Melody

Day One

I want to be thin

I want to be paper thin

Like the pages from a book

Like the lines between tiles

Like the space between two fingers

But I never will be

Day Two

I'm impatient with inpatient

they want me to eat all of what they prepare

they want me not to care

about what I put into my mouth

about what goes into my stomach

about what attaches it self to my hips

to my waist

to my legs

to my face.

I can't do it

I can't be here

I tried

I can't be here.

I don't want to be anywhere.

I tried

I tried

I'm sorry

I tried.

Day Five

The numbers aren't just on the scale,

They're written on the food

And they're swimming in the drinks.

2000 slipped slowly to 500 and that to barely 100.

I keep counting, I can't stop...

I really can't stop.

32

46

– too much –

17

22

I can't stop.

I really can't stop.

Not good enough.

Never good enough.

My mind is full, ready to explode.

At least my stomach is emptier.

Day Eight

I wonder how he's doing

If he is okay

If he worries about me

Will he want me back?

Will he still want me when I gain it all back?

Does he miss me like I miss him?

(I hope so.)

Day Ten

I think about it every second

every hour

my mind feels like it is losing its power

because no matter if I'm thinner

this disorder will end up the winner

day twelve

they want me to be okay

they now know I'm not

they see my bones even if I don't

they see my hands shake

even when I think I can hide it

they see my tear stained cheeks

even when I wash my face

they want me to be okay

maybe I want to be too

dear food (day fourteen)

please don't be my enemy

it doesn't have to be this way

you used to fill me up

you used to keep me going

now you weigh me down

you fight to be near me

you scare me

you don't have to anymore

____________

Author's Note: I thought I'd try something a little different for this chapter! I thought that using poetry to express Melody's mental state and her growth in inpatient would be unique and interesting. Haha fingers crossed that it was! 

Hopefully I will get the next chapter to you soon! Things are so busy! Also... the next chapter is going to be the last chapter before the Epilogue! :O I'm kind of freaking out myself at this lol but I think that all the story lines have been leading to this point, so its pretty exciting to see it all wrap up at the same time.

Everyone take care of yourselves! Much love! xoxo