I love you and tysm for 20k <3

~Alex

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Harry didn't stop kissing me for what seemed like forever, and I didn't mind because it's what he needed at that moment. He kissed me like it would be our last...and for some reason that scared me.

It scared me because I knew what that broken look in his eyes meant. The way he ran his hands so delicately across my skin and pressed his body into mine as if he was scared I'd slip right through the sheets and fade away terrified me.

Because I wasn't going anywhere. Yet it felt like he was.

It felt like he was going to kiss me long and hard, then just get up and leave. He was going to tell me he loves me for the last time and then he was going to walk out that door and never come back.

So I kissed him back just as long and just as hard, my mind racing as I clutched at his shirt and held him against me, praying he wasn't going to leave me. Because I need him just as much as he needs me right now.

I need him to hold me and tell me that he loves me. I need to feel the way his lips fit so perfectly with mine, feeling as if he was made for me and I was made for him. I need him to call me his Flower and I need to call him my Capolavoro.

"Harry," I breathe out in between a kiss, whimpering slightly as he ghosts his lips across my cheeks and my nose.

"Flower," he breathes back, his voice cracking slightly and heartbreak evident in his tone.

Ghosting his lips over every inch of my face, I close my eyes and relish in his touch. His hands travel over my skin, leaving goosebumps and butterflies in their wake as I slip my hands underneath his shirt. Shivers run down his spine as my cold fingers touch his warm skin, a small whimper escaping from the back of his throat.

Feeling him inching my sweater higher up my body and his kisses get more needy, I place my hand on his, "Harry, sex isn't going to solve our problems," I open my eyes to look at him, watching as he takes a deep breath before opening his eyes.

"I know. It just feels like I can't get close enough to you," he sighs and I reach up to brush his hair away from his forehead.

"Tell you what, I need a shower before I freeze and get sick. Why don't you join me?"

A ghost of a smile tugs at his lips but disappears just as quickly as it had arrived, leaving me heartbroken thinking about the fact he may never smile again, "Okay," he nods his head briefly before sitting up.

He stands from the bed and offers me his hand, pulling me from the bed and immediately wrapping his arms around me. I sigh and hug him back just as tight, nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck as I intertwine my fingers into his curls.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. I won't leave unless you tell me to," I whisper to him.

"I already told you to leave and you came back," he points out.

I laugh softly, "True, but if you ever tell me to leave again, I will."

"Then I guess that means you're staying with me forever."

Pulling my head away from his neck, I gaze deeply into his broken eyes, "I guess I am...even though you keep claiming I should leave you."

"No comment," Harry sighs and I pull him back into me, stepping backwards and leading us to the door.

"Come on. I'm thinking we should take a bath-"

"Baby, watch out for the glass," he says quickly, sweeping my feet out from underneath me before I can take another step.

I gaze down at the ground from my position in his arms, eyeing the many broken lamps and picture frames littered amongst the floor, along with many other things. Turning my attention back to him, I see him staring at me with the same broken expression but this time there's a hint of fear.

He looked terrified as he took in the damage he had done, almost as if he thought of himself as a monster. Almost as if he thought I'd see him as a monster. That I would be scared and run away once I realized what type of destruction he could cause with just his bare hands.

"Hey, it's okay," I cup his cheek in the palm of my hand, his frantic eyes staring at me while his grip on me tightens, "You're okay. We can clean this up afterwards. Don't worry about it."

As he carries me to the bathroom, I stare at his face, noticing how dark his features have gotten in only a short amount of time. His skin was pale and his lips didn't hold the same cherry red color they always do.

But it was his eyes that had really changed. His happiness was gone and I knew it had to be from more than just this afternoon. It was almost as if events in the past were finally catching up to him. They were resurfacing now that he finally let all of the dark voices in his head escape and fill his mind.

Once he enters the bathroom and closes the door behind him, he sets me down and runs his fingers through his hair, walking over to the bathtub to fill it up with water.

I observe him as he tests the water, adding bubbles and lighting a few candles, "Candles? I didn't realize I was at the spa," I joke as I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist.

"I figured it would relax us more," he mumbles before turning to face me, bringing his hand up to rest against my cheek, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," I nod my head, keeping my true feelings hidden as I focused mainly on him, "Are you okay?"

I already knew the answer before the word even left his lips.

"No."

I sigh as I avert my eyes to his chest, grabbing the bottom of his shirt before tugging it up his torso, "I should've known better than to ask that."

He lifts his arms above his head as I take off his shirt and I immediately run my hands over his inked skin, letting my fingers travel over every dip and curve of his chest and torso. Gripping the wet fabric of my borrowed sweater in his hands, he slowly tugs it up my body, pulling it over my head and tossing it away.

"I still find you beautiful," he whispers while running his hands up my sides before he rests them on my back, unhooking my bra and watching it fall to the ground.

"And I still find you beautiful," I whisper back, my hands finding the button of his jeans as I place my lips to his neck, "You'll always be my beautiful Capolavoro."

Harry sighs as I pull down his jeans, stepping out of them before he helps me out of mine. The task proves to be a bit of a struggle since I was soaked, the thick material clinging to my legs.

"Jesus fuck, Flower. How long did you sit out in the rain for?" Harry huffs as I sit on the ground, Harry tugging my jeans down my legs the best he can.

"I think thirty minutes," I laugh as I skid across the floor after he yanks too harshly, falling backward and holding my breasts in my hands now that my bra was lying on the floor, my laughter filling the bathroom.

Harry tugs harshly again and I slide across the floor once more, almost hitting my head on the tile in the process, "Can't we just cut them off? Fucks sake," he grumbles.

"No! These are my favorite skinny jeans and I rarely wear them. You're not cutting these," I snap before I'm lurched across the floor again.

This time they come off of my legs and I let out a small squeal, Harry stumbling backwards until he lands on his ass with my jeans still clutched in his hands. Laughter peels from my lips while he watches me with amusement filling his eyes, a small grin breaking out across his lips.

I lay my head down on the tile as I continue to giggle like a maniac, feeling small tears escape from the corners of my eyes and my stomach beginning to ache. I soon hear Harry's blissful laughter joining in with mine and my heart immediately swells as the sound of our laughter bounces off of the walls and echoes around us.

"The one day you decide to wear skinny jeans," he chuckles before tossing my pants aside, standing up and offering me his hand.

"I just thought I'd mix things up and wear something other than my mom jeans," I grin at him, placing my hand in his and squealing softly as he quickly pulls me off of the floor and into his arms.

He hums as he wraps his arms around me, "I quite liked seeing you wear them today. They really showed off that ass of yours," his hands drop down to squeeze my ass as a playful smirk dances it's way across his magenta lips.

"Shut up," I giggle as I take in his features once more, noticing how just a few hints of color seemed to be reappearing to his cheeks and lips, practically sighing in relief once I see him smiling again. "How about we take that bath now...before my fingers and toes fall off."

Harry nods his head before hooking his fingers into the waistband of my underwear, pulling them slowly down my legs. Bending his knees slightly, he peppers kisses down the valley of my breasts and down my stomach as he slowly sinks lower to the ground.

Once my underwear pools around my ankles, Harry quickly kisses his way back up my body, placing his hands on my hips and lightly lifting me up onto my tiptoes, "My beautiful Flower. I don't deserve you," he mumbles while my hands slip into the waistband of his boxers, quickly tugging them down without a second thought.

"Someone's excited," I raise an eyebrow at him as I feel him pressing against my lower stomach, sending a cheeky grin his way.

"Oh, shut up and get into the water," he rolls his eyes and I bite my lip to suppress my giggles as I step into the pleasantly hot water, sighing in relief as it completely engulfs my body.

Harry gets in behind me and I situate myself between his legs, leaning my back against his chest and resting my head on his shoulder. Wrapping his arms around me, he rests his chin on my shoulder, his curls tickling my cheek as I snuggle closer into him.

"This is perfect," I hum softly, letting my fingertips trail softly up and down his inked arm.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" He whispers and I close my eyes, knowing we couldn't just brush it off like it didn't happen.

Because it did happen. It happened and something inside of us both broke, each other's actions being the cause of our heartbreak and tears.

"Why did you comfort and defend her?" I mumble.

Harry takes a deep breath, his fingertips brushing over my stomach, "I really don't know. It was like my mind went blank and my first instinct was to be there by her side. As soon as you went upstairs I immediately let go of her. This wave of nausea washed over me and I swear I almost hurled all over her. I guess...I don't really have a good answer because I seriously don't know why I did it."

"Because you still love her."

"Fuck, I know. I shouldn't love her but I do. But, Aurora, I love you so much more," he practically whines as despair laces itself into his voice.

I remain silent while my fingertips continue to dance aimlessly across his skin, racking my brain for what I was going to say next, "You ask the next question," I say quietly, not ready to comment on the topic of us still being in love with our ex.

"Why did you say something? Other than the fact that I was flirting with her and lying to my family."

"I was jealous," I breathe out, "Seeing you smiling and laughing with her, I just felt so jealous. I mean, you completely ignored my presence and even stopped touching me. I know I shouldn't have said it and ruined everyone's relationship with her. It wasn't my place and I'm sorry."

This time, Harry is the one who remains silent, my body moving slightly with each rise and fall of his chest. Panic swells inside of me as more time passes by without him saying anything, wondering if he now thought of me as a lesser person all because my jealousy got in the way.

But it wasn't just jealousy. It was the fact that Maria acts like she didn't break his heart and it was the fact that Harry was leading his family on and lying to them, making them think Maria was this perfect angel.

Or maybe it was the way he acts like she didn't break his heart. It was almost as if he didn't mind at all and what happened between them never even happened at all.

"And I know that's not a good reason as to why I said something, but that's because it's not just about me being jealous. There are so many other reasons why I said something," I add, wishing he would just tell me what was going on in his mind. I knew I was in the wrong...I just wish he would say something about it.

Harry hums absentmindedly, taking me by surprise once I feel his lips pressing against my neck, "You ask the next question," he repeats my words back to me and I feel my heart drop, knowing he was probably upset with me.

"Why did you tell me to leave?"

"That's a question I don't have an answer for. I didn't want you to leave...I never want you to leave," he sighs while tightening his grip around me.

"Then why didn't you come after me?" I knit my eyebrows together.

"Another question I don't have an answer for. Everything in me was screaming to go after you but it was like my body wouldn't allow it. Which is another thing I hate myself for...I'm sorry."

I subtly nod my head, turning my head to the side to look at him, "I'm so sorry for everything I did and said today."

"Me too, Flower. I'm so incredibly sorry," Harry breathes out.

"Do you mind if I ask you another question? Something that doesn't necessarily pertain to this topic," I hum as I let my eyes travel over his broken features.

"Of course, darling. What's wrong?" He asks softly as his eyes search mine.

I take a deep breath before opening my mouth, shifting slightly closer to him, "Is there something else on your mind? I know you're hurt about what happened today, but it seems as if there's something else tearing you up. I can see it in your eyes." My hand comes up to caress the side of his face, running the pad of my thumb across his cheek.

"There is something else bothering me, yes," Harry nods his head slowly, "but I'm too scared to tell you what it is."

"You can tell me anything, baby," I assure him, leaning my head forward to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

He lets out a shaky breath that hits my cheek, the small action sending a slight shiver down my spine, "It's nothing really. While you were gone...I just started thinking about the day Maria left me. Well...the day I found out she was cheating. She said some things that still bother me to this day. I'd rather not say them outloud but they hurt me. I guess I've just always kept that pent up inside of me and with you leaving me today, they all came rushing back to me because I kept telling myself the things she told me that day."

My heart breaks as I watch tears pool in his eyes while he looks at everything but me, avoiding my gaze that held a sea full of heartbreak, "Harry, that's not nothing. If what she said still bothers you to this day, that's definitely not nothing, baby."

"She made me feel like nothing," he whispers, "I wish I could hate her because that's what she told me the day I found out she was cheating on me. She said she hated me and now all I can think about is why I can't hate her the way she hated me back then."

A wave of fury rushes through me as I clench my jaw, my breathing becoming heavier once I catch that broken look in his eyes again, "I'll literally beat her ass."

Harry chokes out a laugh, wrapping his arms tighter around me as he nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck, "Don't do that, baby. She's not worth it," he mumbles as he starts pressing soft kisses to my skin, "I honestly don't even know why I still love her. I should hate her...but I don't. It's like my mind has moved on from her already but my heart hasn't."

"I don't think we ever truly fall out of love with someone, Harry. I think we just fall in love with someone new and forget about them because our mind is telling us we've moved on. There's no way you can stop loving someone who gave you all of your firsts or the person you were going to propose to," I admit, feeling him sigh against my skin as he continues to pepper tender kisses along my shoulder and neck.

"You're right," he hums softly and I feel his lips curling up into a delicate smile, "Does that mean I get to beat Niall's ass since he broke your heart, too?"

I laugh softly and shake my head, slightly relieved now that he's smiling and making small jokes.

But his words don't distract me from the way his lips tremble against my skin and the feeling of his hot tears falling from his eyes, burning into my flesh and fueling that fire inside of me. They don't distract me from the way his arms hold me as if this would be the last time and any minute now I would decide he wasn't good enough and just get up and leave.

"Harry," I speak softly after we sit in silence for a few moments, his lips never leaving my skin.

"Yes, Flower?" He hums.

"You're not nothing. You're my whole world and I love you with every fibre of my being. Never forget that."

I feel more tears stain my skin while his lips begin to quiver even more, "I love you too, Aurora," he whispers, his voice cracking slightly, "I love you so, so much. So much it hurts."

"Promise you'll never leave me?" I ask- beg -him.

He hesitates.

"I promise."