60: COCO (END)
You chose Chaos over Eli yet you are regretting it now," Caleb commented in the midst of my tale. "Is it safe to say that the Gods of Eli, specifically Phaenar, had no association whatsoever with Imjir?" he asked me striking the exact painful string in the core of my chronicle.
I released a trembling sigh and I felt Thomas tighten his hold around me. I looked over the people listening to me, waiting eagerly for my reply and I nodded.
"They were innocent..."
They were clean and blameless. They didn't deserve to meet me.
I recollected the events of that day, the day that I released darkness throughout Eli. It first started with a small fire that then spread across the fertile land burning life in the planet. My target was Uther.
With those powerful and perdurable flames, smoke rose from the burning life and suffocated Exthys. The winds carried his wheezes assuring my remorseful heart that he suffered from his own weakness. The rising smoke and heated crown of fire created storm clouds that then released an outpour of rain that flooded every island to endanger Isher. As the tides continue to rise, so was every drop of regrets I have for doing this.
The asteroid was my card against Phaenar. I placed it at the skies so that it can release murk that can overpower the light that the Goddess provided. The planet started to become cold and the land was beginning to get covered in ice. The once bright and ebullient Eli became soundless and lonely yet I still hoped.
I still hoped that there was still a shed of light for me.
"You did not make sure that they are dead," Lucian intruded. His monotone voice and heartless statement caught the attention of everyone.
"You want them dead bae?!" Samael asked him with a snort. Lucian bored his eyes at me, observing me with his heedful eyes.
"No, but he seemed to be more efficient before. He assured absolute death whenever he desired it but when he was destroying Eli, he made a reckless plan. He could have dealt with the Gods personally but he merely started a forest fire even when he knew that it would take more than that to kill them."
I gave Lucian a smile behind my mask and squeezed my knee from the guilt-feeling and frustrations.
"I didn't want them to perish..." I confessed. "But you already know that don't you, Your Majesty?"
My actions could be considered merciful from what I can really do. I wanted them to survive. I wanted them to stop me. I needed them to end me.
The King of Eli merely stared back at me with eyes that seem to be well acquainted with pain and suffering and I continued to lay the last drops of my tale.
The Gods didn't die but I wiped out almost everything in the planet.
They caught the culprit who attempted to disrupt the peace in their planet.
They caught the liar.
They caught the pretender.
They caught...me.
I was besieged with betrayed eyes yet still loving ones.
I was confused.
Deep inside I was frustrated with the love that they were showing me because they were supposed to be my enemies. They were supposed to abhor me. They were supposed to act in a way that would justify my actions yet they were acting like I was still part of their family.
I looked at Phaenar with my hands enclosing my blades and I gazed at her with hopeful eyes.
"Please tell me...please tell me that you're Imjir."
Tell me that all these deaths were for the cause I was fighting for.
Tell me that I didn't just betray the people who could have become my true family for nothing...
Tell me I made the right choice and that my choice will give me the right to continue on even when I didn't want to take another step.
"When Guardian told me that you'll do something stupid someday, I didn't think that you'll be doing it in our planet..." Phaenar murmured with sad eyes. "You came here to destroy the God who did you wrong but in the end; you destroyed your own self."
My whole body wobbled and I landed on my knees with huffs of sobs of regrets and disbelief.
"The God you're looking for isn't here Corlos. I'm sorry."
I didn't want to believe it. I learned to distrust the universe so much that it became my greatest pitfall. I was my own enemy and I kept denying it.
"Tell me you did it...Tell me you did it! Tell me you killed Chaos!" I wailed.
Phaenar swayed her head in a 'no' and pursed her lips in sadness. "I didn't kill anyone Corlos. I've been here all my life and I never set foot outside of our planet—"
I scrambled on my knees and clutched her ankles tightly with my hands and fully knelt before her. I was fooled again. I became Imjir's plaything and because I was tricked to play in his game, I ended up severing the ties around me.
"What have I done?" I murmured in shock.
I was horrified with myself. Everything about my whole being was repulsive.
My eyes began to swell with tears and my teeth ground with self-loathing.
"I destroyed Eli..." I whimpered.
The deaths of the Elials struck me and with that came along the foul stench of my actions with the brutal death of the surviving yvarians and toscans.
"Your biggest mistake is putting your distrust to everyone that you became a hum bug yourself..." Uther spoke."Being a hum bug is not good..."
"Even if you did not mean it Corlos, I am afraid that we have to punish you," Phaenar whispered and I immediately made a desperate request.
I can't stay in this universe any longer.
I deserved no one and no one deserved me.
"Kill me, please," I begged them. "Kill me for destroying your planet. Kill me for betraying you. Kill me for being who I am, just do it...please!"
Phaenar knelt and gently lifted my face with her hand. Despite my cruelty and recklessness she still treated me with much respect and kindness in which I did not deserve.
"Killing you would be a reward Corlos..." she told me. "And killing isn't the solution to everything. You can still stay here with us. This is still your home."
I gave her a look of skepticism. "No...You can't just spare me like this. You have to avenge your planet!" I yelled at her with burning rage. They have to do something about me. I didn't need light punishment.
"We won't do that Corlos," Phaenar firmly disapproved.
"Make me suffer! I wiped out the Elials and you aren't even going to do anything about it?! " I snarled at her.
"No Corlos–"
"Do what you have to do. I won't fight. End me!" I growled at her.
My outburst challenged Phaenar's patience and reduced it into nothingness. She emitted a bright light that blinded me and I felt my body got lifted with heated warmth strangling my whole form.
My eyes were drawn into her lit eyes and I heard Isher yell at his mother as he clung to her arm.
"Don't hurt him mother! Don't hurt him!" he pleaded yet the Goddess spared him no glance.
The warmth encircling me was gentle yet reprimanding. It was hurting me yet it was also teaching me. The Goddess's eyes looked yet did not judge. To her I was still a friend and I was still family.
She was only granting my wish.
"I understand Corlos. With the deeds that you have committed, how can you show your face to those who you've hurt? From now on, the face that you shall possess will be clouded in mystery. It will be withdrawn from any light and any sight and only those who desire to understand you or those with the purest of hearts will know your true appearance."
Phaenar gave me a curse that concealed my facial features which could only mean an unending loneliness for me. She casted me out of Eli with the approval of the other Gods.
Isher didn't want me to leave and tried to beg Phaenar to make me stay and only then did I start to appreciate the friendship that they offered me but it was already too late.
I was sent away into another planet with the skies still dark and with a moon staring down at me. The gentle sound of the waves of the ocean pulled back and forth stroking the fresh wound on my heart. The scent of the ocean and the beam of the moon reminded me of Chaos and the nights we shared together.
This was like one of those nights except, Chaos was already gone.
I was really alone now...
My eyes caught the gleaming red ruby of a familiar rocky form beside me in arms length and I was baffled. I very well remembered that I left it back in Belraria.
How did it end up here?
"Zeke?" I blurted out.
I slowly sat on the soft sand beneath me and reached out for my old pet. I had no idea of how it followed me all the way here and did not even doubt if it was the same Zeke with the same cracks it had however I was comforted with its presence.
"I'm sorry I left you."
It was only me and Zeke now.
I began to pet him as the pieces of the puzzles slowly came together in my head.
My eyes narrowed when I remembered Esgard's last words to me.
"Lie! Sham!"
"Bug!"
He was giving me a clue. Those three words were always together but Esgard would always have a hum before saying bug.
Humbug? He was deceived by someone which meant that he was well acquainted with the person he was talking to before he realized his dishonesty.
My eyes widened in realization and I gently placed my Zeke down and gave it a kiss.
"I'll come back..." I whispered gently to it.
It made sense now.
All this time, I was being manipulated by Imjir using someone else's identity and I was always looking far ahead instead of looking at those closest to me.
I trusted him and without knowing it, I helped him seal Esgard in that stone thinking that it was for the best.
Shit!
Just as I was about to fly off outside of the planet I was sent to, I heard the lying bastard call me.
"Corlos, it would seem that you were unsuccessful with retrieving my scepter," Kogen declared.
I looked back at the long-haired God feeling every little hair on my body rise from the sudden unexplainable emotion building up inside of me.
"Do not fret..." he assured and a slow smile curled his lips. "I will bring them to justice," he stated and raised his hand in invitation. "But you have to help me. Won't you help a friend Corlos?"
I stayed afloat with my whole body stiff. "How long? How long have you been acting as Kogen?" I murmured.
It was him all along and I didn't even suspect him the slightest bit.
It was because of him that Esgard was poisoned. He stole the light stone and corrupted it only for Esgard to reabsorb that stone in his body thinking that it was his own pure energy. He used Rupture and his image and killed Chaos before chasing his own puppet into making me believe that he had nothing to do with his death.
He used my anger for Chaos's death against me and made me believe that Phaenar's scepter was his.
Imjir sniggered and placed his palm on the other half of his face slowly melting it in a form of Rupture's own appearance.
"I asked you how long! Tell me!" I snapped at him.
"Since fifty years ago, are you surprised to know that the God of Tranquility, Truth and Justice was all a sham?"
Sham?
No...
He was real. Kogen was real but I never got to know him because this bastard stole that opportunity.
I could gradually hear my heartbeat taking over my hearing. The sting of betrayal was far too much.
"How does it feel Corlos? How does it feel to be one of the strongest Gods in the universe yet still have nothing?"
I placed my hand over my slowing heartbeat and watched Imjir release stones up in midair.
"Do you despise me? Do you feel what it feels to be a failure? I can beat you Corlos. I can outsmart you any day. All you have is power while I have the means to become more powerful than you'll ever be," he declared calmly yet with much pride puffing his chest.
The stones broke apart releasing the Gods that Imjir managed to seal including Esgard who was staring at nothingness. All of them were robbed off their free will.
"I won't ask you to join me Corlos, they will!"
My eyes trained at Esgard's face and then widened when I spotted the real Kogen amongst them. I slowly smiled and felt my tears welling up. All the memories I had with him were made up. All those fights and silly arguments were nothing but a facade.
I wonder how Kogen was really like? Would he have befriended me as well? Would he have acted as my pai and reprimanded me in my times of reckless exploits?
I wanted to know but seeing him like this I was fully aware that I will never get to know the true Kogen.
All these Gods were dishonored. All of them were stolen from their planets and from their creations that loved them and served them.
I was a God yet I made my mistakes that cost millions of lives. In my last night of being conscious of my bloodline, I shall do my very last act to save my brothers and sisters from the hands of the thief.
"I am the God of Destruction and the very last God you'll ever see in your lifetime. No longer will I let the cheaters continue to cheat. I will bring justice to the unjust. I will avenge the deprived. I will steal from the greedy. I shall place death to corruption."
I hope that every God and Goddess that fell in this island find their way back. I wish I freed them from the pain that they were feeling by ending their journey right here and that I finally put my power to good use.
Imjir's dark spirit released a howl of agony as he flew away from his wrecked vessel. With Imjir dead, I decided to finally sit beside my Zeke and watch the spirits of the Gods that I freed swirl individually around me as if they were thanking me before leaving the planet to return to our birth tree.
"It's finally over..." I murmured and lifted my Zeke to my chest. "But these memories will haunt me forever..." I carried my Zeke in my two hands having its emotionless face facing me.
Doing the right thing was freeing yet I still cannot celebrate this victory for so many lives were wasted not just because of Imjir's selfishness but also because of my lack of self-control.
How can I start to live again when my hands have done the most unspeakable things? How can I see the world in its beauty when the horrors of my past continue to overshadow my vision? How can I hear a melody with the screams of agony still resounding in my ears?
It was impossible...It was impossible to renew this life with this second chance.
"I can't Zeke...I can't do it..."
My tears directly fell on my Zeke's closed eyes and I silently wept. The pain will never ease for my existence have not yet ceased.
"You won't leave me right?" I asked my silent pet and gave it a wobbly smile. I stroked its face with my two thumbs and continued to sprinkle it with tears.
"It still hurts..." I sobbed and lightly hit my chest. "—here."
I embraced my Zeke in my arms and cradled it.
"I want to forget everything..." I whispered not knowing who'll permit my wish. "Please just take my memories."
"Kyuu?"
My eyes widened from an unexpected response and I pulled my Zeke away from me finding him glowing in white light. The Zeke's eyes were open and blinking at me with its lips curled into a beam.
"You're awake?"
"Kyuu!" My Zeke replied before giving intermittent flashes of light.
All the pain swirling inside of me were then washed away with one last powerful flare of radiance coming from him and as the pain went away, so were all my memories.
I woke up in bright sunlight having no idea of what I was and where I was. I was a blank state and having no memory of what my Zeke was, I thought of him as a mere rock with no sentimental value.
I left him in the shore in search of who I was and not knowing that everything that I was searching for was kept from me for a reason.
The tides that carried the sand slowly concealed my Zeke along with my memories and I walked through Earth bearing the terror of the present and not from the past.
"Ya know, my favorite part was when the Jelly God used his PokeGods against ya," Samael drawled causing everyone to laugh with his comment including me.
I felt my husband nudge me and he stared at me with concerned eyes.
"Do you know where that Zeke is?" he asked me.
I lowered my eyes to my hands and swayed my head. "I don't...but if it followed me here all the way from Belraria, I know that it will follow me again if I leave."
I can't wait to see you again Zeke.
Let's make memories and this time, the memories that will stay.
"KYUU!"
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A/N: I think I felt the feels in this one. How about you guys?
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