"If North is this way, then South should be this way...but wasn't this place East?" You twist the map around in your hands, the worn paper crinkling beneath your fingers. "What do you think, Honk?"

You turn to the large horse grazing just a few feet away, its saddle laden with bags and bedrolls. A single, red ribbon laces its messy blonde mane.

When Honk shows no signs of acknowledgement, your lips pucker out into a pout.

"Fine then. I don't need your help anyway."

Readjusting the map, your eyes return to roaming the roughly drawn landscapes. For the last month, you've been trekking across desert plains and sunflower fields, all in search of a jungle temple. You're an explorer, and a damned good one, too. But last week you broke your compass, and lost a shoe, and then fell off Honk when he decided he wanted to stop and eat grass.

"I miss my bed," you mumble, folding the map away and tucking it into a pocket on your coat. You've really not been having a good month. It's like bad luck has followed after you and your horse since starting this journey. Could you have been cursed at that last pyramid you looted?

Oh god, it's all making sense. You were totally cursed with bad luck! I final "fuck you" from the tomb of that dead guy you robbed.

A small 'thunk' of an arrow hitting a tree, just off to your left, all but confirms your fears.

"Guess this is where I die." You concede with a tired sigh.

Opening your arms and tilting your head back, you close your eyes and wait for a fork of lightning to strike you down.

Instead, you hear footsteps jog towards you, crunching against the foliage.

Ah. Has God sent an advocate to finish the job?

The footsteps stop, and you scrunch your eyes tighter, waiting for the finishing blow.

And you wait...

And wait.

You think you stand like that for almost five minutes.

Growing bored, you peek open an eye, wondering if this advocate is just very slow at their job.

"Pffft-" you slap a hand to your mouth to hold back a laugh.

There's a dude in a reindeer onesie staring at you, his head cocked to the side in confusion. In his right hand, he clutches a wooden bow, but has no quiver strapped to his back. He couldn't look any less threatening if he tried.

You clear your throat, your lips twitching as they fight back a smile. "Uh- Hi there? Were you sent by God?"

The man cocks his head to the other side. He doesn't say anything.

"Okay then..."

A new voice, unmistakably female, calls out from the trees so suddenly it has you jump. "Callahan? Are you okay? Did you find your arrow?"

A woman pushes her way past a bush and into the little grass clearing you stand in with the reindeer man, who you assume must be Callahan. Odd name.

She stops just short of the male, her lips parting to say something, when they suddenly clamp shut upon seeing you.

Your reaction isn't much better.

"God really is a woman." You mutter, unable to fathom the beauty stood before you. You weren't aware you could even feel attraction this strong to a complete stranger. But this woman before you is ticking every box on your list.

Long, blonde hair braided smoothly over a shoulder. Large, doe eyes with heavy lashes that obscure a pair of soft blue orbs that remind you of the sea and skies. Her physique, too, is dangerously appealing. Slim hips and breasts give way to what can only be described as soft muscle, just barely peeking out from beneath a sunny-yellow top.

I want her to bench-press me.

"Oh, hello." She smiles and your heart does a happy little skip.

"Yeah...hi..." You mumble back, your brain struggling to load. Suddenly you aren't so eager to accept death. Not if it means leaving this beauty behind.

Her eyes wander between you and the deer man, then notice the arrow stuck in the tree. Her eyebrows shoot up.

"Oh, no! Did Callahan almost shoot you? Are you okay?"

You blink slowly, not registering that she'd asked a question. Her voice sounds so nice...like bird song.

Wait. No. You're being weird again. Pull it together, Y/n!

"Oh, me? No, I'm fine! Perfectly fine!" You give what you hope is a pleasant grin. Ugh, it's been so long since you talked to anyone other than the horse. This is how you're meant to smile, right? You can't remember.

"Oh, that's good." She gives a sweet smile.

Callahan, ignoring you, crosses over to the embedded arrow and gives it a curious look. He tries tugging on it, but it fails to fall free of the bark. With a slight pout, he stops pulling and turns to give the woman a hopeful look.

"I think your friend needs, um..." your words trail off as you nod towards the reindeer man.

The woman glances to Callahan, assesses the situation, and beams warmly. "Ah, I see."

She strides over and places a boot up against the tree, then grips the feathered end of the arrow in a fist. You see her biceps tense and bulge with hidden muscle for only a second before the flint head of the projectile is jerked into view, bark splintering away.

Holy shit. Your brain exclaims, watching in awe as she blows dust from the end of the arrow before smiling and passing it to Callahan.

He takes it with a grin, his eyes forming little crescents beneath his hood like a kid on Christmas.

I need to marry this woman! Like, yesterday!

"My name's Y/n!" You blurt, scared to miss the opportunity to introduce yourself.

The woman chuckles, "I'm Ares. It's nice to meet you."

"Y-yeah." You trail off. What do you say now? You're finally in front of a pretty girl and your mind has gone blank!

Say something funny! Make her laugh! Show her you have a sense of humour!

"Did you know my horse is called Honk?"

AHHHHHHHHHHH WHY DID I SAY THAT?! She's going to think I'm weird!

Much to your surprise, she laughs. "Aww, what a great name for a horse. Hi, Honk."

The stallion raises its head at the mention of its name, and when he sees Ares holding a hand out to him, plods over to press his nose into her palm.

He never does that for me! You grumble internally. Is it because she's pretty? I bet it's because she's pretty!

Callahan looks between Honk and Ares and reaches out to give her yellow top a light tug.

"Hmm? Oh! Right! Archery practice. Sorry, Callahan." Ares drops her hands from Honk and gives you an apologetic smile, "I hope you don't mind, but I was in the middle of teaching Callahan how to use a bow."

"Oh," your expression drops. Is she about to ditch you for reindeer boy? No! You can't let her leave! Not yet! Just a little linger with the goddess of your dreams!

"Do- do you know where I can get some food around here?" You say quickly, searching for a reason to keep her by your side.

"Hmm, we have a restaurant in the SMP. You could try there? It's called Pizza's Hutt. I've been there a few times. It's really good."

"The SMP?" Your brows pull together. You're in an SMP? But your map clearly states that this entire area is empty land. What SMP have you stumbled into?

"Yes. The Dream SMP. Have you heard of it?" Ares smiles sweetly.

All colour drains from your face.

Oh god no. The Dream SMP is one of the worst SMP's out there! Not because of its location, but because of the sheer amount of drama that happens on an almost weekly basis! They've had, like, four wars in the past month! That's four more wars than any SMP you've visited! How did someone as gentle and sweet as Ares end up in this kind of dangerous place?!

"Ah, I've never been here before. Truth be told I'm pretty bad with directions. I know you're busy, but would you mind showing a weary traveller the way?"

Ares purses her lips, thinking. She looks to Callahan. "Do you mind, Callahan? I promise we can finish your lessons tomorrow."

Callahan frowns. He narrows his eyes at you and you sweatdrop. Clearly, the guy isn't pleased to have to share his time with Ares. And you can't blame him. Who wouldn't want to spend time with this beautiful woman? A woman who can also apparently shoot.

Slowly, Callahan nods.

"Thank you!" Ares beams, and you let out a soft sigh of relief.

"The place is this way." Ares says, gesturing for you to follow.

"Great!" You grin and take up Honk's reins in a hand, guiding your horse in Ares' direction. As you walk Callahan follows close by Ares' side, and he occasionally glances back to look at you.

You're not sure you like the way he's looking at you. Silently judging you. He hasn't said a word since meeting you and you can only assume he's mute.

After a few, short minutes of walking the trees suddenly break away around you and you step out into a field of long grass.

"Welcome to the SMP." Ares flashes a smile as radiant as the sun and you swoon.

"It looks great," you nod, not looking at the sprawl of buildings in the slightest but instead at her.

"Pizza's Hutt is that building over there." She points out one of the many roofs. "If we follow Prime Path we'll get there faster."

"Is uh, Callahan going to be joining us?" You give the silent man a sidelong look. He scrunches his nose up at you.

"Oh, I don't know. Are you?"

After a pensive few seconds, Callahan shakes his head. You feel like cheering. The last thing you want is the mute third-wheeling on the first date of you and your future wife.

Callahan stays true to his word, and makes a quiet exit as soon as you step up onto what you assume is Prime Path.

Finally, you're alone with your wife. You can already feel the butterflies flittering about your stomach as you repeatedly steal glances at her. Now is your time to show this woman that you can woo her like no other!

"Hey, Bean Sprout." A voice drifts out from nowhere, calm and cool. It has a chill travel down your spine and Honk rears back with a surprised snort.

Ares doesn't stop walking, but simply shakes her head out of amusement.

"I thought you were out with George and Sapnap?" She says to the disembodied voice.

"Yeah. They were getting salty that I kept beating their asses, so we quit early." The voice responds, right beside you. You turn and see a man walking along to your right, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans, a lime green jacket tied around his waist. You stare, mouth agape. Where did he come from?!

He feels your stare and turns to look down at you. A white mask hides his face, a smile with two dots for eyes his only expression. Even so, you feel his grin.

"Who's the newbie?" He questions.

Finally, Ares turns and gestures to you, "this is Y/n. Y/n, this is Dream." She introduces you.

Shiiiiiiiit. Your brain shrieks as the man before you cocks his head to the side. You've just bumped into the literal last person you ever wanted to meet in this terrifying SMP! How is your luck so shit?!

"Oh, and this is Honk." Ares grins, slowing her steps to walk beside the horse. She runs a hand along Honk's nose affectionately and he presses his head into her side.

"Hmm," is Dream's response.

"Uh, it's nice to meet you," you say with wobbling tones, too terrified to meet the man's smiley mask.

"And you're...what? Out on a stroll?" He questions, glancing to Ares. She smiles and nods.

"We're going to eat at Pizza's Hutt."

Your head jerks up excitedly, "you're eating with me?"

"Mhm! Figured I might as well. I haven't had lunch yet." She beams.

Yeeeees!

"What a coincidence. I haven't eaten yet, either." Dream says.

Noooooo!

He cuts in front of you and slides in next to Ares, slipping an arm across her lower back.

Your eyebrows shoot up and a weight settles in your stomach. No. It can't be. Are they-

"It's been a while since we went on a date." He comments, confirming your worst fears. "And then maybe later we can..." he leans down to Ares' level and whispers the rest of his sentence into her ear.

She gives a short laugh and pulls at his black shirt, lowering his head enough to whisper back her response. Whatever she says has him choke, and his ears turn a bright red, heat rushing up his neck.

You feel very much like a third wheel as you watch the two whisper what can only be dirty intentions to each other.

Of course, a woman as gorgeous as Ares already has a partner. How could she not? And with Dream of all people! Had it been anyone else you would have fought for her affections. But Dream? You don't have a death wish.

With a forlorn sigh, you slow Honk down long enough to hop up onto his back. Ares and Dream don't even notice. Dream has the shorter woman trapped in his arms, who giggles lightly as he peppers her neck with little kisses, his mask lifted to reveal the wicked grin on his lips.

Ah, well, onto the next location, you suppose. Where was it you were going again? Oh yes, a jungle temple. If you're lucky you might find some enchanted books. Those always sell for a good price.

A few minutes later, Ares finally manages to pry herself from Dream's affectionate kisses and looks around.

"Hm? Where did Y/n go?"

"Who cares? More pizza for us." Dream shrugs, pulling her back into his chest.

"That's a shame. I liked them."