Hi, Capolavoro.

I'm writing this note to tell you I'm leaving... well, that I left.

I know what I'm about to write isn't going to help with what you're about to face and I'm sorry. Even I'm sorry isn't going to help or even surmount to what you're about to read.

So before you read the reason why I've decided to leave you, feel free to hate me. 

Feel free to curse my name and smash every photo we have together. Feel free to wish I never even walked into your life. Feel free to wish you never fell in love with me in the first place. Feel free to scream... cry... sit in silence. Do whatever you need to do to hate me with everything in your being... because I deserve it. All of it.

I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, but it had to be done. You may not understand and I'm not sure if I do either. But this feels right in my heart and it's the only thing that can save us from a broken heart.

How crazy is it that we're both in love with our ex? Seems pretty crazy to me. Are we sure we even fell out of love with them?

I haven't said this to you yet... but I love you. I love you so much it hurts and that's why I'm doing this.

I'm doing this to save you from myself. I know that if I stay with you, I'm going to lose myself and so are you. We can't just push away these feelings we're feeling for Niall and Maria. We're both lost and we need to find ourselves... and we can't do that while still being together.

You mean the absolute world to me, Capolavoro. You're my masterpiece. You made me feel beautiful again and you'll always hold a special place in my heart.

Just don't think I left because I don't want you anymore. Don't think I left because I don't love you anymore. That's not the reason why and it never will be. 

I love you, Harry. I've never loved someone as much as I love you. You're my world, Capolavoro... my universe. You're my sun... my moon... my earth... and every little thing in between. 

I left because we both need this. 

You may not think we do, but we do, baby. We do. Nothing going on in our lives is going the way they need to be. We knew from the start that we were still in love with other people and now it's catching up to us. Not telling each other from the start was the worst thing we could possibly do and here we are still keeping those secrets from each other. Sure, we'll tell each other in the near future and that's probably when I'll add more to this heartbreaking letter, but for now, they remain secrets. 

I know you're probably thinking we can work through this and I know we're going to try to. But what are we going to do once we can't work things out anymore? What are we going to do once these problems keep reoccurring and the steps we're taking to solve them aren't working anymore? What are we going to do when neither of us can take anymore and we both snap?

We're going to grow apart, aren't we? We'll get pissed at the other and get into arguments. We're going to start hating the person we've became and then we're going to run back to our past lives. We're going to reminisce on what we used to have with the people we both still love and grow apart from each other. 

So I left. Not because I'm running back to Niall or because I'm not happy with you anymore. I left because we both need to figure out who we are. 

Do we want to remain in the life we're living now? Still in love with our exes yet falling for someone new? That's not someone I want to be. I want to be able to completely give myself to you without the burden of knowing I'm still in love with someone else. Because I love you, Harry. But you have to understand I still love Niall. 

And I don't think I'll be able to fall out of love with him unless I leave you and decide who I want to be. I need to decide what type of person I want to become. I need to decide who I truly want to be with and who I truly love.

Right now... that person is you. I know it probably sounds stupid of me to have left while knowing it's you but you also have to take into consideration... you need to decide as well. 

For you, it has always been Maria. The woman you thought you were going to marry. The woman you still love. 

I can see it in your eyes. You sometimes wish it was her standing in front of you rather than me. You wish it was her lying in bed beside you rather than me. You wish it was her who you kissed goodbye instead of me. And I completely understand that. You miss her... and that's okay. 

I miss Niall too... and that's okay. 

All of this is okay because there's nothing we can do about it. We can't just wake up one day and immediately forget about our ex... that's not possible. Even though we have each other, it's still not going to be enough. Not until we decide who we truly want. 

And yes, Harry. I want you. I want you and I know I'll want you forever.

I'm giving you whiplash, aren't I? 

But, baby, the want isn't good enough. The need isn't good enough. I know it may seem like it but how many times do I have to say this?

We're still in love with someone else. 

Niall was someone I gave my heart to. He was my first love... my first everything. You don't just forget something like that now do you? We didn't break up because we didn't love each other anymore. We broke up because it was the right thing to do. Those feelings we felt for each other never faded away. They're still there... and I hate that. I hate that because I don't want them to be there anymore. I want them to go away so I can completely give myself to you. 

But how do you get rid of feelings that will forever haunt your dreams? How do you get rid of feelings that you'll never be able to get rid of until you come to a conclusion? Even when you think you've come to a conclusion, do you ever really feel like those feelings are completely gone?

It had to be this way, Harry. I know it and you know it too... no matter how badly you don't want it to be. My heart is breaking while I'm writing this and you're sitting in front of your art easel painting God knows what.

I always have loved watching you paint. It's when you really let yourself go and you bring out that creative side in you that's just so beautiful it takes my breath away. Your hand moves like it has a mind of its own and I swear you create masterpieces almost as beautiful as you are.

Everything you do, you do it with such beauty and grace. You put so much thought into every small action and it causes me to fall even deeper in love with you every single time.

Don't ever give up on your dreams. I want to hear your name being said in every part of the world, just talking about how beautiful your art is and how insanely talented you are. Because you are. That rose on your arm proves it.

So this is my goodbye to you, Harry. I'm too big of a coward to say it to your face, so I'm saying it through a note.

Because I won't be able to say I'm leaving you to your face. I won't be able to stand there and watch tears form in your eyes. I physically won't be able to say the words. Please forgive me for leaving you a note out of all things. It's wrong of me, but I just won't be able to do it.

And I'm not leaving you immediately. I'm selfish and want more time with you. But you're probably getting this note a few months after I've already written it because I want you in my life for just a little bit longer. 

Who knows, I might change my mind and never give this to you. I may realize I can't do it, and this note will never have the chance to rest in your hands. A huge part of me is hoping that will happen, and I'll never have to leave you. 

I'll always want you in my life, but I'm doing this so maybe we'll have a chance together in the future. Because maybe we'll run into each other again two or three years down the road and maybe by then we'll have found ourselves. We'll have realized what and who we want, and that will the right person, right time.

Right now... it's the right person, but the wrong time. No matter how badly I want it to be the right time, it's just not, and I hate that.

Thank you for everything you've ever done for me. Thank you for making me fall in love with someone new. Thank you for making me happy. Thank you for making me feel beautiful. Thank you for being yourself. Just... thank you. 

I hope by now you've realized how much I love you. I hope I've said it to you a million times before you're reading this. Even if you've never said it back, I hope I've told you enough times to make you truly believe I'm in love with you. Because I am... and I always will be. I just wish we could be together right now, forever and always. 

You're my Capolavoro, baby. My little masterpiece that I got to call mine for the time being. 

I'm so glad I was able to be your Flower. 

I love you, Harry Styles. The artist.

Love, Aurora

P.S.- Grow your hair out again? I want to braid flowers in it.