WARNING: This chapter contains smut, a whole lot of it. please consume or skip.

If I wrote you a symphony just to say how much you mean to me — what would you do? If I told you you were beautiful, would you date me on the regular — tell me, would you? Well, baby, I've been around the world but I ain't seen myself with another girl — like you. This ring here represents my heart but there's just one thing I need from you... tell me I do.

~

I WAS ON fire.

I had to be because everything burned. Never in my life had I felt so feverish and explosive that I must've been on the precipice of ruin or something quite close to it. I was ablaze by the night, its embers cruelly licking up at my skin that was sickly and sweaty. I was on fire, I deemed, I was on fire.

And it was all because of him.

I thought I had dreamt him into existence, that my mind had conjured him up somehow. How could he be the Eve to my Adam, the very taste of sin that I had divulged so flippantly in? How could I hallucinate something this irreproachable?

But he was real.

I was certain of it the moment his mouth smashed into mine.

It was all tongue and teeth, not necessarily kissing. We both were so hungry, so starved for each other that we had forgotten how to be humans and traded our preservations for barbarism. He wrecked me and drew blood from my bottom lip as we collided against the door after entering pitilessly.

It felt like I was being broken in half and that lust had begun to fill those cracks. It smoothened over any rational thought of responsibility my brain tried to cogitate and made me yank him closer by the tresses of his hair, fingernails digging at his scalp viciously.

He pulled me off the door and towards a table. His arm wrapped around my waist while his other went down on the surface and then suddenly, things were flying. I could vaguely register the sound of papers fluttering and glass crunching as he laid me onto the wood.

His mouth was like satin, tufts of breaths evading us as our lips fit so splendidly together that it reminded me so jarringly of how he continuously said we were made for one another. He tasted of ash and mint, flavors my tastebuds had grown accustomed to longer we played this waiting game, this game of cat and mouse.

The longer our lips moved in synchronization and the slower his tongue languidly permeated mine, the quicker a thought began to settle deep within my bones. He tasted something familiar to home, a feeling I thought I had lost the second I watched my father's coffin lower into the ground. But now it was a different type of home, a home that made me feel safe, cared for, and infinite.

It terrified me so much so that I broke away from him just as his arms tightened around me and pushed me harder into the table.

His fingers threaded into my hair, his gaze flickering between my shimmery lips and my pupils. His thumb stroked my cheekbone and then my chin, gently cupping my face, and tilting it backward. I shivered as his nose pushed into mine, a soft breath escaping him before he leaned in and closed the gap between us.

Home, he must've thought too, I felt like home to him too.

He kissed me with so much urgency as if he had a point to prove not just to himself but to me. It took me by surprise, his fingers tearing through my sweater as if it was nothing, the strings tangling with his fingers. I let him ravish me completely.

We stumbled from the table and towards the bed as my hands made hasty work of his clothing, specifically with jeans, unbuttoning them. His mouth was gluttonous, hands gripping my face.

He had fallen unceremoniously onto the bed, dragging me down with him.

My eyes locked with his as my hand groped his clothed cock, already feeling him getting hot and heavy in my palm. Without wasting a second, I removed his Calvins, and he let out a groan, his dick springing up and slapping against his stomach.

"Touch me," He commanded and I did, reaching out and grasping him firmly.

He was in my mouth instantly, letting his cock grind into the warm cavity of my heat, relishing in it as he moaned, the skin around his eyes tightening.

His cock fell to my chest and I spat on it, letting my saliva coat him and my chest. I pushed my boobs together, around his length, and he sighed blissfully, welcoming the newfound pleasure I seemed to bring to him. His eyes moved across my face and then to my body in appreciation, in pure devotion as if this was the greatest gift, the greatest treat he would ever receive.

He muttered my name as his fingers threaded into my hair and forced my head down to swallow his head. He was pulsing against my chest, fucking up into the tight space I made with my breasts, his cum slavering all over my warm skin. His eyelashes kissed his cheekbones as he tossed his head back, momentarily astray.

"It's like you were made to suck my dick, puppy," He said ostentatiously though when my eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of seconds, he grasped my chin and tilted it upwards, "Look at me," He breathed, shivering when his dick slid against my chest from the abrupt movement, "Eyes always on me."

His voice was quiet when he commanded me to suck his cock again. I gave him a sloppy smile, corners of my mouth spilling with saliva. I jerked him off, one pump, two pumps, and kept him on the precipice of coming though I rose my eyebrow in a fluid motion, letting him weakly fuck himself into my fist. He said my name, annoyed.

"Say please," I stroked him languidly, "Say, please, Flower. Suck my cock."

His eyes narrowed sharply towards mine and his breath hitched thunderously. I took this as a split-second opportunity to spit again on his dick, my saliva and his cum, a warm, sticky mixture on my chest, and coated snuggly in my palm. He groaned angrily and rutted himself against me but I stopped him.

I wanted to see if I held the same amount of power he held on me if not more. I wanted him to give into me. He nearly rolled his eyes at the prospect, that the woman he loves was on her knees toying with his orgasm as if it were a game. He seemed like he hated it but he couldn't have loved it more. Even with me being below him, it easily conveyed how the power dynamic could switch between him and I.

"Come on, baby. I could wait all day for you but I don't think your dick can," I murmured, tongue grazing his tip ever so slightly. He mewled and bucked his hips, looking beyond flustered with his reddening cheeks, matted hair, and long, wide stance, "It's just me," I told him carefully, "Flower will always give you what you want."

Something had shattered then.

"Please," His voice was molasses, pure honey in my eardrums. I looked at him, mouth parting, fingers slowing against him and letting him rock ever so softly in my chest. His breath caught as I spat against him again. His eyebrows straightened before pushing together, locking a bead of sweat on his temple, "Please suck my cock, Flower."

I pushed my breast together, the heat almost suffocating around his hot length, and tilted my head downwards enough so that my mouth could grasp and salivate over him. He let out a pornographic moan that had me clenching on absolutely nothing, my tongue circling his bulbous tip with more vigor than before.

He fucked into my chest and mouth as his teeth gnawed at his lip. His eyes flickered from mine and then towards his dick, flushed and hot, disappearing into me before reappearing with spit. He pushed into my mouth completely and I blinked tears from my lash line, feeling my throat constrict intensely.

"Such a little whore, aren't you?" He murmured, grasping my cheeks and pushing me down until his balls were snug against my face, "Even when you make me beg, you'll still give it to me, isn't that right?"

I gagged in response, fingernails digging at his milk-colored thighs as tears streamed from my face. He eased me off of him and I spluttered, the line of drool connecting from his dick and my bottom lip breaking when he smeared it onto my face, laughing quietly. "Baby got a little teary-eyed tasting my cock," He shoved his fingers in my mouth, "Wonder what you'll be like when you take it in your sweet pussy."

He stole the words away with his mouth and replaced them with his lips. He seared his affection onto me, permanently branding me with everything that was him and only him, forcing promises and unspoken words down my throat with his tongue. He licked into me and murmured my name before pulling away. He left me panting and wanting more.

I desperately grasped his shoulders in a form of trying to steady myself or keep myself tethered to earth somehow because right now, I felt as if I was floating, absolutely unsure if I was dreaming this fantasy or living it. Nothing ever felt real with him and I don't think it ever would.

I shivered in anticipation when he stood up and guided me to my feet. I stumbled into him when he moved me towards the edge of the bed where the mirror resided, facing the bed. He sat down and spread his legs before reaching his hand out to me. I stared at him, nervous for some strange reason. "I'm not going to hurt you, sweetheart," he said, "Not unless you want me to."

I took his hand and he turned me around before pulling me onto his lap.

My back was flush against his chest, his cock nestled against me warmly. I gasped when his hand smoothened the saliva on my chest before it slid up, and wrapped around my throat. He sighed against my skin, breathing me as if I was oxygen, the source of energy keeping him here, and from the way he began to pepper kisses from shoulder to my cheek, I believed he felt so too.

He poked and prodded at my body like I was something out of his world. He expressed his love for my skin by stroking it delicately, getting used to the feel of me and what made me shake and shudder in his grasp.

He said something, I wasn't sure what but I ignored it and simply tangled my fingers into his hair, and turned my cheek, bringing his mouth to mine. A whine slipped from my throat when he took control, his hand on my throat tightening.

"You're so pretty," He murmured against his chin. His hands slid down to hook my legs over his. He spread me wide with his thighs and I could feel my panties strain against my skin. "Everything about you is beautiful. Your mouth," He touched my lips, "Your breasts," He tweaked my nipples before his hand ran down my stomach, "And your cunt."

I thought my soul left my body when he cupped my sex shamelessly. He chuckled and kissed my neck right before his fingers quickly gathered the fabric keeping me from overexposure, and snapped it. The material went flying and I gasped, thoroughly embarrassed as I tried to close my legs but he stopped me, pushing his legs wider so mine wouldn't close.

"No, no, no," he tutted softly, "No hiding."

My head rolled against his shoulder when I felt two fingers press against my entrance. I jerked against him and he jostled me like a child, forcing me to writhe and wither in his will. He began to rub circles onto my clit slowly, his other hand groping my tits eagerly.

"Jimin," I believed I said, though it came out garbled, fire already beginning to spread throughout my body.

"What, Buttercup?" He asked and nuzzled his face into my juncture, fingers pressing harder into me, stimulating my clit almost to the point of pain.

He knew what I wanted and he knew I didn't need to spell it out for him. Their want only grew tenfold when one of his fingers gently slid down to my opening, pushing into me but not going in all the way. Before I could cry his name out, he slid back up to my clit and rubbed again, quicker than before.

"Don't tease me," I wanted my words to sound dangerous and threatening but they only sounded precarious on my tongue.

"I don't know," He said softly, thumb brushing my nipple, "I considered being kind to you, kissing every square inch of your body, treating you the way you deserved to be treated but," My breath hitched when his fingers moved again, back to my opening, pushing into me enough for slick to gather on his fingers but also enough to keep me towing on the line of pleasure and anger, "You made me beg."

I groaned and knotted my fingers into his hair, "Don't play dirty," I breathed, legs shaking to shut close. He forced them even wider.

"I'm impartial but now that I think about it," He whispered, "It's only fair for you to do the same. Beg me to make you cum on my fingers," His hand prodded again, fingertips barely dipping in before pulling out, "Be a good girl. Ask me and I'll give it to you."

"Please," I said desperately, brokenly. I didn't want to play games anymore or tiptoe around the breaking point that felt on the edge of snapping, "Please make me cum. I'll do anything, anything," I rambled stupidly, feeling my cells heat when I felt him mutter something against my shoulder, "Jimin, please..."

I thought I saw stars when his fingers shoved into me.

It was brutal and it was bruising, the way my heat stretched around his fingers and the way he relentlessly pushed, pushed as if he was in search of something. We both moaned simultaneously and I fell forward but he caught me and guided me back to his chest, gently rocking and easing his hand into me.

"You're so fucking sensitive. I can feel you pulsing," His two fingers fucked into me and scissored me open, "You've been holding out on me, love, haven't you?" He hummed though I couldn't even focus on his words, not when he was alternating between his thumb rubbing my clit and his fingers tearing me open.

I had to be in heaven. Nothing in my life had ever come close to the buzzing feeling surrounding me. I was completely intoxicated with pleasure. It had gripped me and dragged me through its fiery pits to the point that the pain it had given me morphed into some kind of medicine and he taunted me for it when he added another finger.

I shut my eyes and sighed.

It wasn't long before I felt a slap on my cheek and then his hand molding around my jaw and forcing my head upright, "Open your eyes and look at yourself," He grunted and held me tight when I jerked against him, my wetness beginning to soak him, "Look at the way I own you. All of you."

I stared at him in the mirror and processed how good we looked together and how well his fingers plunged into me deeply, brushing against the warmth inside me that had me quivering. He rested his chin on my shoulder comfortably, enjoying watching my ruin, my destined fall from humanity.

"You see it, don't you?" He rasped, "You see how well we fit together? There's no one else for you, no else who can make you feel this," I wailed as his incessant circles on my clit picked up and I could feel myself approaching my downfall, "Nobody," He growled possessively, dominantly. Our eyes locked in the mirror, "Do you understand me?"

"Nobody," I whimpered, "I'm yours."

"You're mine," He agreed, "All of this is mine."

"Yours," I promised and began to shake in his grasp.

His hand fell from my chin and smoothened over my breast, pinching my nipples harder. I felt so overstimulated that I thought I would die. Moans burst from my lips as I tried to bite my tongue and shut the fuck up, my fingers flying to find any way to stay grounded, dipping my nails into him.

"Jimin," I mewled, choking on a cry, "I wanna, I need to—

"You can say it, baby." He told me, chuckling as I writhed against him, hips bucking to meet his hand, "Say it and I'll give it to you. Anything you want and I'll burn the world down just you can have it."

"I need to cum, please, can I come?" I blabbered and let my head fall back onto his shoulder. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, not when pleasure was running through me like pure ecstasy in my veins.

I felt cataclysmic, on the edge of a beautiful disaster. It felt like everything was being unraveled through me all at once, destroying and wrecking everything in my wake as his fingers increased, ramming into me violently that my thighs drummed against his, and I was screaming, dying to just hear his words.

"Cum," He finally said and I did.

I did so hard that I thought I had been electrocuted.

His fingers fucked me through the whole ordeal, whispering dirty, vile things in my ear, and holding me close to him while I jerked and rode out the intensity my orgasm brought to me. I was falling apart, being torn at the seams, and even when he finally eased his fingers out of me, I still felt the impression of him and his fingers inside me.

His mouth was his way of trying to staple me together, letting me collapse into him helplessly and kiss my skin sweetly. He coddled me like a child, waiting as I floated down and crashed into reality, shivering and gasping for air that seemed almost nonexistent.

"I swear I've never seen anything that beautiful before," He murmured and rocked me back and forth, "Sweetheart, you look absolutely divine when you cum."

I answered him with a kiss.

My mouth slotted against his softly and I gripped his cheeks, gently drawing him closer. He obliged easily when my tongue prodded his lips and very carefully, he swapped his lap for the bed, laying me onto it pristinely as if I was a glorious goddess he wanted to protect.

The sheets were warm against my back and tangled with my legs for a moment before my calves circled his hips and my arm tugged him down closer to me. He smiled against me when he felt me shudder at the feel of his cock, still hot and bleeding cum on my stomach, aching for some kind of attention, something my pussy was ready to fulfill.

"I wanna make love to you first," He caressed my cheek, eyes soft as they mirrored mine, "Then I wanna fuck you."

I nodded and knotted my fingers into his hair. My other hand moved to grasp his dick and my thumb rolled over his slit, wanting to hear a soft cry from his lips. I hide my face in his neck and mumbled, "I'm on birth control and I'm clean."

"I'm clean too," He assured.

His hand went to mine on him and slowed my movements, large fingers cupping mine.

I glanced up at him then and suddenly, it felt like time slowed down. It was strange that after everything we had been through, right now I had felt the most vulnerable. I prayed he couldn't hear my heart, couldn't feel it against his chest, and how impossibly petrified I was because this was the most open I had been with anybody in a long time.

He was witnessing it all, reveling in it all, and enjoying every second of it because his eyes said the same thing as mine. He was just as defenseless as I was. His guard was completely stripped away just because of me. There was so admiration in his eyes when he stared at me that it made mine water.

Something in my chest felt funny, felt heavy, and the words tickled my tongue, the words I didn't say yet because I didn't trust myself to but he just smiled at me, dropping onto his forearms so our bodies could become one.

He looked at me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered, the only thing left worth fighting for. I had fucked this man up and yet he was satisfied, satisfied that out of everything that happened today, he was here with me.

I felt him at my entrance and a gasp left me.

"Look at me," He pleaded when I turned away, embarrassed by my tears, "Look at me, Y/n," When I finally gave in, he rested his forehead down onto mine and whispered, "I love you."

I didn't have time to anticipate him when his cock thrusted into me all at once. 

My toes curled and my hands flew to grasp his shoulders.

"Fuck!" I shouted.

My fingernails dug into his skin deeply, perhaps hard enough to even draw blood. He groaned at the intrusion, how deep and hard his cock was penetrating through me to the point of pain. My hips bucked off the bed but he locked his hands around me and forced me down, "Jimin, I can't," I begged him, "It's too much!"

He laughed darkly when his dick somehow already hit my cervix and my eyes widened, wailing.

"Well now I know every part of you," He looked down at me, "You're so fucking warm, Sunshine," I felt him everywhere, as my cunt tried to stretch around him, whimpering, "Let me enjoy this for just a minute, hm?" His hips were against mine, cock completely submerged in me as I shook.

He made me feel so full that when he finally pulled out, I felt unbearably empty. The feeling worsened every time he would push and pull, burying himself in me and withdrawing sharply that my body would scream for him every time he would leave.

I cried and sobbed but he shut me up with his mouth spreading onto mine. He drank the whimpers from my tongue as if he was dehydrated and needed to refuel, though his cock hammered into me with purpose, unrelenting. His tip kissed my cervix just as pleasure and pain blended together. I didn't know where he ended and I began.

His forehead moved back to mine as my eyes opened and locked with his.

I knew then that this moment had changed the trajectory of everything. I could read it on his face, in his gaze, the way his eyes crinkled when they watched mine contort that he I knew he loved me. It wasn't just for show. The words that left him were candid, something I was going to have to accept eventually.

His mouth left a patchwork of blues and purples along my shoulder and collarbone as I writhed and scratched under him.

He groaned, my name glued to his tongue as he fucked himself deeper and deeper into me. It burned and stung, but I had never felt pain so deliciously exquisite before. I would let him ruin me a thousand times over, fuck me drunk, and split me stupid on his cock so I could always remember this feeling of being impossibly whole.

"Jimin," His hand cupped my cheek, "More, please, I'm so close." I mewled.

"Anything for you," He murmured and then his hand was running down my stomach and reaching for my clit.

My back arched and I cried out as he rubbed my clit in harsh circles that matched the pace of his hips, both working to simultaneously draw me closer towards the inevitable peak. The muscles in my stomach tightened as every nerve inside me began to light up. I felt almost as luminescent as a Christmas Tree.

"So," He pounded once, "Fucking," Twice, "Beautiful," Three times, each thrust accentuated with his words, growls, and heaving breaths.

Each stroke was more vicious than the last and I was running towards the edge of my ruin then with the combination of his cock and his unwavering movements on my clit.

I was overwhelmed, my mind and body going into hyperdrive. I felt like I was on fucking acid, tripping out as the world in front of me blurred together. I was about to fall now, my fingers tearing through his flesh as I felt my end near.

"Cum, darling. Squeeze my fucking cock and cum all over it," He growled and I was screaming, lungs burning in fury as he taunted me, "Take what's yours. Take all of it."

"Jimin!" Was all I could manage before my orgasm took over.

I was cumming all over him and seeing pure white as if my soul left my body and floated to the highest peaks of heaven. My body was thoroughly overwhelmed and blinded by incessant pleasure and how good, how fucking amazing everything had felt.

I came so hard, I thought I died but I knew it wasn't to be true because I could hear his voice, soft and gentle beside my ear, trying to guide me back down the earth, back down the bed, back down to him. I could feel his hands slow on my clit and his body, sweaty and sticking to mine, pull away from me.

"Sweetheart," He kept saying until my eyes opened.

They found him relatively easily. He wiped away the tears that fell from my lash line lovingly. I tried to calm my rising chest and leaned up to reach his kneeling body but my body nearly gave out. He caught me swiftly.

"I can't feel my legs," I told him softly.

He smiled and laughed, "Look."

I rose my eyebrow and gazed downwards to see the sheets soaked into the bedspread. My thighs and his were also glistening, water glittering even under the dimly-lit room.

I glanced up at him and he chuckled again. I wanted to laugh too but I noticed something.

He still didn't cum.

His cock was rock hard and wet, its angry, red tip begging for some relief, some attention.

It was crazy how he took care of me first, without a second thought, as if I was more important than his own pleasure.

I slowly lifted myself from the bed and wrapped my arm around his neck. His eyebrows pushed together in slight confusion as he let me manhandle him.

I pushed him until his back was against the headboard and forced his thighs to spread against the bed. I crawled to him just as he leaned his head against the board, watching me knowingly, a smirk growing when I finally landed on his lap.

"What are you doing, Sunshine?" He asked me playfully as my legs splayed on each side of him.

"Taking care of you," I reached down to grasp his cock and he groaned quietly, eyes fluttering when I squeezed him tight, "Baby needs some attention too, isn't that right?" The roles had switched and I loved it when he gave me the reins and let me control him. It made him even more attractive to me.

I let my other hand take him as my fingers coated in his cum went straight to my lips. His eyes followed my tongue as I licked my hand clean, enjoying the salty taste of him. I could feel his dick pulse and twitch in response.

"You're gonna let Flower make you feel good, yeah?"

"Yeah," He agreed.

I stifled a laugh at how stupid I made him.

I pushed him towards my entrance and jerked slightly, still feeling the subtle surges of my previous orgasm remain before I began to sink down on him inch by inch.

There was something about this position that allowed me to feel him deeper than before, his tip pushing at every ridge, every edge of me until he was brushing against my cervix and my thighs were snug against him.

We both let out sighs of bliss and relief before I shifted and placed my hands on his toned thighs. I slowly rocked back and forth on him. He hissed sharply and his hands flew to my hips, digging painfully as my clit bumped the base of him, already feeling slick seep out of me.

I believed nothing could ever get better than this, feel better than this. He had become an addiction too hard to ignore or too hard to push away. Even though that might've been just the lust in my brain talking, I knew there was some truth to it. Nothing had ever felt this right before, with him buried so deeply in me.

He bucked his hips but then stopped like he committed some kind of transgression. I opened my eyes and cupped his chin.

"It's okay," I breathed, "Take what you want however you want it."

I trusted him (as absurd as that sounded) and he seemed to realize it because he steadily arched into me without warning. His cock drove into cunt painfully slow and I rolled my hips in response, moans falling freely from my lips.

Something changed though the second his feet dug into the mattress and his knees cinched slightly. A whine left my mouth when his fingers clamped harder on me and his face morphed into one of pure aggression, further pushed by the lust clouding his senses.

His hips snapped up sharply, the force nearly throwing me upwards but luckily his hold kept me down onto him. I squeaked and grabbed his shoulders, anchoring myself to him as his sudden roughness took over, dominating me.

He fucked me hard, hitting my cervix as if it was his target, spearing into me that I swore I could feel him in my belly. My pussy couldn't help but tighten on him, not wanting to let him go, enjoying the burn he brought me.

His fingers left bruises just like his dick, reddish marks littering my skin but the pain felt amazing. I thought I had gone crazy because he made me enjoy the idea of being wrecked and broken. He molded me into a whore but a whore for him and anything and everything that had to do with him. I was seeing stars, I had to be.

He growled and used his hands to slam me down onto him, letting my hips match his erratic thrusts. He drilled me past the point of coherence, fucked me like he hated me, and I just blabbered for more, drooling all over us.

"You feel that?" He asked and pressed his fingers into my stomach. Very, very subtly, you could see the outline of his dick, barely even there but visible. I moaned in response, "That's my cock, baby, rearranging your guts, filling you up, isn't that right?"

I couldn't speak.

It felt like I didn't know how to anymore.

But he gripped my throat tight and forced me to open my eyes and look at him.

"Answer me."

"Yes! Yes. All you. It's all you!" I shouted.

He kissed me hard and desperately.

It was all teeth and tongue, sloppy and wet just like the sounds of our bodies together ricochetting around the room. It got to the point where our lips just rested on each other, not moving, too exhausted to but wanting to be as close as humanly possible.

He grabbed a handful of my ass, the pace of his length quickening as if it wasn't before, Jimin in search of his release. He was just using my body now, forcing me to meet his thrusts more rapidly than before, marking me with his fingertips. I knew he was close, I could tell by the way his hips stuttered and his obscene pants that were more broken than ever.

I wrapped my arms around him and pressed myself to him right before I slid my lips to his ear, a plethora of kisses detailing my journey there.

I dragged my tongue across the spot under his ear, before whispering, "Let go and cum," His groans turned into passionate moans as I persisted, "You've been so good to me so let go and cum. Yes, baby, that's it. That's it."

He moved his face and lurched into me.

His lips searched in an attempt to catch mine but he was too incoherent to even process kissing me, instead releasing a broken cry that somehow sent me spiraling into my third orgasm of the night.

He came into me wildly, pulling me into his chest and shuddering as his hips pushed into mine.

I wailed, shaking at the sensation of his warmth filling me while crashing down onto him, cunt tightening and milking him greedily. It felt like rain and thunder, tumultuous and loud, pleasure-filled with a mixture of pain as we shivered and moaned against each other, everything overwhelming us all at once.

He throbbed in me, his grinding body slowing while my head fell to his neck in exhaustion, listening to the sound of his heartbeat hammer. His body relaxed, going lax against the bed. It was like he wasn't in a rush to move or get up, like we had all the time in the world and that's what it felt like. We had a relationship, a normal one.

Even though he climaxed, he was still half-hard inside me, pulsing, but he didn't move, just circled his arms around me and pulled me closer.

The smell of cigarettes had faded away from his sweaty skin when I cuddle closer to him. I reveled in it and felt my brain become fuzzy for a couple of minutes as we just listened to each other breathe.

Though I should've realized we were insatiable for each other even after going so hard. I wanted more, I was gluttonous for him even in exhaustion and I think a part of me knew I would never get this chance again, be able to want him so openly, so desperately whilst not having to think about the challenges that awaited us when we came back to the real world.

I didn't realize I was tearing up until his fingers weaved into my hair and pulled me away from him. He ducked his head down, concern coloring his features as he caught a tear on the pad of his thumb.

"Flower, what's wrong? What is it?"

I shook my head.

"You can tell me," He whispered, trying to cajole me as he cupped my cheeks fully, "How can I fix it? I love you and I want to help," He said and I felt my chest start to close up, my heart tighten as I looked at the sincerity in his eyes.

"Kiss me," I whispered.

I wanted that feeling of pleasure back. I didn't want to think about anything else. I didn't want to be upset. I wanted to forget my sadness and I wanted more than anything to hold onto this moment for as long as could, as long as the universe would let me.

"Please," I begged him frantically, "Please just kiss me."

His mouth was on mine before I could breathe.

He went slow and gentle as if I was glass and he was terrified to break me. There was less urgency and more care as he stole my breath away and tried to fill the thoughts that I couldn't tell him with something happy, something memorable.

He kissed me as if he loved me and it hurt because I wanted to treasure this forever, lock this memory away and never let anything touch it. I wish I could submerge myself in everything that was him, anything.

He gently leaned forward and let me fall back onto the bed but this time when we fucked, we were less frantic and more controlled, memorizing everything about each other, the places that made the hairs stand up, places that made our skin shudder, places where nobody else had ever seen or ventured to.

We had gone all night into the early morning making love.

I began to crash first while we were on the table, my emotions and my body physically wearing me down as my fingers released the drapes of the curtains, and the table that I currently laid pliant on stopped rattling.

The curtain rod that had snapped from my grip currently surrounded us as I panted, another orgasm that I had stopped counting beginning to die out.

Jimin lifted me from the table and towards the bed, his mouth moving languidly on mine, fingernails lightly digging into my tomato cheeks. He fucked my tongue with him until I had stopped responding, exhaustion becoming excruciating to fight off any longer. He chuckled and rose his body off of mine, gently tugging his somehow semi-hard cock out of my abused center.

He spread my thighs and slowly pushed a finger inside. I winced and muttered, "sensitive" and he shushed me, kissing my hipbone before dragging it out. I felt his nth cum then, warm and sticky, oozing out of me.

"Beautiful," He murmured and gathered the arousal on his fingers. He was in front of me seconds later, pulling at my chin. My eyes fluttered and met his when I tasted me on my tongue.

He watched me, pupils blown out when his fingers brushed the back of my throat slowly, "So fucking beautiful. You're everything I need," He promised, removing his fingers and kissing me again. "I love you so much."

I hadn't realized I dozed off until I felt him at my thighs again, this time with something warm. I moaned and tried to turn away but his hand on my stomach kept me in place, "It's okay, baby. I'm just cleaning you up. I promise." Then he was at my side, curling his hand around my waist and pulling me onto him.

He tossed the duvet over us and pulled me under his chin. I hitched my leg around him and sighed comfortably, feeling myself sink into the black abyss that had been waiting patiently for me as he stroked my hair. I was too far gone when he pressed his lips to my forehead and with much sincerity and a hint of fear, confessed again that he loved me.

When I woke up, it was still very dark.

I was on my stomach and he was laying on my back, arm strewn over my waist, snores emitting from his lips. He was cuddled close and attached to me. His body was my blanket, keeping the outside warm but I felt frigid on the inside.

I had dreamt about something so vivid, it felt real. It wasn't a good dream, one that would have my toes curling and me angry to be woken, and wishing I could return to it peacefully. It was an awful one, one with my body in the harbor and Jimin standing over it, watching it sink.

I was frozen in fear and suddenly the whole night of pleasure had slowly begun to chip back into the harsh truth of what I was facing. I wish I could've staved it away for longer and forced myself to enjoy what I had right now, blanketed in the dark with someone who loves me but even then I couldn't. I couldn't wage a war for the sake of peace in my mind because it would be futile.

I couldn't stay in bed.

I was feeling too overwhelmed to.

I somehow untangled myself from him with much difficulty as his hands were already searching for me when I departed. I sufficed his needs with a pillow and scrambled to sheath myself in something, anything. I found a robe and slipped it on but didn't have enough energy to even close it properly.

I was pacing for a bit, thinking and thinking, until I was sitting in the Chesterfield chair across the room, its fabric making my skin crawl.

I sat there for a while and thought about him and time ticked quickly to the point where I didn't know how long I watched him sleep.

I counted the minutes in the number of joints I had burnt through, four to be exact. By then, my lungs were saturated entirely in ash as the moonlight had begun to brawl its way into the room and my bloodstream was dowsed in nicotine that was imploring me to snag another cigarette from the tabletop.

I was brittled to the bone with exhaustion but I had pushed away the rest all because of him. I was conflicted with many harbored emotions but in the disarray of it all, he was somehow the main attraction — the very reason I didn't want to shut my eyes, the reason why I was up at this hour when no human should be up, torturing myself with joint, and the reason why I was afraid to join him on that bed.

I couldn't get Jimin out of my head — his eyes, his mouth, his voice. They all had begun to be an eight-track tape in my brain, a seamless camcorder that my eyes recorded and saved so permanently that I couldn't forget.

This had to be insanity or something that tasted close to it because never in my life did someone possess this much control over me, enough to make me avoid sleep altogether.

I was petrified that if I perhaps did close my eyes, I'd see him again in my dreams, in reality, my mind would've conjured up after being nestled in his arms for quite too long.

I'd hallucinate his touch, the feel of his fingertips on my burning skin, his mouth centimeters from mine, whispering words that would only beckon me closer, and I'd be a fool to fall in, let his savory lullaby of love cocoon me until I was blind.

Blind enough to miss the gun he'd shoot me with.

I sighed, letting the fifth cigarette crumble into the ashtray in despair. The shimmery dust blew lightly against the table as I pushed open the pack and grabbed another, toying with the white paper as I thought lucidly.

He would hate me.

He would regret it all, every second of marking my body with those delicious bruises, devouring my body with that tender ache, all the words he finally let himself succumb to as well — the admiration, the revere, the truth of love. He'd regret loving me and plan every chance he could get to erase me.

"Flower."

I opened my eyes.

I was startled into fruition by the sight of my adonis sitting upright in bed. The sheets pooled around his tapered torso, pillows pushed beside him haphazardly. His eyes scintillated as they met mine, not just with love but with sheer perturbation.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his voice precariously floundering on the edge of unconscious and conscious yet he read the candor on my face that I had forgotten to mask for the briefest moment. He shifted a little, "What are you doing awake, Doll?"

"I couldn't sleep."

My voice sounded strange when I answered him. He noticed it when he moved off the bed just a fraction to get closer to me and reached out. His hand looked so tempting from afar, a longing to be one again on his part. He believed we had no barriers and that we laid all our cards on the table tonight from the way he stared at me but he was so wrong.

"Is everything okay?" He murmured.

I hated that I wanted to tell him the truth. It was so easy to be so tempted by the vulnerability in his eyes, vulnerability that made my words shellshocked in my throat. I was on the precipice of tears, my lips trembling so I put my head down fruitlessly. I peered upwards towards him after a moment, a watery smile on my mouth.

"Everything's okay," He didn't believe me so I tried to sound more convincing, "I'm fine. I promise."

"Come back to bed," He said softly.

I reluctantly weighed out my options, the unlit cigarette or a bed where I was sure sleep would never come. The joint nearly won me over for a moment but the sound of his voice had forced me to drop the little stick in dejection. The lighter slipped from my fingers and clattered on the table, the impression of the seat cushion arising to its full height as I stood.

He enveloped me in his arms when I crawled onto the bed. His face, cool and smooth like alabaster stone, nestled in the space between my neck and shoulder, mumbling words of love to smoothen the layer of uneasiness he had begun to see unravel during this late hour.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He wrestled me down to the sheets.

He stroked my hair now knowing the ways around my body and how it would soothe me. His mouth moved fluidly against my naked skin and his nose pushed against the side of my face. He inhaled deeply like he was trying to memorize my scent, and keep it in his brain for however long as he possibly could.

I let his hands wander and push past the robe until it was pooling at the end of the bed, his legs lazily kicking away the silk material. He pressed his lips to my hairline and rocked me back in forth and I hated the way my eyes watered again at the motion.

"No," I answered quietly.

I tried to keep my tears at bay by pushing my face into his chest. I grasped his shoulders, a gentle rasp leaving me he tucked me closer. He could feel the cracks growing, and tried to shape them out with his fingers as they massaged my back.

"Flower—

"Can you just hold me?" I said. I whimpered quietly when I felt his eyes on me, anxiety seeping through his heavy orbs, "Please?"

He nodded and kissed my hair. I shivered when he threw the blanket over us and wrapped me in his arms tightly, making sure there was no room between us.

It felt so hard to breathe, hard to even pretend that I was somewhat okay, and not undeniably wrecked. I wanted to be normal for him. He had given me the best night of my life and here I was, crying over it like some psychopath and that alone only made me feel even more shitter than before.

He didn't care though.

He just pressed his mouth to my forehead and as he told me that nothing, nothing could ever change the way he felt about me, I felt more tears leave me. I wanted him to hold me so tight that I could forget. I wanted us to be as close as we could so I shoved my head into his chest.

He continuously said that to me until the shudders in my body stopped, until my breathing slowed, until my grip on him loosened ever so gently, until he was certain sleep had stolen me away from reality, and I was pliant in his arms, absolutely unsusceptible to one, very tiny tear falling from his eye and getting lost in my hair. 

"I love you," He promised me, "And nothing and nobody could ever change that."

-

end of chap.

killed myself writing this and editing. sorry abt the mistakes, i feel terrible abt them if you spot them. hope you enjoyed the long AWAITED smut and i'm praying i can be back soon with another update for you. i also see y'all's comments on my book and they make me very, very happy so keep them coming.

have a great weekend <3