~TW: This chapter contains content dealing with sensitive themes of post-traumatic stress, victim blaming and self-loathing. Reader discretion is advised.~

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Esmeralda sat beside her younger sister, concern dripping from her features. They had been able to bring Eleanor back from the Dark Lord's hideout but she had been terribly injured.

Two members of the Order were Healers and they had examined her, deeming her state to be very damaged. They clearly stated that if she had not been rescued in time, she could have died from the torture wrecked upon her.

She had suffered severe internal damage and as there was no knowing what extent of mental torture she had been put through, the Healers couldn't predict what effects it would have on her. That could all be determined if she woke up and right then she had been in an unconscious state for too long.

She had been given the drought of sleeping death to help her body heal internally through her being put to sleep. But other than that there was not much they could do to heal her.

Also with the Order put under turmoil after the attack at the hideout, there was a lot going on already.

They had had to switch headquarters in a hurry because the Death Eaters had somehow managed to track them and if they stayed there, that could be a risk to all of them. Lord Voldemort was indeed very furious about that attack and would not stop at anything to get revenge for it.

That attack on the hideout had been taxing on the Order too. They had lost two of their Aurors, Gideon and Fabian Preweet, in the crossfire. Regulus had also very nearly died, suffering an extreme curse from Antonin Dolohov who had spotted him.

His chest was engraved with a deep scar that had kept bleeding until Remus suggested using a mix of silver and dittany upon it to seal it, thus saving Reg's life.

The rest of the members had gotten hurt too so the healers already had a lot of work on their hands rather than tending to Eleanor only. So Esmeralda had been sitting beside her sister ever since, waiting and praying for her to wake up.

At last, those marble green eyes flickered open and Eleanor looked up at the unfamiliar ceiling. It wasn't the room she had seen earlier with Regulus so the fear of it all being a dream and her still being stuck with the Dark Lord gripped her heart.

"Ellie, it's alright. You are safe," Esmeralda came closer to her, seeing that her breaths were jagged and panicky.

She seemed to be going through a panic attack again. But seeing Esmeralda's features and letting her hold her hand slowly began to calm her down.

"Esme?"

"Yes, darling, I'm with you," she reassured her, stroking her head gently, "take a deep breath and don't panic, alright?"

She guided her through her breaths until her spiked heart rate returned to normal and her wide frightened eyes finally accepted that she was not stuck in a dream. She was really back at the Order hence safe from Voldemort for the time being.

"Esme, don't ever leave me again," her eyes welled up with tears as she sat up, arms reaching out to her in a desperate request to be held close. It tore through Esme's heart to see her sister as such but she quickly took her in her arms, comforting her the way she used to do earlier as well.

"I will never, my dear, I will never leave you," she stroked her head gently, placing a kiss on her forehead, "I wouldn't have left back then either but you were so insistent about it and..."

"Don't bring that up please."

It was no wonder that she did not want to be reminded of that terrible time when she had had to join the Death Eaters so that Reg and Esme could be freed. She didn't have any option back then but it had resulted in her severe degradation that she was still suffering from at the moment.

"Is Reg here too? Is he safe?"

"Yes," her words relieved Eleanor who was very terrified that Voldemort could have killed him out of anger, "your friend Narcissa helped him take you out of the hideout while the Order members attacked."

Hearing that from her, the respect and admiration Eleanor had for Narcissa blossomed much deeper. Though she was still afraid of what the woman could be enduring right then due to the Dark Lord if he found out she was the one who helped in the escape.

"He wasn't hurt, was he?"

Esmeralda shook her head, "he was hurt but he is much better now. If you want, I can send him in."

She wanted to see him again, to hold his face in between her hands and let herself believe that he was alive and in front of her.

But she was terrified of seeing him too.

In all the days she had stayed at that wretched hideout, Voldemort had done the worst possible things to her and she did not feel worthy enough for Regulus anymore. She felt defiled and impure, not wanting Reg to see her in that broken state.

So she shook her head, holding onto her sister's hands tightly to stop her from leaving, "no. I don't want to see him."

"But why?" Esmeralda was surprised to hear that from her, "what happened?"

"I... I just can't..." Tears streaked down her cheeks again that Esme wiped away carefully, "not after all I have been through..."

And it was then she understood exactly what Eleanor was feeling and it cut through her heart once again. Her dear Ellie did not deserve to be put through so much pain and torture and she definitely did not deserve to succumb to such dreadful thoughts.

"Eleanor, whatever happened to you was not your fault," she tried to comfort her, "please don't think like that."

"It was my fault," the tears spilled further, "I was the one who meddled with time, I was the one who let him have that power over me... But how could I not when my motive was to save Regulus? He would have killed him otherwise... He would have killed you."

Unaware to them, Regulus was standing in the doorway, listening to her distress with pain-filled eyes.

"Esme, he's no less than a monster. He tortured me, assaulted me, put me through the worst pain ever imaginable... I have endured hell in these past few weeks but at least you two are alive. At least I know you are safe... But I am no longer the Ellie you knew. I am no longer the woman Regulus fell in love with. I am sorry but I can't give him pain by making him live with a shell of what I used to be."

That was the moment Reg couldn't stay outside any longer and he stepped in, his presence putting a halt to Eleanor and Esme's conversation.

Eleanor looked mortified that he had heard her say all that but his eyes were glistening with sorrowful tears as he came closer to her, sitting down on the bed beside her. She drew back as if she didn't want him to be that close, as if she was afraid that he would get tainted too if he touched her.

But he knew he had to put that fear out of her mind or else she would keep living with the guilt forever.

"Elle, I love you," he spoke up, taking both her hands in his, "everything that has happened till now can't change that fact."

Esmeralda decided to give the two privacy as she silently stood up and left the room. Eleanor's eyes were focused on Regulus so she didn't notice her leaving.

"No... I... I am not... Pure enough... For someone like you," she let those painful words out, her heart-wrenching as she spoke in a trembling voice.

"But I can't live without you," he reasoned, "why do you keep blaming yourself? You went through hell to save me. Why would I not do the bare minimum of accepting you at your worst? You've done the same for me."

"But Reg..."

He gently hushed all her concerns, bringing her close to him in a much-needed embrace. That once he was careful that she did not go through a panic attack again like the previous night.

"You chose to stay for me even when you figured out that I was a Death Eater. You gave up everything for me even though people from the same faction as mine murdered your parents. You went back in time to reverse my death. You did it all out of the love you had for me. And my dear Eleanor, I would have done the same if the roles were to be reversed. I can't do everything you did for me right now but let me at least prove to you how much I value you. Let me accept you and love you, please."

His shirt was getting wet from her tears as she held onto him tightly, overwhelmed by all that he had said to her.

"Please, Eleanor," he whispered in a gentle tone, "let me be there for you."

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