"I don't get it..." The man with the carved smile muttered, staring out of the sun-shielded woods with unblinking eyes. "Why the fuck are we going after this psycho bitch?"

"Jeffrey, I thought I told you that 'psycho' is an insensitive term." The tall man without a face sighed next to him.

Jeff growled. "She wears a fucking tinfoil hat to sleep! Her room is covered in traps! She nearly blinded me with bear mace and tried to kill me with a baseball bat! I think she's earned the title of psycho!"

A small fist knocked the man on the back of his head.

"Shut up!" A small girl with a teddy bear hissed. "You haven't been around as long as us! You don't know- oh! She's leaving!"

All hidden eyes snapped to the shack's front door as Kylie's shiny tin-foiled head poked through.

She looked around for a moment before closing the door, then opening it again.

"I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE!" She shouted, locking ten of the seventeen locks on the door (so burglars get confused if they try to unlock them all). "I HAVE MY BEAR MACE!"

"Yeah, but you don't have that damn bat..." Jeff whispered, reaching for his knife... That he couldn't seem to find, actually.

Kylie looked around again and held up a shining object.

"ALSO I BOILED YOUR KNIFE IN HOLY WATER, GUY-THAT-I-BEAT-UP-LAST-NIGHT. IT'S MINE NOW."

And with that, she took off at a sprint down a path that led from her home to the nearest town.

Jeff stared after her with wide eyes and a gaping mouth.

"That... FUCKING BITCH!!"

...

'Okay, so the nearest town is three miles away. If it's six o'clock in the morning right now I can make I to the hardware store by the time they open at seven thirty. All I need is duct tape, window bars, lawn spikes, barbed wire, hurricane shutters, super glue, more bear mace, more holy water, more tinfoil...'

The list went on and on in my head as I jogged, precautionary rape whistle bouncing against my chest and the knife swinging around in my purse.

My tinfoil sleeping cap still rested on my head, but that was only because of the Faceless Man's static (most likely some form of radiation).

I made it out of the woods without incident and continued to jog all the way to the hardware store.

Having been on both the cross-country and track teams during high school had greatly improved my stamina (you never know when you need to run from zombies), so I was hardly breaking a sweat by the time I made it to the store five minutes earlier than I had anticipated.

The manager of the store- an middle aged man named Franklin- saw me looking in and smiled kindly.

With that old, limping gait of his, the man unlocked the doors for me and I dashed inside, grabbing a shopping cart immediately.

"Good morning to you too, Kylie." Franklin chuckled, but I couldn't reply.

Shouting at monsters was one thing, but talking to people was on a whole different level entirely.

Strolling up and down the isles, I grabbed everything on my mental list as well as several jugs of water and whatever feminine products I needed and made my way to the register.

A boy probably just entering college was there to ring me up and I almost groaned when I saw him. His name tag read Dawson.

"H-Hi Miss Kylie!" He greeted me with a nervous hitch in his voice as he began grabbing my items, a blush rising to his cheeks.

I glared at him from under by brown bangs and tinfoil cap.

I had never had a boyfriend (too many dangerous scenarios to go into detail), but I knew the signs of a crush as well as the next girl.

Dawson had been working for Franklin roughly three months now and every time I saw him it was all blushes and "hi Miss Kylie!", "lovely weather, Miss Kylie", "how was your day Miss Kylie?", and so on and so on.

I never once spoke to the boy and sort of regretted letting Franklin tell him my name.

The instant the total came up on the screen of the cash register, I slapped down the necessary amount of money (cash only, the government can track credit cards) and pushed the shopping cart out of there.

It wasn't technically stealing, since Franklin allowed it, and I brought them back every time.

I wanted desperately to go home and fortify my life of paranoid solitude once again, but I had one more stop to make.

It took all of around ten minutes for me to arrive at the town's church and when I did I made sure to haul my cart to the church's back doors.

Four strong knocks and three short ones informed the priest inside that I had arrived and it didn't take long for him to come around with a cross and bible to bless the jugs of water I had bought. Then I was on my way back home, finally.

As far as I knew only Franklin, Dawson, and the priest knew that I existed. None of them knew where I lived, though, which was good.

My free hand clasped around the bear mace in the pocket of my hoodie as I entered the forest once again.

...

It had been four hours since Kylie Jones exited her house, and those who had been left to watch it and wait for her return were nearly falling asleep from boredom.

The distinct sounds of a shopping cart on the move alerted the one with the white mask with black accents and he looked up from behind the brush to see their tinfoil wearing target swiftly making her way to the shack.

"Hoodie!" He hissed, slapping his dozing companion on the head. "She's back, go get Slenderman!"

"Eh, what? Oh yeah! Keep an eye on her, Masky!" The man with the frowning black ski mask exclaimed, turning and jogging into the woods.

Doing as he was told, Masky looked back at Kylie as she unlocked her door and pushed a shopping cart filled to the brim with stuff into the shack- or tried to at least.

Masky watched in amusement as stuff fell out of the cart and onto the ground and she tried desperately to put it all back.

"Is it on?" Sally's excited voice came from behind him.

People began pulling up lawn chairs left and right as more and more came.

"Who's got the popcorn?"

"Can I have some candy?"

"Hey, I can't see!"

"I can't wait to see what EJ does!"

"Wait, I thought it was my turn!"

"I think it's Ben's turn, right Slenderman?"

"Yes, it's Benjamin's turn today. Eyeless Jack has the next one."

"Aw man!"

From the edge of the crowd a pair of wide black singed eyes were staring at the commotion in disbelief, sliced mouth hanging open.

"What the fuck are you all doing?!" Jeff the Killer shouted.

The crowd went silent and all heads turned to the white skinned man.

"What do you mean?" Sally asked with a confused tilt of her head.

Jeff gestured wildly. "This! What the fuck are you doing?! Aren't we supposed to kill this psycho bitch?!"

Slenderman seemed almost exasperated as he replied. "I don't know who told you that, Jeffrey, but Kylie Jones is our favorite reality program. Has been since she was a little girl."

"Oh yeah, we keep forgetting you're new." A man with a blue mask muttered. "Just sit down and watch."

Jeff slapped himself on the forehead and growled. "YOU CAN'T EVEN FUCKING SEE, EJ!"

But nobody was paying attention to the killer as it looked like Kylie finally got her bearings and pushed everything inside.

A blonde boy in a green Link tunic stood with a grin at that, blood already dripping down his face from his eyes. "That's my cue! Showtime, bitches!"

Picking up a cellphone, Ben Drowned only just began to sneak his way out of the bushes when a voice caught all of the Creepypastas' attention.

"Miss Kylie!" A male voice called from the path leading to her home.

Ben was yanked back into hiding just as a young man walked into the clearing around the shack, waving a box around.

"Miss Kylie, it's Dawson! You know, from the hardware store!"

Immediately there was a commotion in the unseen crowd of onlookers as several of the Creepypasta women shoved their way to the front.

"Hey!" Laughing Jack began to whine, but was shushed by a girl with stitches on the sides of her mouth and a clock in her left eye.

"Gurl's got some 'splainin to do." A woman with black hair, black lips, black eyes, and white skin muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "She can't just hide a cute guy like that from us."

"Mmhmm." The girls around her droned together, nodding their heads in agreement.

"'Bout time this show had some romance in it." The clock eyed girl stated.

The males behind them all rolled their eyes.

...

Kylie froze inside her home when she heard Dawson's voice call from outside.

Rushing to look out the front door's peephole the brunette woman watched with wide eyes as the boy stopped a few yards away from her house and looked around.

"Miss Kylie? Are you here? You uh, you dropped something on your way out of the store."

What?! She couldn't open the door to a practical stranger! ...But what if it was something she needed? What if the monsters decided to snatch him up and chew on his bones? She would feel guilty for the rest of her life...

She paused for a moment longer before hesitantly unlocking the door and peeking her head outside.

Dawson's confused face instantly melted into a grin at the sight of her tinfoiled head peaking out of the shabby little shack.

"You, uh, you d-droped this..." He muttered, holding out the box and clearing his throat as his face began to redden in embarrassment.

Jane the Killer strained her eyes to see what it was from their distance.

"Tampons." She stated, catching sight of the label.

"Ooo, can't drop your tampons." Clockwork muttered with a 'tsk', shaking her head. "Sally, you're lucky you won't ever have to use them."

Ben gagged as Kylie exited her house completely and grabbed the box of feminine products, her own face reddening.

"Oh come ON!" Hoodie shouted quietly, throwing one hand out to the two humans while the other cradled a beer. "They better not start fucking just because he brought back her tampons! I mean what the fuck?! This show's getting lame!"

Masky nodded in agreement, a half eaten piece of cheesecake in his hand. "I agree. BOOOO, NO ROMANCE!"

He held out a thumbs down and started stuffing himself with cheesecake again.

Most of the other males began murmuring in agreement, but the glares they got from the women shut them up instantly.

Jeff rolled his eyes from his position of leaning against a tree in the back.

Dawson shuffled a bit as Kylie grabbed the box and dipped her flushed head in silent thanks.

"So... is, uh, is this where you... live?" The boy muttered, taking in the shack and the woods surrounding it.

Kylie hesitated, then nodded.

Dawson nodded back. "That's cool! Um, I-I mean, uh, it's, uh, cool that you live so independently, y-you know..."

The boy trailed off akwardly and stared down at his worn out Converses, his hands shoved into his pockets.

He had never spent so much time with the strange woman before.

His boss, Franklin, told him that Kylie was an extremely paranoid girl, but that didn't matter to Dawson. He just thought the woman was unique in her own special way.

He looked back up to see Kylie still standing there just as akwardly as he was.

"S-so, uh-"

He cut himself off with a yelp as a knife came sailing from out of the woods, only missing his face by a few inches.

Immediately Kylie was on the alert, dropping the box of tampons and shoving a can of extra strength bear mace from god knows where into Dawson's hands.

She pulled him close and looked dead onto his eyes with the most serious look he had ever seen.

"Run," she ordered.

And that's exactly what he did.

...

Now knifeless once more, Jeff the Killer flipped up both his middle fingers as the crowd began complaining towards him.

"Fuck you all and your messed up shit. I'm out." He stated, turning- with his middle fingers still held high- and walking away.