Title: Bermuda (Incomplete)

Author: _BlindDreams_

Genre: Mystery/ Thriller

Cover: The font is cool, and the vertical way it is written. The picture does not quite draw me in the way it should

Title: Tells me the name of the town, and because of prior knowledge of the Bermuda Triangle, has captured my interest

Blurb: Draws the reader in fairly well. Since I've only read 5 chapters I am anxious to find out about the rest just from reading the blurb.

Prologue: Thoroughly gripping, well-written, lets the reader know that somehow eventually the MC gets away, but not unscathed.

Chapter One: The reader is cautioned to be aware of the chapter titles and a glance at them shows that they are some kind of clue. Very clever and well thought out.

There are two segments in Chapter one: The first is a note to the MC that a reporter is coming to town to cover the stories of two high school murders that took place in a very short time. This is extremely well done, as the reader is clued in to the fact that a serial killer is loose in the town. The MC's reaction to this information gives the reader a sense of peace when the name of the reporter is read.

The second segment is either designed to make the reader hate the school, the counselor, the town, and everybody in it, or to clue the reader in to the fact that everyone is in on the killings except the MC and her two living and two dead friends. So far no motive or reason.

The dialogue in the second segment is bizarre. The MC is understandably upset, but her concern comes across as hostility and aggression, she is very defensive. The thought is brought up as to why there has been no funeral, memorial service, counseling sessions, memorial wall, candle light service, anything, for the two murdered students. Since I have so little of the story to go on, I'm guessing that the town itself is a little Stepford-ish, or an alternate reality--- did you see the show Haven? It wasn't on very long, but maybe like that. That ended up being supernatural. If it wasn't the author's intention to have the whole town and the counselor become suspects, perhaps a description of the services attended, the security measures being taken would be more realistic. But it doesn't sound like we are going for realistic here! Which is fine. I like creepy fantasy.

The fact that classes were let out directly following the counselor's insensitive and forced, very unprofessional session (announced over the loud speaker? Ahh!!!) should clue us in to maybe the counselor being in on it. Or the whole administration.

(I bet I am so off base! This is why it's hard to critique or review only five chapters. I think in future I will recommend a copy edit, where the editor looks for plot discrepancies and points out grammar etc.)

Did it draw me in?

Yes, of course, it is very well written. Let's talk pacing here. You mention in an author note that you feel it might be fast paced. It is. Usually when the author has a clue about something, she's right. I feel that this piece could really benefit from the additional details that might add to the suspense before the kidnapping actually happens. Some foreshadowing, some even further clues coming from the three friends at the diner, the feeling of being watched, etc.

As it stands, the events happen so quickly the reader doesn't really process and anticipate, but simply goes along for the ride. I can see the MC taking a walk after the diner, creating an eerie feeling of being followed, thinking about her friend's, their clues, the texts, etc. I can see her confiding in just one friend about the horrible way she was treated at the hands of the counselor and even foreshadowing suspicion about who possibly could be responsible, even if she's wrong, it places the suspicion in the reader's minds. I can see her having memorized the username of the texter, now plugging that into her phone, debating about whether or not to use it, and finally texting back--- and being sacred shitless when she receives a text showing that the killer knows where she is, or something else intimate about her. All this before the kidnapping so that it doesn't take place in the middle of town in broad daylight, but maybe at twilight, or something.

Feeling:

I want to be figuring it out. As a reader, I want to be somewhat scared, I want that chilling feeling of expectation to be building up. It does have the horror story feel, but the MC's alternating bravado and fear is odd and distracting. I don't personally know how she would be reacting, terrified probably, knowing that her friends were recently murdered, and that this has to be related. She is concerned for her mom--- this could be foreshadowed earlier in a call to her mom where she voices concerns, or just needs reassurance. It would be natural for her mom to come and get her at some point, and just talk to her out in the car, which would solidify a relationship with her mother that we haven't really seen. It would make it more plausible that she is wanting her mom later after she's been kidnapped.

Highlights:

The story so far (all five chapters) is very fast paced and well written, there is an element of anticipation and concern, some anger and indignation. The author is obviously very adept at creating a mystery and chiller/ thriller. I am obviously intrigued enough to want to follow this story on to its climax.

*******

Please leave a comment so I know you read it. Remember that a review is simply my opinion and you as the creator still have all poetic license, and it will not hurt my feelings if you don't use my suggestions. It was a pleasure to review your first five chapters.

******