The first week of Minjeong's disappearance felt like a wreck in Jimin's heart. She saw the news of all the fourteen other ROKA personnel returning from Khurasan hugging their families in hugs and tears. But, also from the same news, they mentioned that one of them went missing.

One of the ROKA personnel who was supposed to come back went missing in Khurasan. An active search from the UN and the Khurasan Government went on. ROKA is ready to take immediate action, sending its best expertise to Khurasan for investigation.

Jimin couldn't eat. She didn't care to eat at all. Despite Taeyeon coming by for a day or two to check on her, and Yeji for keep calling the actress for motivation and mental support, Jimin would still be stubborn.

She wants her wife back.

Just let Jimin have her wife back, apologise to her, and end this heartbreak.

The actress currently hugging her knees on the floor, leaning her body on the couch. Her face is pale and her eyes are red. Food delivered by Taeyeon two hours earlier was still on her coffee table, untouched.

Not until a ringing bell on her door pulled her every last piece of energy to stand up and shout.

"Minjeong!"

She frantically ran towards her front door without checking the intel, and she was shocked when she was greeted by another ROKA personnel instead of her wife.

"Mrs. Yu Jimin?" the man in uniform said, looking gloomy, trying to put his position in Jimin's messy one.

Jimin scrunched as her brows furrowed deeply, slightly annoyed at the fake hope. "If you are here to tell me another nonsense, I won't hear you. Go away."

"I'm not going to say anything on First Lieutenant Kim's whereabouts, Mrs. Yu. They are still investigating and searching for your wife," the soldier said politely before he suddenly took out a white envelope, and handed them to the actress. "But I was assigned to give you this. They want you to hold onto them, just in case."

Jimin's eyes waver at the envelope. Her mind racing with so many thoughts. "What is this?" her finger starts to tremble, lips quaver anxiously.

"Her dog tag is inside, along with her letter," the soldier keeps his hand up, holding onto the envelope. "You can hold onto this, Mrs. Yu—"

"I don't want to!" Jimin shouted, almost could be heard in the whole hallway. Her neighbours might complain, saying the actress had some attitude issues, but not that Jimin cares. "You won't give me this and treat me like my wife is dead! Go away from my house!"

"Mrs. Yu, please. The ROKA—"

Jimin's face is red maybe from being so angry or crying so hard in between. "I said leave!" she slammed the door right in front of the soldier's face, leaving the poor man stunned outside the hallway of the apartment.

Jimin rushed herself to her living room, leaning weakly on one of the walls as she sobbed some more. Pain, guilt, longing. Jimin keeps blaming herself that this is all her fault. If she didn't treat Minjeong all shitty the last two days she was at home, Minjeong won't disappear.

Another bell on the door annoyed the actress once more. She was ready to yell back at the same soldier for interrupting her peace, for giving her fake hope, for making her feel like she had lost her wife.

But then when the door was wide open for the second time, the soldier was nowhere present. All there was that same white envelope on the floor that could bring more pain to Jimin's heart.

She doesn't want to hold onto this.

If she did, she felt like Minjeong was really, really gone.

But, it is Minjeong's.

"I don't want this..." Jimin sobbed, wiping her gushing tears away with the back of her hands violently. Yet, her trembling hands would still reach for the envelop, slowly pulling them up, so precious like she was holding onto Minjeong's life.

It is Minjeong's.

"I don't want this..."

She stormed back into her living room, gently placing the envelope on her coffee table. No. Jimin won't open it. She won't treat like Minjeong is dead. Her wife would come back home, she promised. Jimin knows that Minjeong won't lie to her, because she is Minjeong.

Minjeong won't lie.

Jimin sat back down on the same spot, hugging her knees between her sobs. Her eyes squinted painfully between flowing tears, looking at the untouched white envelope on her coffee table.

She repeated the same word for the third time now. "I don't want this, Minjeong..."

*****

The following days were mysterious. Despite how much Jimin come and go to the ROKA base, the answer would be the same.

They still didn't know, yet they are trying their best — They said. Jimin called them bullshit, literally don't care at this rate for being called a problematic actress once more.

Sure. She only has known Minjeong (physically) for over a month now. They first met on that night three months before Jimin decided to make Minjeong her wife for the next two weeks. She and Minjeong barely knew each other for the other next two weeks. They just got to feel the love for each other, not until Minjeong left her for two months, and now gone missing.

Minjeong was her everything at this rate. She was the one who succeeded in pulling Jimin back up. She is the one who pulled all Jimin's shitty rumours with Jaechan. She is also the one who teaches Jimin what love feels like, and how Jimin is worth as a woman.

But now, Jimin felt worthless again.

Not because of the evil society anymore, but because of Jimin herself. When Minjeong was the strong factor of her upbringing, Jimin would immediately plummet without her, falling into the deepest hole of the world. They said don't hang too tight onto someone. But, Jimin couldn't help herself.

She wants to hold it so tight. She wants to hold Minjeong's promises, and she wants to believe herself. They would be fine, soon.

The first week goes by so fast that it is finally the second week of Jimin's heartbreak. There's some update about her wife's whereabouts, saying that she was last spotted on the northern side of Khurasan, which ended up as a hoax. Jimin was so angry that day that she literally gulped down three bottles of soju, sending her poor actress friend; Yeji into panic, bringing unconscious Jimin back home, dragging her feet to her bed.

Jimin had set up a small picture frame of her and Minjeong during their eloping day at the hospital on her nightstand beside the bed. Taeyeon was the one who gave her that, as an emotional support gift. The older Kim also strongly believed that her younger sister would come home.

Jimin would hug that small picture frame every single night before sleep. Sometimes, she would stare at them all they long, smiling sadly like a foolish girl who just got dumped — Well, in Jimin's case, she wasn't dumped. A few drops of tears would eventually fall down her cheek, but Jimin would always try to believe it.

Minjeong would be home.

She pulled out another rectangular paper from her drawer, sitting on her working chair, pen in hand. In addition to everything, she had placed that picture frame on her working table, staring at them for a minute or two before finally writing her thoughts.

Dear Minjeong,

When will you come back? It's been two months and a half, now that I finally can do math again. The envelope the ROKA sent to me was still untouched in the living room. Dog tag and letters? I don't want them, Minjeong. All I want is you, here, with me, in our home, inside my embrace. I don't want anything else other than that. Would you still be here for me?

Dear god, if you see me writing this, please, I beg you. I just want my wife back. You can take everything from me. My job, my popularity, everything. I don't care anymore. I just want her. Please.

Jimin.

Another paper crane was tossed into the jar.

*****

Third week since the disappearance.

It was hell.

It is a fucking hell.

Maybe for everyone. For the ROKA, for Taeyeon.

But Jimin was affected most of it.

Jimin had come to the ROKA base along Taeyeon that day. She had told the older Kim that her heart couldn't bear to drive, that it beating too fast — ridiculously fast that Jimin thought she could die from it. Taeyeon felt the same too, but she was more composed than the younger woman.

It was almost ten at night when the ROKA called Jimin, informing her that she needed to come to the base as soon as possible. Jimin couldn't bear everything that would hit her, and Taeyeon was more mature for the entire situation.

The actress and her sister-in-law were invited to have a seat in an empty room, cosy enough for most people, but it felt like a tight, depressing room for both women. Jimin kept fidgeting her trembling fingers in between as Taeyeon tried to calm her down. But it became worse the moment a man in the ROKA uniform entered the room.

His face showed remorse.

"I need both of you to sit down" is the first thing he said before anything. He pulled out the opaque white ziplock bag he brought with him onto the table before he said to continue. "One of our military investigators found this while searching for her. It's on the desert part of the Northern Khurasan." The bag slowly pushed towards the two women.

Taeyeon just furrowed her brows in confusion, while Jimin couldn't even manage to form a word on her lips. "What's this, Captain Lee?" the older Kim slowly took the opaque ziplock bag closer to her. The next word of the captain jolts the two women into shattering heartbreak.

"It's First Lieutenant Kim's," is all he said before Taeyeon's hand finally tried to find out its content, peeking between the opened gap of the bag. The older Kim gasped, suddenly sobbing so hard, making the actress curious and anxious at the same time, slowly reaching for the bag for herself.

They are not stupid, they knew. It is a burnt ROKA attire, with the same rank embroidered on its collar and shoulder as Minjeong's. "W-what— What are you... trying to tell us, captain?" Jimin's voice stammered between Taeyeon's sobs. The actress then turns her head towards her sister-in-law, furrowing her eyebrows, and teary eyes. "Taeyeon, no. It doesn't mean even if the attire looks the same as Minjeong's, that this would be hers. Stop crying, Taeyeon. Please. It's not Minjeong's."

The captain could only sigh in remorse, hands were held together in guilt and grief. "Mrs. Yu, please. I'm—"

"You don't tell me what I should believe!" Jimin said out coldly, out loud. "Oh my god." She ain't believing any of this. "This is not Minjeong's. You want to tell me this is my wife's uniform? No! I won't believe it." Both hands clawing her hair in desperation. Jimin would look like a crazy woman in this state in everyone's eyes besides her slightly composed sister-in-law.

The actress's eyes were bloodshot, looking at her left and her right like she lost all her hope. This is too real to be fake. Jimin won't believe this. "You are here, calling us to drive ten kilometres from my apartment to the base for what? To tell me that my wife is gone? To show me her severely damaged uniform to proof—"

The captain tried to comfort the actress at least a bit, "I'm not saying it was like that, Mrs. Yu—"

"Give me her damn body!" the actress shouted, hands in the air in frustration, mixed up with all the messy feelings ever existed on earth. "If you want me to believe all of your bullshit, give me her body. Find me— my wife's— body!" her stare into the captain's eyes was deadly despite the pooling of tears overlaying it. The actress then stormed out of the room, walking away as far as possible away from any prying eyes before she stopped at a hidden spot at the corner of the floor.

Only then did she allow herself to cry. Her legs gave out, and her conscience too. She doesn't know what to believe or not. Jimin wasn't a fool. She knows that the uniform belongs to her wife. It's Minjeong's, she's more than one hundred percent sure.

Jimin tried to lie to herself so badly. But her head keeps beating her up. With now all hands and knees on the floor supporting her shattering heart. Uncoherent words came out from her cries, calling out Minjeong names again and again, denying a few times before calling Minjeong names again.

"I shouldn't do that to you..."

"I'm sorry..."

"Minjeong..."

"Minjeong......"

"Minjeong........."

*****

Jimin was becoming crazy, she knew. She came back home, scattering to find the white envelope on her coffee table. Taeyeon was watching her from the corner of the living room, having no way to comfort the younger woman since the older Kim was as broken as Jimin was.

"Minjeong is not dead," was chanted a hundred times that night as Jimin's shaky hands tore the envelope open. The dog tag inside automatically fell down, clanking on her floor, but Jimin's main attention wasn't on that.

It was the letter.

"Minjeong is not dead," Jimin slowly unfolded the paper open with uncontrollable tears and hitching breath. She looks extremely heartbroken, kneeling on the floor in the centre of the living room. "Minjeong is not dead, Jimin," she keeps chanting it out for herself, but nevertheless, her trembling hands open up the first piece of handwritten letter from her wife.

Dear Jimin,

I wasn't hoping for you to read this letter. But, if you did, I guess I couldn't fulfil my promises. I promised you to stay healthy, to eat on time, to take care of myself, and not to get hurt so I could come back home to you. I guess I wasn't a good wife for you at all, Jimin. I broke everything. I'm so sorry.

"Minjeong is not dead."

I should tell you this since I have no chance to tell you at all. The first day we met, that night. Truth to be said, I was awestruck by your beauty. I'm dumb, yeah sure. I really really don't know you despite how famous you are. I didn't plan to meet you again either, and I thought that you were a problematic woman. But, I was wrong, and maybe, just maybe, god tried to show how wrong it was to me.

"Minjeong is... not dead."

One week later, you suddenly meet me again to ask me for a marriage. You are desperate, and well, I am too. Sure, we had our situation, but let me get straight to the point to you, because I am writing this on our way to the departing point. I do not have much time.

Yu Jimin, I love you. I love the way you smile at me every time I'm back from work every night. I love the way you asked me if I'm hungry, and I love your cooking despite it being bland sometimes. I love the way you bragged out of me in front of the media and the casts. I love your face in the morning greeting me before going to work, smiling with that mole under your lips as well. Fuck, Jimin. I love everything about you. It would take me about ten pages to write everything I love about you.

"M-Minjeong is," the actress starts to wail. "She is— s-she is..." her words were not forming anymore. Her lips trembled so badly between ragged breaths. "She's not dead..." her voice getting weaker in the end.

I'm sorry for our latest fight. All I want is for you to have a better version of yourself, and mine would break everything you are working on your health and your mind. I don't want to be the one who would destroy everything, and it was not my intention to make you feel this sad and betrayed. It is my fault, I know. I guess I still need to learn a lot about you, and maybe talk about lots of things with you. I want to get to know you way better than anyone you've ever met does, and I want to be the one you would come back home every time, sharing your thoughts about your day, and the one you would feel yourself worth the most. I want to be that person for you.

"M-Min— j-jeong... is..."

But, if you are reading this, I'm sorry that I couldn't be any of that. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to fulfil all my promises. I'm sorry for being a bad wife.

Nevertheless, Yu Jimin, I love you. As messed up and as strange as our meet-up and marriage are, I would tell anyone and everyone. I love you, and I'm sorry.

Minjeong.

Minjeong is dead.

*****

One month since the disappearance.

Jimin thought she would be fine with this, she tried, at least. She has been bringing Minjeong's dog tag along with her everywhere she goes. Sometimes, she would wear them around her neck, just to tell herself not to lose hope, even just as little as tiny dust. When she had interviews with magazines and stuff for her soon-premiering movie, she would wear them like a proud wife. When interviewers tried to ask her only to receive a silent, lips shutting tight with no answer, thankfully they seemed to understand.

She is sensitive on the topic, you better hush.

During one her of magazine photoshoots, she had misplaced the dog tag somewhere, and she frantically shouted to every single human in the studio like a crazy woman for it. She almost fainted on the spot, but thankfully after fourty minutes of searching, her manager found them slipped between the spaces of the sofa couches.

While most media started to talk slowly about Jimin becoming the most beautiful widow who ever existed, days passed and finally it was the day for the movie premiere.

Red carpet, cameras and paparazzi everywhere. All the ten main actors and actresses went up on the stage one by one, waving to the camera with big smiles on their faces. A short interview here and there, nothing much that Jimin couldn't handle. No sensitive question, she would answer them all. No problem.

After all the individual shoots, all the cast were brought up to the stage. The big screen at the back shows 'You Are Welcomed to Blue Hearts Movie Premiere', and a few more group photos before the cast were invited to sit down in their designated seatings.

The media first asked the male lead their question, on why he chose to work with this movie, and he answered warmheartedly on how he trusted the director, who is a well-known movie director who directed tons of million sellers movies, mostly heartwarming themed. Jimin thought the media understood her, and they would refrain themselves from asking sensitive questions.

But, foolishly, one was insensitive enough for this.

"Jimin, may I know if your wife was the main reason why you chose to work with this movie?" one of the reporters asked, receiving lots of glare at the end of his words. Even the other reporter beside him elbowed him before he whispered to the stupid one, "Bro! You fool. They already told us not to—"

"It's fine," this time it was Jimin who cut him. The actress smiled once, as she said in an assuring manner. "I would be fine, and I want to answer that question."

The crowd went into silence as the actress shakily held her mic, taking a few deep breaths. "I guess I need to tell you guys how amazing a person my wife is." The actress wanted to start, but her hands kept shaking and she needed to hold her mic with two hands to avoid them from falling. "I won't lie that I got this movie offer because I'm married to this one, but—" suddenly Jimin stopped her words.

Either this was a really bad illusion or Jimin was just really really insane at this rate that she could see Minjeong's figure at the most back of the crowd, smiling so wide at her. Illusions, Jimin thought at first. Let it be Minjeong's ghost even, Jimin's knees slowly turn weak for her.

"I'm... I-I'm sorry."

At this rate, her words start to be a little stuttering. "At first, I w-was curious. I am married to a s-soldier myself, and I got this job related to it. I was just... c-curious about how would it feel to act on this kind of movie-themed." Jimin stops, breathing in deeply again, Minjeong's illusion is there, smiling at her, still. Yet, Jimin tried so hard to bring herself to speak. Minjeong illusions or whatever you are, please go, or I might cry, right here, right now. "F-from this movie, I learnt more about the r-role of... of being together w-with a soldier. These people are s-super amazing, despite being... h-hurt every time, they would always, always, c-come back to their loved ones." Maybe Jimin was just the unlucky one among them, not that she denied being lucky to have Minjeong as her wife.

The actress's words came to another halt, her eyes were glaring straight towards the illusion of her wife. The sick, churning feeling in her stomach was so bad, and Jimin felt that her eyes started to waver, trembling, and maybe slowly getting teary.

"Jimin?"

"Yu Jimin?" Yeji was the one who pulled the actress away from her thoughts. "Are you okay? If you are not comfortable with the question—"

Jimin shook her head violently, pulling the mic away from her mouth as she spoke to her friend. "I'm fine, Yeji. I just thought that I saw things back there. I saw the illusions of Min—"

A ringing shout from one of the crowd at the back brings everyone's attention. "Someone, call the ambulance! There's a woman collapsed on the floor!"

"Anyone, please call 119! Her leg is bleeding!" was another shout from another man.

It was just a small ruckus at the back. It wasn't super noisy, just the voices of reporters talking to one another, asking for the woman's whereabouts. All the casts at the front were too confused with what happened at the back, peeking their head up like a meerkat, including Jimin. It was the same direction where she saw the illusion or ghost, whatever you want to call them, of Minjeong.

Jimin could hear more people asking about the collapsing woman's condition, who was currently on the floor. Jimin didn't see anything despite the back of a few reporters. But then, between all the tiny ruckus and questions at the back, a slow voice — too familiar — too painful — too longing for Jimin to ignore was heard like a thunderstruck in Jimin's eardrums.

"I'm fine."

Jimin's eyes were wide open like she just heard a ghost talking to her. No, that was was too real for a ghost, or an illusion. Her adrenaline rushed terribly as she passed the mic to Yeji in an instant. "Jimin, what are you—" the other actress asked but Jimin already rushing towards the ruckus at the back, too anxious to ignore that voice. "Jimin!"

Jimin pushed the reporters who blocked her way towards the source of the voice, and when she finally had a clearer view of the collapsed woman mentioned — on the floor — crutch on one hand — a freshly bandaged right leg that was slightly bleeding — Minjeong.

It's a Minjeong.

"J-Jimin?" that final piece came out from the woman on the floor who currently looking at her with over-shoulder length dark brown hair tied at her back, scars almost everywhere on her face, dishevelled clothes, and a ring on her finger.

Their wedding ring.

"M-Min—" Jimin couldn't speak. Her hands shook so badly as she slowly covered her gasping mouth. Her eyes instantly in an enormous amount of tears, and no one in the room, had ever seen Yu Jimin this fragile to anyone. "O-oh— Oh god—"

It didn't take long before Jimin lost her footing, immediately went down on the floor as Minjeong did, hugging her so damn tight, clinging to her for damn life, crying so loud that it sent everyone there in complete shock. "M-Minjeong— Are y-you— Are you—" Both hands felt like it is clawing onto Minjeong's body just for Jimin to confirm that this is real. This is not her illusion, or a ghost.

It is just Minjeong.

Minjeong's next words confirm everything. "I'm sorry that I took a while, Jimin."

"M-Min— Oh— I'm— I—" and Jimin couldn't form any words at all.

"I'm back Jimin, to you, to us."

"And I am sorry that I am late."