INSIST

It had been a few days since we went to the party and till date i wouldn't consider it anything but a disaster. Jin got a piece of my mind the next day and so did yoongi. While the older one went around complaining like a mourning cat because i scolded him, yoongi was indifferent to the whole situation. The worst thing that could happen after that night was yoongi, magically, taking on the initiative to "make me socialize more" even after he found out people were behind my back.

Two days later he had brought me a library membership because he thought I'd like to read books. Don't get me wrong I had loved the few books I got to read during the last few years. But that didn't mean he had to bring me a monthly membership worth a good sum of his money. Yesterday, when I hoped he would have forgotten the whole ordeal he started insisting I joined one of the extra-curricular clubs in college. In every sense the library seemed more appealing to me than joining a God damn club.

"yuan, are you done choosing your club?"

Think of the devil...
I rolled my eyes turning to face the door as Yoongi walked in with our lunch. Namjoon and jin had stay back at work and we settled on take out.

"why do you want me to do this so badly?"
"because I want you to socialise more."
"I'm already going to college for that."
"and how many friends have you exactly made?"

Here came the trouble. I hadn't made much friends exactly. Except the girls I had lunch with a few times after first day of college. But they didn't come as close to being called friends.

"A few... But I know my batchmates and professors."
"do they know you?" why did he know me so well? I slump at his questioning stare and giving up conversing. I grab the packaged food and start unwrapping the Momo's I've been craving. But Yoongi snatches it away.

"yah!"  I try giving him one of my deathly glares but he's not even looking my way.
"club name."
"pottery."
"that's so bori-"
"shut the fuck up and give me my food Suga."
"fine,  pottery it is then."  he cast the package back at me as he settled down to eat.
"not on my bed,  you can eat on your own.  Get out"  I couldn't find it in me to suppress the anger at being forced out of my comfort zone. True he was doing it for me, but this wasn't my way of doing things, and I was getting irritated.  I'd never wanted to shove my anger on anyone especially Yoongi. He meant too much to be insulted or scolded by me.  But lately that was exactly what I was doing and I didn't like it one bit.

When Yoongi didn't show any sign of moving out,  I got up planning to get away. But right when I walked past him he snaked his hand around me, and before I knew it I was on his lap facing his smug face. Yoongi took the food from me and I let him, something felt odd and I didn't have it in me to stop him.

"I'm sorry,  but you have to do this for me to track the men again."
"Are you using me as bait?"
"I would never do that if I had another option. Yuan I want you to trust me." I did. But trust was something so unknown and wary for the both of us. We knew it never came easily for the other. We knew the weakness and tenderness of trust. we never dared to fall or make fall, the other, we never trusted easily, but when we did it was only between the two of us. 

he had made these kind of plans before, I'd left the god forsaken hell hole because of one of them. 

i looked into his eyes, an epitome of sincerity and expectation glimmering in them. i could only cringe at my own thoughts and nod accepting his request. a soft kiss landed on my forehead as i saw him lean back his face trying hard to form the perfect smile. he could never do it, moreover he never had to do it. 

"why did we meet?" i whisper not sure of my question or its answer.
"do i really have to answer your hypothetically cringe question right now."
"was just giving you a reality check after that forehead kiss."
"hm, accepted get me your Momo's will you?" I chuckled and got up to get them.
"I thought you hated Momo's"

I yelled walking down the stairs.  "I like them when its yours." came the reply when I'd gotten back.

"so, what are you planning?" 
"I don't know."  he always said that.

the next day I find myself at the architecture and sculptural works before even I could prepare. I wonder why they even have a complete department for such a dead art. 

"hey good morning, can i get the procedures to join the pottery club?"
"for that you'll have to meet the student rep of the club personally first." another person to meet. I'll be the death of Yoongi. 
"uh, can i just fill a form or something and you direct it to the person?"
"you asked for procedures miss, that's how it works." so much for enquiring.
"thanks." i left feeling out of control. i needn't be embarrassed. but it just felt like i was in the wrong. 

"yuan? what're you doing around here?"
"grace-" her, not yet familiar voice, startles me as i walk away from the head office.
"yeah, happy you haven't forgotten me."
"oh no, i mean i was looking to get into on of the student clubs." i laugh off her retort and reply as i start walking down the corridor, grace following me right beside.
"which one?" 
"pottery." i meekly voice out unsure if she was going to judge or worse ridicule me in distaste.
"you have to meet the student representative for that, i.e.. me not the head of department or some reception woman dummy."
"yeah, just realised sor-" i wave the comment off but stop as i realise.

"wait you are the student rep?" silence and a smug expression reply. i supress the urge to sigh in relief and pull off a genuine smile.
"sorry, i want an in." i give her the best puppy dog eyes i can conjure, having read somewhere these worked." 
"what do i get in return?" she questioned as i stood point blank.

"what do you want." i raise an unsure eye. i had no idea what kind of things she asked in return for such favours. i couldn't be sure if she was some stuck up rich kid that made people work under her for mere favours. make them feel pathetic.

"stop overthinking  it, i not haughty enough to ask for shit. just...lunch with us more frequently. until you get used to it. then you have to come everyday." she grinned lazily as the request sank in and i could feel less suffocated again. 
"sure!" i chuckle reaching her as we laughed walking into our class. 

maybe not all people were dangerous. maybe not everyone was judgemental and maybe not everyone became your enemy always. for the first time i could let the small glistening hope of making new friends without trouble bloom from its deepest and darkest corner where I'd burried them in my heart. perhaps there were people like Yoongi out there i could be with after all. or not, I didn't want to be with anyone like that irritating ass of a human right now.

well.. hellooo 
that was a lot of conversations and less deets. 
but im getting a lot better at writing. im so happyyy
comment share and like pwease.
who am i even talking to?