A/N: So I tried doing some art again and uhm I think I did okay. I'll practice more in my free time.

"I protected the word from its destruction by keeping the darkness close to me. I left them so that I can save them. I did so in order for them to live. I did so despite the pain in my heart. I did so because I love them. I hope my love reaches them despite of the darkness surrounding me."

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I...can't live on like this...

Take my memories away...

I don't want to remember anything or anyone from my past...

Take away everything from me for I have stolen so much more from so many people...

You are my only hope.

I awakened beside Ebu's cold corpse and sat up picking the zeke that rolled away from me and hugging its rocky form against my chest. The burning emotions that I had earlier were watered down from my zeke's strange light which also stole away my consciousness.

I stared at the dead priestess' tortured appearance and felt nothing but numbness. I didn't feel happy or sad about a few bones sticking up from her legs. I didn't feel any regrets or victory from the blood that escaped from her veins which soiled her once silken robe. At that point my thoughts were empty. I had no desires. I had no dreams.

I was just a vessel ready to be possessed.

A scream of plea from above reset the fire within me but this time it was a different kind of flame. My heart didn't pound from excitement from hearing the strings of war being struck. My mind was not clouded by exhilaration from inhaling the winds of caution. My breath didn't hasten from an impending mirth much like the nights I spent with Chaos.

Harsh puffs of breath forced their way out of my lips and I started to run not towards the enemy but far away from them.

The moon which shone brightly in the dark skies was temporarily covered from the fast approaching cloud-like flock of toscans hunting and being hunted. I sprinted back towards the temple and a scream rose up from my throat when a body fell right in front of me causing me to trip over and pathetically yelp as I scramble back.

It started to rain with dead corpses. The skies seem to bleed out and wails and screams shoved the bedtime lullaby for children. I pulled myself up and continued to run. I didn't want to be near in all those deaths. I didn't want to see red. I didn't want to hear pain.

I was terrified to the core.

Knights gathered outside of the temple and I see Rupture already leading the front line. His eyes widened in shock when he saw me running towards them and he immediately caught me with his arms despite of my goal of heading inside the temple and locking myself back inside the hoosegow where no one will dare look first.

"What were you doing outside? Get in Corlos!" Rupture barked out and pushed me between the rows of Knights preparing for battle. I didn't need him to tell me twice of what I needed to do.

I stumbled inside and found the many citizens squatting on the floor with their heads low between their overprotective and trembling hands. The female toscan from before immediately took notice of me and she rose up and gathered me between her arms before settling both our forms behind the statue which once held the Light Stone. I held my zeke tightly to my chest and let her cradle me.

I didn't know who I was anymore.

I transformed into a coward. I became the God of Death who feared death from an immense strain of having caused someone so much pain.

The battle between the Templar Knights and the crazed toscans who chased refugees from other villages was deemed successful. There were no casualties from inside the temple but only a few of the new refugees managed to survive which included a few priestesses and priests from other temples which didn't have a Rupture and a Chaos to strengthen their defenses and offenses.

Chaos returned from his mission in search for Kogen but came empty-handed which caused me to worry for the God of Justice's safety and well-being. Days passed and we began to accept more refugees and it was not a very good sign. Food, water, shelter and panic were the main issues here. We managed to sustain through the attacks from the out-of-control toscans but how long can we endure? We need a plan and we need more people to fight with the Knights.

If only I can but...

I can't even hold my own blades anymore.

I can't even bear to look at the injured.

The scent of blood always made me nauseous and screams that couldn't bother me before now haunted me at night. Even extreme silence made me paranoid.

I didn't expect Ebu's death to affect me this much. Heck, I hated the woman and here I was grieving. Guardian could have carved a cane from a golem's trunk and used that to beat some sense in me if... He was still watching me up to this point.

Croot - the female toscan who showed kindness ever since I stepped foot in Belraria, led the small group of female toscans who tended to the wounded. I took over the children and watched over the unhatched eggs.

"Take this!" a child toscan shouted as he kicked the ball towards his other playmates. Unfortunately, the ball hit a priest at his head and that...was going to bite me in the ass.

I forgot to mention that the grumpy, snobbish and snappy priests and priestesses were one of our main issues here especially when they received the news that Priestess Ebu was brutally murdered by these people. They initially ordered for the 'criminals' to be sent to jail but the cells for ten prisoners can't accommodate one hundred and more.

Why did these self-entitled birds have to walk in a flock? It was already torture dealing with one but with ten of them? Ebu was just resurrected into ten bodies.

"I am sorry! Please forgive me High Priest!" the child begged with a respectful bow. The other children followed suit and I walked cautiously in front of the child who was now being visually killed by the priest who got hit by the ball.

"This is not a playground child, this is a holy ground! Having it be infiltrated by filth is already enough disrespect. Your actions should be considered for a death sentence!"

Just because you were hit by a ball? A ball?

"Wait just a moment High Priest, please reconsider. He is just a child. He already apologized," I spoke in the calmest way possible. I was angry but the anger issues that made me so problematic before never occurred to me anymore. I was like a new person. What did my zeke do to me?

Ten gazes pierced through me and I felt the child standing behind me grab on to the hem of my shirt in fear for my life and for his.

"And who are you to scold him of his choices? You are just an outsider. You may very well be the one who brought this curse upon our planet! Your mere presence should be considered for a death sentence!" a priestess squawked.

Believe me I was with you there with the death sentence on me. I'd like for me to die too. I can't even get seriously angry at this point. They all have my vote.

The loud voices of the holy ones caught the attention of the many citizens and Croot ran to my aid.

"He is not just an outsider High Priest! This boy saved our village from a ghosteroid a while back. We are greatly indebted to him!"

Croot's praise only garnered further annoyance from the priests and priestesses.

"Him?" the priest asked and pointed a finger at me. "He saved your village? He is nothing but a feeble filth who can't keep his mouth shut. The one who saved your village is Esgard. He bestowed mercy upon your village and stopped the ghosteroid from pulverizing your sinful lives. Be grateful of having a God like Esgard and not for having a speck of dust flying around and disrespecting the true servants of God!"

It was amazing that I didn't bite his finger off. I didn't have any desire to do so. How strange.

A ball flew past my head and knocked the priest back onto his butt. I turned around and found Chaos tossing another ball up and down his palm ready to kick another one at the priest.

"How dare you!" a priestess snapped. "You are just another outsider! You don't deserve your place as a Knight!"

I heard that the crazed ones were beginning to show signs of cannibalism. If it weren't for the aykens, these people could have been breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Add snacktime on that too.

"Sorry to interrupt but I rather not piss shorty over here. He can very well turn you inside and out and wrap a ribbon around you using your innards," Chaos proudly boasted and patted my head as he walked.

No Chaos, I think I may have finally been free from my thirst for blood. I didn't think of ripping his throat out.

"So why don't you run along and do your meditation in the midst of all the chaos and since I'm an outsider, don't expect any protection from me or my men. The priestess we serve is already dead. We're mercenaries now," Chaos announced.

His smile fell as he turned around and wrapped an arm around my front neck and started to drag me out of the scene with the priest and priestesses starting a tantrum.

Chaos hauled me into taking a walk with him and we strolled quitely.

"Are you still sick?" Chaos asked me.

I took a breath of air and sighed. "I wish I was...."

I didn't even know what was happening to me which was the difficult part.

"You should have lashed out on him. You shouldn't hold back. You're not usually like this," he pointed out with a pout and I gave him a grin.

"Like what?"

"Civil and decent," he answered making me chuckle a bit.

Talking to Chaos relaxed my tired muscles and soothed my exhausted mind. We've been so busy with our own duties that during the shifts of time, we used the vacants to rest and think. If only Kogen was here then perhaps we can think of something to stop whatever was happening to the crazed ones.

"You should get well soon," Chaos stated in a gentle expression. "We are going to set course to raid villages for food during the shifts and eliminate any crazed toscan along the way. We need the extra power and honestly, if you were to join, we have one hundred percent chance of winning," he spoke hopefully.

Guilt seeped through my heart and my stomach churned in anxiety. I wanted to help, I really do but how when I was terrified at the mere thought of seeing a single drop of blood?

As we continued to walk we met Rupture along the way and he wore a bitter expression on his face.

I almost forgot about our finished deal before until I felt his possessiveness over me. This was awkward. I regret everything that ever happened between us.

"Chaos, go and monitor the skies with the other Knights. Who knows when the crazed ones will attack again?" Rupture ordered with a prickly tone.

"Yeesh, why are you so grumpy in the morning? I'm on it okay?"

I almost pleaded for Chaos not to leave me to his brother but then that would put so much stain on my bloodline.

Once Chaos left, I hastily turned around and walked away despite of Rupture calling out my name.

Shit he was getting closer.

I released yet another pathetic yelp when Rupture got a hold of my arm and twirled me around.

He blew out hot steams from his nostrils which indicated that he was not in a good mood.

"You take blow off some steam the wrong way. You're supposed to relax," I pointed out. Rupture's hold tightened on my arm and the steam of air just kept on going out.

I need to plug his nose with something.

"Look I really want to help with the raids and everything but I just...can't alright? Give me some time while I try to figure out myself."

"I'm staying here with you," Rupture told me firmly. I can see his jaw visibly tighten under his skin.

"Go with your brother. You can't leave him out there alone," I reasoned out.

Was he chickening out from the mission? Well, we can't have two warriors chickening out. Belraria was already filled with toxic birds.

Rupture hauled me into a quiet corner so that we can have a conversation without eavesdropping ears.

"I'm staying here with you. I need to protect you."

I can't say I wasn't insulted from that but considering my condition I felt pathetically useless and weak.

"I don't need your protection Rupture. Focus on these people not me," I advised him.

Rupture grabbed both of my shoulders and gazed at my eyes deeply.

"It is my duty as your lover to protect you at all cost!"

I have never been this confused in my entire life and I've lived staring at Guardian's face wondering whatever bomb made a blackhole on his face.

"What?!" I blurted out. "How come I didn't know that we were in a relationship? You can't just establish that by yourself."

By this time, my vision was already foggy and it was practically a sauna around Rupture.

"I am your lover Corlos! I already made you mine the moment you slept with me!"

This was getting out of hand.

I pushed Rupture away from me and glared at him from head to toe. "Now that- That doesn't serve as any foundation to any intimacy. I only used you and in return I rewarded you. There's no you and I."

Rupture grabbed my arm again and began to vehemently shake me. "You're denying me!"

"No you're the one on denial I'm the victim here! I don't do commitment!"

I already have a lot of shit on my palm to even think of tying myself down to someone I just clearly used for my not so selfish purposes.

The ayken in front of me withered down and looked defeated. His face twisted into a frustrated and betrayed expression.

I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"You're right. I apologize for concluding such things without your knowledge but now that you're here, I'll establish what I desire and put my stake on you."

This conversation was headed south. Way further south.

A spark of frightening greed lit up his defeated form and I felt him shove me against a wall and began to strip me off my clothing. The sound of fabric being torn caused my ears to ring and my blood to flow coldly.

"That you and I will be together and that you belong to me and not to my brother! You shall serve me just as I serve you and-"

"Get off of me!" I growled and for a moment a bit of my power returned to me enabling me to grab Rupture's head and hit his head five times against the wall effectively crumbling a part of it.

My cowardice returned to me once Rupture fell unconscious onto the floor causing me to believe that he was dead.

It didn't occur to me to listen for his breaths or feel his pulse but what I did know was that I had to get away from him as soon as possible.

I was afraid. I didn't want to hurt anybody or to kill anybody but Rupture scared me.

I was legitimately traumatized from having to experience that. He had so much greed and so much desire which led to his actions. This was scarier than death itself.

I saw Croot watching over the children and once my eyes met with hers, I ran up to her and let her cradle me once again.

"What happened my sweet boy? Why is your clothing all tattered up again?! " she asked me in a panicked tone. "Did you get into another fight?"

My throat tighetened and I buried my face into her chest.

I didn't know how to answer. I couldn't find my own voice. I was silenced by fear. I didn't want him to die but... What if he was still alive? Will he do that to me again?

I was at my worst state. Being defiled like this shocked me.

What was that? What exactly was that Rupture?

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A/N: how waz it???