Haha you guys are probably going to hate me for this. But alas, 'tis all part of the story.

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"Levi!!"

Eren watches in absolute and total horror as the cords of Levi's gear are snatched out of thin air by a giant hand and yanked, hard. The captain has very, very little time to react and kicks his legs forward as if he's trying to backpedal, but it's a fatal mistake. As soon as he's close enough, the jaws of the titan open, at the ready to swallow Levi in however many pieces it takes.

Eren's fingers smash into the triggers on his own gear, sending the hooks into the tree nearest Levi. He flings himself from the branch he's been standing on, but it's too late, too late...

Levi's legs are trapped by giant titan teeth. It doesn't bite down right away; the cords of his gear are still tangled in its large fist. He kicks and thrashes, doing everything he possibly can to get the beast to release his legs, even if it means falling twenty meters to the ground. As a last resort, he lifts his left blade and buries it in the titan's cheek, and this is the second fatal mistake. Proving its deviance, a loud howl releases from its throat at the same time its jaw snaps shut; half a second later, its head whips around and sends Levi's body flying through the air until he disappears in the dark green branches of a giant pine tree.

This all happens in a mere few seconds. In the next, Eren is launching himself at the titan with an infuriated growl. He pirouettes in the air and digs his blades across the nape of its neck so deep its head rolls forward, held up by little more than skin and muscle. It topples to the ground with a loud thud and steam rising up around it, but Eren doesn't bear witness to this. He's already meters away, his back turned to the titan corpse as he's in search of Levi.

"Captain!" he calls, his head frantically whipping back and forth for the man.

And then he sees the growing pool of blood soaking into the grass near the base of a tree. He propels himself toward it, hoping and praying and yet knowing all the while it's fruitless.

He finds Levi slumped against the base of the large pine. He's coated in blood from thin lacerations all over from the pine needles. Some are still stuck in his clothes, caught in his hair that's feathered over his pale, pale face. His gear is mangled, the cords snapped and frayed while his blades are nowhere to be seen. As Eren draws closer, he can see the man's eyelashes fluttering, like he's holding onto consciousness by nothing more than a hangnail, if not life itself...

"Levi!" Eren cries again, landing hard on his feet and rushing over to the bleeding, legless man.

Levi responds to the sound of his voice; his eyes peel themselves open and he manages to find sight of the boy kneeling next to him. Though his features are fuzzy and out of focus, the sight of Eren gives him some sort of hope and comfort.

"O-oh god," Eren chokes. His own vision is blurred by tears as he, as gently as he can, pulls Levi into his lap, securing an arm around his shoulders and cradling him as if he's a fragile thing. "C-come on, Levi," he stammers. "You're gonna be okay...let's get you to safety..."

He begins to stand up, but the sound of Levi's strained voice knocks him right back down.

"Save it, idiot," he mutters. "You know that's a load of shit..."

Eren's muscles tighten. "No...I-I just have to stop the bleeding..." He fumbles with his cloak to unbutton it one-handed; it's the only thing he can think of to use for a compress. Once the button slips through the hole, however, Levi's hand comes up to stop him.

"Shut up and listen," he chokes. His hand, strangely warm, wraps weakly around Eren's fingers. "Live. I swear if you die too soon...I'll have to beat the shit out of you in the afterlife. Don't...don't let that fight in your heart die out, Eren, especially not on account of my death..." He stops and winces; his grip tightens as his brows knit together tightly.

"Levi," Eren breathes. His eyes are swimming with a constant flood of tears. He can't bear this, can't stand to watch Levi in so much pain and to witness the life beginning to fade from his eyes... "I-I...you...can't..."

Levi's eyes peel open again. They're softer than Eren's ever seen them. With his free hand, the corporal reaches up to gently cup Eren's wet cheek. "And thank you, Eren...for making all this shit worth it in the end..."

"S-stop," Eren chokes, holding the man tighter to his chest. "Shut up...you're not gonna die..."

Levi forces a breathy half-laugh. He grows weaker and weaker with every agonizing breath he manages to suck in. "You'll always be an idiot," he mutters. "My idiot..." His hand slips from Eren's cheek; it's a struggle to simply keep his eyes open anymore. He feels as Eren removes his fingers from Levi's own, as his arm wraps around the captain's waist. Little is comprehensible anymore, for he's lost far too much blood...but it isn't easy to mistake Eren's damp lips pressing softly against his own as they had a numbered amount of times in the past. The last thing he feels is Eren's body shaking with sobs, and the last thing he thinks is how much he resents himself for getting killed and hurting this precious, precious boy...

Time fades out for Eren once he feels Levi's body go still in his arms. All he can do is stare down at his corporal's face, his lifeless, beautiful face...

The booming of distant titan feet drawing nearer snaps him out of it. As quickly as possible with shaking hands, he wraps Levi's body in his scout's cloak and discards the rest of his broken gear before standing up, hugging the man to his chest. He's vaguely aware of the liquid red under his feet as he walks away from the scene. He can hear the zipping of maneuver gear cords and shouting voices in the same direction as the sound of the large footsteps. Hanji. Erwin. Armin. He can't entirely make out what they say, and then the sound of an enormous body falling through the trees and thudding onto the ground drowns them out momentarily.

"Where's Eren?!" Mikasa shouts.

Someone responds. He doesn't know who. He just keeps walking.

Eventually, they spot him. Armin is the first to see his figure moving through the thick cloud of titan steam between the trees. He seems to bear something huddled in his arms, but it's difficult to make out what. All he knows for sure is that it's his best friend.

"Mikasa!" he calls. The girl's head whips around from the tree several meters away from where Armin perches. The blond points down just as Eren comes close enough to make out his features, his colors, the...body in his arms.

Armin's eyes widen so profusely they practically bulge from his skull.

"No," he whispers to himself.

"Oh, god," he hears someone murmur. Turns to find Sasha on a branch adjacent to his own. Her eyes are just as wide, her hands covering her mouth in utter shock and disbelief.

Mikasa is the first one to act, of course, launching herself down to the ground and calling Eren's name. The sound of her voice seems to snap him out of his mild trancelike state; his eyes, reddened and wet, find her face as he comes to a stop. His brokenness, plain as day, tears at her heart.

"Mikasa," he utters. His voice sounds like it's been put through a shredder.

"Eren—"

And then she catches sight of the thing in his arms. Or, rather, the person in his arms. A damn near strangled gasp tears through her already parched throat.

Before she has time to say a word, two others drop to their sides. No one says a thing.

* * *

I sit in the wagon next to Levi's body all the way back to the safety of the walls. Since the moment I felt his life slip away, I haven't been able to shed a single tear; in fact, my entire being feels strangely numb. I can't cry. I can't feel the bruises I've surely formed or the wrist Commander Erwin claims I sprained, though he only looked at it for a minute before ordering a bandage on it for support, which Mikasa helpfully supplied. It should hurt. I know it should. My wrist and muscles, my head, my heart...but I feel nothing at all.

Around here, death is something you get used to. Such a fact is inevitable. Eventually you close yourself off to your emotions, at least in front of the rest of the regiment. Most of us have, anyway. Mikasa and Armin have. Jean and Connie. Even Sasha is on her way there. The entirety of the Special Operations Squad is on their way to being emotionless. Hollow.

And now we've lost our leader. I've lost the one thing that gave me just enough hope I needed to keep fighting over these last years. The one who promised to stay...all because I wasn't fast enough...

I have witnessed death on so many accounts. When my mother died, eaten alive right before my eyes when I was a weak 10-year-old kid who could do nothing to save her. I saw other people get eaten that night, too, when Bertolt broke through the wall to Shiganshina, and then Reiner did the same for Wall Maria. And then Trost, five years later. And though it's been almost ten years and I still don't remember it, I'm responsible for the death of my father, too. And now Levi is gone as well.

We were supposed to be a team today, leading the squad while everyone else had our backs behind us, Hanji using her special, complex machinery (that I don't really understand) to wipe out whatever titan scum came our way. Our mission now is to wipe out the remaining population, despite not even having a ballpark estimate of how many are left...

But then the deviant appeared, and it was more than just that. It practically acted like a human, and a starving one at that. Reminded me of Sasha when she's hungry, or starving children in Trost when famine was threatening to take over after the fall of Wall Maria. Its eyes were ravenous with hunger, and Levi went after it. I was supposed to protect him...I was supposed to have his back...until that damned beast closed its fist around the cables of his gear, and I was too damn late like the idiot I am.

So many times Levi told me he couldn't afford to get attached to anyone because he'd lost too many people in the past. Isabel. Farlan. Petra. Erd. Gunther. Oluo. Kuchel. I'd asked about Hanji and Erwin, because I know he's always been protective of them whether he'd ever admit it or not. They were his closest friends, the ones he knew the longest. He merely shrugged, told me their relationship was all business and that he'd stopped himself from gaining any form of emotional attachment to them.

He was lying.

And no matter how many times he told me he couldn't get attached, he kept coming back. Kept letting me in. I don't know why for sure, and I won't ever pretend to. It's simply a question I never got to ask, and now never will...

* * *

"Eren." It's Mikasa. I don't acknowledge her. I wrap Levi's cloak around my uninjured arm and hop off the wagon. "Hey, where are you going?" I start walking toward the castle, saying nothing. "Eren, come on. You need medical attention," she calls. Her voice wavers, but I don't feel bad enough to turn around and heed her advice.

"Let him go," a deep voice says. Erwin. "I'm sure he just wants to be alone for a while."

I thank him internally; he's right. I head into headquarters and trudge up the stairs. It's the opposite way to my room in the basement, where I should go. Where everyone expects me to go. Instead I find my way to Levi's room. It's shut, but not locked. Slowly, I push the door open. Everything inside is unchanged, of course. The bed is still made up as if it's never been slept in. There isn't so much as a speck of dirt on any surface. Papers are stacked neatly on his desk. In each torch, the fuel compartment is full and ready to be used. It's as if the room is awaiting his return, not knowing that'll never happen.

I shuffle inside and close the door behind me. Lock it. His scent still lingers here. Clings to the sheets of his bed and hovers in the air.

Carefully, I lay his cloak at the foot of the bed and sit. I begin working on my maneuver gear straps. My hands shake, but I manage to get them off and coil them up neatly the way he taught me how. I slide my boots off and place them neatly near the door, being mindful to keep the room clean, as if he'll stride through the door at any second and scold me about tracking dirt in. I then move to the connecting bathroom—small, but cozy somehow. I light the lantern and face away from the mirror. Work on removing my clothes before running the tap into the wooden tub and stepping in.

I don't know how long I sit in the water, but it's long enough to have hummed several songs and for the liquid to cool off and leave me shivering. I have just enough sense to pull myself out, yank the chain on the plug, and wrap a towel around myself. I stand in the middle of the floor, still dripping. I watch the tiny droplets of water drip through my bangs, see as each one falls to the ground with a tiny plip.

I feel I could stand here forever, just staring. Watching the water drip to the ground until my hair is dry. It's strange how emotionless I feel...how inhuman I feel.

But eventually my survival instincts kick in and I realize the vigor of my shivering from not having properly dried off. It's enough for me to ruffle the towel through my hair and hang it carelessly. I step out of the bathroom and shuffle over to the dresser to pull nothing more than a pair of boxers out (after spending countless nights up here without anyone's knowledge, I'd accumulated several pairs among Levi's) and yank them on. With nothing but his cloak held tightly to my chest, I crawl into the bed and curl up around it.

I lie awake in silence long enough for the afternoon light to fade into evening, and then for that to fade into night. I can't see the stars from the view of Levi's window because they're obstructed by clouds.

And when the rain comes, so do the tears. They're slow at first, barely accumulating in the corners of my eyes, but when I blink they fall; for some reason the sensation of my own tears wetting my skin triggers the buildup of my hysterics and before long I'm wracked with sobs and ugly wailing with my face buried in the soft green cotton of Levi's cloak.

It smells like him. Still feels like him somehow. My fists hold so tightly to the fabric my sprained wrist feels like needles are shooting through my nerves, but the pain keeps me sane. I completely lose track of time; eventually my ugly sobs turn to ugly hiccups; tears (and likely snot and saliva) stain the covers and the cloak. My stomach aches...but in spite of myself, I manage to find sleep...

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Haha whoops. I just can't seem to write anything without angst like I don't understand why, I just can't. So, "oops".