We are all monsters, Eleanor. Some more than the others but monsters nevertheless.

His words were echoing in her head again and again, not letting her rest for even a minute. And it stung so bad because he was right.

She couldn't help but think that even she wasn't as innocent as she claimed herself to be, even she could be deemed as a monster because in truth there was little to no difference between monsters and humans.

As she held the knife that she had sneaked out from the kitchen over her wrist, the sharp blade hovering centimeters above her translucent skin, her life played on repeat for her.

She was the youngest child to Henry and Diana Troy, the eldest being her sister Esmeralda. She had seen a life of privilege due to her family ranking in one of the most powerful pureblood families of America. Esmeralda had been schooled in Ilvermorny but before Eleanor had to start schooling, they had to move to Britain hence she had been enrolled into Hogwarts instead.

She was sorted into Slytherin at Hogwarts and for good reason too for she had always been ambitious, always been the one to look for any ways possible to achieve her target.

And while she gave the impression that she had a strong moral compass, she wouldn't hesitate to blur her lines when needed. Not even once had she been in a detention at school but that wasn't because she never got into mischief, she did. In fact she got into mischief almost as much as her boyfriend's prankster brother did.

The only difference was that unlike him, she never got caught.

And then there was Regulus, the first person she had befriended at school and gotten closer with over the years. Closer to the extent that from best friends they had very quickly evolved into more and even their families approved of their union for they had decided to get the two married soon after their school years.

But as she recalled all the time she had spent with Reg, she couldn't help but think she had been unbelievably selfish with him. He loved her selflessly and she had always taken it for granted. It wasn't that she didn't love him back, she loved him just as much but unlike him, she was the demanding one.

Once she set her mind on something, she hardly ever listened to anyone, not even to Reg. He was always the one who would have to give in at the end.

However, after school years ended, the first wizarding war was already at peak and they were supposed to choose their sides. Regulus chose to be a Death Eater because that was expected from him.

Eleanor and her family preferred to stay neutral. Later on their choice of not to join the Dark Lord had resulted in their massacre by the Death Eaters after which only Eleanor had survived due to the fact that she had been with Regulus at that moment.

He couldn't see her in so much pain after losing her family and it hurt him to be a part of the people who had killed her family and caused pain to her. Such that she became the reason he chose to change sides and worked on taking Voldemort down and that in turn had become the cause to his death.

In a way she had been equally responsible for his tragic death too.

And she couldn't bear the thought of it.

Then after Reg's death, she had been inconsolable, blaming the war and Lord Voldemort for everything. After Reg, she had turned so bitter that she didn't even think twice before deciding to go back in time and kill the monster who started it.

But was she really killing Tom Riddle because she wanted the wizarding world to be safe from his terror or was she just killing him so that her own life would go back to normal?

So that she would have her lover back, her friends and family alive and her happiness intact. So that everything in her life would return to the norm she knew and cherished.

Yet how could one go back to normal after committing such a heinous deed as murder, even if the murder was that of a monster.

And had she ever thought that taking a life would make her no less of a killer either? No. In fact she had kept killing him over and over again despite knowing that it would be of no use.

Much to her frustration, Tom Riddle had been absolutely right about her.

She had kept killing him over and over again because she felt satisfaction to see him die. Because she relished in having that power over him to render him helpless in death.

Because in a sick and twisted way, no matter how much she suffered to be able to come to that moment, no matter how much pain she put herself through, she changed every single thing except the fact that she should be the one to kill Riddle in the end.

As she closed her eyes out of exhaustion, it all led to one conclusion: she was no saint either.

She had done monstrous things too.

The blade left a delicate red line, drops of blood trickling down from the thin cut on her wrist. But she couldn't press it further because if she killed herself then, what use would it be to suffer all the torture over and over again?

If she killed herself, would it not make her a coward? It would prove she was once again thinking only about her own self, ending her life to end her pain but leaving the Malfoys in clear threat from Tom Riddle.

Because if she died on their watch, both Abraxas and Roxanne would be punished far worse.

She realized that by deciding to end it for her own self without caring about the consequences it left the others in, she was once again being selfish.

Monstrously selfish.

Just like she had always been.

The knife fell from her hands with a clatter, the red trickling down from her wrist to her arm in thin lines but she paid no heed. She held her head in her hands, trying to hold back the guilty tears welling up inside her.

She didn't hear when the door to her room opened, didn't feel the hand close on to her wrist to stop the blood trickling down, the red lines reaching her elbow by then.

She didn't even hear the voice call out her name again and again, nor did she feel the hands shaking her to make her snap out of the trance she was in.

All she could hear was her own conclusion that she had been a monster too. She had been responsible for Reg's death, she had killed Tom over and over again and she had been extremely selfish.

"Eleanor, snap out of it!"

Her eyes fluttered open in shock, her breath hitching in her throat to see Tom in front of her, his hands grabbing her by the arms tightly. His palm was tainted red with the blood that was trickling down her wrist, sealing the wound as he muttered a spell that she couldn't hear clearly.

She looked up at him as if she didn't even recognize him and that blank unresponsive state she had lapsed into irked Tom. He had never seen her like that, she had always kept fighting back and riling him up with anger but right then she was staring at him with such a lost look that it cut through him.

He could find out in a heartbeat what was troubling her if he used Legilimency on her. But for some reason, he decided against it.

Green eyes slowly came back to normal from the blank haze she was stuck in and the instant she realized he was there, she pulled herself away from him.

She flinched each time he got close to her and while it bothered him intensely to see that, he knew he was the one to blame for that indeed.

He hadn't been exactly courteous to her a few nights before and no wonder she couldn't step out from that trauma.

Trauma that he had inflicted upon her himself and though at that time he hadn't felt even an ounce of regret, right then he felt conflicted.

"What do you want?" She spoke up, seeing that he was kneeling on the floor in front of the bed even then, features morphed into an intensely thoughtful expression.

"Nothing," he replied, rising to his feet at last.

She was quite visibly surprised, "nothing?"

"Don't make me change my mind, love," a faint smile played upon his lips and she retreated away from him in alarm. But then he added, "no, I didn't mean anything like that. Just take a walk with me, I feel you've been pondering what I said to you last night and have been confused."

She hesitated; he knew exactly why she was troubled and was offering to talk about it. That was something very out of the ordinary.

"Eleanor..."

"Fine," she stood up as well but kept the distance of an arm's length between them, "but you're not to come any closer than this."

His expression fell at the remark but surprisingly he agreed, "difficult but I'll manage."

He held the door open for her as she stepped out but he took the lead, directing her to the unused parts of the Manor where there was total silence.

Large empty corridors unfurled in front of them as they walked, the silence heavy because Eleanor didn't want to talk and Tom was taking his time in observing her.

At last he voiced out the question that had been plaguing him for days. "Who is Regulus?"

She stiffened and stopped in her tracks while he felt an unfathomable spark radiate from her. It was almost as if by saying that name, he had touched upon a sensitive nerve and it was taking all the strength in her not to lash out at him.

"You killed Regulus," her cold reply took him by surprise as she stormed off further into the corridors, paying no heed to him calling her to come back.

***