Title: Second Lanark

Author: @RElizabethM

Genre: Chick Lit

Cover: I think the cover really fits the different compartments in college life and the way the MC perceives what is happening. I like the pics, and I like the layout.

Blurb: Blurbs should be around 150 words, and give the reader a short synopsis of what the story is about. I feel this has been done admirably. It is a perfect set up.

First Chapter: Let me say that I enjoy this style of writing personally, and so have no complaints at all about this chapter. Let me compare it to an industry standard form and see how it fares. This may help you if any revisions are needed.

1. Resist Terror--- there is no terror at all

2. Tense and POV—absolutely spot on, no issues

3. No Flashbacks or forwards—none, great job,

4. Natural starting point—I see this as the natural starting point myself, although it is entirely possible that it could be completely done away with and go straight to some action, and include the whole parents saying goodbye thing in a convo later...

5. Present a strong character right away—I feel Liz is presented instantly with quite a bit of charm and personality. I feel that sub characters are also presented quite quickly, and done skillfully

6. Be sparing of setting—of course, this setting is familiar to most people and so the pic at the top does wonders to set the stage

7. Create immediacy—I really think that the first three chapters together in a published novel would likely be the first chapter. I know that isn't a wattpad standard, as people like the shorter posts, but the real hook comes later in the intro chapters. I don't have a problem with this at all. I like it.

8. Mini-plot—because this novel is going to be about not just one person's experiences, it delves remarkably well into character development for several of the characters and sets the stage for ongoing plot and sub-plot. I think the way it is set up is subtly crafted for maximum effect, and answers questions that the reader will be wondering about later in advance so they already know the answer. If that makes sense. I like the way it is set up.

9. Be decisive, be bold—I feel that Liz's character gets a little swallowed up in the first few chapters, as we get introduced to others, who have more flamboyant personality quirks, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. More people will relate to Liz being a little quiet and stand-offish, as they are making up their own minds about which characters they like and don't like. It keeps her on the sidelines and in the back of everybody's minds. The nature of the story isn't so much decisive and bold to me, as it is dramatic and sweeping. It pulls the reader along with the MC and her new friends, giving them depth and purpose.

10. All in all, I think the first chapter fares quite well.

Summary: Liz is off to college! Readers are instantly plunged into the college scene! We get roomies, and annoying roomies, rules and rule breakers, serious students and less than serious students. We see parental support, and coming of age students. We see lots and lots of drama.

Did I like it?

So, there have been a few stories here on wattpad that I was asked to read and usually I take scrupulous notes in order to write my review, but it became quite clear early on that this is a nearly perfect manuscript, with few flaws, and a great, well thought out, well planned itinerary. I sat back and enjoyed the ride. Honestly my only complaint so far, is that it is unfinished! Ahhh!!!! LOL. Yes, I very much enjoyed the story!

Voice:

Liz's voice is the main MC. It is written in first person limited, but done so well we almost expect that we can feel what the others are feeling too. Liz's reactions to things are honest. As a reader, we begin to feel like we are her friends, maybe her floor mates. So, it is easy to become annoyed with her, fearful for her, and cheer her on when things go well. I think her voice is therefore, believable, if not sometimes naïve, consistent with her age and experience.

Characters:

Liz: MC, developed like a lot of MC's. I think because we as readers connect instantly with the MC, and this was done really well, so we then ignore her and move on to memorizing and getting to know the others. It is easy to do. Liz surprises me as she comes out of her shell more and more as the story goes on. Over all, I think this is good. But if clues to her forthcoming personality were given earlier on, it wouldn't be a bad thing either.

Tricia: Sub character, very well done. Everyone relates to and loves Tricia. She is very believable and relatable. She has all the honesty and bluntness required as good foil for Liz. She says things Liz can't. She instigates things Liz's character wouldn't initially do.

Lark and Jill: are incredibly entertaining. We all know them. We've all met them. But they don't come across as cliché. I like both of them, almost through the whole story. I think Lark's personality is more ferreted out early on, but mainly because she spends more time with the others. Jill's personality is lost on me in the beginning, and because Liz sort of likes her, I feel okay with her as well, until she becomes a raving lunatic. She might do well to talk more in the early chapters.

Rob and Tom—portrayed perfectly, gently crafted, not too cliché, subtle and sweet, slow and steady. I find the courtship Rob presents to Liz is like an ember, creeping up to full heat, and so is his personality. Because of this, he doesn't come off overwhelming or obnoxious.

There are a ton of sub characters and I don't really mind any of them. They are only a little confusing and hard to keep track of, but I developed trust in the author early on and so just go along with it. There were a couple times that extra names and people were maybe a bit much.

Feelings:

I feel connected with this story, as I'm sure it is meant to draw us into a time and place most people can relate to. There are characters from all walks of life for the reader to connect to. The drama feels a little soap opera-ish—or One Tree Hill-ish. It's very familiar, and everybody likes it. No complaints there. There is nothing super deep, or super bizarre, but there's enough drama and some slight suspense. The confrontation with Devvie is very realistic and nicely done. The set up left us all feeling apprehensive as it should have, and relieved at the end. The confrontation with Rachel and Liz was a little anti-climatic for me. I think I was expecting or anticipating more drama! Hehe!

Pacing:

Although there is always Movement, there are occasionally drags. For me, this isn't a problem, it helps me understand the characters more, and adds life. But I know some who feel if there isn't a move toward suspense and anticipation in the plot in each and every post, we aren't doing our jobs as authors. I like the way your dialogue tags and observations in thought move the story and create action. It's such a slow and steady build, and this is refreshing and smart writing.

Spelling and Grammar:

I had no real issues with this. I feel there were very few and minor errors that will be caught in copy or line editing.

Suggestions: Finish it!!!! I'm waiting! That's my highest compliment!

Highlights: Developing romance with Rob and Liz, very sweet and sometimes passionate.

Anticipating conflict with swim team and with Lark and Cal. The buildup has been a real plus.

Audience: Young Adult

Please leave a comment so I know you read it. Remember that a review is simply my opinion and you as the creator still have all poetic license, and it will not hurt my feelings if you don't use my suggestions. It was a pleasure to review your story.