My heart began to race and my hands started shaking. My mind was in chaos. It was drowning in all sorts of pessimistic thoughts and questions.

What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Is he mad at me?

I decided that the only way to gain answers was to talk to him. I was dreading every step as I walked closer to his house. It seemed as though time was passing by way too quickly when all I wanted was for it to slow down.

I was afraid to face him. Afraid to talk to him. My overthinking brain wasn't helping with the situation at all.
I was so distracted by my thoughts that I didn't even realise I was now in front of his door. Standing in front of it today was different. The calm, homely feeling was replaced with fear and anxiety.
As much as I wanted to just sprint my way back, I also needed answers. I rang the doorbell and patiently waited for Zeph.

" I've been waiting for you, Jen. Come in," Zeph said as his tall figure and deep brown eyes looked down on me.

" So what is it that you wanna talk about?" I sat on the couch with my legs shaking uncontrollably.

Zeph sat beside me and put his hand on my thigh. I instantly relaxed at his touch.

" Jen, maybe after today you'll hate me. You'll probably think of me as the worst person in existence, worse than Richard. But I wouldn't blame you because what I'm about to tell you will change things forever."

I kept quiet. My head was hanging low and I didn't want to think anything. I was just praying that this was some extremely stupid prank.

" I spent days thinking about this. I've had sleepless nights and I've finally come to a decision which is better for the both of us," he continued.

" We should stop talking to each other."

My heart sank upon hearing his statement. I was confused, scared, hurt. I didn't know how to feel.

" But why? What's wrong? Did I do something?"

" No, Jen. It's not your fault at all. It has been me throughout. I've been lying to you, Jen. This entire time I've been," he said as he squeezed my hand gently.

" What? What are you talking about?" I asked with a confused expression. 

" The feelings that I have for you are nothing more than platonic. I like you but only as a friend."

" Are you done? Haha, you got me good. This is a sick joke so could you stop with it right now?"

This had to be a joke. None of it made sense. I refused to believe this crap.

" It's not a joke, Jen. I'm serious."

" But how? You, yourself said that you liked me. You took me on a freaking date. You did all of that for me and now you're telling me that you never liked me? It doesn't make sense Zeph."

I was annoyed. I couldn't believe this guy. It was not like I got the wrong signs. I was not a fool.

" Jen, I did all of that for you. I wanted to make you believe in love again. I wanted you to believe that you can be loved. I had a great time with you but if I go any further than this, it'd only create more problems."

I moved his hand away from mine and looked away, trying to hold back my tears. I took a deep breath and asked, " So everything, all of it was pretend?"

" No, that's not what it is. I like you, just not romantically. On our date when you asked me, what we are, I freaked out. I realised how this was gonna turn out and I had to stop it. That's what I'm doing right now."

I cannot let this happen. I'm not letting him get away this easy.

I clutched his hand and with my voice cracking I said," Zeph, we don't have to be anything more than friends. We can just stay friends. Please don't break this off. We can figure this out." A tear trickled down my cheek.

" Jen, it's better this way." He said as he wiped the tear on my cheek with his finger.

" This is it then huh? Just like that you're ending everything. You just made a decision on your own for the both of us. You didn't even bother to ask me. How can you do this Zeph?" I pushed him away as tears started rolling down my cheeks.

" I'm sorry, Jen. I really am. What I'm doing right now is better for the both of us. You might not understand now but later you will. All I ever wanted was for you to believe in love again, for you to feel loved again. I wanted you to be confident once again. That's all I ever wanted, Jen."

" Are you even listening to yourself Zeph? That's so stupid. You lied to me. You made me believe that you liked me as much as I liked you. There was no need for you to lie to me. My problems are for me to solve. They're not your responsibility. You had no right Zeph." 

I let out everything I had in mind. With my voice heavy, eyes filled with tears, cheeks puffed and a broken heart, I stormed out of the door. I heard Zeph call my name out but I didn't look back.
I ran as fast as I could. I wiped the tears trickling down my cheeks with my sleeve. But god damn, they wouldn't stop.

I reached home, locked the door to my room and laid down on my soft bed. I buried my head in the pillow as I recalled his words. I cried till my tears ran out and my pillow was soaked wet.
This pain I felt was greater than anything I've felt before. Even Richard didn't manage to affect me so much.
My heart was aching as our memories started playing in my head like a movie. The date we had a week ago was the best day of my life and today marked the worst. I just couldn't stop crying.
The possibilities of everything that could've been possible only made it worse. The fact that all of it was just pretend made me question how I didn't see through it.

How could you be such a fool, Jen?

No, you will not blame yourself, Jen.
He lied to you about everything. He made you believe his lies. He was wrong, it's not you

Then why couldn't I stop crying? Why did it hurt so much? Why was I longing to be in his embrace again?
All I wanted was for this to be a horrible nightmare but I knew it wasn't. I knew everything that I felt right now was real. It was the only thing that was real.

I received a text from Zeph that read,

" Jen, I'm really sorry. I'm an awful and selfish person. I'm sorry for everything and this would be the last that you'd hear from me. You are the most amazing person that I have ever come across and I will never forget you. I will cherish our memories forever and you'll always remain a part of me. I wish you all the luck for the future.
Goodbye."

I couldn't respond back to it. He had blocked me. Perhaps, he couldn't bear to hear my response.
That text only made me cry harder. The thought of not seeing him or talking to him again was something I thought I'd never have to worry about. I was so used to his presence that I wasn't prepared for his absence.

I remembered the time when Zeph held me in his arms as I cried and whispered in my ear, " I will never hurt you, Jen."

Funny how he ended up doing the exact opposite.

I cried for days. I didn't get out of my room and neither did I go to college. Nat and Alex were probably worried sick because I answered none of their texts or calls.
They came over too. But I refused to get out of my room.
They came everyday, hoping that I'd open the door, but I never did. I wasn't ready to face them.
But today, I was. Wrapped in a blanket, I got up from my bed and opened the door. I saw two figures moving closer and I felt their warm arms around me.

" Jen, what the hell happened? Do you have any idea how worried we've been? And have you been crying?" Nat cupped my cheeks and looked at my red eyes.

I told them everything that happened while crying uncontrollably.

" Everything hurts. These damn tears won't stop," I said as I wiped my runny nose with the tissue.

" Nat, prepare the guns and knives, we have someone to kill," said Alex, sounding too serious.

I let out a small chuckle. I guess the first in a very long time.

Over the next few days, Nat and Alex came over everyday with my favourite snacks and ice cream. We binged watched Supernatural together just like old times.
It reminded me of my break up with Richard. The only difference was that the pain and hurt caused by Zeph was a lot more. A hundred times more.

I started to feel better in a while. I went back to college. I was afraid to see Zeph again but surprisingly he was nowhere to be seen. Some said that he moved cities, some said that he dropped out for reasons unknown. And he was gone, just like the west wind. It came, it brought with it a gentle breeze and when the season was over, it went away.

I hadn't moved on. I hadn't forgiven him. But I had come to terms with the truth.

******

So well this is the last chapter in the book. The next would be an epilogue, set a year later.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it.
If you did then don't forget to vote and your comments are always welcome.
Also thank you for bearing with me throughout.