Twenty-two | Hard feelings

I can endure my own despair,
but not another's hope
—William Walsh

~•~

Nifemi peeked out the blinds when she heard the gate squeak open and smiled when she saw Kemi bundle in with the kids.

Pushing herself off the comfortable sofa, Nifemi dragged her feet lazily to open the door. Tobi had been excited about going to the Oakland amusement park for a week now so Nifemi practically begged Kemi to help her out. It was a Saturday and school resumption was on Monday, the holiday spirit wasn't going to last forever as usual.

Nifemi would have taken the kids herself but she decided that it was best to allow Kemi babysit to lift up her spirits a little. Nifemi sighed when she remembered how sullen the younger woman had looked this morning. She made a mental note to talk to Kemi about it.

"Mummy look! A teddy!" Tobi squealed when he burst through the door bouncing around energetically. Nifemi squeezed her face trying to decipher which animal it was that son holding in his little hands.

"Is this a goat?"

"No! It's a sheep, a teddy sheep," Tobi corrected with his arms akimbo making the toy to dangle lifelessly at his side. Nifemi backed away with her hands in mock surrender.

"I was thinking that it was a monster. Y'know those ones that hide under your bed and eat you when you sleep," Kike said flopping into a sofa. She adjusted and dragged a side stool to place her legs on top.

Kemi came into the sitting room with numerous shopping bags and dumped them on the miniature dinning table. "The man at the booth said it was—and I quote— priceless," she said putting the word priceless in air quotes.

"I love it," Tobi hugged the white stuffed animal with little horns on it's round head. "I'm going to name you sheepy!"

"Why don't you name it goatie," Kike mumbled and laughed at her own joke. Kemi laughed too and Nifemi gave her a subtle glance and noticed that her eyes weren't as bright as they were a month ago.

Poor girl, she thought

"Tobi had a little goat, little goat, little goat. Tobi had a little goat who looked a lot like him!" Kikelomo sang merrily to infuriate her baby brother.

"That doesn't make sense!" He yelled pouting at his sister.

"It does to me," Nifemi laughed ignoring Tobi's puppy eyes.

"I can't believe it's the new year!" Kike yelled jumping up from the chair and doing a little dance.

"You look ridiculous," Tobi said scrunching his little nose. When the kids squabbling became unbearable, Nifemi gave them the task of off loading the shopping bags and putting the items where they should be.

"So what's up with you, nugget?" Nifemi asked Kemi whose eyes were fixed on the TV.

"Nothing new, same old same old." Kemi whirled her hands around in a bored gesture.

"Hope the kids didn't give you much trouble?"

"Ya think?! They sucked my pocket dry when they decided to try all the rides to see which one they loved the most." Kemi shook her head and glared at her friend when she burst into laughter.

"I'm sorry," Nifemi wiped her eyes. "You actually fell for that trick? Come on you are smarter than that."

Kemi ignored her. "As I was saying..." she continued. "When they finally picked the bumper cars, they went in for a second round."

"Obviously," Kikelomo said coming into the dinning room with a big smile on her face.

"I loved the cars! They were like voom and then like wham and then..." Kike interrupted her baby brother by placing her palm on his lips to stop his nonsensical chattering.

"Why are you holding this?" Nifemi queried when she noticed the ice cream bowl in her daughter's hands.

Kemi's mind drifted off when the moment Nifemi started to give her kids a lecture on 'Sugary substances and it's consequences'. She wondered if she had done the right thing by pushing Nnamdi away for the past few weeks. He had come to her house on the 28th of December for the first time and it was already January 12th. In the space of two weeks, he had visited her five times each time she had not been willing to see him not to talk of hearing him out. Kemi's mother had given up on trying to convince her and let her be saying that Kemi was old enough to make her own decisions.

Just yesterday, she had told Ahmed not to allow Nnamdi into the compound as his incessant visits were beginning to dampen her resolve. For the umpteenth time, Kemi wondered if she was doing the right thing by letting go.

"...don't you think so?" Nifemi said cutting into her thoughts.

"Huh?" Apparently, Kemi had not heard a bit of what Nifemi said. Nifemi eyed her and repeated herself.

"I said that they can eat half and leave the rest for the both of us!"

"Oh! Okay, Kikelomo grab cups and scoop some ice cream for you and your brother."

"Okay!" The kids squealed in unison.

"I'm using the SpongeBob cup!" Tobi yelled running after his sister.

"Who is dragging it with you?" Kike grumbled placing the cups on the dinning.

"Kemi I'm here if you need to talk." Nifemi patted the space beside her on the sofa.

"Why do you think I need to talk?!" Kemi snapped.

"Look at you, you've been walking around like a bag of chips recently."

Kemi chuckled, "I don't think chips walk."

"My point exactly!" Nifemi retorted rolling her eyes. "If pushing Nnamdi away makes you feel this way, why not give him a chance and see if it makes you feel any better. Life is all about risks y'know."

"What of if I don't want to take a risk?" Kemi queried, her voice raising up a notch.

"If you want to have a failed relationship you don't take risks. Or maybe you're just a coward," Nifemi said lightly.

"Am I, Oluwanifemi? Did you just call me a coward? First my mom, then Adaeze now you? I understand my mother but you and Ada I don't know who you guys think you are advising me about my 'love life'. I mean you two practically failed when it came to your love life. Take you for example you don't even have a man in your life. Hell, your kids aren't from the same man and you sit down comfortably and advise me about mine saying that I'm a coward. If anyone has a failed relationship it's you Nifemi, you and not me."

Nifemi exhaled sharply. "You see that's the point! We don't want you to end up like us! Why do you think that we tried so hard to bring you two together huh? I know I failed in my relationships, I practically failed everyone I've ever come across in my life! I failed everyone but you don't have to rub it in my face."

"Nifemi I'm..."

"Stop!" Nife said raising up her hands. "Just don't give me any stupid apology, I don't want to hear it. You let your selfishness cloud your judgement and sense of reasoning. Five years ago I wished for a friend that would go all out to make me happy, you have not one but several yet you think they're bothering you and shouldn't interfere in your love life. It's fine by me." Nifemi closed her eyes briefly trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall. "At least I know what you think of me," she said in a whisper.

Kemi watched helplessly as Nifemi stood up and left the sitting room in a hurry.
"Me and my big mouth," she muttered placing her hands on her face.

"Why's mummy crying?" Tobi asked tugging at the sleeve of her Vintage shirt. "Is because of the ice cream? But we left some in the bowl, she doesn't have to cry!"

"That's not the reason dum dum," Kike chided him then gave Kemi a quizzical look while Tobi muttered childish gibberish under his breath.

"I'll go check on your mummy, Kike keep him company for a while," Kemi said before scrambling to her feet. They felt like jelly as she walked towards the children's bedroom and knocked tentatively.

She heard the TV come in the the sitting room first before she spoke.
"Nifemi I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said. I was just..." Kemi paused and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I know I don't have any excuse but please forgive me."

She sighed in relief when she heard a faint "come in" from the other side of the door.

Kemi walked in slowly and sat beside Nifemi on the soft mattress at the bottom bunk. The pink sleeping beauty sheets indicated that it was Kikelomo's bed and obviously Tobi had the top bunk. For some moments, Kemi focused her gaze on the double bookself at the corner of the room by the double reading table. Nifemi had made good use of the little room by blending in a nice colour of magenta and sky blue to fit the personality of both her kids.

Kemi felt horrible for the profanities that she had spewed a while ago. She focused on her friend who was sobbing into the pillow and raised her hands awkwardly tapping her at her back continuously. "There there, don't cry."

"Seriously?!" Nifemi glared daggers at her childish friend who just gave her a loopsided shrug and a crooked smile. Against her will, Nifemi chuckled making Kemi to heave a sigh of relief.

Nifemi sighed. Pushing away the pillow, she rested her head on Kemi's shoulder.

"I saw Obinna for the first time at a conference in school organized by the NUJ. We got talking and we just clicked you know. I stayed by his side all through the boring conference and we exchanged numbers after." Nifemi paused as she traced the outline of the mass of curly blond hair on the pink sheets.

Kemi kept mute silently urging her friend to go on. Nifemi had never delved into details about how she met Kike's father and Kemi thought that this was a step in their friendship.

"When I got back to my hostel, I found out that he was the popular Obinna Ezekwe all the girls were dying for," she chuckled softly. "I didn't want to be among that train so I deleted his number, he called and once I realized it was him, I blocked the number. Once we had a combined lecture with the estate management students, I saw him there again in the lecture hall. I tried to avoid him but Obi would have none of that. We became close friends and after months of begging and cajoling, we started dating. He was two years older than I was and still is," she joked. "I was eighteen then, 200 level mass communication."

"Oh!" That was all Kemi said before she leaned back on the wall looking intently at Nifemi.

"On my nineteen birthday I moved in with him against my better judgement, that was around the time he started having problems with his dad. Before you could say Jack Robinson, I became pregnant.

"Believe me I wouldn't lie to you I had wanted to abort it, I couldn't face my parents. When Obi found out he insisted that we kept it, he even help in convincing my parents because I was sure my dad would have disowned me instantly. Obinna was very supportive he helped me in school, the lectures I missed and such. I went into labour after my exams and he provided everything I needed. Everything.

"After his Convocation ceremony, I never heard from him again. My parents made my life hell as my dad said that Kikelomo reminded him that he was a failure— my mum inclusive.
So I left home once I graduated, Kikelomo was just two years then. I kept on searching for Obinna so where I served at Abuja, I came across his brother. He too did not know where Obinna was. Apparently it was his plan all along to take off after his Convocation, that's how much he despised his father."

Nifemi drew the pillow to her chest as hot tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Ikenna said he would help me. He invited me to his house to talk things through, I arrived there late and Kikelomo was already asleep. I tucked her in and went to Ikenna's room, he offered me a drink which I gladly accepted as I was famished."

Nifemi wiped her tears hastily with the back of her hands.

"I woke up the next day tucked under his sheets—naked."

"Christ!" Kemi exclaimed. "He used you?"

Nifemi nodded, her throat was clogged from all the crying.
"I didn't say anything, I couldn't do anything. I took Kikelomo and left his house devastated. I couldn't—I couldn't even look at him. After my NYSC, I relocated to Enugu to stay with my aunt. She welcomed me with open arms then I found out I was three months pregnant. I wanted to kill myself but my aunt persuaded me to live even if it was for my baby Kike and my unborn child."

Nifemi sighed and continued after a brief silence. "My aunt died last year from cancer, she was the only family I have left— as my parents are dead to me—apart from my kids, you and Ada," she added pinching Kemi's cheeks. Kemi laughed softly as she rubbed her cheeks.

"And Obinna? Did you still hear from him?"

A small smile tugged at Nifemi's lips. "He came back last year and he knows about Tobi too. Recently, I have gotten to know him again— why he left. I forgave him but he wants me to give him a chance. You know, introduce him to the kids and such."

"Then give him a chance Nifemi!"

"I will..."

"Okay?"

"If you give Nnamdi a chance," Nifemi said giving her a grave look.

Kemi scoffed. "Are you serious? I have nothing to lose but you... you have the kids."

"And what makes you think that you have nothing to lose Oluwakemi?" Nifemi queried raising her eyebrow.

"I don't," she merely said.

"Why?" Nifemi persisted.

Kemi sighed and told her about the letters. She cringed when Nifemi threw a fit about being kept in the dark all along. Kemi apologized and showed her the letters she brought out from her purse.

"So you keep them creepy letters in your purse?" Nifemi laughed and Kemi retaliated by punching her on her arm.

"So what do you think?" Kemi asked her friend who was looking at the letters closely for some minutes.

"You want to know what I think?" Kemi nodded slowly. "Well I think that these letters are from different people."

"What?!" Kemi exclaimed.

'You see," she started gesturing to the first paper. "This first one was written hastily. You know like if the person just needed to past across a message quickly. Straight to the point and the only thing she had was a red lipstick..."

"Okay?" Kemi urged her to go on seemingly startled by the revelation.

"But these ones were well crafted, printed even. So I think there's a deeper meaning to these last three letters. Besides, we have a lot of these pink papers in the office. I use them all the time."

"So you're saying that they are two different people sending these messages and they're in the same company with us? You should be a detective," Kemi acknowledged wide-eyed.

"I said I think, Kemi. I besides I studied Mass comm and we learned to search for even the minutest details." Nifemi sighed and continued, "Kemi don't let this useless stuff separate you from the one you love."

Kemi laughed bitterly and after a brief pause, she added, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't..."

"It's okay," Nifemi interrupted.

They stayed in comfortable silence with each woman to her own thoughts.

That evening as Kemi stepped into her car still rattled by the discovery, she made up her mind to give up on Nnamdi for good.

Shavomment! 😻😻

Happy reading!

Stay Cute,
Sky_teddy✌