Wanted to have this chapter done a few days ago, but it has been one hell of a work week. >_<
Also, this story has hit over 2000 reads on AO3!

Trigger Warning:
Chapter has some descriptions of violence and shows Rin in a rather unhealthy mental state.

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"I already told you... I'm leaving. And if I don't return in two weeks... I want you to give that bottle to Rin, and make sure he reads the letter inside. That, and you have to promise not to read it before then. I'm counting on you here, Sousuke."

That what was Haru had said, and what Sousuke had promised to do, but he found himself wondering if he could keep his promise.

For the first seven days, he kept up a positive attitude. Of course Haru had been gone a whole week— he was trying to do something very important. He had to take his time. He'd be finished soon, and then he'd return, and he'd be together with Rin once more.

Rin, too, seemed like he was trying his best to ignore it.

"I'm sure it's Makoto. He probably needed help with something," he guessed once, on day four. Sousuke nodded. It was plausible.

"He must be planning a big surprise for us," he guessed on day six. Once again, Sousuke nodded. Sure, he could be doing that. Planning something big, something he didn't want to spoil by revealing it too soon.

Sousuke kept at his optimism, even while there was a dull buzzing sensation in the back of his head that wouldn't let him dismiss the vague feeling that something was wrong.

Day seven came and passed, and then things changed. Sousuke felt crushing waves of dread and frustration, and he developed a habit of checking his phone for text messages every ten minutes or so. Rin teased him about it, asked if there was a girl he was waiting for, and Sousuke laughed, not answering the question.

He could see how desperately Rin was trying not to think about it. He'd change the subject whenever Haruka was mentioned, or dismiss it with an immediate "I'm sure it's nothing" if he happened to accidentally breach the subject himself. It was always accompanied by a strange, glassy smile, one that made Sousuke's stomach turn in nervous knots.

On day ten, Sousuke sat down and argued with himself. He started the day out by planning what to say and how to say it to best avoid breaking Rin's heart. Then the stubborn voice in the back of his head scolded him, insisting that there was no such need. That Haru would return unharmed, and that he shouldn't waste his time worrying about a terrible future that would not come. Another voice, one that he did not recognize, called him a fool. As he sat and stared blankly ahead, two different personas argued, and he was caught in the middle, unable to say or do a single thing but breathe heavily and silently curse Haruka.

Day twelve. The end drew horribly, dreadfully near. He didn't know when he had started calling it the end, and he wasn't sure what, exactly, he felt was ending. Rin's sanity, that unwelcome new voice in his head said through a cruel laugh.

Rin confronted Sousuke about his anxious demeanor while they were at work. Sousuke stood with Captain Mikoshiba, chatting about the latest sporting event, when Rin approached with a sullen expression. The captain took the hint and left, and Rin looked Sousuke over, his eyes both pleading and accusatory.

"Have you... Sousuke, have you heard anything from Haru?" He asked, and Sousuke's heart twisted. He couldn't help grunting in discomfort.

"No... Sorry. I'm sure he's just planning a big surprise," Sousuke said. He locked eyes with Rin and assumed his best poker face. Rin scoffed.

"Right, and he hasn't so much as called. Sousuke, you wouldn't... lie to me, would you?"

That one hurt.

Sousuke's hand twitched and curled into a fist reflexively, and Rin's red eyes caught it and moved back to Sousuke's face. Rin's expression hardened. He knew Sousuke's various tics well enough to know that he wasn't being completely honest.

"I don't know anything," Sousuke insisted. He couldn't put much force into the assertion, and he felt his own expression drop. Rin shook his head slightly and turned to leave. "Wait."

Rin stopped, and turned to look at him. Sousuke had said it before realizing he was going to, and now that he had Rin's attention he wondered if it was really a good idea to ask what he was thinking.

"What?" Rin said in annoyance after several seconds of silence. Sousuke gulped.

"...Do you love him?"

Silence. Rin's expression changed to something Sousuke hadn't seen before, something he couldn't read, for the briefest of moments.

"You already asked me that," he said matter-of-factly. Sousuke forced out a nervous chuckle.

"And you didn't answer me," Sousuke replied. Rin had dodged the question before, had insisted he and Haru were only friends.

Rin looked at the floor, and then at the ceiling. He looked everywhere but at Sousuke's face. He swallowed a few times, and almost sounded like he was laughing, laughing at himself, in the self-deprecating way that he sometimes did. His eyes flickered the way they normally did when he was about to cry, but he swallowed again and the tears didn't come. Finally his gaze focused on one spot on the wall to his left.

"Do you even need to ask? You already know," Rin muttered in hoarse Japanese. And with that, he turned and walked briskly away, a hurried pounding in his steps.

Sousuke couldn't help but feel as if he'd rubbed salt in Rin's wounds.

Day thirteen. Rin hadn't spoken much to Sousuke, and eyed him suspiciously every time he checked his phone. He did his best to ignore it, and waited with baited breath. He checked his phone what felt like every few seconds. When Rin left it alone on the coffee table, he checked Rin's phone, getting the same results.

The phone wasn't enough. As soon as he was free of work and Rin's eyes, Sousuke ran to the beach. He checked the cave, and looked through Haru's sketchbooks for some kind of hint. There were more portraits of Rin in them than he had imagined, and he angrily slammed the books shut and threw them down.

He rented a boat and snorkeling gear, and took it out to the little island and the surrounding areas. He shouted for Haru, and searched the waters. He jumped into the ocean himself and dove, finding the coral forest they had all explored together and searching every corner and recess of it.

Nothing.

Day fourteen came and passed as uneventfully as any other day. This, somehow, seemed cruelest of all. The world was breaking apart. The sky was was falling. Everything was wrong, all wrong, and it was like the world didn't know it. That only Sousuke knew, and that, as always, he had to shoulder it alone.

The next morning, Sousuke gathered up the bottled note and every bit of strength he had left. He went to the kitchen and found Rin making breakfast— as usual, an omelette of egg whites and spinach, and turkey sausages. He caught Sousuke's eye and looked at him warily, and then forced a smile.

"What's wrong?" he asked innocently.

Sousuke looked closely at his face. Despite his obvious fear, there was life in his eyes. A slight glimmer of hope. Sousuke took a deep breath, and tried to recall the speech he had rehearsed all night. Rin's eyes flickered. Sousuke could not recall his words, or any words at all. They fled from his memory, chased away by the anticipation in Rin's expression.

He couldn't do it.

"Nothing," he said, laughing at nothing in particular. He probably laughed to hide the choked sound that escaped his throat.

He sat in bed alone that night and pulled out Haru's letter. He had been told not to, but he could no longer bear not knowing— he read it, and then he reread it. The letter was everything he had expected it to be, but worse.

Sousuke stood up, walked to the kitchen, and got out the lighter, moving the letter's bottom left corner towards the flame.

He wouldn't do it. He refused. Rin would never know the letter existed, and slowly but surely he would forget about Haru. They would keep moving forward, keep building on the progress they had already made, and Rin would never lose his footing again. That was his job, wasn't it? To protect Rin?

Sousuke's hand stiffened and shook, refusing to burn the paper. He sighed and returned the lighter to its drawer. He glumly shoved the letter, now crumpled and slightly warped, back into its bottle and returned to his room.

He couldn't do that, either.

He was just as incapable of destroying something that had been entrusted to him as Rin was of forgetting about Haruka.

Sousuke sat on the corner of his bed and wept bitterly and silently into his hands.

----------------

"To equality!"

Rin laughed as he clinked his glass against Derek's and then moved it around the table, careful not to exclude anyone from the toast. Not all of the glasses actually contained champagne, as not everyone there was old enough to drink, but it was the principle of the thing.

Nagisa wasted no time attacking his food as soon as everyone had finished the toast, and Rei sighed as quietly as he could. Sousuke tried to suppress his laughter, as he'd been scolded last time about keeping his mouth closed when he chewed.

It had been a long day. With the basic funding goal for the project having been reached, all that had been left to do was film the footage for the TV ad spots and the YouTube channel— what the project needed now was more members, more volunteers, to help bring their efforts to fruition. Sarah's father, a respected member of the city council, had done everyone an enormous favor by agreeing to appear at the end of the ad and give his endorsement.

Rin and Derek had rounded up plenty of people to feature, all with moving stories about their own experiences growing up. Nagisa and Rei had been eager to help, each talking about the bullying they'd experienced in school. Nagisa had also recruited Kisumi and Nitori (the latter of whom Rin had been shocked to see, but he'd apparently been open about his bisexuality since high school and had paid the price), and Derek had brought along several girls from his school, one of whom had only recently started being open and honest about her girlhood.

Now, with the filming done, everyone was celebrating at a rather nice restaurant, courtesy of Sarah's father. Rin swallowed down the first bite of his food before turning to Rei.

"Hey, uh... Is what you said in there true? About your brother, I mean," Rin asked. Rei smiled somewhat sadly and nodded.

"He hasn't spoken to me since I asked Nagisa to move in. And that was... Well, it's been about three years now," Rei recalled. Sousuke whistled.

"I knew about him, but I didn't know it had been that long. What's his problem, anyway?" Sousuke shook his head. Rei could only shrug. "But, I mean... It is family. I hope he comes around. And I guess, in the meantime, Nagisa's eighty sisters sort of make up for that."

"I only have three! Quit exaggerating!"

Sousuke continued to talk to Nagisa and Rei, and Rin looked around the table. He laughed sheepishly when he caught Sarah's eye. Her father caught him looking and quickly turned his attention to Rin.

"So... How do you feel? Your work here is done. For now, anyway." Sarah gave him a polite smile as she asked. It was true— Rin, having no formal training in nonprofit work or the kind of technical labor that the project needed now, had nothing else to contribute. He was only the project's spokesperson.

"It's... Bittersweet," he admitted. "I'm glad things are moving forward, but it's been so important to me this past year. It'll be hard to get used to, and now I'll have to find some other way to give back."

"Well, we may have to start doing more fundraisers within another year or so," Sarah reassured him. "A lump sum doesn't tend to go very far. You need continuous financial support to get anything done. But even if this is the last we'll see of you for a while... Everyone is incredibly thankful for your efforts."

Rin didn't want to stay on the subject, as it made him too sad to think about, and so he changed it.

"So filming was a little chaotic, huh?"

Sousuke's corner of the table overheard the observation, and before he could retract the statement, Nagisa threw down his fork.

"Hey, if you're gonna write cue cards for somebody, you better make sure your handwriting is legible!"

"I could read it just fine," Nitori added from across the table. Nagisa stuck his tongue out at him.

"I think the cards may have been written by several people. The text on mine was spaced out very strangely." Chris shrugged as soon as he'd said it, and Derek looked up as if trying to recall what his had looked like. Rin groaned.

"Still— you didn't need to argue with the production crew, Nagisa."

"They weren't actually fighting. It's okay," Rei said dismissively, adding something under his breath about knowing what Nagisa looks like when he's genuinely angry.

"Well, now we have a blooper reel for the YouTube channel. That sort of thing is very effective for humanizing a campaign," Sarah said. She gestured vaguely at the stack of papers in front of Rin when she said campaign. When he looked down at them, his eyes caught sight of the charity's logo. He frowned, suddenly remembering where said logo had come from.

Rin found himself fading in and out of different conversations throughout the evening. It was hard to focus. He was, of course, worrying about something else, something he dared not address consciously. That, and he wouldn't have any speeches to write or fundraisers to organize or commercials to film for another year or so. Now there was a big blank space in his life, and he wasn't yet sure what to fill it with.

Normally, when he felt this way, he would go and talk to Haruka. But that wasn't an option now.

Everyone eventually finished eating, at which point there was no more excuse to stay any longer. Rin hugged everyone especially tightly before allowing them to leave. He didn't know when he'd next see several of them, after all. Sousuke tried to diffuse the tension by wrapping everyone— and he did mean everyone— into a sudden group hug, which made Rei complain about smudges on his glasses.

The ride home was quiet. Sousuke had seemed oddly distant recently— not like he didn't want to speak to Rin, but like he was respecting his boundaries and trying not to smother him. Rin guessed that that was why Sousuke didn't try and force him into needless conversation just to break the silence. Rin watched the streetlights pass by and didn't utter a single word.

Sousuke was the first to speak, but not until after they'd arrived home and Rin had set down his keys and locked the door and removed his jacket.

"You okay?" He asked simply, plainly. Rin paused, momentarily taken aback, and then shrugged.

"Yeah... Yeah! I'll be alright. It's just sad when things change. Something better might come along."

Another moment of heavy silence, and then Rin awkwardly rubbed at his eyes.

"Are you sure you don't need—"

Sousuke didn't get to finish asking the question, as Rin surged forward and wrapped him in a hug. Sousuke stiffened. He'd never dealt well with unexpected affection. Nevertheless, he swallowed his pride and returned it, patting Rin on the back.

Rin watched Sousuke leave. He went to his room with the intention of going to bed as soon as he was released, and he slammed the door a little too loud in his desperation to flee the premises. Rin chuckled.

He poured himself a glass of water before heading to his own room. Before plopping down onto his own bed, he dug through drawers until he found his portable DVD player and the carrying case in which he kept all of his disks. He stopped as he looked over the various labels.

Just before leaving, Sarah had handed him a DVD. The final cut of the commercial wasn't finished yet, but she'd gotten one of the production assistants to burn her a DVD of all the footage they'd filmed, and had given Rin a copy. It was what he'd intended to watch. But another disk caught his eye, and after being hit with a rush of anxiety and grief, he set down the disk in his hand and exchanged it for the one now plaguing his thoughts.

It was labeled Documentary. Just that. No explanations as to what kind. Rin already knew— he'd done most of the filming, after all. He put the disk in the reader and pressed play. He reflexively bit his lip and gripped too tightly to the bedsheets as he waited for the screen to change.

When the screen lit up, it was a brilliant blue. The first thing he heard was a horribly exaggerated Australian accent. It was his own voice. Having had a different accent before, his speaking voice was normally neutral— he was often mistaken for an American immigrant by other Japanese folks.

"We're here in this inconspicuous seaside cavern—"

"Oh my god, knock if off. That's so embarrassing!" Sousuke's deep voice could be heard offscreen, somewhere to the side. Rin ignored him.

"—where two VERY handsome young officers have discovered something incredible, something spectacular, something that could change everything that we think we know about the world. And prepare to feast your eyes, because we have that very something... right here!"

The camera panned down to a familiar face with deep blue eyes partially hidden by smooth black hair.

"...Hi."

Rin heard himself laugh, a laugh so hard that its buildup it was mostly silent, something akin to wheezing. The camera nearly fell to the cavern floor. Haruka had been told to either say something dramatic or to remain completely silent and look pretty, and he had done neither.

It was a mostly silly series of video clips. It still surprised Rin that Haruka had allowed them to film all of it in the first place, but he'd said he believed that Sousuke and Rin were telling the truth when they promised not to show it to anyone else, or at least not to anyone that couldn't be trusted.

For a while, Rin smiled as he watched the video.

Haruka had been surprisingly informative and helpful, going as far as drawing a diagram and explaining how his body functioned. Sousuke had filmed an "interview" between Rin and Haru in which Haru explained where he lived and what he ate, and Rin later edited in footage that Haru had taken using his own underwater camera. The completed collection of videos formed a casual mini-documentary about merfolk, hence the label on the disk. It had been a lot of fun to make, even if it was unlikely to end up on National Geographic anytime soon.

The video ended, and the screen went black once more. Rin didn't move for several minutes.

He hadn't seen or heard a word from Haruka in over two weeks. He wouldn't just leave after how long we've known one another, after everything we've been through, Rin thought. ...Would he?

Rin shook his head to stave off the creeping feeling of dread before slamming the DVD player shut and trying to sleep.

----------------

Sousuke eventually decided that he wouldn't say anything after all, that Haruka's letter would do the talking for him. Three weeks after receiving the bottle, he surprised Rin on a day off by cooking the two of them a spectacular breakfast.

"This looks great," Rin said a bit too quietly as he stacked a plate of pancakes for himself. Sousuke frowned at the forced enthusiasm.

Rin had been off for the last week or so, like he was always trying too hard to sound cheery. He probably didn't want Sousuke to suspect how saddened he was by not knowing Haru's whereabouts. That, and Sousuke still felt like there was something else that Haru hadn't told him. They'd both been acting strange before the dissapearance.

He didn't know why he insisted on thinking of it as a dissapearance. He had a pretty good idea of where Haruka was— which is, to say, nowhere at all. But he didn't want to think about that.

Rin remained silent as he began eating. He smiled when Sousuke looked at him quizzically. Sousuke didn't look away, prompting Rin to swallow his current bite without chewing it properly, coughing for a moment, so that he could say something.

"This was, uh, really nice of you. Why'd you decide to..."

He trailed off, unable to decide how to phrase his curiosity. He was quiet for a moment, and then he returned to his food as if he had never said anything. Sousuke didn't bother trying to answer the half-question.

After a few minutes of the awkward lack of conversation, Sousuke managed to ask a question that got him talking. They talked about Momo and Nitori's relationship, and about Nagisa's astronaut goals, and when the conversation halted Sousuke relayed what his father had told him about his would-be sister. Rin wondered aloud what had become of his sister, pondered saving up to hire another private investigator— he had tried to find her before, a few years ago when he'd finally found his footing. Gou seemed to have vanished off of the map.

"Well, anyway..." Rin breathed as he put his fork down on his empty plate. "This was nice. We should do this more often! It feels like we hardly have time to just talk anymore."

As Rin continued to prattle on about the value of their friendship, Sousuke reached under the kitchen table and retrieved a certain glass bottle. He set it on the table without a word, and then he stood and walked to the other end of the room. He heard Rin open the cork and pull out the paper. Sousuke chose to stare at a particular spot on the curtains.

It took Rin a long time to say anything. Sousuke suspected that he was re-reading the letter to confirm that it was real. He'd done the same thing, after all.

"...This says you were supposed to give this to me after two weeks. It's been longer than that, hasn't it?"

"...Yeah. About three."

"So you knew... Since the morning you told me he wouldn't be in the cave."

Rin's voice was low, and it trembled slightly. Sousuke flinched.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't work up the—"

"Don't be," Rin sighed. It came out with a hint of anger, but was overwhelmed by what sounded like fatigue. "I forgive you. It's fine."

It certainly doesn't sound fine, Sousuke thought. Rin breathed very carefully, with an intentional slowness, as he rolled the letter back up and placed it back into the bottle. He stared at the kitchen table, not saying anything, for a full three minutes. Sousuke didn't move an inch. It sounded like Rin was using one of his breathing exercises.

When Rin had finished, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply in a vain attempt to reset the mood of the room. Once they were open again, they focused on Sousuke, who tensed up as he waited for his friend to say something, anything.

"It's okay," he said too calmly. "I understand why he did it, and... I probably would have done the same thing if I were in his position."

Rin smiled. It was a tight-lipped smile that didn't reach the eyes, uneasy and forced. Sousuke, in direct response, frowned. Rin was in denial. It would be a while before the weight of it all would truly hit him.

All that Sousuke could do was be there to support him in the hope that he could survive the impact.

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"Are you sure about this?"

Rin looked up from his desk to see that Captain Mikoshiba looked uncertain. He nodded.

"I want more work. As many hours as you can give me. Even if it's just paperwork, I'll do it," Rin insisted. The captain raised an eyebrow. Sousuke didn't say anything, but did pause his idle movements with his pencil to listen in.

"Has something changed?" The captain asked. Rin narrowed his eyes and returned to his desk, not bothering to answer the question.

At a glance, one would think Rin was only fiddling with his desk to give the appearance of doing something. In reality, he was organizing it properly, something he'd put off for the past couple of months. If he was going to take on a heavier workload, he would need to have everything in perfect order.

Everything in perfect order— that meant no more wasting time swimming in the ocean and talking to dolphins and looking at stars and making silly videos. His life now would have to revolve around nothing but work.

Realizing he wasn't going to get an answer to his question, the captain sighed and shrugged.

"Alright, then. I'll see what I can do. Maybe I'll be able to give Gomez more time to spend with his kids."

He turned on his heels and closed the door of his office behind him. As soon as the captain was gone, Nitori piped up. There was a strange atmosphere in the room, something stuffy and tense.

"How much work do you plan on doing? At this rate you won't get a single day off."

"That's the idea," Rin replied in a monotone. He didn't look up at anyone.

"No more off days?!" Momo exclaimed. "Don't go working yourself to death, now!"

"Everyone here gets overworked. It comes with the territory. Besides, before I needed that time off for the charity work. All of that's finished now."

"...It is," Sousuke mumbled under his breath. He sounded like he had just realized this. He also didn't sound happy about it.

That day, Rin worked an extended shift. Sousuke didn't receive word of this from Rin himself, but from the captain when he casually asked where Rin was so that they could drive home together.

"If you wanna stay, that's fine, but I'm taking the car. Do you want me to come pick you up when you're—"

"I'm taking the bus," Rin answered, not letting him finish the question. He was fiddling with his belt and equipment, and not making eye contact. It felt intentional.

"...Okay, but the bus stop is pretty far from here. And the one near our place is a pretty long walk, too. Are you sure you don't want me to—"

"Why don't you worry about yourself for once?" Rin interrupted in Japanese. Then, in English, "I could use the exercise. Since I won't have time for jogging."

Or you just don't want to be anywhere near that beach, Sousuke didn't say. Still, he got the message. Rin didn't want to be smothered right now. Sousuke thought he saw the captain raise an eyebrow— perhaps he understood more Japanese than he let on, or perhaps he'd just been able to read Rin's tension in his tone.

"Fine," Sousuke huffed. "Suit yourself. I won't wait up for you."

He turned and stormed out of the building. Rin did not follow. Rin returned home past midnight that night, and didn't know that Sousuke had stayed awake in his bed waiting for the sound of the door.

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Over the course of the next two months, Rin threw himself head-first into his work and made little time for anything else.

Sousuke hardly saw Rin in the apartment anymore, and both Russell and Lori had called to ask what was going on. Sousuke hadn't been able to provide either of them with a proper response. It was admittedly quite devastating, for him to have finally repaired his relationship with the two of them only to throw it away.

Rin couldn't be reasoned with. Anytime Sousuke tried to breach the subject of therapy or talking about it or anything remotely rational, Rin would change the subject, insisting he had too much work to do. Which wasn't a lie— he was constantly swamped with paperwork and phone calls, to an extent that he hardly had time to eat.

He didn't have time to jog anymore. He hadn't been to the beach since the day he opened that bottle. Sousuke supposed there was nothing left for him in that cave, but still, he'd expected Rin to at least want a memento or two, something to remember their friend by. Instead, he acted like the cave didn't exist and that no one had ever been there.

Sousuke sometimes went to the cave by himself and flipped through Haruka's sketchbooks. He couldn't bring himself to remove any of them, as it felt a bit too final. He did move the scrapbooks full of pictures that Haru had taken, and his camera— in the event that someone found the cave, he didn't want them stumbling upon proof that Haruka had existed in all of his mythological glory.

Rin volunteered to take shifts from both Gomez and Noble. Both of them had families, and so they were open to the arrangement. Rin took to spending a lot of time at the firing range, and began wearing a bulletproof vest under his clothes. Investigations could get very dangerous, after all.

Sousuke did his best to follow his father's advice and keep a distance, but something still didn't feel right.

He was only able to stand it for a single month before he had to reach out for advice once more. He impatiently tapped his foot as he listened to the ringing of the phone, until at last he heard a click.

"Hey, mom, it's me. Can I talk to dad?"

There was a long pause. Aiko had a tendency to tug at her hair when she was nervous, and Sousuke could picture her doing that in her silence.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. He's in the hospital again. He's not in great shape to be talking right now."

Sousuke moved the phone away from himself long enough to groan and punch the nearest wall. He did so harder than he'd meant to, and hissed at the instant pain in his knuckles.

"Again? What's wrong this time?"

"I-I think they said it was a complication from the last surgery. An infection, maybe. He wouldn't tell me much— you know how he gets."

"I'll come down there and visit, if you want—"

"I'm sorry. They're not allowing any visitors right now."

"That bad?"

"I'm afraid so."

Another pause, and Sousuke took a moment to compose himself. Aiko didn't need to be burdened with his problems, and she needed help as much as anyone else did.

"Alright, then. Guess I'll just have to come down there to visit you."

He called the captain almost immediately after hanging up on Aiko, and he asked for the next day off, citing a family emergency. Captain Mikoshiba was as understanding as ever.

Sousuke left a note for Rin and some extra cash for bus fare and took the car all the way down to his parent's house, where he let Aiko fuss over him and go through all of his baby pictures. Towards the end of the day, stubborn old Daisuke made himself feel well enough to call the two of them. The hospital still wouldn't let him take any visitors, but he had at least wanted to let them know that he was feeling better.

"Anyway, your mother said that you wanted to ask me something," Daisuke croaked into the phone. Sousuke opened his mouth to respond, then closed it, mulling things over in his head.

Daisuke was sick. He had enough to worry about right now.

"Never mind that," Sousuke replied as cheerily as he could. "It was silly. Everything resolved itself."

Sousuke made up his mind to head back home shortly after getting off the phone with the hospital. As he stood near the doorway, Aiko rushed over to him with her arms held apart, the way she always did when she wanted to ask, silently, if she could hug him. Sousuke paused for only a second before nodding, and then she moved forward to wrap her arms around her son's broad frame as best she could.

"You're getting too big for your mother to hold you," Aiko laughed. My big, strong, handsome boy, she always mumbled to herself in Japanese. My miracle. Normally Sousuke pulled himself away after only a couple of seconds, but this time he lingered. It was different now that he understood her more— now that he finally understood why she always clung so tightly.

Sousuke drove home in total silence, having turned the radio off. When he got to the apartment, he called out to Rin and apologized for having been gone so long.

"...You went somewhere?" Rin replied. Sousuke looked at the note he'd left near the door to find that Rin had never dropped his keys and his wallet there and that the bus fare had not been touched.

Rin had been so caught up in working, in his own new routine, that he'd literally forgotten about his roommate.

And so, another month passed by— one in which neither man dared utter the name of a particular merman.

----------------

Sousuke kept his head down as he and the rest of the squad carefully crept to the walls of a large warehouse. The sun was just beginning to rise, and Sousuke could now see clearly. He could see Rin's hard and determined expression, and the way he held his gun perfectly. His form was good, and he didn't look nervous or afraid, but Sousuke couldn't help but feel uneasy.

The squad's detectives, himself and Rin included, had been investigating this counterfeiting ring for a long while now, and they'd tried to arrest several of its members only to have them flee. They'd engaged in foot pursuit and cornered them on this dock, in this warehouse. The captain had called everyone else in for backup, warning them to suit up.

Now, everyone stood around the edges of the building, guns drawn and ready and wearing bulletproof vests to protect their most vital organs.

A click, and someone started speaking quietly. Everyone else hardly dared to breathe.

"Suspects are believed to be armed. Suspects have retreated into a warehouse..."

Sousuke tuned the captain out. It was mostly coded language. All he'd really said was that they'd chased an armed group of criminals into a building, and that they would engage them, but hoped they would surrender quietly and that no exchange of fire would be needed.

The plan was risky and rushed, and the captain knew this, but he had faith in his men and couldn't allow the opportunity to arrest these criminals to pass him by. He gave the signal, and everyone quickly hunched down and made their way into the building, each one making sure he was ready to react instantly.

The warehouse was loaded full of large wooden crates. Sousuke and the captain ducked to sit on their knees behind some of the shorter ones. They could just barely see over the edge like this, and could determine where their targets were. Rin moved to stand behind a much taller box a few yards to their left. He pinned himself to it, his back against it and weapon ready. If he needed to fire, he could spring out at the captain's signal. Gomez and Noble fanned out, taking similar crates to the right, while Momo and Nitori went further to the left.

"Stay alert," the captain whispered. His eyes constantly darted about, just in case there were others in the building who would attempt to sneak up on them.

Sousuke grit his teeth as he heard a few loud gunshots ring out. The empty sound told him they hadn't struck flesh. He barely caught sight of Gomez hurriedly sliding behind a nearby crate. It seemed they'd spotted him when he tried to move.

"Shots fired," Seijuro whispered into the radio.

"Don't move a goddamn inch! I can see you!" The ringleader yelled. Sousuke shook his head. Now that he'd fired at one of their officers, they had no choice but to treat the men as a lethal threat. It was a decision he'd hoped to never have to make.

"Drop your weapons, and you can come quietly! We don't want to have to shoot you!" The captain shouted back. The ringleader only laughed and fired off a few more warning shots, this time towards Nitori, who ducked further down.

Neither party would move. Each person knew that one wrong move would mean instant death. Sousuke could see the captain sweating with the weight of it. He was nearly certain that no one here had ever shot someone. It came with the territory, but none of them looked forward to it.

"None of you better move a damn muscle. I can see you, all five of you!"

At that, the captain perked up. He nudged Sousuke with his elbow.

"Damn," Seijuro whispered far too loudly. "They can see all of us." He raised an eyebrow. Sousuke did a quick count in his head— there were seven of them in total, not five. That meant that they hadn't seen two of the officers. It was likely Rin and Noble, who had kept to the darkened sides of the warehouse and hidden behind large crates.

This was a troublesome spot. The only people the criminals couldn't see were also the only people without a clear sight of them. This would have to be timed perfectly.

The captain lifted his hand behind his back, and Rin caught it with his eyes and nodded, a confirmation that he could see and respond to silent hand signals. He used the radio to very quietly warn Noble to stand down, and looked around for an opportunity. Radio still in hand, he got the attention of Gomez, who was about as far from Rin as one could get.

Only three criminals, all armed, none of them experts in these kinds of situations. If Gomez could distract all three of them at once, they'd face his direction, leaving their backs exposed to Rin. It would likely be for only a few seconds at most. Sousuke shot Rin a look asking if he could really do this, and Rin clenched his jaw.

"Now," the captain signaled.

Gomez popped up above his box, exposing himself for a terrifying second, and fired off a couple of shots, one of which struck one of the men in the arm. He dropped his weapon and fell to his knees, holding the wounded limb and screeching in pain. The other two swore and turned to face Gomez, raising their weapons high. In that exact moment, the captain signaled Rin with his hand.

Rin spun away from his cover with his back, his legs planted firmly and gun held properly, ready to fire. His hunched form was perfect. He'd remembered every detail of his training. Everything should have been fine.

But when he narrowed his eyes to aim, he froze, and then his eyes went wide, focusing for no apparent reason on the criminal who'd been disarmed.

He didn't move.

Everything happened in only a matter of seconds, but it felt like it passed in slow motion. Sousuke slowly realized that Rin had made himself an unmoving target, and his mind raced wondering what the hell he was doing just standing there. He saw Rin's eyes, wide and disturbed, and looked in the direction he was looking. He saw nothing of note.

....What the hell is he staring at?

What is he doing?!

Time stopped for a moment. It completely froze. Rin's eyes widened, the criminals turned back around to face him, and still he didn't move. Then, a hail of gunshots, loud in Sousuke's ears like explosions that echoed off of the tinny walls. Three of them weren't empty, carried the dull thump of contact with a living thing.

Rin collapsed, hitting the ground with a hard thud. He didn't move. The shooter cheered, and his friends laughed, and Sousuke suddenly found that he couldn't see or hear anything at all.

Rin did not move, even as the captain shouted after him and shots began to ring out from every direction. After a moment of total blackness, Sousuke was able to see, though everything was blurry. Everything sounded like he was underwater. Gomez fired another shot, and one of the criminals fell, though his shouts indicated that he wasn't dead.

Finally Sousuke managed to break out of his fog. Finally, he registered what had just happened.

A crackle. "Officer down, send backup," someone shouted into a radio.

Sousuke didn't realize that he was the one screaming until he noticed the pain in his throat. And before he could do anything about it, before he could exact revenge or even go to check on Rin, the captain grabbed his shoulder and shoved him back, ordering him out of the building.

"Ride in the ambulance," he commanded as the medics dragged Rin onto a stretcher and ran from the fire. The gunshots were distant, now. The last criminal standing had been cornered to the other end of the warehouse, and seemed to be desperately trying to reload his weapon. The captain must have acted fast, apparently with Rin in mind, and backup was already arriving in full gear.

"But I want to help—"

"I didn't ask you," Seijuro shouted, cutting him off. Sousuke stared at him in silence, and then he crawled away.

He crawled in the direction of the open warehouse door until at last he was out in the light of day again, in the bright light that felt so unsuited to the occasion.

Just like the last time.

----------------

The first thing Rin saw upon waking was a blank white ceiling and a too-bright fluorescent overhead light that drowned out everything else.

The first thing he heard was the sound of someone else breathing softly.

The first thing he felt was a deep, throbbing pain, sharp in his shoulder and hip and dull in his belly.

He tried to remember what had happened. He couldn't. All that registered in his memory was blinding pain and the sound of someone screaming.

"What happened...?"

"What do you think happened? You got shot."

Rin instantly recognized the voice. He didn't know who else he had expected. He did his best to sit up and managed to pull himself upright enough to see Sousuke in a metal folding chair right beside the hospital bed.

Sousuke's expression was hard, and his jaw was clamped too tight. He was pretending to be okay, but Rin had, during his few moments of almost-consciousness in the ambulance, heard him screaming and crying. He guessed that he'd worked it all out of his system so he could be stone-faced now.

No one said anything for several minutes. Rin's memory and consciousness started to come back in pieces. At one point, when Sousuke thought he had dozed off again, he stood and went to the hallway. Rin heard two voices out there, Sousuke's along with another. The other person sounded stern bordering on angry, and Sousuke's voice was oddly apologetic and pleading.

Sousuke returned to the room with a frustrated look on his face, and Rin just then registered the other voice as that of his boss.

"So how bad was it?"

Sousuke still seemed to be in a bit of a fog, and he didn't answer right away. He looked startled by the fact that Rin was awake and alert.

"...Hmm?"

"Do I still have a job, or what?"

Sousuke instantly looked guilty. He looked down at the floor tiles as he returned to his seat in the folding chair.

"You're taking a six month vacation. Paid, sort of. ...It could be a lot worse, all things considered. Anyone else would've canned your ass for the stunt you pulled." Sousuke's expression suddenly hardened, and he glared at Rin as he sat up to look at him properly. "What the fuck was that?! Why did you stop?!"

Rin's face went completely blank. It sent a chill down Sousuke's spine.

"...Necklace," he muttered under his breath. It was so quiet that Sousuke could barely hear it.

"Excuse me?"

"...Not the guy who shot me, but the one on the ground. He had... A shark tooth necklace. Looks a lot like mine. I haven't... I haven't looked at mine in a while. For a second I thought... That he'd taken it, somehow."

Sousuke blinked incredulously at him for a moment. He had no idea what to say to that at first, and then he slowly processed what the statement actually meant.

"...It reminded you of Haruka, didn't it?"

Rin stiffened and looked away, his lips curled into a distinct frown. Sousuke shook his head.

He should've known.

Rin hadn't taken the time to deal properly with the pain. He'd put his everything into the job, had chosen to live in denial, and... Well, it hadn't worked. The bullet wounds in his shoulder and hip and the enormous bruise on his stomach were proof enough of that.

"You've been trying so hard not to think about it," Sousuke mumbled. He still felt guilty and he didn't know why. "Rin, if it's that painful, it might actually be best for you to—"

"It's okay," Rin said too quickly. There was no emotion or force behind the assertion. It was a simple knee-jerk response.

"Rin, that's not true. It's not okay," Sousuke responded. His tone was pleading. Please, for the love of God, accept some help, he thought.

"No, it's fine, I'm fine," Rin insisted for a moment more. Then he paused, and trembled slightly. "It's okay!" he cried, his figure suddenly collapsing into itself under the shuddering weight of his sobs.

There was nothing graceful about it.

It was an ugly cry, and Rin did his best to hide his contorted face even as his arms shook. He sounded more like he was wailing in pain than sobbing, and he hiccuped and coughed as he tried to maintain his breath.

Sousuke looked at him, wide-eyed and wordless. He hadn't seen Rin like this since they were children. Even when he had confessed Sheila's crime he had maintained a certain dignity in his tears. Of course he had learned to do so— he cried all the time. He'd always, always been a crybaby.

This was different. Haruka was different.

Just then it occurred to Sousuke that he hadn't seen Rin shed a single tear since he gave him the news. He cursed under his breath. That alone should have been a warning sign that something was very, very wrong.

Sousuke finally understood why he felt guilty. In a way, he had underestimated Rin.

He'd been wary of Rin getting too close to Haru for fear that he'd do what he often did when it came to relationships— that he'd get infatuated too fast and make too many compromises and ultimately get dumped when his partner got bored or overwhelmed. But he'd been wrong— Rin hadn't changed or lowered himself to accommodate a new partner. He hadn't become obsessive. He hadn't thrown himself into a relationship, or given too much of himself too fast.

His only crime had been falling for Haru, really falling for him to the point that he was a best friend and a confidante before he was a lover, and that wasn't something he could have helped. After all, they seemed practically made for one another. All that had happened was that Rin had been subjected to something completely and utterly cruel, so terribly unfair, and so devastatingly final.

This wasn't a bad breakup or a lost contact. This was death.

Haruka was gone, and he wasn't ever going to come back. The simple act of accepting this, accepting that Rin would never so much as get a chance to say goodbye, was devastating. Worst of all, Sousuke imagined, was the guilt. He would never say it, but Rin had ultimately been the death of Haru— had they not met, Haruka would never have fallen in love and would not have been executed.

Rin already knew this, and it was tearing him apart inside to know that he had, in a way, destroyed the thing he loved most. It was something that would destroy just about anybody.

"I'm s-sorry, Sousuke. Y-You were right. I was stupid, I sh-shouldn't have..." Rin was still sobbing too hard to speak properly.

"No," Sousuke choked. "I was wrong. This is wrong, it's all just... Just so fucking wrong, and he didn't deserve it. Nobody deserves to die for loving somebody. Nobody."

Sousuke wasn't sure when he had started to cry, but there was no ignoring it now, and he wiped the hot tears off of his cheekbones.

Somewhere along the line he had grown to care for Haruka, to respect and admire him in a way that was separate from Rin. Haru had a strange charm about him despite his snarky comments and dry attitude, and he represented the kind of childlike wonder Sousuke had thought lost within himself long ago.

He missed Haruka. He wished he'd said something kinder to him, wished he'd known that the day he accepted the bottle containing his note was the last time he would ever see him.

But it was too late now. There was no undoing the past. A part of him wished he'd never followed Rin to that damned cave by the ocean. A larger part of him wished that Rin had never found it.

Both men did nothing but cry for a few minutes. There was no longer any point to keeping their respective walls up. A nurse opened the door at one point, but quickly closed it and left upon seeing them. Sousuke thanked the heavens for her ability to read the atmosphere.

"I'm sorry," Rin croaked when he'd recovered enough to breathe. "I know you don't like hospitals."

"Don't worry about that right now," Sousuke retorted. He forced himself to sound annoyed. In reality, he was touched. He felt an enormous wave of relief knowing that Rin remembered, and that he wouldn't ignore him. Not this time.

Another few minutes of silence.

"My dad was right," Sousuke mumbled under his breath.

"Your dad is always right."

"He said blocking things out never helps anybody. 'Least it wasn't me this time."

"So you're crying just because you feel like it?"

"Maybe."

Another couple of minutes, and Sousuke finally found a tissue box for the two of them to share and pulled up the trashcan. Another nurse tried to pop in, this one less able to sense the tension of the room. Sousuke managed to send her away.

When they were alone again, Rin wiggled over in his hospital bed and patted the space beside him. Sousuke grumbled about it, but managed to squeeze in, even if he was shoved into the odd barriers at the side and Rin's hair tickled his neck and his face. It was oddly reminiscent of when they were both little and had to squeeze into one kiddie tent when they went camping, or share one mattress when they had sleepovers.

"...So. Talk to me. How do you feel?" Sousuke asked. He wasn't trying to sound like a cliché therapist, but it was the only thing he could think to ask. Rin huffed out a breath.

"Stupid."

"And why's that?"

Rin looked directly at the ceiling light for a long moment before responding.

"At first I thought it was just because he was a mermaid."

Sousuke blinked at that, not understanding, at first, how this answered his question. He wasn't going to say that, as Rin was likely saying whatever he felt he needed to.

"He'd get mad if he heard you just now," Sousuke chided gently. "He's a merMAN." Rin managed a quiet chuckle and shook his head.

"Fine, right— a merman. ...I thought that I just felt the way that I did because he was a merman, so I sort of dismissed it at first. I thought it would go away once I got used to seeing him. But... Well, it was more than that. I didn't really know him that long, but it felt like we'd met before, somehow. I can't really explain it myself. And..."

Rin trailed off, suddenly wincing in pain. He'd been shot, after all. Sousuke had nearly forgotten that little detail. Rin hissed through his teeth. It seemed he'd forgotten what he was saying.

"...And?" Sousuke prodded. Rin snapped back to attention.

"...And as silly as it sounds, I actually forgot sometimes. Th-That he didn't have any legs, I mean."

"You can't be serious."

"No, really!" Rin perked up a little, and tried scooting over a little more to allow Sousuke room to breathe. "We were talking about swimming this one time, and he said he'd like to see the Olympics. I said I'd take him, and he got all sarcastic with me— asked if I planned on constructing a saltwater tank at the venue for him."

"Jeez."

Rin scoffed, apparently at himself, and then his smile changed. Sousuke recognized the self-deprecating smirk.

"...I really was stupid. I mean... What did I think was gonna come of it? What was I gonna do, buy a house and construct a giant fish tank?" Rin laughed, and Sousuke shook his head.

"Maybe you'd just buy a beachfront property, and then he'd move to live in the water there. No one said it was going to be easy, but... When you really love someone, you move mountains if you have to. And that's... That's what he was trying to do."

"...That's unexpectedly mushy of you."

"You've rubbed off on me, I guess." Sousuke paused, taking a moment to groan and cover his face with his hands (or try to, anyway, without jabbing Rin with his elbow). "Anyway, we're both stupid. No need to beat yourself up for it."

"Why do you say that?"

"Look at how we've been acting. D'ya think Haruka spent his last few days pretending we didn't exist? And we're the ones who put him there, for christ's sake."

"Don't lump yourself in with me. I'm the one who found him."

Rin let out a very long, heavy sigh. He almost looked like he was flattening. Sousuke was amazed at how much smaller and how much younger he suddenly seemed. He was also able to see, while up this close, the dark circles under his red eyes. That, and his eyes were puffy and his face was still streaked with tear-stains.

"We look terrible," Sousuke said. Rin didn't react to that, and instead put the back of his hand on his own forehead, like he did when he had a fever or a migraine.

"...I really messed up this time." Rin's voice came out so quietly that Sousuke barely heard it. It hurt him, how wounded and small he sounded. Sousuke sighed and fidgeted around until he was able to wrap an arm around Rin's shoulders and give him a tight squeeze.

"That's alright. I'm not going anywhere."

Rin made some kind of disbelieving sound, something between a scoff and a laugh.

"Still?"

"Still. Really, what else would I do? Where would I go? It's always been the two of us, when you really get down to it."

Rin stared back at him for a moment, not saying anything more. After a long and quiet minute, he sort of shuddered, and then he curled into his friend's— no, his brother's— shoulder.

Here, at least, he was safe, and he wondered what he'd done to deserve this kind of help.

----------------

Rin shivered. For some reason, he felt so terribly cold, and not just on his skin— all the way through him, down to the bone. He wondered if, maybe, it was simply what loss felt like. Like something had been removed from him, something that had stolen all of his warmth away.

He'd been discharged from the hospital after being forced to stay overnight. He'd had Sousuke drive him to the police station to apologize to the captain and to gather his things from his desk. That caused a bit of an uproar— the captain had kept things private, and the sight of Rin emptying his desk made everyone jump to the conclusion that he'd been fired. Sousuke ended up having to explain things in his stead.

"God."

Rin swore under his breath as he pulled his blanket tighter around himself. Sousuke had more or less tucked him in when they got home, and was currently out tying up all the loose ends. Rin was now in a blanket cocoon on the sofa, a mug of hot cocoa on the coffee table and a Studio Ghibli movie on the TV.

He and Haruka had never gotten around to watching all of them.

Rin groaned at the thoughts of the merman now invading his head once more. He knew, in all objective ways, that a world in which he had never met Haruka would have been better. He wouldn't be saddled with this pain, reduced to a curled husk of a man who had to be swaddled like a child. He wouldn't have failed his fellow officers or hurt Sousuke.

A world without Haruka, as viewed by any sane man, was a better one.

Even so, when he tried to imagine it, he felt his head shake as if to stave away the thought, felt himself recoil in abject horror. That world was a dark and foreboding nightmare he dared not imagine.

How could a better world be so empty?

He couldn't just rid himself of Haruka, and it had been foolish of him to ever think that he could. Haru took up physical space in his heart. He was a lump in his chest, he was a voice in his head, he was a flicker in his vision and a twinge in his hand. He was as tangible and permanent as an organ or limb.

Rin groaned again, this time much louder, and buried his face in his hands.

What am I supposed to do?

As he contemplated this, the door opened and shut very quietly. Rin heard Sousuke stumbling about for a moment and couldn't figure out what he was doing. The soft padding of his feet on the floor told Rin that he'd stopped to remove his shoes.

Sousuke had remembered just about everything. Rin didn't like loud noises when he was feeling especially vulnerable.

"...What've you got there?" Sousuke asked carefully. Rin looked down at his own arms. It was clear, even under the blankets, that he was cradling something. He slowly unwrapped himself enough to reveal the glass bottle that he'd been holding against his chest. Sousuke's eyes showed that he recognized it, but chose not to comment right away.

"Anyway," he said after a moment, setting down a few slips of paper. "You're registered to start seeing Dr. Chase again. And don't argue with me on this. You're going." Sousuke's voice was very stern, but it wasn't unwarranted. He wasn't about to let Rin fall back to rock bottom again after all of the progress that they'd made.

"...Okay," Rin quietly relented.

"And you should probably get back on the medication, if you're not taking any."

"...I never stopped taking it. ...I just take less, that's all."

"That's... That's good to know. You'll have to fill that out in the paperwork later." Sousuke rattled off a couple more things as they came to him, and then he finished his list of demands and paused to let all of the air out of his chest. He turned to face Rin properly and put a gentle hand on top of his head. "Do you need anything else? Or do you wanna be alone for a little while?"

"...I don't wanna be alone, but I don't feel like talking," Rin murmured. Sousuke nodded as he stood up.

"Got it. I'll make something for dinner, okay?"

Sousuke walked away, and Rin heard him being especially careful with the kitchen drawers. He heard the sound of a manual can-opener being used instead of the electric one. Sousuke was going as far as inconveniencing himself to avoid making any loud noises. After a couple of minutes, Rin was able to tune Sousuke out and focus on the movie and his own thoughts. Now that he'd chosen to let his mind wander there, just about everything was reminding him of Haruka. He didn't know how he'd managed to turn that off for so long.

"I don't know how I'm going to get out of this one," Rin muttered nearly an hour later, when he'd finished his dinner. Sousuke started to show the signs of a knee-jerk response before Rin added "I will. I can't see it right now, but I'll get through it. ...I will."

"...You don't want to die?" Sousuke asked tentatively, his mouth just barely forcing out the last word. Rin shook his head.

"No. You don't have to worry about that."

Sousuke eventually moved away again to wash the dishes, and when he was alone once more, Rin pulled Haruka's letter out of its bottle and clutched it in trembling hands. He had to fight back tears to read it properly, but Haruka's wishes for him were clear in his final words:

No matter what happens, you have to keep moving forward. I prayed for the best, hoped that I could see you again. If you're reading this, that surely was not the case. But even so, keep going. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, and so you have to promise me that I won't ever be the thing that holds you back— even when I'm gone.

I love you, and I want nothing but good things for you. Sousuke loves you, even if it it's different from the way that I do, and he wants the same things. There are many people who love you. Even if it's not for you, move forward. Do it for them.

...And then, promise me that you will be happy again. I want you to love yourself as much as I do. You deserve happiness.

Farewell, Rin. No matter where I am, I will always love you.

Rin choked down a sob and barely avoided crumpling the letter in his haste to get it back into its bottle. As soon as he had the cork sealed, he clutched the glass to his chest.

He couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel from where he was standing, but he had to believe that it was there. Haruka had wanted that in his last moments. Sousuke deserved that. He owed it to him, and to everyone else, to see this through.

"I'll be okay," Rin whispered to no one in particular, perhaps to Haruka, his voice shaky and hoarse. "...I promise."

----------------

Author's Notes
Once again, I'M SORRY (the next chapter will take like another month at this rate. UGH. Finishing up a story this long is hard for me, because by now my brain is already planning out the whole sequel! I work so much slower than I think.)
Anyway.
It might seem a little weird that Sousuke and Rin are so touchy-feely here, especially since Sousuke doesn't normally react well to sudden affections, but I feel like this is something they only do when they're both feeling really down. It sort of takes them back to when they were little. I know I've had moments like that, where my little sister and I curl up together and laugh and cry, and I am NOT one for hugs or anything. To me, it symbolizes someone being in a very specific place emotionally... I don't have the words to describe it, though. Maybe some of you can relate?
(I was able to use this chapter as an excuse to get accustomed to writing from Sousuke's point of view. I'll need to get good at it for the sequel!)