"Are you really doing this?" my jaw clenched upon seeing the corner of his lips curling up.

"What now? Don't give me that look bro', that certificate is telling me to go. Do I have any choices?" he said with so much sarcasm in his face.

Talagang gustong-gusto ko siyang sapakin.
O pukpukin ng matigas na bagay sa kaniyang ulo para hindi na siya makapunta. Wala rin namang saysay kung magpapakita siya, guguluhin niya lang ang party. Paniguradong may plano ang mokong na iyon, hindi ko nga lang mapuna kung ano ang naiisip niyang kalokohan ngayon.

Pero ano'ng silbi ng pagpipigil sa kaniya? Hindi ko rin naman mababago ang nakatakda ng mangyari. Even if I'll murder him, I'd still wait for another lifetime to witness the same thing. Masakit man pero iyon ang katotohanan. Napabuntong-hininga nalang ako at napatingin sa malaking bintana.

Dito palang sa taas ng hotel room, kitang-kita ko na kung gaano ka-engrande ang kaarawan niya. Napakaraming bisita, ang dami ring taga media. Talagang puno ang kalsada patungo sa entrada ng Soto Grande.

"C'mon, we have a party to attend. I'm going..." paalam niya bago ako makarinig ng pagsara ng pintuan.

Ayaw ko talagang pumunta, pero gusto ko siyang makita.

Handa nanga ako't lahat-lahat ngunit hindi ko parin makitaan ng sigla ang buo kong katawan para dumalo. Nawawalan ako ng gana sa tuwing naiisip kong hindi niya naman ako mapapansin o makikita doon. Ngunit heto rin ako, nananabik na masilayan ang hitsura niya. Paniguradong napakaganda niya na naman.

Mukang mabibighani na naman ang puso kong walang kalaban-laban. Sa kaniya lang siguro dadapo ang tingin ko at wala akong paki-alam kung ilang ulit akong mahulog sa kaniya, 'dibaling walang sasalo basta't makita ko lang siya... Para narin akong naisalba.

Wala akong takas eh, talagang nakakabighani ang kagandahan niya. Hindi ako kailanman naniniwala sa mga fairy tales pero simula nung una ko siyang makita, nagmistula siyang diwata sa'king paningin.

Mas lalo tuloy akong nanabik at mhukang alam na iyon ng katawan ko bago ko pa man mabigyang pansin ang nararamdaman sa kaniya.

Nakakatawa pang namamawis ako sa sobrang kaba. Niloloko lang naman ako ng isip kong baka sa pagkakataong 'to ay mapapansin na niya ako. Nabubuhayan pa ako ng pag-asa na baka sa panahong ito ay masasaglitan niya ako ng tingin.

Bigyan ako ng pagkakataon ng kalangitang, sa'kin mapupunta ang pabor ngayon pero sa huli ay naiisip ko rin na talagang nahihibang lamang ako.

Kahit pa ilang beses akong humiling pero dahil tadhana ang aking pilit na sinusuway... Talagang hindi iyon matutupad. Kasi hindi naman ang pangalan ko ang naka-imprinta sa marriage certificate na'to. Pinag kunutan ko pa ng noo ang bagay na iyon na nasa mesa.

Ako nalang sana...

Tayo nalang dalawa...

Tuloy ay kung ano-anong bagay ang nabubuo ng utak ko. Mga pekeng senaryo na kung saan ako ang kasama niya. Sa loob-loob ko'y sana mangyayari iyon kaso malabo talaga kahit saan pang anggulo subukan kong tignan. Himayin at isipin.

Nakaka-panghina tuloy.

Napabuntong-hininga ulit ako.

Ano kayang magiging reaksyon niya mamaya kapag magkaharap na sila? Maaalala niya kaya? Mahuhulog ba siya ulit sa unang tingin? Sana hindi... Kahit meron na'kong kasagutan sa tanong ko, nakahanap parin ako ng katiting na lakas para magpatuloy at saksihan ang bagay na iyon kahit nagbibigay iyon ng mtinding kirot dito sa aking dibdib.

Wala akong magawa eh! Lahat ng mga gusto ko ay siyang nagbibigay sa'kin ng lakas ng loob na puntahan siya.

Gusto ko talaga siyang makitang masaya. Gusto ko makita ang mga ngiti niya na kapag nakikita mo, parang lumilipad kana sa langit. Iyong pakiramdam na parang matagal mo na iyong nasilayan at ilang ulit nang sinisigaw ng puso mo na makita ito ng paulit-ulit habang lihim din nitong hinahangad na sana ikaw ang maging dahilan ng kaniyang mga ngiti.

Na sana ako ang unang makakita...

Na sana ako ang nginingitian niya...

Na sana sa'kin siya masaya...

Talagang hindi ako magsasawang sabihin sa kaniya kung gaano iyon kaganda. Kung paano niyon napapa lundag sa saya ang puso kong tanging siya ang hinahap-hanap simula noong una ko siyang makita.

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The two young boys were startled by the booming sound of the tanggu drums being played by the musicians on the street. They were just entering the district's entrance, but they were greeted by a multitude of people on the day they eagerly awaited the mooncake festival.

Their faces were etched with wonder, their lips slightly parted in awe as they gazed around at the entirety of Huangshan Village, adorned with vibrant yellow and red lights stretching along its length.

Together, they walked, oblivious to their surroundings, mesmerized by the spectacle unfolding before them. They made their way into the quaint district of Da Ding, led by the Xiao family.

Coincidentally, everyone was celebrating not just the Mooncake Festival, but also the birthday of Kenya, the Xiao family's youngest member. She was the granddaughter of the Prince of the Second Rank, who was known to everybody as Marquis Zhou, a title bestowed by the late emperor.

As a result, numerous people visited Xiaoyang Palace the district capital to celebrate the young girl's fifteenth birthday, including a few imperial family members who joined the festivities. The mood was filled with pleasure and excitement as guests came to mark the milestone birthday of the young woman amongst the backdrop of the Mooncake Festival's activities.

They were also here to witness what the people had prepared outside the palace for the release of the Chinese lanterns. The two boys were almost dizzy from the unexpected crowd. Their expressions showed caution, fearing they might be recognized.

They knew that their escape from the Shang Palace carried the risk of punishment. However, it seemed that concern had vanished from the minds of the two young men, both from families of noble lineage.

Their hearts beat rapidly as they gazed at the festivities unfolding before them. The allure of the mooncake festival and the chance to witness the spectacle of the lantern release outweighed any fears of consequence. Despite the potential dangers, they were drawn to the vibrant energy of the celebration, longing to be part of something larger than themselves.

"A'zi, why are there so many people here? Isn't every place in China celebrating the mid-autumn festival?" Wei Ruan Zhang, the son of General Zhang, asked in wonder, addressing the crown prince. In his mind, their escape was questionable, but he also didn't want to leave his friend behind, especially since he was eager to accompany him in seeing the most beautiful girl, as the prince claimed.

The crown prince, smiled knowingly at his friend's curiosity. "Shi de, my dear Wei Ruan," he replied in a tone of amusement, "The mid-autumn festival is celebrated far and wide across our land. However, the festivities here hold a particular charm, wouldn't you agree?"

Wei Ruan Zhang nodded, his gaze sweeping across the lively scene before them. "It's unlike anything I've ever seen," he admitted, his voice filled with awe and excitement. "But why is it so grand here?"

Zixuan's smile broadened, mischief twinkling in his eyes. "Ah, my friend, this district holds a unique charm," he elucidated, sweeping his hand towards the bustling crowd.

"Here, traditions are revered with unparalleled fervor, as it was first renowned for its authentic mooncakes, which played a pivotal role in urbanizing the area. Now, it has evolved into the capital of trade and prosperity, all thanks to the mooncake."

Wei Ruan Zhang nodded thoughtfully, absorbing A'zi's words with a sense of pride that the crown prince was genuinely interested in history. Despite his initial reservations, he couldn't ignore the infectious energy permeating the air.

As they delved deeper into the heart of the festival, he felt himself swept away by the excitement, his concerns momentarily eclipsed by the thrill of the moment.

"Da Ding stands closest to the Imperial City, and its ruling family holds great renown. Perhaps that's why everyone clamors to witness their unique festival celebrations," he remarked, snatching a yuebing from a nearby food stall before turning to his companion.

"What's troubling you? More people mean more fun," the crown prince chuckled, noting Wei Ruan's concerned expression.

Wei Ruan Zhang couldn't help but join in his friend's carefree laughter, though his underlying concern remained. "You always manage to find the bright side, A'zi," he responded, a hint of amusement in his voice. "But what if someone recognizes us? What if we're discovered?"

The crown prince's laughter softened as he regarded his friend with a reassuring smile. "Fear not, Wei Ruan," he reassured, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "We're just two faces among many in this sea of revelry. Besides, who would suspect the crowned prince and the son of General Zhang to be wandering among the common folk?"

Wei Ruan Zhang couldn't help but feel a surge of reassurance wash over him. "You have a point," he admitted, his worries gradually easing with each passing moment. "So, where's this girl?" he asked again, recalling the reason for their clandestine excursion with the prince.

However, Wei Ruan's expression suddenly changed upon noticing the prince not paying for the yuebing. Hastily, he retrieved a few yuanbao and handed them to the vendor. The old man was taken aback by the young man's gesture, as the value of the ingot from the general's son exceeded that of the mooncake. Wei Ruan simply offered the old man a warm smile before following the prince.

"She's not a girl, she's a lady," the prince exclaimed, his gaze fixed upon a woman riding in the palanquin.

Wei Ruan could clearly see the sparkle in the prince's eyes. The prince had almost forgotten to chew the yuebing he was eating, his attention entirely captivated by the woman in the palanquin. "A'zi?" Wei Ruan called out, concerned, fearing the prince might have choked. "Are you alright?"

"She's so beautiful, Wei. I'm here to find a wife. And not just any wife, but the most intelligent and outstanding woman in all of Da Ding," expressed Zixuan Gao, the 17th crowned prince of the Shang dynasty.

Wei Ruan was taken aback by his friend's sudden declaration. "What are you talking about? You're going to marry my sister," Wei Ruan reminded him, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

"I know, but just look at her, Wei!" insisted Zixuan Gao, his eyes still fixed on the woman.

Wei Ruan couldn't help but steal a glance at the woman who had captured his friend's attention so completely. But every woman on the passing palanquins possessed an undeniable elegance and grace that demanded attention. Which one could the Prince refer? Despite his initial surprise, Wei Ruan understood the prince's fascination. It wasn't every day that one encountered such a remarkable beauty.

However, Wei Ruan couldn't shake off his concern. "But what about your responsibilities, Zixu?" he questioned, using the prince's childhood nickname. "Marrying for love isn't always an option for someone in your position. You have duties to uphold, alliances to forge."

Zixuan Gao's countenance softened, but his gaze remained fixated on the woman who had caught his attention. "I understand, my dear Wei," he said, his voice tinged with resignation. "But is it too much to hope for a love that defies duty? To find someone who troubles me, yet inspires me??"

Wei Ruan regarded his friend with a mixture of sympathy and understanding. He knew all too well the weight of expectations that came with their noble lineage. Yet, hearing the crowned prince express such sentiments made him upset, even though he couldn't blame his friend for loving someone other than his sister. Their engagement was predetermined for political convenience, a reality that often overshadowed matters of the heart.

"Come on, Wei!" the crowned prince, insisted.

Wei Ruan, who had been keeping careful tabs on Zixuan's every move, trailed his gaze behind his friend's shoulders to see what he was alleging. For him, his sister, Uisun, is the most beautiful lady in all of Dongan, district of the Imperial guards, and he felt sad for his friend since he couldn't believe anybody could be so lovely in the eyes of the crown prince.

Suddenly, a hint of amusement danced in Wei Ruan's eyes. "The most distinguished in Dongan district is my beautiful younger sister, the daughter of a great warrior. I wonder, Your Majesty, which lady catches your eye here in Da Ding?" he said, gently nudging the prince towards considering his sister as a potential match.

But the crowned prince chuckled at Wei Ruan's biased statement. "Uisun has always been the apple of your eye, my friend, but one cannot romantically pursue their sister. And Uisun is not the only lady in this world. Look at her," the crowned prince gestured towards the  palanquin leading the parade.

Wei Ruan also followed the direction where the prince's finger was pointing, but as he turned, his gaze fell upon the second palanquin. Suddenly, his entire body trembled, overtaken by a strange sensation that engulfed his heart in an inexplicable wave of emotion.

"Isn't she beautiful?" the prince remarked, indicating the woman in the leading palanquin, who was Anping Xianzhu, the Princess of the County of the former Prince of the Second Rank, born to his Consort.

"No, she's a goddess," Wei Ruan said unexpectedly, stunning the prince. He turned to face Wei Ruan, but Zixuan quickly realized he was looking at the wrong palanquin.

He was about to draw Wei Ruan's attention when he realized that Wei Ruan had only praised his sister. Zixuan laughed brightly, a trace of wonder appearing on his handsome face.

"I think," whispered Wei Ruan. "I've already taken a liking to a goddess, and it's her!" he said joyfully, pointing to the girl on the second palanquin, her face almost hidden by the fan she was holding so tight. Feeling afraid and shy, even her townspeople already saw her pretty face.

However, Zixuan's expression abruptly changed. His eyes almost seemed ominous for less than a second, but Wei Ruan didn't even notice. It is true that the girl Wei Ruan mentioned was more beautiful than the woman he was referring to. Her lovely complexion and glass-like skin reflected the moon's ray of light, and the lady was now shining in the middle of all the various light that had been tampering with both of the young lad's eyes.

"Who, is she?" Wei Ruan asked.

"Beats me," Zixuan said, shrugging, as he lied to his friend. He knew it was the granddaughter of Marquis Zhuo, Kenya.

But then, Wei Ruan's face became determined. His heart had already chosen someone, and he acknowledged the lady from Xiaoyang Palace as the one, whom his heart beats for alone.

And since that day, she forever alters the course of my existence. I desire to see her everyday, that made me yearn for her every lifetime.

People desire various things in life, and these desires are diverse. They may covet objects like cars, bags, and shoes, ranging from shiny trinkets to wealth itself. Alternatively, their desires may extend to situations such as yearning for peace during wartime, dreaming of attending the NBA finals, or longing to attend every concert of their favorite artist. While these desires often serve a purpose by directing our attention to aspects of life that are valuable or enjoyable, we cannot ignore the fact that these things are temporary.

For me, everything is time-bound; everything is temporary unless... You make it valuable for a lifetime. It's up to you if you want something to be yours every day. Even if anyone or anything tries to take it away from you, you'll do everything to keep it with you. Even if it reaches the point where you wish to be reincarnated just to have it back, all over again.

And in that repeating moments of your reincarnation, hinding-hindi mo makikitang nakakasawa ang pinakatatanging bagay na gusto mo. Kasi nga gusto mo... Hinihiling mo... Minamahal mo. The only downside is that it is not always possible for someone to get all the things they want and it is not always, you get it from the time you want it... leaving you longing. That is why, we long for things we desire, but cannot always have - at least not at this moment.

In my case, the feeling when you want something that you cannot have is one of longing and yearning. You keep thinking about how nice it would be if you had it, imagining the satisfaction and joy it would bring into your life.

But when I reflect on it, from the very beginning... I realize I never truly had you. You were never mine to begin with.

I smiled bitterly. "Happy birthday, Kenya." No one told me that catching a moon could this be so hard. The sun would never let me.

And here I am, still yearning for having you in my arms... In every lifetime. "It isn't our first time here around." at masakit padin na hindi na naman ako ang unang nakita ng puso mo.

***

Hey guys, if someone's reading this I would like to hear from you. Wanna see the pieces that makes you ponder with this kind of plot.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section! And do appreciate if you hit that star button, inkkpipps.

@myinkspeaks