I was in extreme pain, worse than most of the pain I've ever experienced. My mind is all hot and aches like a migraine. Basically feels like I'm getting burned alive while being hit like a drum and my heart sting, feeling like it's getting eaten away. Was this karma for all the bad things I did in my old life? 'You can give me pain but not this child. For hell's sake, she's still a child!'

I think I might die. I'm not sure. I thought the pain was going to last forever but it stopped after-I don't how long. I'm just glad it stopped. I heard voices talking and that stirred me up from my sleep. I opened my eyes and I subsequently felt the effect of being tired. I wanted to sleep again but at the same time, I didn't want to. My sight got clearer and saw my father with his back at me and walked away. "Pa-pa." He didn't stop even when I called him. 'I wonder what's going through his head. I know he heard me but maybe he doesn't want to see for a reason I don't know and don't care.' Watching him leave like that made me feel oddly sad. Maybe because I got used to his antics and teasing but seeing him leave like that made it unbearably painful for me.

I went back to sleep as my eyes couldn't stay open. 'I miss spending time with others. I miss those days with my junior. I also miss the days of being alone. Truly how low I've sunk to go that deep end of the pool.' I remembered the nice happy times I spent with my coworkers and my junior. It was the best times I've ever had.

December 25 XXXX

It was Christmas Day and I was stuck on an assassination job. 'Is it only me or are there a lot of people wanting to kill other people these days.' I haven't been able to get much of a rest from all those requests and so I've been working my butt off. "I really should've taken that offer for time off." Regrets in life. I have too many to count.

I was perched on a tree and looked through my scope and saw a happy family of four. A mother, father, and two young kids about the age of 9; a girl and a boy. My targets were Gumo Aruyama age 32. Dealt in illegal drug trades sometimes human trafficking. If you noticed me saying targets yep it's a whole family massacre.

I watched the happy family celebrate their Christmas with happy faces. 'Ok I get that part with that dad but my client must be a douche if he's wanting a whole family dead.' I aimed at Gumo with my finger on the trigger ready to fire. I noticed something strange to find the daughter pointing at the tree I was hiding in. 'Damn it's always the kids!' I looked back at my scope to find Gumo had noticed me but it was too late. I had already pulled the trigger. The bullet crashed through the glass porch door and straight in Gumo's head. Mission half success. The mother freaked out and quickly took the kids. I got down from the tree and went straight for the porch door hitting it with my feet and shattering the glass. 'Well louder than I thought but I don't care because it's Christmas.'

I looked to see the mother reaching in her pocket. 'Oh damn.' I pulled out my knife, speeding to the mother with two-step jumps, and sliced her throat. Blood came pouring out like a fountain and she fell to the ground. She struggled for barely a second and rested in eternal peace.

I looked behind me to see the kids huddled together with blood splattered on their faces and clothes. 'Oh, my this is the worst part.' I sighed and stabbed both of the kids in the throat. Quickly ending their pain. I got up and went to their bathroom and changed into my spare clothes which were a hoodie and black pants. I left through the front door. Others would come by and clean up this mess. I'm only tasked to kill and that's all. 'Another job well done...What the hell am I saying? Well, time to add this to the list of nightmares I'll be having.'

I walked in the cold night and watched the snow fall. If I had a choice then I rather kill them when they're asleep but the thing is my client is a piece of shit and "specifically" I shall quote said, "Kill when they're having dinner on Christmas day." I don't get it. They're still gonna die. Why not give them some time but it's not like I can really complain since can't I reject any requests that come my way. It's so dumb that I feel like I'm becoming dumb. 'I need a vacation.'

I didn't feel like going home and just kept walking around. In the snow and cold. 'I really regret not taking that offer.' I sighed in disappointment. The first time is always the worst and sometimes it won't even work out but after the first kill you slowly and I mean ever so painfully get used to it. It's a torturous process trust me I've been through that.

I stopped by a ramen shop and kept pondering if I should go in or not. In the end, I just didn't have the appetite and went home. 'What a cold Christmas for me.' I looked at the majority of cheerful faces and it just made me feel worse. I walked up the stairs to my apartment and kicked the door and caught the keys. I was gonna unlock it but found it unlocked since I saw the lights on in my apartment. "Who's it now?" I said annoyed. I opened the door to find my kotatsu out and a hotpot with plates of food and drinks ready.

Confused I took off my shoes and placed them neatly in the entrance and peeked into the kitchen see my junior with a teddy bear apron on and cutting up raw fish cakes. "Junior?" My junior stopped cutting the fish cakes and looked at me surprised. "Senpai! Welcome home!" I had to do a double-take with that smile of his. 'Sheesh someone's awfully happy.'

"I'm home." I said slightly confused. My junior finished cutting the fishcakes and put them on a plate then walked to my living room and set it down on the table. I followed right behind him and looked at the pretty feast that was ready to get cooked and eaten. I think I'm drooling. It looks so good!

"Senpai?" I snapped out of my daze and looked at my junior.

"Huh? What?" My junior looked at me confused.

"Senpai what are you standing there for. Wash up for dinner." I let out an oh and went to my room grabbing a pair of clothes and headed to my bathroom. I took a nice and refreshing shower. It calmed me down quite a bit and I nearly didn't want to get out. Though my stomach said otherwise by growling loudly. I guess I didn't realize how hungry I actually got. I quickly washed my hair and body and got out. I changed into my pajamas which were a cozy soft sweatshirt and black shorts. I blow-dried my long hair and my stomach was ready to eat anything on sight as it growled louder than before. "Calm down there. You'll get food soon." I stopped once my hair was damp and walked out of the bathroom.

I got in the kotatsu feeling much warmer. "Here senpai." My junior handed me my plate that was filled with freshly cooked food. I took it saying thanks to him.

"Thanks for the food!" I said and digged in. It was tasty and spicy. It was already warming up my insides.

"Glad you like it senpai." My junior said filling his plate. He still had the apron on, making him look like a house husband which was funny.

"Say junior why did you come to my house for hotpot?" My junior looked up at me and thought for a moment.

"Well it's Christmas and I don't have anyone to spend it with. The only one I know who was still available was you Senpai and knowing you-you probably skipped out on so many meals over the week." With everything, he said I couldn't deny any of it but it just made it sound like I was incapable of taking care of myself.

"I did." My junior looked at me sharply and I looked away. "I ate....convenience food." I said the last part quietly and I can hear my junior's disheartened sigh.

"Senpai that's junk food! You'll ruin your stomach and body at this rate! When I came in earlier I found your room littered with either dirty or ripped clothes also, the whole place was dusty with cobwebs forming!" I can't believe I'm getting lectured by my junior. I couldn't say anything back and listened to him scolding me. "It took me nearly the whole day to get everything cleaned. I also restocked your fridge and it should last you a few months. I also left some recipes in the kitchen. It's simple enough that even you can make them." I nodded not really listening. I glanced up at my junior to see him looking at me very angry. "Senpai! I'm telling you this for your own health! You're not worried about yourself but I am!" Sometimes I feel like I'm the junior.

"Ok, I get it! I get it! I get it! Calm down junior." I poured him a glass of aloe vera. "Here drink up, cool down your anger." My junior sighed at me and drank the whole cup. Then he looked dejected.

"Senpai I'm really worried for you. I just want you to take better care of yourself." I smiled at my junior and reached out my hand to ruffle his hair.

"Yes, yes. I know. Thank you for your concern junior." My junior looked at me and looked as if he was about to cry.

"Senpai! You're the best!" Ok, that's not normal. I looked at the supposed aloe vera and found it to be soju. It's wasn't that much either like 35% on the low side in my opinion. My junior is surprisingly not good with alcohol.

"Junior I'll keep this in mind to never let you drink." I poured my junior regular juice and he sobered up after a bit. My junior is such a handful but I care for him all the same because he's my precious junior.

After a good hot pot, my junior was getting ready to leave. "Oi Junior just stay the night." My junior shook his head.

"It's fine I can get home quickly." I pointed at my balcony and the snow was piled up pretty high.

"Yeah go home in that snowstorm. Sure..." Then there was silence. "Ya like hell! Get your butt over here Junior!" I shouted.

"Yes!" He quickly stumbled his way back over.

"Did you take a shower?" He shook his head. "Go take a shower then. I have an extra towel I'll lend you and a toothbrush you can use." I got up from the kotatsu and headed into my room grabbing the extra towel and tossed it to my junior.

"Senpai are you sure about this?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"Yes~! Now get your butt in the shower and don't come out until you're clean!" My junior walked to the bathroom and shut the door. I let out a sigh and cleaned up all the food. I washed the plates and pot then placed everything where it was originally and set the leftovers in the fridge.

I walked to my room and searched around in the closet and found the pairs of pajamas. I grabbed the blue one and went back out setting it on the kotatsu. I looked at the time and found it pretty late already passing midnight. "Senpai!" I heard my junior call out from the bathroom. I grabbed the clothes and walked to the bathroom.

"What is it?" I opened the bathroom door and saw my junior half-naked with his lower half wrapped in a towel. His body was wet, obviously getting out of the shower just now. I whistled and his face was a blushing red mess.

"SENPAI!" My junior yelled. I laughed and threw him his pajamas and closed the door. "AH! SENPAI YOU'RE THE WORST!" I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh Junior! You got some really good stuff on ya! You should go out and use it!" I can hear his embarrassed screams. I forgot how easy it was to tease him and how fun it was but he's got a good body. Really working on those six packs while staying lean. 'That's some skill.' My junior came out of the bathroom his hair dry and his face still a blushing mess. "Already out junior.~" My junior blushed even more.

"Senpai you really are the worst!" He pouted. I also forgot how cute he was. Ah, my junior is truly the best.

"Alright enough teasing you. I already set the futon out. You go ahead and sleep." My junior looked at me confused.

"You're not going to sleep Senpai?" I shook my head.

"I'll go in a bit. I have some things to take care of. You sleep first. Besides your pretty much tired aren't you." My junior nodded and immediately shook his head. I laughed at his antics.

"It's fine. Go." I made a shooing motion and shooed him out of the room.

"Don't stay up too late Senpai." I nodded my head.

"Yes, I know.~" My junior closed the bedroom door and I looked out the balcony. I got out my phone and got a text message. The money was transferred to my bank and I checked to see not a single cent was left out. Everyone has to make a living somehow and I just happened to make a living like this. 'Makes me remember that poem how did it go again? It's been such a long time since then.'

You take up this life then toss it out.

You drink a cup of honor but down a jar of sorrow.

You live the life of freedom, dreaming of home.

You make it all worth it, later abandon it.

You crave for rest though tortured by regret.

You are proud and noble but a pitiful fool.

You desire change and obtain despair.

That's what you are, no more, no less.

(Song- Ótroðinn©, March 14, 2016, Composed by- Adrian Von Ziegler)