Melody

Monday came and I had barely slept. I had managed maybe two hours throughout the night. My head felt like a big ball of fog that was constantly throbbing. My eyes were tired, and I felt out of it. Still, I managed to drag on an oversized black turtleneck sweater, black skinny jeans, and little black boots.

I stopped at my bathroom door for a minute staring into it. Wondering if I could do it on my own. I put a foot inside, feeling the tile on my toes. I took a deep breath, trying to settle my heartrate. I concentrated on the sink and getting there. Once I stood in front of the sink, I focused on just breathing through brushing my teeth, through doing my makeup, through brushing my hair. I was so concentrated on breathing that I barely remembered doing everything else after leaving the bathroom.

I walked downstairs and pulled on my jacket, trying to push the anxiety down deep past the pit of my stomach. My hand twisted the door handle, pulling it open, letting the cold air hit my face.

Carson was waiting in his car for me and I walked out to him. The air seemed a little chillier and harder to take in, the closer I got to the car, and the idea of getting to school felt darker and darker.

"Hey," Carson said quietly. He was careful, watching me; I could see it on his face. But I was too tired to hide how tired I felt.

"Hi," I mumbled as I closed the car door behind me. I rested my head on the seat and stared out the windshield.

"Did you get any sleep?" Carson asked, knowing very well that 'how are you?' would have been a stupid question.

"A little," I settled on as he pulled out into the road. Sugar coating it was easier than worrying him.

"I brought you a vanilla latte. Probably not as good as the café but hopefully decent," he said, motioning to a travel mug in the cup holder.

"Thanks." I picked it up and held it between my hands and let the warmth seep into the skin of my palms.

Then there was quiet. The faint sound of the radio was in the background and the hum of the car engine was layered beneath it. As we drove closer towards the school, my chest felt tighter and tighter.

I wasn't ready to see him.

Why did I think coming to school today was a good idea?

I could see the school in the distance, and it felt like my head was floating a little. Like my body wasn't quite attached and like my knees were no longer there.

I wasn't ready to see him.

My breath was shaky as we neared the parking lot, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I glared out the window and tried to settle down. Carson pulled into a parking spot facing away from the school.

"Ready to go inside?"

"Mhm." I didn't meet his eyes as I mumbled it. I unbuckled my seat belt and opened my car door. A shiver ran through my body as the cold air hit me. I closed the car door behind me and joined Carson, who was waiting for me to walk inside.

I could feel my heart pounding in my throat as I stepped foot in the hallway. My ears were ringing slightly, and I kept my eyes glued to the floor. I could feel the gazes of people on me, but I couldn't bring my eyes up to confirm it.

We ran into Emma, Alani, and Harvey at my locker. They all looked as if they were ready to jump at me any second, so I mustered up a smile. I wasn't all too sure where it came from, but I wasn't ready for a swarm of questions.

"Hey guys!" I said. It wasn't cheery but it wasn't half as dreary as my greeting to Carson.

"Hey," Emma started, a bit thrown by my tone. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"Fine!" I said, the same vague tone coming out of my mouth.

"Are you sure?" Alani asked. "We were texting you all day yesterday."

"Oh! I was just watching movies with Carson," I said casually. As I glanced to meet his eyes, I noticed the confusion in them. He heard the blatant lie slip from between my lips effortlessly.

"Oh! Okay. Um, that's good then," Emma said. Whether she believed me or not was unclear, but I didn't give her very long to tell me otherwise.

I opened my locker quickly and threw my books in there. "See you all later?" I added, slamming it shut.

"Yeah," they all mumbled, watching me carefully.

Carson and I walked by them towards my class. Once we were a little further from them, he stopped me.

"What happened back there?" It was a fair question.

"I don't know. I don't want them all worried and whatever," I mumbled. "You shouldn't worry either. I'm fine."

"Melody, you're n–"

"I'm fine," I repeated. "I'll see you at lunch?"

"Okay," Carson sighed. "I'll see you then."

***

I don't remember what happened in class during first or second period. It was all one big blur. It was a smear of faces and words that didn't quite register in my brain as I replayed the weekend's events and tried to stay calm. A smudge of trying to fake smile at eyes that met mine, trying to hear past the ringing in my ears, trying to prepare myself in case I ran into him.

The bell for lunch rang and that was when I realized how much time had passed. That's when I realized I was headed to lunch. My heart felt like it was doing double time as I walked towards the art room. My lungs clenched in my chest, refusing to accept anything but the bare minimum of oxygen. My eyes burned, with tears that I denied any opportunity to let fall.

I stepped into the art room and Ms. Foster was at her desk. She glanced up casually when she noticed my presence, going back to her work before doing a double take to look at me once again.

"Hey lovely," she said, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

"Hi Ms. Foster," I mumbled. I sat down at my usual seat and stared straight-ahead, over to the corner where we grabbed our easels. I frowned. Was that the start of everything and I did nothing to stop it? Should I have said more? Been firmer? Been clearer? Was it my fault?

"How are you Melody?" Pulled from my thoughts, I glanced over at her, watching me from her desk.

"I'm fine," I said, with a slight shrug of the shoulders, before reaching into my backpack and grabbing my sketchbook.

"Are you sure?" The concern on her face made me uncomfortable. Too many emotions were rising. I gave her a smile.

"Totally," I insisted. Then, Carson and our friends poured into the room. While I thought it would be a break from Ms. Foster's line of questioning, they picked up where she left off.

"Hey Mellie," Carson said sitting down beside me.

"Mel!" Emma cheered softly as she sat down on my other side. Alani sat across from me, and Harvey next to Emma and Noah next to Alani.

"Hey," I responded. Everyone took their lunches out of the bags, while I looked down at my empty sketchbook page.

"You okay?" Carson asked.

"Yeah," I replied. He pulled out his lunch and some light snacks. Rice crackers, veggies, granola bars.

"Want anything?" he asked, motioning to the pile. I stared at his bruised knuckles and I was suddenly replaying him punching Diesel. I swallowed hard.

"No, thanks."

"You sure you're okay?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, because you can totally talk to us," Alani added.

"I'm fine," I said emphasizing the lie. "Just talk like you all normally would do. Please. Everything's fine." I watched as their eyes shot across to each other, questioning whether it really was as fine as I forcefully put it. However, I dragged my attention to my sketchbook and drew mindless circles on the page and held my breath until I heard someone break the silence.

"So, um, anyone see any good memes lately?" Noah asked. There was light laughter as the tension had been broken slightly, and I was able to slip under the radar. I drew tiny little circles on the page until the bell rang and my hand was almost numb. I focused on that hoping my reeling thoughts would die down. Maybe I wouldn't think about Margot or Diesel. Only circles.

"Are you going to be alright in this class?" Carson asked quietly. I could only nod. The lie couldn't find its way to my tongue.

"I'll be here too," Emma said. I nodded again.

"Don't be late," I said quietly.

"I won't," Carson smiled. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and rushed off to his next class. A few students filed into our classroom. My heartrate picked up and dipped with each set of footsteps that neared the door, making me feel kind of lightheaded.

I had almost let my guard down, when the final bell rang. Maybe he wouldn't come to class. Maybe he looked like hell and felt like it too. Maybe I'd get a break today.

And then Diesel walked into the room.

____________

Author's Note: Hi. lol I'm alive.

Sorry for the long wait, it has taken multiple attempts, but I was able to muster up the strength to start writing again. It's been a journey lol... Thank you all for being so patient and kind! I appreciate each and everyone of you! Your kind comments and even the people that went as far as messaging me! It really means a lot to know that I have your support!

Just wanted to say that seeking the help that you need is SO important. If any of you are on the fence about wanting address an issue in your life, or go and get help for whatever it is your facing, mental health related or other wise, this is your sign! Go do it!! Not only do you deserve it, but it actually makes a difference. Take care of yourselves!

Story related... I hope you liked this chapter! I know I already left you on a cliff hanger LOL but I wanted to show a little of Melody trying to be okay when she's clearly not! Aha... What do you think might happen next?

Also!! 751,000 reads?!! You're all amazing and I'm so grateful! Thank you so much! <3

I will try to have another chapter soon, but I'm a theatre major, and building a show from scratch... so February will be trying times my friends! Hopefully during my break I can get something to you all!

Melody's outfit:

Shoutouts this chapter go to:

SylvaRerum

gomsilo

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Alysha_1234567

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