It was an eerie feeling being in Sarah's room , the place she had grown up and matured. The place she could not return. June March stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom, her eyes tracing down her body. She had an unsettled feeling inside of her, she couldn't find the root of it exactly. Maybe it was because she had to attend a gala with the person she despised most in the world. Maybe it was the fact that she hadn't heard anything from the group. Maybe it was the fact that the strange vibe between her and Rafe was a bit overwhelming, one moment they were bordering on some kind of friendship and another moment they were at each others throats. Maybe it was because all of these thoughts of JJ were begging to be let out from where she had locked them away, but if Rafe was good for anything...it was a distraction. There was a knock on the bedroom door, June turning her head to look in the direction of the door.

"Come in." The knob turned and Rafe entered the room, a surprisingly soft look on his face as he did. He was in a black tuxedo, his tie undone around his neck as he stepped further inside. He was amazed by her once again, his jaw wanting to drop but his pride keeping his mouth closed. She was dressed in an extremely flattering black gown to match his suit, Rafes fingers coming up to wipe at his mouth as he shook his head at her. Her hair had been pulled from the ponytail and had fallen in waves, and she had put makeup on. June had been surprised when she had seen the dress, she had suspected Rafe would dress her in something that showed off parts of her body that she didn't want him to see, but she had been wrong with this assumption. It was an elegant and simply modest dress, Rafe having chosen it to showcase his respect for her. His care for her. It made her feel sick the longer she thought about it.

"I did pretty good I think." He said, and she appreciated that he didn't comment directly on her appearance. They stood there, June wanting to feel absolute dread but not being able to manage it. Uneasiness was all. For a moment she figured he wanted to say something important, the way his lips pursed and he dodged her gaze but he must've decided not to, because he ran a hand over his head and then sighed.

June wanted to start the night on a good note, wanted things to go well. She had thought long and hard about how to proceed, and she realized she was drained and tired of fighting with him. She had made her bed and that meant she had to lie in it. She started towards him, her eyes glazed and glistening with something he hadn't seen in awhile. Her hands lifted from her sides and she reached towards his neck, Rafe holding his breath as he waited for what she would do. He felt his heart swell when she started to adjust his tie, the corner of her lip lifting as she began to tie it. His eyebrows furrowed and he was deeply confused, but he wouldn't ruin this moment by questioning her. He stared down at her with a softened gaze as she fixed his tie, Junes eyes glued to the fabric. It felt right to do this, to ease some of the tension between them. This was her part of the deal, she supposed she could make the most of it.

"Thanks." He said in a low whisper as she moved her hands down from his chest, a sincere smile gracing her lips for a moment before she turned away from him. She walked over to the mirror and fixed her hair a little more, the slicked back pieces of it giving her an elegant and sophisticated look. She didn't look 17, she looked older. This reminded Rafe of her birthday, and he considered his next moves and how she would react if he went with them. However he had remembered the occasion, the boy shoving his hands into his pockets and speaking again. "You know I actually got you something for your birthday."

"What?"

"I saw it a few months ago and I thought of you. You know...before everything happened." She looked at him with anguish and uncertainty, Rafe feeling his chest constrict as he looked at her. To him, their love story was the most tragic of all time. He swiped his thumb across the edge of his bottom lip and then shook his head, looking down at his shoes. "Yeah I bought it and I planned on doing some apologizing and begging and fixing things and then...I don't know. Everything happened."

Her eyebrows pulled together and she felt her heart shake, it was strange sympathizing for him. Knowing what could've been if their lives hadn't been flipped upside down. And then she remembered why it had flipped, who had flipped it, and the sympathy drained from her body. Rafe held up a finger, June letting out a breath as he disappeared from the room. She wracked her brain for what the gift could possibly be, but when he reentered the room she was caught off guard by what he brought in with him.

"I remember how much you liked growing things, and when we used to go on walks and stuff you would tell me what the plants were. So I...well I saw this one and got it for you." Rafe held out a large potted plant, a book under his arm catching her attention as she grabbed the plant. She got a funny feeling in her ribcage as she looked at the potted plant again, unable to formulate words. He was right. Before everything she had had quite the interest in plants, in growing things, it made her feel good, better. All of the plants in her room had now wilted and she eyed the blossoming leaves, a pit dropping into her stomach when she realized that he had been taking care of this thing for months with the intention of giving it to her. Watering it and keeping it alive to give to her. The effort astounded her. "It's a Peace Lily. I know you like lilies and I thought the peace part was clever. Maybe not as much now. And this book...it's about all kinds of plants, and like ones you can identify in nature and all of that shit you used to do. I thought you'd like it. Here let me—"

He grabbed the pot from her hands, putting it down on the desk in Sarah's room. June didn't know what to say as she looked down at the cover of the book, her fingers running over the words. She wasn't reading them, instead she was thinking so heavily that she had zoned out, the strange feeling in her body making her confused. This was something else, it was strange to think of what interested her before, it was strange to think about how different she was now. It was strange to think that he had planned to make amends with her, that the things that now troubled them were once nonexistent and at one point he had never tried to kill her, he was just a bad ex boyfriend. She swallowed as she looked up at him, a feeling passing between the both of them  at the same time. She could tell he was thinking the same thing as she was, about the past...about what they both wished they could change. Rafe let out an exasperated breath, a tortured look on his face as he breathed out the words he had to say, the words he had to get off of his chest.

"June I—I know what I did to you was wrong okay? I know I hurt you and that I scare you and I know you hate me and I get it...I get that. I—I'm not okay...I know that too. I need help. I do. I'm not okay. But—but I'm trying to do what I can to fix this. Because I don't want you to hate me forever. I don't want you to be afraid of me. I didn't mean to hurt you. Sometimes I just—sometimes I get these voices in my head and they get so loud. And most of the time when we're together I can't hear them but I— when—when I knew you weren't on my side anymore they were there, and I really just wish you could forgive me. That's all I want. " June furrowed her eyebrows at his words, her eyes on his hand that was pressed against his chest. She felt her heart clench, her stomach turning as she tried to process what he said.  He had gotten closer to her, his body mere inches from hers as he looked at her with eyes full of emotion. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't speak, she felt like she couldn't even think. She considered his words, he was self aware, but that didn't excuse anything. It was hard to listen to her confess that he needed help again, that he knew he wasn't okay in the head that he knew he had done wrong but couldn't do anything about it. She blinked a few times and then took a step back, closing her eyes for a moment and then shaking her head, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak.

"I can try." She wasn't sure where the words had come from, the deep depths of her soul perhaps. But she had meant them, and she wasn't sure if it was because of her natural people pleasing heart or because she thought she really had the capacity to forgive him for what he had done, but she knew it wouldn't be easy. He had wronged her more than anyone in her life, but she looked at his face and wondered if forgiving him would be the first step in her healing, if coming to terms with what he had done to her would help to fix her own broken mind. She was willing to try.

She watched him break, a crack in his hardened demeanor splitting completely open. His first glimmer of real hope in a long time, it was a marvelous feeling to be offered the opportunity for forgiveness. He nodded slightly, feeling his heartbeat accelerate as she gave him a genuine look and then he cleared his throat, breaking the moment between them and looking towards the door.

"We uh...we should head out. Don't wanna be late."

:::

I know we're missing JJ and June but I gotta throw the Rafe chapters in to set up the plot for the JJ chapters so PLEASE bear with me bc the next few are gonna be Rafe and June and June solo chapters. But I swear we're coming back to JJ.

Let me know what you're thinking of the story so far!!