Title: Breathing Fire

Author: @heatheranno

Genre: Fantasy

Cover: I think this cover really does the story justice and invites the reader in with just enough mystery and intrigue.

Title: The title fits. Another title might also fit. This title doesn't give it away, but it does pertain

Blurb: This blurb is the perfect length and has all the right elements, however, it reminds me of a summary, and might tell a little too much. Might. If there was a way to make it a little spicier--- word choice, or questions asked, I'm sure you're the author to do it! There are dark mysterious elements to this story, find them and put them here!

Summary: Andie and her younger brother, Dylan have been through hell. The death of their parents has rocked their world, and turned it upside down. A subsequent move has caused the healing to begin, but they are deeply affected. Now they live with their Aunt in the backwoods of Montana. Driving home from school one day they are stopped by (okay, they hit) an old friend, who manages to mysteriously convince them to help him. Never in their wildest dreams would they believe the ride they are about to take into a different world, a different dimension, a different sphere. No spoiler alerts here--- the rest is too much of a hurricane of action and adventure the likes of which I guarantee you've never seen.

Prologue: Unfortunately I think you might feel strongly about your prologue and your reasons for doing it the way you have, so my thoughts might come across as too critical. So, first let me say that I get why you put this here and how it completely feeds into the story and is relevant and important. Not just important but absolutely required, necessary. A prologue is mainly used to give the reader some vital information that advances the plot. () I really feel like this prologue only advances one small portion of the plot. It is superbly written and very interesting, but I wonder if this info could be included early on in the story as discussion between Andie and Dylan, or even the Aunt, or Mr. Vendor. It could be received in a nightmare/ dream sequence early on, or in several dreams, reinforcing it so that it is remembered throughout the story. Dylan's character develops subtly, and this aspect could be forgotten. Although, in several places Luther is recalled briefly, for me they were late in the book and I actually had to go back and read the prologue to make sure that was the reference. So, yes, I remembered it, but it was a stretch to wonder if my memory was faulty or accurate, and we don't want readers to have that issue. I can see a prologue here perhaps delineating the Gods involved in the land of Roan, or foreshadowing some other vital aspect of the story to catch and commit the reader to the book. There are so many good instances that could be used to draw attention to a future event, conversations full of speculation, lots of things.

First Chapter: I've said before the MUSTS of a first chapter are these: It should be like an appetizer, small yet tremendously important. Readers trust you at this point to fill in pertinent setting and character development later. In the first chapter we need to create immediacy with carefully chosen detail. We need to be decisive and take action. This chapter carries all the elements described. It is the perfect first three chapters! They say that sometimes we write ourselves into the book and then have to go back and find the actual beginning. If I may be so bold, I think the chapter actually starts when they hit the old man. Much of the suspense and anticipation is lost with the back story and reminiscing in early paragraphs. Yes, the hit does take us by riveting surprise, but it also jogs all that lovely back story out of our minds, and it is too important to lose it. I wonder if it would be possible to rework this segment and add so much of it into just the first three chapters. In other words, just a slight reorganization. What's immediate and captures our attention is the old man in the road. What needs to be brought out in subtle detail is the back story, the details in surroundings, the tension of the place Dylan has just been. It is too important to have it fall aside as the reader delves into the new world just around the corner that is soooo exciting and gripping.

It does have the perfect first sentence. (Or maybe that's the prologue's first sentence!)

Did I like it? Did it draw me in?

All I can say is wow.

Are you kidding? It's at the top of my favorite list as of right this minute. I love this story, it has so much potential. It has so much depth, and so much relevance, and so much action. Well-done.

So--- to pick it apart: Beginning: The beginning does have its fits and starts. It heads into back story and then falls off into suspense, it has a few highs and lows, and could maybe pull harder at the heart strings early on, as well as the boredom effect--- we touched on boredom being at the crux of Andie's blues--- maybe really point out the contrast between that and the action about to happen.

Middle: The middle of this story is so interesting. It has so many amazing details artfully woven in such as herbology, chemistry, mythology, minerology. These details add incredibly to the story, and could even be foreshadowed more earlier on. It would be easy to add that extra interest in herbology to really reinforce Dylan's expertise in it later that is so vital. I'm just wondering if after the first amazing chapter, we do have some memories surface, flashbacks during times of uncertainty, or reflections as they travel or eat, or meet people, something to include that foreshadowing as they try to work out details. You do it so well toward the middle to later chapters with the saltpeter, and sulfur etc. Just to flesh out how knowledgeable he is and how vital his knowledge will be.

The second half of the story is all suspense and action. Really the strength of the whole thing. It just goes and goes non-stop as if you got your groove on. The battle and combat scenes are so exquisitely crafted as to literally transfer the reader to a different realm. The vivid use of imagery is breathtaking and the subtle insertions of future clues really adds mystique and ingenuity.

Characters: There are actually closer to three main characters in this story and you do them all justice. They each have their sub-characters, they each have purpose and definition. Andie is dutiful, loyal, talented, concerned. I like how she is willing to put herself out there, but she's not stupid. She can be rash if called upon to do so, but oh my goodness, not in the awful TV heroine way like Elena on Vampire Diaries who is always running off without telling anyone, and having to be saved. I like it that Andie has real feelings earlier that support her taking off against others better judgement. Also that she is saved by things that didn't just hop out of the blue, but are foreshadowed and front loaded nicely.

Dylan comes across very much younger to me than he is. Sometimes the things he says in the beginning are even younger and dorkier than maybe he would really be. I find this a good contrast to his coming of age later when he is forced to endure terrible deprivation and tragedy, and grow up. The only time it bugs me is when he seems like he's twelve, but he also has great interest in Reeka. I think then the reader may need to be reminded that he's older, and it's legit that he have that interest. I wouldn't mind him having even more interest with her, making her loss later even more poignant. He needs to speak like an older teen, and not giggle ever, teenage boys shouldn't giggle, it makes them seem silly and shallow, and Dylan is not shallow. (He could chuckle, snicker, laugh). His clever mind should always be working the way it does when he recognizes herbs, illness, and minerals and applies his knowledge.

Hagen is quintessential. He's the man. He's the hero. He's all there in all his raging glory, and we all love him. But he has this inquisitive and tender side that is so endearing it's just.... Words do not express how well-done this character is. I love how he is loyal, yet how he is open-minded. He grasps changes, he applies knowledge, he doesn't forget deep-seated emotional moments, and he's forceful and confident, and brilliantly done.

Sub-characters: Tinka--- could be front loaded a little better, more suspicion could be cast on her, and more interest and detail so she's not dumped on the reader at the last second. If she's mad--- then allude to it earlier. (Maybe you did... and I missed it, there are a lot of subs to keep straight!) Reeka is perfect, and sweet, and believable, and lovable. Lidda is confusing sometimes. Krist is unnecessary. The guys, Osmond and his buddies are well done and necessary and it's fairly easy to keep them straight. They are reliable and predictable and necessary. The King occasionally lapses into personality conflict--- but it's subtle and may not effect anything. I wouldn't change him. I'd like to have seen Rene again. Her Elder bears also. This element really carries a lot of intrigue. I'd like to see them involved more at the end, maybe integrate with the factions.

The bad guys are really bad. It is really clear that they are bad. They're not just bad they're evil. But that is plot stuff.... So on we go.

Plot and pacing:

There are several strengths in this novel. The descriptions are exquisite and liberally sprinkled throughout to give good feels to each setting. The action picks up dramatically and the suspense and anticipation really hits around chapter eleven, and never lets go. I might think the inner early chapters had a slower pace, but then I'd expect that in the first 60 pages of any novel, so I wouldn't concern myself too much. There's plenty of action. In fact, action is a great strength. The combat and fighting battle scenes are very well done, and spaced perfectly throughout. But the main strength, in my opinion, is how great you followed George Lucas's admonition to have at least three main venues. I love how the characters move from castle to fisher-village, to cave travel, to city. The horse in the sinkhole scene while introducing us to terror and also rescue by the coolest shapeshifters ever, actually comes at a breathtaking moment in the rest of the story too. Because you see the narrator manages to tell not one quest/ journey, but two, possibly three. Skillfully woven!

Feelings: The plot never manages to feel dark. I appreciate that. It has all the good and evil elements, the betrayal, the reasons, the build up and the setup. But it never gets super dark. So by contrast, Dylan's really dark moments are painfully real, and not contrived. They add so much power to this story, so much desperation and believability. The author ties up all the loose ends as well, so the story feels like it could go on into a sequel (it would be sad to end this lovely world building right here!), but it stands alone admirably. The story has twists you don't see coming. They kind of catch you by surprise, but the reader doesn't feel cheated or thrown into a solution that couldn't be anticipated.

One slight worry I might draw attention to: The car crash that killed the parents and the subsequent grief is slightly discussed, and isn't completely relevant to the story, however, later Dylan is not really missing his mom and that seems unusual in such a sensitive kid. Even though time has passed, because he is contemplating how loss has affected others, it would be unusual for him not to miss his mom. Also, Andie makes a comment about never having her mom's approval. It's a little cliché to give them the stereotypical self-absorbed parents. They both have such deep ability to love and care, they had to have gotten it somewhere. I wonder if adding in a deep and abiding caring parental relationship would strengthen the character's credibility.

Spelling and Grammar:

Two things: Yes, all drafts need their edit and rewrite. No exception here. But roughly the manuscript is pretty darn clean.

There are times I think a scene could be more powerful when word choices were also more powerful. My suggestion would be to get a list of power adjectives and verbs and have them on hand during the rewrite, so as to check every sentence for tension.

You never messed up tense. That's so impressive. And never changed POV mid post. Also super impressive.

Suggestions: One more thought, since I've added my two cents worth already above. Sometimes--- some scenes end too nicely. There is this incredible build up, and then a sort of resolution that diffuses the build. I call it the blueberry pancake effect now, from another author I reviewed. It's where tension is high, suspense is riveting, and then the characters basically say, let's have some blueberry pancakes. The reader is going, om, what? NO! Check out Chapter 16.

Highlights: I love the romance. Great job keeping it building for so long. I love the tragedy. I love the intrigue and especially the twists. I'm not going to list them and ruin it for anyone else who wants to read, they are just too good to know ahead of time. But The Gods just kill me. Bwahaha!

Audience: It's such a clean, interesting manuscript. I would have to say young readers could really delve in and enjoy this. Junior High and maybe even fifth graders for sure. (I teach fifth now and then and see what they read, and I think this is their favorite genre and type), But I see no reason to limit it to just kids, because I loved it, and I'm old. So All Audiences!

*****

Please leave a comment so I know you read it. Remember that a review is simply my opinion and you as the creator still have all poetic license, and it will not hurt my feelings if you don't use my suggestions. It was a pleasure to review your book! (Beyond pleasure--- I loved this book!)