Review of Encaged

Author: @AriesTrifle

Genre: General Fiction

Cover: I like the cover and it goes with the story

Blurb: 

Blurb writing is very difficult and many writers have a hard time with it. Your blurb is pretty good, the beginning and ending quotes really draw the reader in and give them a reason to keep reading. As with many blurbs, this one tells too much of the story. You can pick out the main points, without giving too much away. You might consider leaving out the dialogue, and some of the descriptions which aren't all that necessary. It would make it more enticing. Keep the quotes. If all you had were the quotes it might be enough!

Prologue:  

I know there isn't one, but consider the second half of the first chapter, the actual auction and feelings from Madeline's POV as an amazing prologue. It would give the reader a taste of what is to come while explaining the basic details, the conflict and the tension in the story.

Plot: 

Since this story isn't finished, and is still a work in progress, I can't completely judge where it's going. It seems like it might end up being a coming of age, or a romance. Your Author's note in Chapter Seven (was it seven?) really brought it home to me what a brave person you are, to allow your first work to go out online and be subject to so many critiques. That's gutsy. My first stories were never finished. I lost interest and abandoned them early on, or else finished them and they were silly. But first stories are the sacrificial lamb, so to speak, we have to start somewhere.

What's good: 

Concentrate on your power words, you have an incredible vocabulary, and a really imaginative ability to create settings. Your addition of specific details is fascinating and well researched. It's obvious that you have a clear image of where you are in each scene, and what your characters look like. Your dialogue reveals your characters personalities. It's very well done, and I would consider it your main strength. There are two types of writers, I've been told, those who write in outline form and then go back and flesh out the details; versus those who write in wordy descriptive prose and then go back and cut unnecessary verbiage. Whichever one you find yourself to be, embrace your style. Write as if no one but you will ever read it, don't try and get in your reader's heads, and please them, or any industry standards you believe can dictate your style. Be yourself. Write to your heart's content, and then, when you're done, and satisfied, then go see what other's think, and make necessary changes. All good stories have their original manuscript and their first and second rewrites. Then comes all the editing. If you're serious, and it feels to me like you have what it takes to be an accomplished writer, then don't shy away from the process. Many times writing has saved my sanity when I thought I couldn't go on, and couldn't cope. If you're a writer, keep writing.

This story: 

The story  is about a young man with a conscious, or discovering who he is, and wants to become. He's done something heroic, and valiant, something ethical, and moral, and foreign. He is saving another human being. The concept is strong and amazing. The supporting cast, including Madeline, is strong. The characters are well developed and have easy to recognize roles. I see no reason not to let the terrible issue of human trafficking continue as a theme in this book. You have a voice, and you have opinions that need to be shared through these amazing characters. Your voice may be the voice that gives hope to someone someday. If not this story, then the next.

Grammar: 

By your author's notes, I see you are well aware of the needs of the story. It's hard to get critiqued by these kinds of shortcomings. It's discouraging. But you are strong, you're tackling a really important issue. Don't let grammar and spelling or sentence structure hold you back. We all have these issues. Write the story first. Then go back with a grammar checker and fix all the little things. Eventually, structure will come. No worries.

POV: 

As you discovered, 3rd omni is hard to pull off. Super hard. Unbearably hard. What's really popular right now in your genre and in your Young Adult / New Adult category is first person, switching POV's. My only advice is to use one POV exclusively for the whole post, and not switch back and forth within the post. Try not to describe more than one thing from each character, but just move on in the story. It keeps the pacing going faster, and keeps your readers engaged.

Overall: 

I see you haven't posted in quite a while, and maybe you're just busy, but I hope you keep writing. If you have writer's block, write anyway. Maybe not this story, maybe you lost interest as I did with many of my first attempts. This was a huge undertaking, honestly, the issues described here are super deep, and need to be handled with gentle experience, and patience. Don't give up. Whatever you are writing, keep going. You're a writer at heart.

Please leave a comment so I know you read it. As always, these are simply my opinions and it won't hurt my feelings if you don't use them. It was a pleasure to review your story. Sorry it took so long. Life, right?