gabe's confession

. ✧ ・゜. +・o ✧

*this chapter contains a mention of an animal death.*

Gabe had been trying to sleep for four hours now, finding himself getting more restless by the minute. Every time he shut his eyes, all he could see was the image of the monster, and Alina on the ground, and the piercing screams of Nancy as she was cornered by the beast. Eventually, after dropping off partly only to be thrown out of his rest by one of those awful falling dreams, he decided to get some air before attempting a fresh attempt with his frustrating consciousness.

He was in the living room, on a spare mattress, and the rest of the party was sprawled out in different sections of the cabin. Lucas and Mike were on the couch, Will was beside Gabe on the inflatable mattress, Max and El were sharing the latter's bed, and Nancy and Jonathan were in Hopper's bed, because he still hadn't returned home. Their snores and sleep talking echoed through the area, and Gabe, throwing back the covers, had to make sure not to trod on anyone.

Just before he went out, though, he turned back to look at Will, who had, after around two hours of tossing and turning, finally fell into the bliss of sleep. Sleep was where you didn't have to worry about the end of the world, monsters made of corpses, and having your body taking over. Sleep was where you could forget, at least for a while, what was happening.

Jumping over Lucas's hand that was hanging off the couch, Gabe crept to the front door, where he could hear the chirping of crickets and the occasional hoot of an owl. With nimble fingers, he pulled it open, allowing himself to get into the slightly chilly air, glad for the sweatshirt he'd pulled over as pajamas, only to find a figure sitting on the porch, their hair waving in the wind and the occasional red light bursting from their fingers.

"Alina," Gabe said aloud, causing her to jump, sending another spark into the air, and then wince, putting a hand to her side. Gabe was happy she was okay. She'd terrified him when he'd saw her lying on the hospital room floor absolutely covered in blood. He'd actually thought she was dead for a moment before he saw her chest moved. She still looked like shit, but she would recover. As he would.

"Sorry for scaring you." He took a seat next to her. "I didn't think anyone else would be awake."

Alina turned to face him, her nose slightly swollen and fingermarks creeping across her neck. "How can I sleep?" she asked. "After I saw all of that... all of that shit. With their dead faces bubbling and their corpses deflating like balloons and the monster made of flesh... and everything that Tom said to me. That the Mind Flayer misses me."

Gabe blinked. He hadn't heard that. But he supposed it made sense, in a twisted way. Alina had been a valuable plaything, with all of the powers she possessed. And it'd been inside her for a year, unlike with Will. He shivered, thinking about what he'd do if the flayed said such a thing to him. Die, maybe?

"We're not going to let that thing possess you again," he promised. "Or Will."

"I don't think you can do much about that," said Alina, shaking her head. "I mean, my own powers barely made a dent on that slime. What are you supposed to do?"

"Make sure it doesn't get near you."

"Ha. Well, good luck with that."

The two of them went quiet for a couple minutes, listening to the sounds of nature. Gabe's eyes locked onto the faint outline of a swinging target in the distance, and stared at it, captivated. Alina shifted slightly, and then she closed her eyes. "Talk to me," she said aloud.

"What?" Gabe wasn't paying much attention. He just wanted to focus on the target and forget everything else. Everything wrong. He just wanted to be young again.

"Talk to me," she repeated. "About anything. I can't stand this oppressive silence. I keep thinking about tonight."

"I don't have much to talk about," he admitted.

Alina crossed her arms. "Really? Tell me an obscure fact about you. Something that I don't know yet, even after being friends with you for half a year."

This would be the perfect time to say it. To just let it loose. And if she hated him, she hated him, because the world was ending anyway. But he couldn't make the words come to his lips. So, Gabriel Burton, notorious coward, didn't confess right then. He instead said, "I used to have a cat."

That made her eyebrows raise. "Really? I didn't think your dad would let you have any pets."

"Well, it wasn't really mine," he clarified. "She was this stray cat I found in the alleyway one time. Foraging for food. I called her Twinkie, and sometimes at night I'd slip out to feed her. She was real tame and quiet, and she'd always follow me around. But... yeah. I had a cat. For a while. And then my dad found out about her, and he—" Gabe's voice caught. "He shot her." A melancholy laugh came out of his lips. "I think we already established that my dad sucked." Then he pursed his lips. "Sorry. That got dark again. I almost forgot that he did that..."

Alina put an arm around him. "We just don't get a break, huh?"

"Nope. And now the world's ending." The thought made Gabe sad, even though it shouldn't have, because he of all people had been exposed to the evil it had to offer. With Linda and George and the Mind Flayer and Billy. But he'd also experienced so much good. Ranging from the friends he had to the ice cream from Scoops Ahoy. From the whisper of wind through trees to the laughter of a baby to the meow of a cat. Those were the things he didn't want to lose.

His mind wandered back to when Dustin had shown them his inventions, the first day he'd gotten back. The Forever Clock, he'd said. Very useful in the apocalypse. And Gabe had asked if the apocalypse was really happening, and Dustin had said without a doubt. He couldn't have known, of course, what was going to happen, but he'd been right. The apocalypse was nearing. And unless the party—a group of teenagers—could stop it, then it would ravage over them.

"Don't give up yet," Alina said. "We've done it before. And it's way stronger now, but... I just don't want to go down without a fight. If I... if I do die, I want it to be because I didn't sit by and watch. I want it to be because I sacrificed myself for the chance of living again."

Gabe sucked in a breath. "You're right. We have to be brave. I have to be brave."

Which is why you have to tell her, Gabe. Just tell her.

The words made it past his lips before he could stop them. "Al... I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" Alina almost sounded calm, but there was a tinge of sorrow in her voice, from losses past and present.

Gabe took a deep breath. There's no going back now. But bravery was hard, and even as he summoned his voice, he found that tears had sprung to his eyes, and his jaw was trembling. "I... I've wanted to-to tell you all for a year now... but I was so scared you guys would hate me, and—and I understand if you do. I'm sorry."

The tears were spilling down his cheeks now, a sob catching in his throat. Alina's eyebrows raised. "Why would we hate you? You're our friend, Gabe. There's nothing you could do to make us hate you."

"I'm—I'm a freak, Al. I'm a monster. I-I..." he almost didn't want to say it. He clenched his fists, and then... and then...

"I'm gay. And I'm, like, into your brother."

As soon as the words had come out, Gabe immediately wished he could pull them back in. That he could sidetrack, make up something else about himself, something that wasn't so earth-shatteringly terrible. The realization he'd come to in the car seemed stupid now that he was saying it out loud, and the immediate silence that came over Alina made it even worse. He flinched back, expecting any moment for her to scream, to yell so loud it woke up the cabin and half the woods, to tell him he was a monster and a freak and that she hated him. He was just about to fully burst into tears, forming a half-plan in his mind to sprint into the woods, as far away from her as he could get, when Alina finally spoke.

"Which brother? I mean, I've got two. You've got to be more specific, though I'd prefer if it was Will, because Jonathan's got a steady girlfriend and he's four years older. But I do understand what it's like to have unrequited crushes, so if you're into him, it's okay."

Gabe's world slowed down at the sheer nonchalance on Alina Fairgrieves-Byers' face, and he could almost feel the blood drain out of his face. His words were shaky when he spoke next.

"Did you hear me? I'm... I'm gay. I have a crush on your brother."

"Yeah, I heard you." Alina seemed to truly see the fear on Gabe's face now, because her own softened. "You're gay. You have a crush on one of my brothers."

"You're-you're not mad?"

"Of course not!" Alina shook her head incredulously. "There's nothing wrong with you, Gabe, no matter your sexuality. You're not a freak, and you're not a monster. Just because some homophobic assholes say gay people are disgusting doesn't mean they are. Just like how misogynistic people saying girls need to stay in the kitchen are wrong." She reached out, taking his hand in hers.

"Gabe, I love you. Platonically. There's nothing you could do to get rid of that platonic love." Then, while Gabe was processing all of that, a great enormous relief sweeping over him, she smiled mischievously. "So... is it Will?"

It took him a couple minutes to respond, because his mind was whirling. Alina wasn't mad at him. In fact, she didn't hate him at all. She didn't even seem to care that he was gay. Which was what he'd thought, but... it had seemed like almost wishful thinking. Like a child's game of make-believe, or an extraordinary dream.

He drew breath again, finding it was easier now. He was still crying, his entire body trembling, but this time it wasn't from fear. It was from happiness. After a moment, he said, his voice quivering slightly, "Yeah. It's Will."

"I should've known," said Alina, shaking her head. "You two are always spending so much time together." She grinned. "You'd be cute together! I don't know if Will likes boys, too, but... I wouldn't rule it out."

"Yeah. I guess so." Gabe closed his eyes, but they immediately shot open when he realized something. "Hey, Al, you won't tell anyone, will you?"

"What? No way!" Alina rubbed her palms together, forming a red spark around them, and dug through her pockets for a tissue to stem the flow of blood crusting on her nose. "It's your sexuality, not mine, and it's not my decision to let anyone know. I promise, Gabe, I won't tell anyone."

"Not even Lucas?"

"No! I'm not telling anyone. Not even my boyfriend."

Gabe breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay. Good. Because I haven't told anyone else yet, and I want to keep it that way."

"Why tell me?" Alina asked, crossing her legs. "I mean, I'm happy you trusted me enough to, but why not Max? Or Mike? Or... I don't know, Jonathan?"

"I..." Gabe stretched out his own legs. "I guess because we're... we're connected like the others aren't. We share a half-sister. We've been through some shit the others haven't. We've suffered with loss. And... I guess I knew you wouldn't care."

"Well, you were right, because I don't," said Alina. "And neither should you. I know what it's like to feel like a monster, Gabe. But you're far from one."

Gabe swallowed, but then, after a couple minutes, he realized he was grinning. Grinning. And the light feeling in his chest? Relief and happiness. Because he was accepted. And he was loved. In a way he never had been.

It was funny. The world was ending. And Gabriel Burton was happy.

He just hoped it lasted.

. ✧ ・゜. +・o ✧

a/n: hello, i cried while editing this chapter :') alina and gabe own my HEART they are the best brotp ever idc idc 🥺

this was another break chapter, but next up we're heading right back into plot!! honestly, i'm so excited for what's coming up (i know i keep saying that, but one of the original scenes i wrote... i'm literally so proud of it). there's still a long way to go before this book comes to a close, and i hope you enjoy the rest of the ride :)

'till next time!