PRESENT

"Eat dirt, asshole!"

I duck just as my dad throws a snowball the size of my head at me. It flies over me without so much as a graze and I pop back up, swinging my arm to throw the snowball I had prepared for him. It hits him square in the face and I snicker.

"You're getting too old to keep up with me." I call out to him and he holds his gloved hand up.

"You can't tell but I'm giving you the finger."

"I'm so offended." I goad, cracking a smirk.

"I don't like you today." He decides and I chuckle under my breath.

"Boys! Come inside already!" Mom calls out to us from the door. She's bouncing on her toes to keep warm and I realize just how chilly it's getting. The sun is starting to set and the frigid night air pricks at my skin painfully.

I start to head back inside the cabin with Dad hot on my heels.

"So," He starts conversationally. There's something in his tone that makes me turn to look at him and I raise a brow when I find him barely containing a grin.

"What?" I ask impatiently when he doesn't elaborate.

He debates it for a couple of more seconds before finally asking, "You and Aria?"

Not following, I shrug. "What about us?"

"Are you two together?"

"No." I frown. "What makes you say that?"

Dad stops in his tracks and I do too. He gapes at me. "Son, you called her 'baby' yesterday at dinner. I know you two are affectionate with each other but that one was a first."

"No, I didn't." I shake my head.

"Yes, you did." He clears his throat and deepens his voice to—failingly—imitate mine. "Can you pass me some of that, baby?"

What? I wrack my brain over last night's events. Had I really said that in front of everyone? I feel my brows shoot up when I realize that I did. Shit, I did.

"Oh, man." I run a hand through my hair. "I guess it slipped out."

When I don't say anything else, Dad looks ready to pull his hair out. "So? Are you together or not? Are you guys messing around or is this the real deal?"

"Would you lower your voice?" I scowl. I chance a glance at the door to make sure it's shut. The last thing I need is for someone to overhear us—like Aria herself—and have everything become messed up. "We're figuring it out but yeah, I'm going to fucking be with her. She's mine and she always has been."

"Thank fuck!" He actually sinks to his knees, his face facing the sky, and I think my jaw unhinges. "For all that is good in this world, thank you Jesus. I thought I would die before you two figured your shit out but I'm here to see the day."

"Get up, Dad." I grumble and yank him up by the collar of his jacket. I feel my cheeks grow warm. "Christ. You're so goddamn dramatic."

"Sixteen years your mother and I have waited for this moment." He points an accusative finger at me. "Don't think I don't realize you partly cooperated with us when we first started fostering you was because you didn't want to leave Aria. You've been in love with her your entire life and you know it. It's about time you're doing something about it."

I've never once blushed in my entire life but fuck if I don't feel my face catch on fire at his observation. Couldn't he sugar-coat that shit?

"Don't say anything to anyone." I tell him instead of addressing what he just said. "We're still figuring things out as we go. It's kind of weird, you know? Platonic our whole life and then...not."

"You'll figure it out." He throws an arm around my shoulder in his version of a one-armed hug before releasing me to open the cabin door. "If there are any two people out there that are meant to be, it's you guys. Trust me, son."

"Thanks, Dad." I throw him a half-smile.

It feels good to talk to someone about my situation with Aria. The only person I even open up to besides Ria herself is Nate and, well, things have been less than stellar with him to say the least. Throw in the fact that I'm going behind his back with his sister and there's no way he'd overlook it. He already has major trust issues with me as of late and I know it's my own fault. I plan on fixing it along with everything else that's making my life a shit-show. I'm done living my life as if it doesn't belong to me. My patience has officially maxed out.

When we're inside I immediately bound upstairs to take a hot shower. Boston can get really cold but the outskirts of this city is busting my balls. It's the only thing about this place I won't miss once we head home tomorrow. The rest has been fucking amazing. It was just what I needed to get my mind off things and see my situation through a clearer lens. Ria was right—I was too caught up in the middle of my shit to think with a clear head or consider how to handle it properly. Instead I was surrounded by fucked up people with their fucked up way of life and festering on all that negative energy. It got to me, suffocated me, and threw me into that dark place I worked so hard on escaping. Suffice to say, I feel kind of bad about the dude I fought on Friday and even worse about how I handled things with Nate.

The asshole shouldn't have gotten physical with me out of frustration but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't have done the same thing. It makes sense that he's frustrated with his best friend for not acting like his best friend by shutting him out. Nate has stuck with me through the fucking worst and he deserves for me to be more transparent with him about my life, especially if my life is in danger. He's worried about me and he wants to help because my fuck-show of a life is literally a circumstance of life or death. He's just afraid of losing me and I reacted poorly. I definitely still hate apologizing but I'd sacrifice my pride in an instant for my best friend. I also plan on telling him everything that's been going on with me—him and Ria both. They deserve the truth for their loyalty to me alone. I'm done lying to the people who've never given up on me, especially when I gave them every reason in the fucking book to do just that.

When I'm done with my shower I go back downstairs to set up my makeshift bed. Everyone is likely to be hitting the hay pretty soon since we have an early drive tomorrow anyways. I chose to sleep downstairs by the fireplace because it's cold as fuck in the rooms upstairs and because I don't want to share a room with my parents. I don't trust those two horn dogs for a second.

I grab the thick blankets from the sofa and lay them down, throwing my pillow haphazardly. I grab a match from the sill of the fireplace and light one, throwing it onto the logs to start a fire. The orange hue casts a glow around the dark living room and it's only then that I notice someone sitting outside on the porch. I walk closer to the windows with squinted eyes and realize it's Aria. Shit. Is she trying to catch pneumonia?

"Crazy ass." I mutter, grabbing another wool blanket from the couch and making my way to her.

I open the screen door and the winter night air slices into me. The brittle breeze feels like fucking needles and I wince, grateful for the socks I'm wearing as I pad over to Aria. She's sitting on one of the porch chairs with a flimsy blanket wrapped around her and her legs crossed. It's like she isn't even registering the cold. She just stares out at the forest with blank eyes. I'm immediately on edge, worry seeping into me as I move to crouch in front of her.

"Princess?" I whisper. I cup her face—it's like fucking ice—and she jerks, finally realizing I'm here.

"Hey." Her shoulders shake with a small shiver and I know she's back to reality.

"What happened? Why are you out here?" I wrap the blanket I brought around her tightly, massaging her arms to warm her up.

"Sorry. I just needed a few minutes." She gives me a tired smile and it's full of heartbreak. My chest tightens painfully because fuck, if Ria hurts then I hurt.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes. No." She sighs deeply, looking down. "I'm doing a pro bono case for an abused woman and I was on the phone with her a little while back. I needed the details of her situation so I could make a file out of it and just...God, Asher. Her situation reminds me so much of my own. Missing all of the signs, getting caught up in the excuses and believing the apologies, actually covering for the person who's hurting you. I can't believe I let that happen to me and it fucking pisses me off even now."

I close my eyes and shove my own anger down. Thinking about Aria's abuse only fills me with sheer guilt over how I failed her. How could I have let anyone do that to her? How could I have failed to protect her? I want to scream out my own frustrations but right now she needs me to be there for her so I cup her face and meet her gaze head-on.

"We've all done shit we're not proud of." I give her a knowing look and she nods sadly. "But we have to understand that we were only doing what we thought was right at the time. I know we look back and get so frustrated with ourselves and the decisions we made but that's just a testament to how much we've grown. If we agreed with who we were ten years ago then that means we haven't progressed at all. That's failure—not the mistakes we made. Mistakes are never a waste of time if we learn from them and use them to be better people. Look at who you are today, Aria. I don't know about you but I'm so fucking proud of who you've become. You're my fucking hero, you know that?"

"Ashes." She whispers, a few stray tears falling down her face. I lean forward and kiss them away gently, taking her pain and her suffering and making them mine. I may have failed her once but I won't ever let anything happen to her again.

I press my forehead to hers and let my eyes fall shut, breathing in her scent. Fuck, I would die for this girl. I'd do fucking anything for her after everything she's done for me. This weekend is just one example of the several times she's made it her goal to make my life a brighter place, to never let me fall into the dark place that makes me a bad person. She took care of me and now it's my turn. It's my turn to return the vulnerability and secrets she shared with me and let her decide if she still wants me, fucked-up life and all.

"I have to tell you something." I say so quietly I'm not sure she heard me. But when I open my eyes and meet hers, swimming with sadness and understanding of what she already knows I'm going to admit, I know she did. "Let's go inside? I know I'm Ice Boy but this is pushing it even for me."

She laughs softly and my lips tip up in response. I love making her laugh. I love being responsible for that beautiful fucking sound.

"Thank you." She nuzzles her nose into mine before kissing the tip of it. My smile widens. She's been doing that this entire trip and I think I've grown a soft spot for it. "Thank you for always making things better."

"What are best friends for, Princess?" I remind her and take her hands to pull her up to her feet.

I wrap my arms around her from behind and walk the two of us back inside. She laughs at the way I have to shuffle but I do it anyways because...her fucking laugh.

I close the screen door with the heel of my foot and finally let her go to rub my arms furiously. Aria makes her way to the fireplace that's up and going and I follow her. She sits cross-legged in front of it and I choose to lie down on my makeshift bed, settling my hands underneath my pillow and stretching my body out. I think she knows this will be easier for me if I don't have to look at her and I fucking love how well she gets me. There isn't a person in the whole fucking universe that understands me like Ria. She's everything.

The room is deadly silent as I take a few minutes to work up the courage to say what I need to say. Aria waits patiently with her back to me and I force the words out even though they kill me to say it. "I've been in contact with Mike and Nora."

Aria's back straightens and I hear her suck in a small breath. There's a long pause and I'm glad she's facing the other way because I know the look on her face would absolutely break me. I'm disappointed enough in myself. I couldn't stand to see that same disappointment on her face.

"How long?" She finally whispers.

"A few months." I admit. Then I swallow harshly and put my truth out there in all it's entirety. "They have a job for me and I took it."

"Damn it." She bursts and smacks the floor, turning her head to look at me over her shoulder. Her eyes are brimming with tears. She looks equal parts livid and gutted and I have to look away. I hate that I put her in misery but she wanted my truth and the truth is always ugly. "Why, Asher? I know you wouldn't make that same mistake a second time. There has to be a reason you're doing this."

My head snaps back to her in surprise. What the fuck? She's not mad at me? No, I realize as I meet her gaze again. The frustration she's feeling...it's not at me. It's for me. And she knew without my saying that I'm doing this because there's no other option. She just knows. I'm in awe of her all over again as I sit up, my chest brushing the side of her shoulder.

"How can you still have so much faith in me?" I find myself genuinely asking. Despite all the shit I've done, despite my killing someone, despite my willingly participating in illegal drug activity, how can she still not loathe me?

"Because I never lost it." She says simply. "You may have given up on yourself but I never did. It doesn't matter what you've been through or what you've had to do. I know who you are and nothing will ever change that."

"Even this?" I've never felt so fucking vulnerable in my life but I make myself ask.

"Even this." She faces the fireplace again and gives me her side profile. My eyes graze over her, her big eyes, pouty lips, and wavy mass of hair that burns red from the glow of the fire. She looks every bit of the princess I think of her as. "What did they do to make you agree? It must have been bad."

I look toward the fireplace too and release a tired breath. Talking about it just makes me realize how fucked up this whole situation is. "You know the accident my dad got in?"

I hear her gasp, feel her eyes on me, but I keep facing away or I know I'll lose it all over again. Dad's accident still has me shaken up and the reminder of it makes me want to throw up, knowing I indirectly had a hand in it.

"They didn't." The venom in her voice doesn't surprise me. If there's anyone that hates my birth parents more than me, it's her. "How dare they? How could they stoop so fucking low?"

"They're desperate. People will do anything if they want something bad enough."

"Why are they so desperate? They make drug deals all the fucking time. What do they need you for?"

"They need to buy a particular type of drug that's valued as the priciest drug in the market right now. They want to buy it and con it off for double the price so they can finally pay back the Asesinos. The problem is only one gang has the resources to get their hands on that drug and it's a gang they've conned before so they need a fresh face to make the purchase and sell. They're conning the sellers and the buyers and they've fucked over both before so they can't risk sending in their own."

"But...that's a blood bath, Asher. You'll get caught in the middle of two gangs that have motive against the Vice Lords and if they figure out you're associated with them they'll kill you. If you miraculously manage not to get caught then someone from the Asesinos could spot you. And what if Christian spots you?"

I drop the third and final bomb, as if the first two weren't bad enough. "Christian is AWOL. I think he's looking for me."

"What?" Her voice shakes and I make myself look at her again. She's white as a sheet, staring off at nothing in particular and looking just as hopeless as I feel. "Asher...it's a miracle you're even alive right now. Do you understand that the only outcome to you taking this job is dying? You're going to get killed this time. There's no way you can survive conning two gangs and avoiding one that's already out for your blood at the same time."

"I know." I agree grimly. I can't deny what she's saying because it's true.

"You'll die." She repeats and a tear slips down her face. "If you take this job you'll die."

"I already took it." I whisper and drop my head to press my forehead on her shoulder. I can't stomach her tears. They're fucking killing me.

I feel her body shudder and her voice grows thick. "Oh my God. What do we do? This...this can't be happening."

"I'm sorry." I feel the need to say. My life is like poison that spreads out and hurts anyone that tries to come near me. I think part of me held back from telling Aria the truth for so long because I know she deserves better than what I have to offer. Why would she willingly be with me when I'm walking around with a target on my back, not knowing who's going to strike and when?

"Why are you apologizing? This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve this."

"But it's my reality, Aria. And if I'm being honest it shouldn't be your reality either."

"Is that what's holding you back?" She turns her head to look at me, swallowing hard. "From...us?"

"Yeah." I admit quietly. I lift my hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, the back of my fingers skimming down her jawline almost longingly. "I don't want anything to happen to you. I want you to be as far away from this shit as possible."

"Too bad." She shakes her head adamantly. "You're not handling this yourself. You didn't choose this life but you can choose to do everything in your power to take yourself out of this mess, including getting help. This isn't a one-man job, Asher. You need support and you have it, including mine."

"You're crazy for standing by my side." I warn her, tugging down the blanket wrapped around her to expose her shoulder. I bend my head and press my lips softly to the warm and smooth skin. My body hums with desire to keep going, to cover every inch of her body with my mouth and devour her.

"You're crazy for thinking I wouldn't." She whispers back, voice hoarse.

I kiss my way upwards and bite down softly on the spot where her shoulder and her neck meet. Her answering moan—the sweetest fucking sound that may be the only thing I enjoy hearing more than her laugh—is my encouragement to keep going. I'm way past holding myself back when it comes to her. For years and years I ached with the physical restraint of stopping myself from kissing her, ravishing her, fucking her. There's so many things I want to do to her but I don't even know where to start. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that this is actually happening, that I can touch her however I please and she's not only allowing it but visibly enjoying it. My cock strains painfully against my sleep bottoms with the primal need to sink into her tight heat once and for all. Fuck, I need that so goddamn badly.

"Lie down with me." I whisper.

I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her down so that we're both stretched out on the floor. The only sounds in the dark and quiet room are our heavy breathing and the soft crackling of the fire place. I perch myself up so I can look down at her, my hand settling on her cheek before sliding into her hair. I fucking love her hair. The orange glow casts softly on her and makes it look like it's on fire, all red and wavy and splayed out around her. The silky locks slip through my fingers and I want to wrap them around my fist, pulling roughly.

"You're so beautiful." I tell her because that's all I can think about. Her looks are one thing—with the kind of face that's so pretty it's hard to think when you stare at it, and her tall but curvy body that could put any model to fucking shame—but it's her fucking heart that gets to me. If anyone has seen some of the worst parts of life first hand, it's Aria. Yet she remains the kind of force that burns bright and pulls you in, ready to protect you and be the armour you need even if it means taking a few hits in the process. This girl is so goddamn selfless I worry sometimes.

I watch her now, those full lips pulling into a smile from one corner, her dark brown eyes a molten honey colour as the glow of the fire shines on her face. My gut tightens with desire. How can someone be so fucking perfect?

"Is it cool if I crash here?" She asks teasingly, the one question I've said to her too many times to count.

I laugh quietly under my breath. Only Aria would be able to make me laugh after I admitted my fucked up life in its entirety.

"You can." My voice sounds deeper and raspier even to my own ears. "But you have to pay up."

Her throat bobs with a swallow, eyes drooping slightly. We both know where this is headed. My heart is beating so fucking fast it would be embarrassing if this was anyone other than Ria.

"What's the price?" Her whispers are barely audible.

"Asher Pryce." I wink.

She bursts out laughing and I watch her with a smile of my own. "That was so cheesy. Don't tell me this is one of your 'Pay the Pryce' moments from high school."

"Hell, no. That was just some stupid shit I made up to get girls I never gave a fuck about or wanted. You're all I've ever wanted my whole fucking life, Aria."

Her humour dies out, her grin slowly fading away as she sucks in a startled breath. Her eyes search mine and she looks desperate to find what she's looking for.

"Really?" She asks timidly.

"Really." I take my hand out of her hair and slide it down her face, cupping her chin. "It was always you, Princess."

"I wish I knew how you felt." Her hand fists in the front of my shirt and she nudges me down. Our chests brush together and I have to hold back a groan when I feel her nipples poking through the thin material of her shirt. I'm fucking dying to take those beauties into my mouth. "I just assumed you only saw me as your best friend and I didn't want to ruin that by asking for more and send you running."

"I guess I got so good at lying to myself that I fooled you too." Our faces are close enough that we're practically sharing our breaths. "But it was always you. I fucking swear it."

"And you've always had me." She drags me even closer and I'm practically lying down on top of her. Our foreheads press together and my eyes fall shut. Holy fuck, this is actually happening. "You still have me."

"Promise?" My knee nudges her legs apart and I sink my thigh between them. She moans breathlessly, her hands sliding under my shirt and clawing into my skin. I can feel my cock pulsing and I know she can too. Our bodies are fucking molded together at this point.

She reaches one hand between us to wrap our pinkies together. "I promise."

And it took almost seventeen fucking years but I do it.

I kiss my best friend.

The moment our lips meet we both release a sound of satisfaction. Years of pent up frustration and secret longing suddenly vanish the second we press our mouths together like they were fucking made to fit. I groan deeply at how fucking perfect her mouth feels against mine. In all the years that I could only imagine what it would be like to kiss Aria, nothing compares to the reality of it. And it's fucking reality, all right. It feels too good not to be.

My lips sink into hers, tasting her addictive flavour and going out of my fucking mind at how soft her mouth is. She immediately parts her lips and I slip my tongue inside her mouth, sliding it along the underside of hers before sucking on it deeply and earning her soft moan of pleasure. One of her legs comes up to wind around my torso and she presses my lower body into hers. I start rocking into her while simultaneously fucking her mouth the way I've dreamed of doing so many times. Over and over our mouths part and close against each other, our tongues meeting with each kiss. Our kisses grow wetter, more frantic, and I swear I know exactly how to work her. It feels like I've done this a million times before and it's so fucking perfect. It's everything I thought it would be and more.

I've yet to pull in a single breath but I don't care. Now that I finally have my lips on hers nothing is about to stop me. I kiss her like I want to drown myself in her, like she's more important than my next breath, like she is my next breath. Her full mouth is plush and gentle but her kisses are rough and hard. She's devouring me and I groan when she bites down on my bottom lip, tugging it between her teeth and drawing it out before fusing our mouths together again.

I feel our kisses in every cell of my body. My entire being feels like it's on fire and I'm burning with desire. I've never been so fucking turned on in my life and I'm aching because of how good she feels. Her curves nestle into the hard ridges of my body perfectly and I fucking know this girl was made for me. I've always known it. Our mouths are in perfect synchronization and we rock our bodies together in perfect harmony. In this moment I feel so connected to her that I can't tell where she ends or where I begin. And I still need more.

My arm unwinds from her waist so I can snake my hand under her shirt instead, the rough pads of my fingers gliding up along her soft skin. I suck in a startled breath when I feel my hand brush the underside of her breast, realizing she's not wearing a bra. Without hesitation my hand slides the rest of the way until I'm cupping it entirely, and I groan in satisfaction at the way it completely fills my large hand. I squeeze the flesh and her back arches, seeking more. She moans into my mouth when I take hold of her nipple between my thumb and index finger, tugging hard enough that it could almost be painful. Her mouth presses harder against mine and I swallow up the cry she releases.

I finally wrench my mouth away from hers and our heavy pants are the only sound in the otherwise silent room. I don't give either of us the time to digest that kiss because in the next breath I take her shirt in my hands and drag it up over her chest, exposing her fucking gorgeous tits. Her skin looks like honey in the firelight and I can't resist dipping my head for a taste, capturing one nipple in my mouth.

"Oh my God." She moans. Her fingers slide into my hair to hold me in place as she arches further into me.

I suck on her nipple feverishly, my tongue swirling the bud and flicking it back and forth. I bite it softly and tug with my teeth before dragging the flat of my tongue on it to soothe the pain. Her whimper is like kryptonite, the sweet sound shooting straight to my dick and making it jump. I nudge my hips into her to try and relieve the throbbing.

I release her nipple with a pop and suck on the globe of her tit instead, marking the flesh with bites and kisses that make her writhe beneath me. Her skin feels like silk on my mouth and I fucking swear it almost tastes like peaches.

I could suck her perfect tits for hours on end but I know I have to slow down. The sound of protest that leaves her throat when I take my mouth off of her and put her shirt back in place makes me smile.

"Why'd you stop?" Her eyes search mine when my face hovers above hers. "Was that...too much?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I dip my head to suck on her neck instead. I can't stop myself from wanting to kiss and lick every inch of her body. "That wasn't even close to enough."

"Then what's wrong?"

I lift my head up to peer down at her face again. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips are swollen, her eyes are hooded. I smirk, fucking loving that I did that to her.

"The things I want to do to you are meant to happen behind closed doors, Princess. I can't fuck you the way I want if I have to worry about one of our family members barging in on us."

Her breath visibly catches at my words, her eyes growing even heavier with desire. "You want to fuck me?"

My dark chuckle makes her shiver. I make sure her eyes stay locked on mine when I say, "In every  position I can physically bend you into. But the only thing I want to do more than to fuck you is to have you fuck my face. I want your cum dripping all over my chin, want this sweet pussy riding my tongue, and when I do that you're going to need to be very far from your family unless you want them to hear you screaming my name."

Her eyes flash at my words. "You can't say things like that to me and expect us to call it quits right now. I'm too turned on to even consider going to sleep."

"I'll be doing a lot of making up to you as soon as we get the chance." I dip my head to capture those sweet lips again just because I can (holy fucking shit, I can) and I kiss her more softly this time. This time I savour her and the shift between us, show her what I'm feeling by gently sucking her mouth between my own lips, making this kiss slow and long. She kisses me back with equal passion and I feel it straight in my fucking chest. Jesus, I'm gone for her.

"Let's sleep." I say reluctantly when we part. "We have to be up in a few hours."

"Yeah." She sighs, eyes darting down where my cock is very obviously straining against my sweats. "Although you might have some difficulty with that."

I raise my brows. "You'd be surprised how often I've forced myself to sleep when my dick was hard for you. I'm a pro at this."

"That's awful." She laughs, smacking a hand over her face.

"It was worth it." I take her hand away from her face so I can kiss her again. Fuck, I think I'm already addicted to these lips.

"And our kiss?" She whispers when we pull away again. "Was that worth waiting for?"

I press my forehead to hers, a smile curling my lips. "With you? Everything is."

_________________________

A/N

WOW, WOW, WOW! THEIR FIRST KISS! It was so so satisfying! And I have a feeling Asher is going to be much more of a dirty-talking alpha in bed than the previous three.

I've got to ask y'all; which first kiss do you prefer? Nate and Del's or Asher and Aria's? I can't decide!

Also, I realized this is the first time I've written a first kiss scene from the guy's POV. All of the other first kisses in the previous books were from the POV of the women. In this case, it somehow felt right to get an insight through Asher's head first.

Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!

Happy Reading :)