𝗟𝗘𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 𝗧𝗢 𝗡𝗬𝗔;
☁️ ˗ˏˋ𝙹𝙰𝚈𝙰 𝙰𝙽𝙶𝚂𝚃'ˎ˗

prompt;
Jay dies; Mrs Walker sends Nya letters
in which he mentions her.

disclaimer;
implications of suicide, mentions of
death

🌧️🦋⚡

A box. Laid on the wooden table was a plain, midnight blue box. It had nothing on it whatsoever, not even a signature, or any evidence that it had been owned by someone. Mrs Walker, Jay's mum, had sent it to me this morning, but I hadn't gotten the chance to check it out. The mere thought of Jay ached my heart. I had lost him, so had everyone else. He was gone.

However, he would forever stay in our hearts as the joker that brought smiles to everyone's faces. One glance at the huge grin that once played on his lips was capable of turning one's frown upside down, making them forget of whatever that concerned them. His jokes, on the other hand, had never been offensive, and that only made them funnier.

Despite that, beyond the facade was a broken boy. A miserably one that had given up on life, deciding to put smiles on others' faces solely because he couldn't do it to himself. Each and everyone of them were fake, and I couldn't help but feel utterly stupid for failing to see the insincerity hidden behind in them. But that was all in the past. He left. The guilt didn't.

Placing my hand on the lid, I took it off, my other hand supporting the bottom of the box. Inside was a stack of envelopes of different colours, some stained with tea, others wrinkled. Most were blue, and it wasn't much of a shock as it had always been his favourite colour. Reluctantly, I took one out, eying it before reading the letter that had been sealed inside it.

The words were written neatly, and it would've looked like it had been printed out if there weren't that many crosses. Nevertheless, it was presentable. Wrinkly but presentable. My eyes scanned the letter, secretly envying his writing, before actually reading the words scribbled onto the piece of paper.

1st Nov 2017

Dear Mum,

I still don't know why you refuse to buy a phone. It's easier that way, but I guess we can keep exchanging letters. Writing 'till my hand hurts is worth it. Better to keep contact than not to. But anyway, I wanted to tell you about my new friend.

She's really fun to be around. Not the nicest of the bunch, but she'd stand up to you anytime. People find her either intimidating or a cinnamon roll that can be taken advantage of. The first one might be somewhat true, but the second one is far from it. I don't find her intimidating, rather, intriguing.

At times, she comes off as rude, but I know better than to take offence. Usually, she'd apologise seconds later, but others, her pride would get the best of her. Despite appearing perfect in every category, she has flaws too. We all do. It took her time to open up to me, and when she finally has, I can still feel her pushing me away from her. She started telling me more about her life a few days ago, and I'm grateful for that.

From what I've been told, she's really ambitious. That's what her brother said. I've never noticed that, but now that I think of it, she sort of is. She'd go through heights to get what she wants, even if it means telling the biggest lie to the most powerful person in the world. Though, she can be very, extremely kind.

Once, she helped me do my homework in the library. I don't know why she offered to help, but it was probably because she was annoyed at seeing me stare blankly at the page like some sort of statue you'd see outside a public library. Not that libraries have statues. They could, but you know.

She's good.

Love,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

18th Nov 2017

Dear Mum,

You know I love you, right? I can't wait to go back to the junkyard for Christmas, which is about a month away, and eat your incredible gingerbread men. Everything you make are the best, but I have to say, your gingerbread men are the best of the best. Anyways, it's her birthday today, thus, why I'm writing.

She doesn't even consider me her friend, so I even know why I bother getting her a gift. I haven't, but I'm planning on it. However, I have absolutely no idea what to give her. My favourite hoodie could be it, but that seems a bit to personal, especially since our friendship is one-sided. She probably won't like it. The problem is, I don't even know what she likes.

Lipstick? She'd use it as chalk.

Love,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

20th Jan 2018

Dear Dad,

I haven't written to you since I stayed with Cole's family. Mum might've told you about my experiences in Ninjago High, so I guess I don't have to tell you about them. I deeply apologise for not writing to you as often as I do with Mum, which is one of the reasons I'm writing to you now. Lately, I've also been wondering how you've been, and if you've got any new inventions you'd like to tell me about. But for now, allow me to tell you a tale about my Geography partner and I.

Once upon a time, a geography teacher partnered me up with a girl that sat behind me. She had raven hair, eyes like the ocean, and was often seen with a no emotion evident on her face. When she found something amusing, a smirk would creep up her lips. She never laughed. I never knew why, and I've always tried to figure it out. Although my attempts usually failed, I never gave up.

Since we were asked to work together, I moved to the seat next to her, which had been occupied by her twin brother. Her brother and I were friends, and I considered her one too. She didn't. To her, I was an acquaintance. I didn't mind it. It wasn't like I kneeled for her friendship and earned a rejection speech from her.

The whole lesson, it was me who did most of the talking. When I told Cole that, he simply shook his head, telling me it was as normal as hearing ducks quack. So, yeah, maybe I was a teeny tiny bit talkative, but at least I made an effort to talk to her when he didn't, despite knowing her much longer than I have. But, I guess, making friends wasn't his main priority. It had never been, unlike me, who had practically made a vow to do so.

Our work was handed in at the end of the day. We finished it in the library during lunch, where we snuck some snacks. She had a chocolate bar in her pockets which, luckily, hadn't melted. She gave me half, and we nibbled away, hiding it under the table when the librarian would pass us by. The chocolates weren't exactly the best thing on earth, but they were enough to tame my grumbling stomach.

Then, we had a proper meal. I choked at one of her jokes, and she smirked slightly, indifference washing over her face not long after. She didn't attempt to rub my back. The thought probably didn't cross her mind, but the worry in her eyes were evident. I might've been reading it incorrectly, but she did ask if I was okay. Probably did it so she wouldn't come off as rude, but, hey, a guy could only dream.

Hoped you enjoyed my little bedtime story. I do hope you're reading this before bed, or else Kai would be getting that Ferrari I promised to buy him years ago. Please, I beg you, Dad, even if you're not reading this before you sleep, please tell him you are, or we'll go bankrupt before I could say, "oops!"

Love,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

14th Feb 2018

Dear Mum,

Don't you just love Valentine's Day? The day couples are encouraged to make out in the hallways, and basically just show off their sappy love to the whole school in the spirit of utter disgustingness. As a loner at heart, I don't have a date. Wouldn't dream of having one. Watching people kiss in a tree, and not hear their moaning in a supply closet, is definitely, totally, much preferred.

I just proposed to someone. Got rejected. Just kidding. I don't even have a crush on anyone, and I'm starting to think I'm one of those aromantic people. Not sure if that's how you spell it, but I'm sure it's close enough. It's a sexual orientation where someone doesn't seek for a relationship, like me, and can't seem to like anyone more than as a friend. That sentence describes my nonexistent love life.

My friends are all gallivanting off with their significant other, so I'm pretty much alone most of the time, and even when I'm not, I'm usually ignored as they're too busy showering their significant other with kisses, chocolates, suffocating hugs, and flowers that are in the verge of death. Fake flowers are a better option, but no, they're bought from stores so they don't contain any effort. What they never thought about is that flowers, once they're picked up, would die in a few days or so. Metaphorically, your "love" would die.

The whole thing is stupid anyway, not that your marriage is stupid, so I don't even know why I'm even care about their stupid love-effort crap. Thankfully, the girl I told you about doesn't have a partner, which sort of lessens my torment. At least, once in a while, I'd have someone to talk to. All we talk about is the weather, homework, and sometimes, I'd try to make it more meaningful by asking her a few rather personal questions. She probably lied her way through them, but hopefully not.

Somebody asked us if we were dating, and expectedly, she quickly denied the assumption. The person didn't question us further, knowing that we're barely friends, and walked away. She looked annoyed. Her fists were clenched as her eyes burned holes into the person's back. I had to hold her back from storming off towards him, and perhaps, throwing him a punch on the face. It wasn't exactly his fault his curiosity got the best of him. Maybe it was slightly nosy, but it didn't harm anyone, and it definitely didn't make him deserving of a face covered in blood, curtesy of a certain black-haired girl.

Like her brother, she had a temper, but unlike him, she was much calmer.

Love,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

10th June 2018

Dear Mum,

Nothing exciting has happened to me lately. How about you and Dad? Hopefully, unlike me, neither of you are dying of boredom. I'm currently listening to music whilst writing this, which pretty much useless information, but I thought you should know. There's not much to tell you, except the fact that the girl somewhat considers me as a friend, and that Kai's hair is now as spiky as a porcupine.

Last week, Kai asked me to hang out with him, and of course, I accepted his offer. Her sister tagged along, and it gave us an opportunity to get to know each other even better. She still hasn't quite opened up to me, which is a pity, but we're getting there. Anyway, Kai then decided to go to a hair salon, much to our dismay, and long story short, he decided to transform into a porcupine. His hairstyle isn't hideous as I make it seem, but seeing him like that is sort of weird. Seeing him with dishevelled, flat hair that covers his brows has been his signature look, and then, in a blink of an eye, I was introduced to a totally different version of Kai.

Prince Kai, Duke of Porcupines.

That sounds stupid, but who cares?

But I have to say, he really needed that change. His new haircut looks better than his previous one, which I've come to miss, and now, the amount of secret admirers he has, increased dramatically. It's amusing to see people drool over him as if he's a snack, or rather, as what some people call it, "shnack." Undoubtedly, he appreciates the attention, even blowing kisses to every person that he catches staring at him.

I received one. Now, people think we're dating. Kill me, please.

Sincerely annoyed,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

28th Sept 2019

Dear Dad,

You both are amazing. I don't know how to thank you for the birthday gifts you sent me yesterday, especially the device you invented with Cyrus Borg, my hero. I heard his daughter is planning on transferring to Ninjago High. My friend said so, as he's just as much of a fan of him as I am, so I'm not the slightest surprised that he decided to be a stalker for once. Cole said the blond has a crush on Borg's daughter, which I doubt, but it could be possible. Also, I thought you'd be interested in knowing the details of how the black-haired girl and I nearly killed each other.

It was like any other day. I was minding my business, smiling and being my usual self, when she fell on top of me. I was fine, since I'm as muscular as Mr Hulk next door, but when I saw her, I blacked out. Our faces were literally inches away from each other, and everyone was staring at us, making me embarrassed to the core, so I decided to casually faint like the genius I am. Despite being successful in acting as if it never happened, the whole day has been awkward for the both of us. At the end of the day, I decided to approach her. Her back was facing me, and when she heard my footsteps, she punched my face.

It was self-defence. She probably didn't even know it was me as I noticed her eyes dilating slightly, shocked maybe. After apologising, she went with me to the nurse, keeping me company 'till the nurse was done with my cheek. It didn't bleed, but it sure did hurt like hell. Before I entered the car, she apologised again, before leaving as if nothing ever happened.

So, maybe, we didn't nearly kill each other.

Love,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

28th Nov 2019

Dear Mum and Dad,

It's been exactly two months since I sent you a letter. Sadly, I can't come home for Christmas, but I've delivered you both presents that I'm sure you'd like. At least, I hope you would. I'm really, extremely sorry for not coming home, and also for ignoring your letters. Lots of things were going on, mostly good, so I sort of, lost track of time, I guess.

Sincerely,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

14th Feb 2020

Dear Mum,

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm single and proud.

Sincerely,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

17th March 2020

Dear Mum,

How's it going in the junkyard? Hope you and Dad are doing good. I am. Anyway, guess what, Mum? That girl I told you about finally considered me her friend. I thought I'd be six foot under once that'd happen. Guess life has other plans. She's my closest friend, right after Cole.

She's hilarious once you get to know her. Sarcastic even. But her sarcasm would usually be unleashed when she's either annoyed or angry. I must be an idiot, cause I can feel myself getting pulled towards her whenever she's furious, when I should be running for my life.

That's all I wanted to tell you, I guess. Love you since forever and till five-ever.

Sincerely,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

30th May 2020

Dear Mum,

Remember the days I wrote to you every week? I missed those days. Now, I can't seem to think of anything interesting to tell you. Everything's been sort of boring, but of course, I still manage to occupy myself with exciting activities like playing video games with Cole and the girl. Surprisingly, she's nearly as good as me, but I guess it's not that shocking as that girl is full of surprises.

Cole, being the gossip girl he is, accused me of liking her because I said she's a million times better than he is. Is it my fault that he is absolutely rubbish at gaming?

Sincerely,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

8th June 2020

Mum,

I think I like her.

Sincerely,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

10th June 2020

Mum,

I don't think she likes me back. It's fine, though. We can stay friends.

Sincerely,

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

15th July 2020

Mum,

What is life? Do I serve a purpose? I asked her that, and she said yes. What do you think?

𝓙𝓪𝔂.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, both from crying and laughing. I clutched the last letter, letting my tears land on it, before gingerly placing it on the table. My arms wrapped itself around my body, teeth biting my lip in a failed endeavour to contain my sorrow. I hated myself. I absolutely hated myself. It started on his birthday. That day, he changed. He became less talkative, cracked less jokes, and when he thought no one was looking, I'd catch him staring blankly at a random object, a frown on his lips. I had assumed it was nothing, thinking that it was normal for someone to be lost in thought. It was, but he, on the other hand, did it more than an average person, and his signature smile would fade away when it happened.

He often asked us how we were doing. We never asked him. Looks were deceiving. This could've been avoidable, he would still be alive, if we asked. A three-letter sentence. One that was capable of changing someone's fate, capable of saving them. Although his depression was derived of something else, one thing was for sure. His death was a result of our ignorance. My ignorance. I had noticed the change in his behavior, yet, I did nothing. Asking, despite it sounding ridiculous at that time, would've helped. It wouldn't hurt.

But it had been done. There was no going back.

My tears subsided, clearing my vision to be greeted by the word 'her.'

Could it be me?

A small smile made its way to my tear-glossed lips at the thought, but it soon faltered, morphing into a sad one. Licking my salty lips, I bit it briefly, before my gaze flickered to the letters he had sent in June, then to the first one. Eyes scanning the papers scattered on the tabletop, I roughly read through the boy's description of her, only to feel more tears slithering from my already-swollen eyes. Damp hands shot to my disheveled hair, elbows rested on the table as muffled cries escaped my lips.

He had fallen for me.

a/n

Wtf did I just write?

This probably sounds cruel, but I hope you cried in agony.

So, anyway, what do you think of the one-shot? 

edit: old one shot. written by 13yo!me