.

"I'm here if you need me, Ash. I really am."

This time her words sound a lot more genuine then when she said them to me last time, a couple of days ago. This time she says them to me like the old Ria would say to the old Ash and I can't help my smile.

"I know, Princess." I murmur. Her lips twitch in amusement like they always do at the use of my nickname she pretend to hate. Without thinking, I cup her chin with my free hand, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip feather-light.

Her mouth parts and I feel the shaky breath that leaves her. When I drag my eyes away from her lips, I find her staring at me with slightly wide eyes. It's only then that I realize what I'm doing, that I got too caught up in the moment. Shit. I need to stop.

I let go of her hand and take a step back, clearing my throat a little too loudly.

"We should see what's taking Mom so long." I stuff my hands back into my pockets. I should have never taken them out. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep them off her.

"Sure." She pushes her hair out of her face, playing with the ends nervously.

Before I say or do anything else stupid, I walk out of my room with Aria right behind me. Damn it. We'd just managed to break the ice a little and feel almost back to normal before I went and pulled the shit I did. I just hope it won't ruin the progress we made because today with Ria, although unexpected, just reminded me that I can't live without her.

________________________

A/N

Happy Sunday surprise update!

I am living for the progress of best friends to lovers with these two! So many feels and their chemistry is amazing! I can't wait to see more.

I'm also excited to keep up with the darker aspects of the story including those damn letters. Were the threats Asher's birth parents made empty or do they mean business? Hmm...

Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!

Happy Reading :)