The pandavas gazed at their wife who sat facing the river, away from them. She had not spoken since the dyut, they haven't heard her voice since dyut sabha where she last time asked Dhritrashtr to free them, that was the last time they had heard her say something, to them or anyone else. After that all they had gotten was silence as she had a far off look appeared on her face. Seven days and not a single sound from her, the Pandavas often got worried, from time and again when she slept they often checked her breath. Their minds swirling with all sorts of possibilities, she hasn't eaten anything just occasional sips of water, they would call her and beg her to eat but she just kept on sitting there like she never heard them, seven days of literal hell.

They were able to do nothing but just be miserable about herself, they have tried to keep themselves busy by building hut, collecting food and many other things, this chores and their practices helped them numb their pain, not heal it but it helped them ignore it. But every time they looked at her, it was like a cold slap of reality on their face, not every wife stayed like a widow when her husbands were alive but looking at her they felt like they had died. Her maang lacked the indur, her neck lacked the mangalsutr, her head lacked the chudamani and her toes and fingers laced their rings, everything that bound her to them had just vanished in thin air, she had given it up all.

Yudhisthir looked at his Dharma, yes she was still Dharma but he was no longer her Dharmraj, she had disowned him completely and seeing her like a dead corpse everyday made him feel dead too. His guilt was eating him away slowly everyday, in his foolishness to trust his family, he lost everything, he lost his dharma. His one reason to live, the only reason he was still breathing was to avenge her humiliation. He won't lose so easily, he looked around at his brothers, all looked broken and tattered as their gaze kept on shifting to her. But first he needed to get himself together, it didn't matter how broken he had been, he had to be strong for his family, for them. Otherwise surviving would be a difficult feat.

He gazed down at his burned hands, to punish himself and to complete Vrikodar's pran he had burned his hands, he deserved that and so much more, the white bandages around his hand reminded him of those dices all the second of his life. He sighed as he moved out of the hut, he was lost in his mind, his head hurting, he didn't know what to do? How to fix his family, how to pick up the broken pieces of his family, his girl and put them together as one. He knew he had to try for there was no way for them to avenge her humiliation till he had pieced her back together, there was just no way, Panchaali was the center of their family,the very source that provided them with the life force.

The images of the dyut began to flash in his mind as memories after memories unfurled in his mind, answer me! On what basis did you put me on stake?! When you had lost yourself you had no right to! Her words reverberated through his head, I am no longer the wife of your sons, no longer am I the kulvadhu of Kuruvansh! Her sharp words echoed through his mind, words that had officially made him feel dead,there was no he without her, there was no Dharmraj without his Dharma, every moment his heart burned as he was forced to live with the fact that, he, who had protected her since his very childhood days, he, who had made her life as beautiful as flowers, who did his best to make her smile and giggles, he, the great samrat who gave  in every little demands of his wife, who spoiled her to no end was the one responsible for her pain. A fact that will always kill him from within, just one thing he ever wanted from his life for himself and that was her happiness, that was his only selfish desire for himself, other than that he had always worked for the happiness of his people, never one deed for done for himself. He had been the strong ever when others broke, his brothers had constantly been looking up to him for guidance and answers, and he, no matter in what condition he had to be strong. He wished to cry and scream but he couldn't all his humanly emotions, his weaknesses were hidden behind the mask of calmness and mercy, why? Why did he had always have to be strong? Why for once can't he break and cry? Why did he always have to be the responsible one? Just because he was born first? She gave him the reprieve that he needed, she was his safe heaven in chaos, she was the one with whom he was nothing but a lover, not a king, not a jyest of anyone, not a father or a husband, just a lover who loved his beloved unconditionally, whose touch made him forget all the burdens of responsibilities and expectations from all the people, he was just her lover and now that one person was taken away from him to, but he refused to give up, refused to let her go, he will get her back,  for he knew there was no he without her. . .

He entered the sleeping area of their hurt once he returned from the walk, she lay on the grass bed, her eyes were shut as a frown had marred her face, he moved towards her, "Let me go!" She thrashed and scream over and over again in her sleep making him jolt up as pain flared in his chest, he rushed to her, "Panchaali, priye wake up!" He shook her but she kept on thrashing, her head shaking from side to side as her breath came in short pants, "DHARMA!" He shouted a loud giving her a violent shake making her look up at him, he blinked back down at her, she looked up at him shocked and terrified, her eyes lowered in realisation that it was just a nightmare as tears filled her eyes, Yudhisthir's  heart gave a sharp tug as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in his arms, "Shh princess,it's okay I am here." He whispered as he rubbed her back, his touch assuring and supportive as he pressed his lips to her forehead, "I am so so sorry princess." He whispered as he kissed her forehead again, tears flowing down his cheeks as he hugged her, tears glazed in his eyes too and flowed down as his mind struggled to make sense.

He broke down crying in relief as he felt her hug him back, her arms wrapping around him tightly as she hid her face on the orange cotton angvastr that he wore, he ran his fingers through her hair as he soothed her, "Everything will be fine Princess, I promise." He swore, he would fix everything and anything but only if he had her, "Arya." Her voice was soft barely above whisper but was enough for him to break down crying, tears of pain and relief rained from his eyes as the all too calm and collected Dharmraj broke, his heart throbbing in his chest as he heard her after so long, losing himself completely in tears. .  .

***

Do Vote and Comment!

***