PRESENT

*Trigger warning: this chapter contains mild content of domestic abuse. Please read with caution or skip select scenes entirely*

I shrink back into the wall and plead in a small voice, afraid to speak. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Robbie throws the mug across the room and it crashes into the wall, breaking into a million pieces. The noise is so loud that I can't help my flinch and the shaking of my body. I hate that I'm so weak when it comes to him. It makes me disgusted with myself.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you." I try again and make my voice as soft as possible. Acting defiant will only make him angrier. "It just slipped out."

"In front of all my friends?" He stalks towards me, cheeks flushed and eyes blazing, and I have to fight to contain my sob at the fear I feel. "You did that on purpose. Do you enjoy gloating about yourself, Aria?"

"Of course not." I whisper.

"Don't lie to me!" He smacks his hand on the wall beside my head and I flinch. His lips curls in satisfaction. Robbie always felt better about himself when he made me squirm. It made him feel powerful and superior.

"Please, Robbie." I try again. "I didn't mean to make myself sound better or anything. I would never do that to you."

He places his other hand beside my head and cages me in. He leans forward until our noses brush and I stay very still. I don't react when he presses his lips to mine and parts them so he can slip his tongue inside. I don't react when he bites down — hard — because I know it's a warning. And when he pulls away, I keep myself passive because I know that kiss wasn't out of love and affection. It was a reminder that he could do whatever he wants to me.

"You think you're so innocent, Aria. So perfect. Well, I know better." He yanks my arm and drags me away from the wall, throwing me to the floor. I land on my back and my breath gets trapped in my throat. For a moment I can't breathe and I force myself to cough until I can. I get up on my palms and force myself back to my feet instead of running like I want to. Robbie always did prefer to chase.

Part of me is irritated that he's making such a big deal out of something so small. Robbie's friends and I were all comparing marks on our midterm and all I did was mention that Robbie and I studied together and that I only got two percent higher than him. I didn't think it would piss him off but one glance at his tight mouth and my stomach had sank. I'd said the wrong thing and I would give anything to take it back. But right now, I'm just going to have deal with this.

"No, baby." I shake my head and cup his face. I stroke his cheeks with my thumb and try to make my touch as soft as possible, hoping to calm him. "I know I'm not perfect and I won't ever try to act like I am again. I promise you, baby."

He searches my eyes and I try to keep my features as genuine as possible. I smile softly and lean forward to kiss him, just a gentle peck, before pulling away. His shoulders drop and he takes me into his arms for a hug. I breathe a sigh of relief against his shoulder and hug him back, pleading to whoever is listening that he'll just call it a night.

"You're going to make it up to me, baby." He whispers and I freeze. Not today. I don't want it today. "Come on."

He pulls away and I plaster a smile on my face while he leads me to his bedroom. I ignore the tightness in my stomach. I guess I'd rather have his hands on me lovingly than violently. He locks the door behind him and then I blank out.

I bolt upright with a harsh gasp, my hand going to my chest where I can feel my heart thunder violently. My hand moves to cover my mouth instead in an attempt to contain the sob that wants to come out.

"Damn it." I whisper and smack my bed in frustration.

I'd only been back in Boston full-time for a week and every day since, I've had nightmares about Robbie. Each time it's a different flashback of him abusing me and each time it feels so real, that I want to curl into myself and cry my heart out. I walk around every day with dark circles under my eyes and tell my family I'm just adjusting to sleeping in a different place. They're all so happy I'm back in Boston permanently that I don't have the heart to tell them I can feel it killing me being here. I would rather suffer in silence than cause my family more pain than I already have.

I grab my phone to text Lenny but I check the time and realize it's still the middle of the night. She's probably knocked out at her cousin's place where she's been staying. I asked her to stay with my family when we moved to Boston but she insisted on not intruding. I don't expect that to last too long, though. Lenny is my family and I know she'd be welcomed with open arms.

Instead I make my way downstairs to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. I take a seat on one of the island stools and listen to the soft noise of rain falling outside. It's peaceful and makes me feel safe which is exactly what I need right now.

"Hon?"

I startle at the unexpected voice but relax when I realize it's just Mom. I've been jumpy too since my move and that's a little harder to hide than the nightmares.

"Hey." I greet her when she takes the seat next to mine. "Can't sleep?"

"Something like that." She smiles. "I woke up with a weird feeling and couldn't shake it. I guess I know why, now. Are you okay?"

Warmth pools in my chest. God, I missed having my mom around. She always knows when I need her most.

"I'm fine." I force a smile but know that I can't lie to her; not right now when the feeling of my nightmare is fresh and is making me vulnerable. "Just a bad dream."

Her eyes become understanding and she sighs as she tucks my hair behind my ear. "It never really goes away, you know? The reminder of your worst moments. You just have to tell yourself that the worst is in the past for a reason."

I nod, knowing what she's talking about. Mom was in an extremely toxic relationship before she met Dad. Her ex was a sleazy douchebag that was manipulative and controlling and emotionally damaged her. I'm grateful she met Dad when she did because he's the best man I know and he fought everyone in his path to win her for good.

"I think it's just being back here. I'll pass a grocery store while driving or stumble upon a familiar park and all these places hold some kind of memory I have with him. I wish I'd dealt with it when it all happened instead of running away and delaying my healing. That was eight years ago and now I feel like I'm back where I started."

"It can feel that way but it's not true." She cups my face tenderly. "You have come such a long way, Aria. You are a strong, competent, and successful woman with a heart of gold. Your career is dedicated to helping others and you hold so much love for those you care about. Don't let the darkness swallow all of the light that shines out of you. I promise you there is more good in your story than bad. You just have to have the courage to seek them out."

"Thank you, Mom." My heart cracks open at her words. Not having her wisdom to guide me has been tough and I'm grateful that I don't have to feel that way anymore. I throw my arms around her and she hugs me bad tightly. "I've really missed you."

"Not as much as I've missed you." She kisses my temple. "I'm here for you if you need anything. Don't hesitate to talk to me if something is bothering you. I just want you to be happy."

"I know." I tell her genuinely. She's been in my corner all my life and I know I still have that luxury. "I love you."

"I love you, sweet girl." She kisses my forehead before standing up, giving my hand a final squeeze. "Get some rest, okay? Try thinking of things that make you happy while you're nodding off. That might help with the nightmares."

"I will." I give her a small wave and whisper, "Goodnight."

She waves back and heads back to her room. I wipe my eyes that are blurry with tears and hop off the stool, heading back upstairs. I pause outside of Nate's bedroom and my heart clenches for a moment. Him and his girlfriend, Delilah, have officially moved into their new house and it feels weird not having them live with us anymore. I miss them and my nephew, Zack, a lot of the time even though I'm happy for them. If anyone deserves to be in love, it's my brother. I've never met anyone more selfless and positive than him.

I shake the sad thoughts away and focus on thinking of things that make me happy like Mom said. My job makes me happy. My family makes me happy. Iced coffee makes me happy.

I open the French doors and step on to the small balcony connected to my room, inhaling the scent of rain. Rain makes me happy. And so for a while I stand there and let myself really feel the cool drops on my skin, closing my eyes as I break out into goosebumps and get lost in the sound of the water hitting the asphalt.

I don't know how long I stand there but it's long enough that my hair has taken on a curlier form from being wet and I begin shivering slightly. I open my eyes and start to head back in when I notice the bedroom window across from me. Oh, shit.

My stomach bottoms out when I make eye contact with sharp eyes the colour of glass and it takes everything I have not to look away like the coward in me wants to.

Growing up, the best part about my bedroom was that it faced Asher's next door. His room had a little balcony on the outskirts of it just like mine and he's always been able to easily leap the distance from his balcony to mine. He'd sneak in all the time and we would spend a lot of our days in each other's company. He always got a thrill out of sneaking in instead of just coming through the front door, especially when we started getting older and my parents were no longer comfortable with sleepovers. That never stopped Asher, though. Most nights I would wake up and discover him lying down next to me, the two of us squished in my already small bed. I never complained though. I loved his company.

Now? Now it's more complicated.

I haven't seen or spoken to him since the last time I was in Boston nearly ten months ago. Our recent encounter didn't exactly go over well. We fought over some obviously unspoken issues and there's been a strain between us since. Not one FaceTime, or call, or text. Total silence.

Which is why I visibly jump in my skin when he quietly calls out, "Hey, Ria."

For a moment I'm at a loss because I didn't expect him to speak to me. Both of us can be stubborn as hell and we have a tendency to be petty and competitive with each other. We fought constantly as kids and admittedly as adults, too. We always remained friends nevertheless. It's hard to say what we are now and that hurts. Losing Asher would be like losing a piece of myself — the biggest piece I've ever willingly gave anyone.

"Hey, Ash." I call back just as quietly. Our balconies are ridiculously close so we don't have to talk too loud, just enough so that we can hear each other over the rain. "Staying with your parents for the weekend?"

"I'm going to be living here for a while." His admission surprises me. "My lease ran out and I'm between homes."

Is that all there is to it? I don't know why a part of me had wondered if he was back because I'm back but that's just wishful thinking. This is probably just a coincidence.

"Right." I nod and try not to cringe at how awkward this feels. He's my best friend for fuck's sake. Nobody knows me like Ash does — not even Nate. "Well, um, goodnight."

I turn around but stop when he speaks again. "How're you holding up?"

I cross my arms a little defensively. "What do you mean?"

"I mean being back in Boston. I know it's not exactly your dream city. It's got to be tough having to be here again."

Like I said — no one knows me better.

I shrug and try to act indifferent. "I'm fine."

His mouth tightens. His voice becomes low and knowing. "I can hear you screaming in the middle of the night, Ria. I know you're not okay."

I suck in a startled breath. I don't remember screaming but...shit, he might be right. And if he knows then my family definitely knows. They can probably hear me too. Just fucking great.

"Well..." I sputter over what to say. His lips twitch and I fight the urge to throw something at his head. Something about Asher unfailingly brings out my childish side. "Whatever. I just need to adjust and I'll be good."

That sobers him up again. "Just take care of yourself. You know everyone is here for you."

You too? I want to ask, but I don't. Like I said; things are just complicated.

"I will." I tell him instead and look down at my fingers that are nervously fiddling. "But thank you."

"Sure." His voice is soft and I stop myself from looking at him. If I do, I'll crumble. I didn't realize how hard it would be seeing him face-to-face now that I have feelings for him. Feelings that I can't ignore no matter how hard I've been trying to.

But I have to look up again when he laughs quietly and says, "Nice pj's."

I roll my eyes. I found them in my closet earlier today and put them on, uncaring. They're an extremely old and worn out pair of a full-sleeve shirt and shorts. They have hot dogs on them and Asher has always insisted they actually look like dicks. I stopped wearing them at one point because of his merciless teasing and of course the one time I wear them again he catches me in them. Completely typical considering my luck.

"Shut up." I fight my smile. "They're clearly hot dogs."

"They're clearly dicks." He argues.

"You're a dick."

"Well, I do have one."

Instinctively my eyes drop to his crotch and he bursts out laughing. Asshole. He knew exactly what he was doing.

"Not much to it." I raise an unimpressed eyebrow.

He smirks a little. I hate how hot he can make it look. "You wouldn't know, Princess."

I grip the railing of my balcony and fight the weird swirl of emotions in me. I've always secretly loved his nickname for me even though I pretend to hate it and it's a whole other ballpark when he uses it alongside a sexual comment. The thought alone gives me pause. We never share sexual comments. I mean, this is Asher. Asher.

"Thank goodness for that." I stick my tongue out. Something passes over his eyes as he stares at it but it's gone before I can tell exactly what. "Anyways, I'm tired. I should probably head to bed."

"You really need to invest in a bigger mattress. Just thinking about your bed is making my back hurt."

"You're such a baby." I laugh. On the inside, I'm not sure what to make of him bringing up our past. Is he trying to remind me of better times? Is he trying to be my friend again? "It's not that bad."

"You're right." He pauses. "It's fucking awful."

"How dare you?" I grin. "I had good times on that bed."

"Me too." He bites the corner of his lip. His eyes are full of teasing and it makes my breath catch for a moment. Is he...flirting? I don't even know what to think anymore.

"Like what? Suffocating me to death?" I pick at my nails and try to look as cool as possible. Truthfully, this conversation is starting to make my stomach flutter and I have no idea how to handle it.

"That's actually true." He concedes, obviously oblivious to my inner turmoil. "But you always drooled on me."

"Hey!" I smack the railing, confusing thoughts be damned. "That is such a lie."

"It really isn't. I always had a wet spot on my shoulder when we woke up. I swear some of my shirts still have stains."

"Uh-huh. And my back pains are a result of you crushing me to death by mistaking me for a pillow."

"It's not my fault you always smelled good. It was hard to stay away."

That shuts me up momentarily and for a moment I can only blink. What the hell? Exactly where is he going with this?

"I was a hormonal teen." He adds hastily and my shoulders drop, losing some of their tension. I'm both relieved and disappointed at his reasoning. I can't tell which of the two annoy me most.

"You figured out how to take care of that, though." My smile is wry. "You always had a girl hanging on you in high school."

"Not always." He defends.

"Please, Ash. You lost your virginity when you were fourteen."

He cringes slightly. "Sometimes I forget how much you know about me."

"We were closer than you and Nate."

"Right. Were."

His choice words flare up my guilt and I suddenly want to take my words back. Not that it would make a difference — they're still true. Suddenly it's harder to breathe and I need space. I don't want to think about how I destroyed our friendship because I'm too much of a coward to own up to my feelings. I spend enough of my time doing just that.

"I should head inside for real this time." My words break the strained silence. I gesture to myself. "The rain soaked me and I don't want to catch a cold."

His eyes fall to my body and I can't help but look down when I discover them lingering. It's only then that I realize my already thin t-shirt is clinging to me like glue and my nipples are poking against the material because of the cold. Without meaning to, I cross my arms over my chest lightening quick and Ash blinks rapidly, turning his head away just as fast. This is officially getting way too weird.

"Goodnight." I whisper. There's no way he heard the words from where he's standing but he must have read my lips. He was staring at them, too. My heart beats a little faster when I realize it.

"Night, Ria." He stuffs his hands in his pockets and backs up. The light of his bedroom slowly reveals more of him and I discover that his shirt isn't exactly hanging loose, either. I can practically make out every defined ridge and dip of his body and I swallow hard, my eyes travelling up to his wet hair that falls over his forehead and dripping water down on his face. A face that's so beautiful, it bothers me how perfect he is without even trying and how much he seems to affect me. How the hell am I supposed to live with him next door again when our first encounter has been so intense? Can I even keep my facade up? I doubt it.

I wave instead of answering because I know my voice would fail me if I tried to use it. Not wanting to give myself away more than I already have, I step off the balcony and shut the French doors then close the curtains for good measure. I walk to my bed in a daze and flop down on it, staring up at the ceiling. My breath is shaky and I can practically hear how hard my heart is beating against my chest.

I'm not delusional; I know our chemistry isn't one-sided. I just don't know if Ash is just experiencing physical attraction seeing me after all these years or maybe, just maybe, he feels the same way too.

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A/N

Okay...I am loving these two! I love how they have so much history and that just makes their connection that much more tangible.

I can't wait to give you all some more insight on what their friendship used to be like as well as give you more of these two navigating their chemistry. I'm seriously excited! Who else?

Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!

Happy Reading :)