"I have a crush on Ivy," I said aloud to my room.

It was the first time I had dared to put the sentence together. I knew the feelings were there. The words had been floating disconnected in my head for a week, but I didn't dare to connect them. I had a crush on Ivy. Saying it out loud felt like speeding down a rollercoaster. It was frightening, but then I wanted to say it again.

"I have a crush on Ivy," I said again with a smile.

I pulled myself up from the bed and moved to my bureau, inspecting myself in the mirror. I looked the same, but felt entirely different.

"I have a crush on Ivy," I smiled to myself. "Holy shit, I have a crush on Ivy." Panic suddenly rolled through me like cold water.

What if people find out? What would they think? What would Ivy think? What if all my friends hate me because I like a girl? Why couldn't I just like a boy? What if Ivy hates me because I like her? What if Ivy does like me?

Question after question raced through my mind until V's words quieted them all. As though she were still lying on my bed, I could hear her saying, 'some things need to be figured out alone; some things need to be figured out together.' I glanced at my watch to see that school would have been out for about half an hour. Slumping to the floor, I rummaged through my bag to find my phone.

"Are you okay? I heard your dad came and got you," a message from Seth read.

"Hey, I know we're weird right now, but I hope everything is okay," Ivy wrote, making me smile.

"Are you okay?" Seth answered my call, bypassing all the pleasantries.

"Yeah, I just got stressed out," I admitted.

"Math test?"

"No, I saw you and Ivy," I sighed.

"Ollie, that wasn't what it looked like. We aren't anything. We were talking about you," he poured.

"I know, and that's exactly what it looked like. But it doesn't matter anymore. I have to tell you something."

"Okay, I'm a little scared," he giggled.

"Me too. It's a big deal, for me at least."

"Do you want me to come over? Like, is this an in-person thing?" He asked.

"Um..." I weighed the options in my head. It'd be good to get the first in-person admission out of the way, but would I chicken out?

"Decision made, I'm coming to you. Are you at your mom's or your dad's?"

"Dad's."

"Great, see you in ten minutes," Seth announced.

"Wait!"

"Ollie, I'm not taking no for an answer. I should be there in person if this is as important as you're making it sound."

"No, I just... I wanted to say thank you," I added.

"Oh, okay," Seth paused. I waited for him to continue, but after a minute, he only added, "so are you going to say it?"

"Oh, right," I giggled. "Thank you, Seth."

"My pleasure, Ollie."

I bounded downstairs to update my dad, but paused when I heard him and V talking in the living room.

"I'm sorry," my dad's voice was gentle and cautious.

"Why are you sorry?" V's voice was distant and lacked the usual sparkle that came with her tease.

"I wish I could take the pain away," he offered.

"But if you took my pain away, then you'd also take away your resolve for a family," V noted.

"I'd have found it a different way," he noted.

"We both found and lost things that night. You have no reason to be any sorrier than I am."

"Promise me it won't rip us apart again," my dad's voice filled with pleading.

"Joe, I'm trying. I've always been trying. I want this too, but 'I'm trying' is all I can offer."

My dad let out a sigh. "I love you, Victoria. I always have and will always love you. If this doesn't work out, that won't change."

"You're too good of a man for this world," V said.

"Untrue, this is where you are, so this is where I belong," he contended.

I leaned against the wall, lost in the live romance movie playing before me when the Scooby-Doo theme blared from my pocket. I fumbled to pull it out and silence it.

"V," my dad called from the couch. "How long have you..."

"Seth is here," I cut him off as I held up my phone. "That's okay, right?"

My dad blinked at me from the couch as V's head still lay in his lap. His fingers combed through her hair as though they hadn't been informed of the awkward situation.

"Ah, yeah, of course," he mumbled.

"Great. Oh, and can we have pizza for dinner?" I added, trying to bury my eavesdropping with as many other thoughts.

"Ah, sure." My dad agreed as V pulled herself from him.

"Thanks!" I chirped as I escaped to the front door to greet Seth and vacate the embarrassment I had created. "Hey," I said as I grabbed Seth's hand and pulled him through the house to the stairs without waiting for a response.

"Hello?" Seth laughed as I yanked through the hallway to my room. "Well, that was fun," he added as he settled on my bed.

"Something happened between my dad and V..." I began.

"Wait, that's why I'm here? To give you the birds and the bees talk?"

"Ugh, no, and ew. Something happened when they first dated."

"I'm sure many things happened."

"No, something big. My dad was apologizing for causing V pain." My mind replayed the conversation.

"Do you think he cheated on her?" Seth sat up at the idea of gossip.

"No, my dad is not a cheater, and he could never do that to V. Plus, they're still friends, so it can't be anything like that." I was explaining more to myself than to Seth.

"Well, he apologized, so it must have been something," Seth countered.

"Yeah, but my dad apologizes for everyone's pain, even if it isn't his fault. When I was seven, I broke my arm falling off the monkey bars, and the first thing my dad said when he got to the hospital was, 'I'm so sorry.' It's not like he pushed me off them- that was all Wes Bailey."

"Wes Bailey pushed you off the monkey bars?" Seth's brow furrowed.

"Yeah, as you can tell, he has changed very little," I noted.

"I don't think we're going to figure out what happened. If you're that curious, why don't you ask?"

"I can't ask. It seemed painful and..."

"You were spying, huh?" Seth teased.

"Maybe," I blushed. "But I didn't mean to!"

"Explain to me how one accidentally spies?"

"I was coming down to tell them you were coming over, and I just heard them talking," I shrugged.

"Mmhmm, and you didn't want to interrupt," Seth joked.

"They were having a moment," I shot.

"Mmhmm." Seth laid back on my bed, satisfied that he had proven his point, but he shot back up just as quickly. "Wait, if you heard all this when you were going to tell them I was coming over, then this isn't what you were going to tell me."

"Oh right," panic soared through me.

"Take your time," Seth smiled.

"So," I began. "As you know, I have a bit of a crush on someone."

"Yes, I have surmised this," Seth nodded.

"I have a crush on Ivy," I blurted.

"I knew it!" Seth celebrated.

"And Ivy is a girl," I reminded.

"A fact I also knew," Seth agreed.

"And I'm a girl," I continued.

"Another fact I knew," he teased.

"So, I, a girl, like a girl," I continued.

"Do you want me to gasp in horror because you're telling the wrong person if that's what you're going for at the moment?"

"This is big. I have told no one else. I, honestly, just admitted it to myself."

"Aw, I'm your closet exterminator. I'm touched," Seth smiled.

"Seth, for real. People will freak out," I explained.

"Some will, but who cares about them? Others will be happy to hear you stop babbling about crushes... or lack thereof." He shrugged and flopped back down to my pillows.

"What if everybody shuns me?" I prodded.

Seth tapped up and down his torso. "Yes, I still have a body, so count me on the body side, and I can firmly say that everybody will not shun you."

"Ugh," I groaned as I flopped down next to him and curled into his chest.

"Look, Ollie, as someone that has been through a coming out, it can be hard. People you think care about you will suddenly be assholes, but some people you never really knew will step up and be awesome. It's not all bad. You just be you, and people will gravitate to that."

"Seth, that was almost... wise."

"I have my moments," he agreed.