Melody

My chest seemed to squeeze uncomfortably as I stared at the bottle of appetite suppressants in Carson's hand. He glared at the bottle as he read off the side effects.

"Increased heart rate and blood pressure, insomnia, headache, dry mouth, constipation, vomiting, nausea, dizziness... Christ, Melody, why do you have these?" Carson asked. His voice was softer than before, but I could still hear a hard edge to it.

"I-I–" I stuttered, grasping at a half true explanation.

"I just want the truth," he said. I pressed my lips together and Carson stared at the bottle. "Vomiting, nausea, dizziness.... vomiting, nausea, dizziness... have you been taking these?"

I could feel tears welling up my eyes as my heart hammered against my rib cage. I blinked them away but didn't know how he wanted me to respond. I didn't know how I wanted to respond. All I could make sense of was the fact that there was an overwhelming urge to go and get them and once I did, I felt better. How could I explain that all I saw was fat and anything I could do to change it was fair game? How could I tell him that without making him want to walk away and never look back?

You can't.

Carson searched my face and found his answer there.

"These are so dangerous and unhealthy." Carson said. "Why?" I stared down at the table, letting my hair curtain my face as a few spare tears rolled off the tip of my nose. Carson sighed, thought it was slight, I could hear his breath shake. "Did Margot make you take them?"

"Margot doesn't make me do anything but overeat and feel bad about it afterwards," I muttered, glaring at my teardrops against the wood.

"And you felt bad enough to take them?" Carson asked hesitantly.

"It's been a few days, it's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal!" Carson insisted. I glanced at him then, seeing worry written across his face like words on a chalkboard. It was then that I settled on a half-truth; one that he could wrap his mind around. One that would hurt less.

"It's not!" I replied. "I just thought...it would help with modelling."

"Modelling? But you're doing so well!" Carson said.

"I could be doing better. They always want someone who's perfect and I thought they might help." The half-truth. They wanted the skinny girls and I was not one of them.

"You don't need these Mellie; you're perfect," Carson said, standing up. He opened up the bottle of appetite suppressants, as he walked over to the garbage.

"What are you– Carson don't you dare!" I stood up and watched as he emptied out the diet pills into the garbage. A light thud let me know their plastic container had joined them in the trash. A few more tears travelled down my face and brushed them away angrily. "Why would you do that?"

I sat down in my chair, still fuming from the loss of my appetite suppressants. Carson walked over to me and reached for my hand, but I pulled away from him slightly. I didn't miss the hurt expression on his face before he replaced it with a small smile. It made me want to kick myself. All I did was make a mess of things.

"You don't need to be taking diet pills or anything dangerous like that," he said, sitting down and leaning towards me. He gently wiped the tears off my cheeks with his thumbs. "You are beautiful." My head was already shaking in disagreement before the words were fully out of his mouth. "I mean it Melody; you are beautiful and I just want you to be healthy."

What I couldn't bring myself to say was that I didn't care about being healthy. I cared about being pretty. I cared about being perfect. Though Carson told me I was, I never saw what he saw, and my body recoiled from the idea of me being worthy of being described as beautiful.

Ms. Foster entered the room, hands filled with stacks of paper. Carson sat up straighter, and I reached for my backpack to take out my art binder like I had planned to before all of this mess. The tension in the air was almost thick enough for me to reach out and hold it. Ms. Foster could sense it too, glancing between the two of us as she walked to her desk.

"Okay," I mumbled, though it left the taste of a lie on my tongue. Relief flooded Carson's features, the tension in the room dissipating with the tension in his body.

"Good," he whispered. The bell rang, making Carson put his lunch containers into his backpack and then stand up. "I'll see you later, okay?" he said, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

"Okay," I replied. He leaned down and gave my forehead a kiss before turning to go. I watched him walk out of the classroom and I sighed, avoiding Ms. Foster's concerned gaze.

Students began filing into the classroom, all with excited chatter from left over conversations at lunch. Emma was one of the first people in and sat next to me. I took a split second to pull it together and pasted a smile onto my lips before turning to face her.

"Ugh, I had a test that ran late and then had to buy my lunch." Emma launched into her story without any need for a prompt. Her fiery red hair was pulled up into two little buns that bounced ever so slightly when she spoke.

"Hey hey!" Julia cheered as she sat down. "Oh my gosh, Emma! You should totally come to V's party on Saturday too! I'm sure Harvey would have brought you as a plus one anyways but–" she lowered her voice. "Wait, you're still talking to Harvey, right? Don't think I didn't see that little New Year's kiss."

"I–"

"Jennette!" Julia called, cutting Emma off as her blonde-haired friend approached us. "Guess who's coming to V's party!"

"I guess that's me," Emma mumbled giving me a curious look. I smirked at her but was secretly glad she was invited too. That was one girl I didn't have to worry about shaving my eyebrows off or something.

Julia laughed in response to Emma.

"We'll see you both there then," Jennette said, a small smile on her face.

"See you both where?" Diesel's booming voice echoed across the room.

"V's party!" Julia replied. "You're obvi coming right?"

"Obvi," Diesel replied in a falsetto, making the girls laugh. I forced a smile before bringing my eyes back down to my art book in front of me. Alarms went off in my head every time I felt his gaze resting on me. He seemed too smug, too sure of himself, and it didn't help my already anxious body settle down.

***

After school I walked slowly to my locker. Preoccupied with my thoughts, I didn't even notice Rose and the twins standing by the lockers I was passing much less a foot that one of them stuck out as I passed by.

My books tumbled out of my hands as they reached out to brace me as my body tumbled towards the floor. The sound of skin against the tile resounded over the chatter of students around. Audible gasps were heard but Rose's phoney gasp was the loudest.

"Oh my gosh! Melody! Are you okay?" she exclaimed loudly.

"I hope the baby is okay!" Summer said feigning shock.

"Stop with the rumours! I'm not pregnant," I yelled gathering my things. Rose bent down as if she was helping me.

She leaned closely to my ear as she reached out a hand to me. "Just because a few people don't hate you anymore doesn't mean you're not still garbage that belongs on the floor. Model or not." I ignored her outstretched hand and looked her square in the face. "You can't outrun your past... Didi." She stood up and loomed over me. "See you at the party!" She said loudly with a smile.

I got up with my things in my stinging, red hands and gave her my sweetest smile before walking away. I felt stupid for even thinking that I could go somewhere new with all my issues and not have it backfire on me. I was a natural born people repellent. I threw my books in my locker angrily one by one.

"Easy tiger, what happened?" Carson's voice just made me more upset because I was tired of being upset in front of him. Counterintuitive.

"Nothing!" I snapped, slamming my locker shut. Curious eyes turned to look at me and I took a deep breath. The only eyes that mattered were the honey brown ones that filled with amusement when I yelled unnecessarily at the boy who owned them. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, cheeks heated with embarrassment.

"I've seen happy Melody, sad Melody, and neutral Melody, but never angry Melody... she's feisty," Carson teased. If it was possible, my cheeks felt hotter.

"Shut up," I mumbled, reaching to shove him, playfully. Carson caught my hand and noticed my palms were bright red, flaming from the impact of the hall floor.

"Who did this?" Carson asked. His voice low and filled with fury, as if he were already plotting their demise.

"I fell. It's fine," I said, brushing it off. I wasn't quite sure why I was covering for Rose, but I also didn't really feel like going into it with him. Carson gave me a look, not buying it at all. I smirked at him and leaned against the lockers. "Now who's feisty?"

Carson laughed and pulled me towards him, playfully. "Still you."

_____________

Author's Note: YOU ARE NO LONGER HANGING ON THE CLIFF! Haha! It took me a moment there to figure out where I was going with this lil discovery here... so I hope you like it! 

I do want to take a moment to say that if you ever see a friend or someone you know with diet pills or doing some of the things Melody is doing, please do tell trusted adult like a parent or guidance counsellor or doctor! Many people (like Carson) don't realize that it is an option, and think they can handle on their own. You can't. So it's always better to get help! (Obvi we'll deal with that in the book when it gets there.... but I just wanted to say that!)

This is random but take care of yourselves! Drink some tea, take a warm bath, talk to a friend, journal, feel the sunshine! I dunno! I just hope you're all doing well! :)

Shout outs for voting/commenting this chapter go to:

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And of course, thank you all for reading, voting and commenting! It really makes my day! I can't believe we're already at 458,000 reads and 18,400 votes!! It literally blows my mind!