We stay like that for a while, me crying against his chest and him letting me. I relax into his embrace, allowing his arms to shield me from everything bad in the world.

I forget about the guilt I feel every time I look at Penny, knowing that I'm keeping something so important from her. How could I tell her after so long? I wouldn't even be able to find the right words. Hi, Penny, I'm sorry but there's something unnamed going on between me and your brother and I kept it from you because I didn't want you to hate me. That's definitely not the way to say it.

Does Archer even want her to know? I know he said there was nothing to tell before but has his opinion on it changed? Technically we're not together and I'm not even sure he wants us to be. It's all so confusing but what isn't is how I feel about him. He makes me feel safe and happy. I've never felt this way about someone before. It's part of the reason why I haven't told her. I don't want to jeopardise this happiness. Something rings in my head but, for the moment, I try to ignore it. Selfish.

As if he senses my inner turmoil, Archer lifts me into the air, swinging me around. I throw my head back in laughter as the thoughts from only moments ago vanish. Once my feet are back on the ground, I tilt my head to meet his gaze.

His mouth lowers to mine, his eyes attaching themselves to mine. I pull my lip in between my teeth as the distance between us closes. My heart races as it continues to narrow until there's no space left. His lips move against mine almost on instinct as he kisses me. Just like the first time, it takes my breath away. I instinctively wrap my arms around his neck and tug him closer.

The snow continues to fall around us. It's the only thing proving to me that time hasn't stopped. I'm sure my hair is coated with little white flecks, but I don't care. I kiss Archer with no care in the world. I lose myself in his scent, his taste, his touch. This was all so new to me a couple of months ago but now it feels like we've been doing this for ages.

If someone told me that I'd be kissing him in London while the snow falls around us like something out of a freaking movie, I wouldn't believe them. Even now that our bodies are flush against each other and my heart is pounding against my chest from the sensation it still feels surreal. But it feels natural too.

We pull away to catch our breath. Our chests rise and fall in unison as his breath fans across my cheeks with every exhale. A pale pink stains my cheeks. If I weren't too distracted by what just happened, I'd blame it on the cold weather.

"I like kissing you." He admits as he rests his forehead on mine.

"You've told me that already."

He grips my waist and pulls me closer to him, only adding to the seriousness of his words. "And I meant it. I really like kissing you."

There's a storm brewing in his eyes as he tells me this. It almost looks like he's afraid. No, it can't be. He wouldn't be afraid of kissing me, right? Or is there more to it? Honestly, the reality of what we're doing scares me too sometimes. This can't last forever. He lives in Portland and I live in London. We'll be thousands of miles away from each other after senior year is over.

I can't help but remember what Penny told me. She mentioned someone's name, Beth. I still don't know who she is or how she could be responsible for him being the way he is. I find myself wishing that she had told me more but quickly change my mind. It's not for her to tell me. If anyone were going to tell me about her it would have to be Archer.

*

It's now the night. I'm lying on my bed with Sadie.

My dad proved to Archer and Penny that he was a good cook, no surprise there. He spent most of the day rushing around in the kitchen with a billion different pans everywhere. We hardly saw him. Once we sat down at the dinner table with plates full of all the traditional food it was worth it.

"So, what else have I missed?" I ask Sadie. We don't get much time to talk on the phone with the time difference, so we haven't been able to catch up. From what she's told me already I've missed quite a lot.

"I got the highest score on the maths test." She announces eagerly.

I hold my hand up and high five her. "Of course, you did. You're smarter than me already."

Her brown hair sways under the dim light of my fairy lights, "nope, I'm not." She says popping the p.

"How about you come back to Portland with me and take my classes. We look similar, right? No one would even notice."

We both laugh. "Okay, maybe I am smarter than you," she admits, rolling over with a grin on her face. "That's not hard to do though."

I feign a hurt expression and place my hand over my heart as if I've been wounded. She sticks her tongue out playfully. I copy her action causing her to roll her eyes again. I think spending too much time alone with my dad has caused her to get a bit of an attitude. How many times has she rolled her eyes today? Three, four, five?

I've missed this. Before, we used to bicker about things all day. It was normal back then. Now, it's different. I used to take coming home from school and spending the night with her and my dad for granted. Only being able to talk to them over the phone has made me realise how valuable that is.

I decided to go to Portland because I thought it would be fun, but I never expected what came next. It has made me realise a ton of things like how important my family are to me and how not getting along with people in London didn't mean I was going to be a loner for the rest of my life. They simply weren't my people. It's also helped me grow. I'm not the same girl who stepped off the plane that day.

"Hey," Archer says as he walks into my room. "Can I talk to you?"

Sadie wiggles her eyebrows at me. Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. She comes closer and cups her hands around my ear. "Don't worry, I won't tell dad you have a boyfriend." She whispers.

"I don't have a boyfriend." I whisper-shout back. My hands reach out to tickle her until she takes back what she said. The grin on her face tells me that she doesn't believe me. Before I have the chance to carry out my plan, she skips out of the room.

"What was all that about?" He asks as the bed dips from his weight.

I grab one of the pillows and hold it against my torso, resting my chin on it. "It's nothing."

My gaze drops to the thing he's cradling in his hands. He looks anxious as he flips it over and over again. Is he shy? He's avoiding eye contact with me, sitting dangerously close to the edge of the bed that he could just topple off at any minute. He's definitely shy.

"What's that?" I make the first move.

He finally looks at me but chooses not to respond. Instead, he pushes it towards me. I run my fingers over the leather cover. It's a book of some sort but there's no writing on the front to give away anymore. I flip through the pages to find that all of them are empty. My eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"I didn't have time to wrap it and I didn't want to give it to you this morning in case, you know, they got the wrong idea." I nod in understanding. The wrong idea would be that we're dating. I try to conceal the hurt in my eyes. He continues seemingly not noticing. "It's a scrapbook. I thought you could fill it with photographs of you in the places you want to go."

My eyes widen as I process his words. I can't help but stare at him in awe. Who is this person in front of me? Who knew that he could be so thoughtful? He still manages to surprise me.

"Do you like it?" He questions with a hopeful smile, the insecurity from earlier remains in his eyes.

I hold it against my chest, "it's perfect."

I set it down on my bedside table. The thought from earlier continues to eat away at me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since I saw that look in his eyes. I'm certain it has something to do with Beth. But he hasn't given me any sign to say that he has any intention of telling me about her.

Should I act like Penny never told me anything? Or should I ask him about it? There's no harm in asking him, right?

"Can I ask you something?" I play with the hem of my shirt.

He nods.

I search for the right words to say. I shouldn't mention Beth straight away. He'd definitely refuse to answer. I might not know who she is, but I can tell that she's a touchy subject for him. I want him to be able to tell me anything though just like I did today. I settle with, "why were you so closed off when we met?"

He seems taken aback by my question as if he were expecting me to have no interest in his past. "It's nothing important." He dismisses.

I dig my nails into my palms, creating crescents across them. I muster up all of the bravery that I have and prepare myself to ask what I'm about to ask. Is this the right decision? Should I just act like I never said anything? What if he takes it the wrong way?

I forget about all of the consequences and act on impulse. "Does it have something to do with Beth?"