Blue & Grey - BTS

Lately Jeongguk doesn't dream about anything these days. When he wakes up he has no reconciliation to what those hours of sleep what was running through his mind. It's been like that for a while really, and at times he's grateful for it because he won't have to remember any nightmares or peaceful fragments that would cloud his mind thought out the day.

So when he woke up, he was glad to having a solid memory of anything in his sleep.

Not only that but.... When he woke up he met his sister's wide eyes staring back at him, gently running her slim hand through his raven long hair.

When their eyes met it was silent, a peaceful silence obviously. If anything it's something Jeongguk was actually feeling so relaxed inside to see her.

So he gently takes her hand from his hair and kisses her palm, interlacing their fingers and bringing it to his chest. Lisa twitches a smile to her brother's tender affection and cuddles her cheek closer to the pillow.

"You doing alright Kookie?"

Initially Jeongguk wanted to lie, say that he's doing great and how he just wanted to sleep in here for tonight. But he can't lie to Lisa. They've never lied to each other, and they don't want to start now either way.

They mean a lot to each other, and Lisa is the only one he can talk about this depth of emotions with.

"Not really," Jeongguk mumbles quietly, rubbing his thumb against Lisa's hand, "I'm tired Lisa...... I don't even know what I want anymore."

Lisa stares at her brother, squeezing his hand back in order give him a little motivation to continue speaking. It didn't take much effort because Jeongguk is starting to feel just plain empty, so nothing seemed so heavy or painful to hold in.

Besides, Lisa isn't one to judge him so harshly.

"This whole mess with Jimin and Taehyung. Something I think that.... If we're together then it'll make this easier you know?" His voice is quivering but he swallows it down, taking deep breathes to calm himself down, "Yesterday Jimin and I had a moment and.... Fuck, Lisa I felt so empty.... And no matter what I did, I have never felt so drained then at that moment. Especially when Taehyung came in and just..... I'm so lost Lisa."

He doesn't want to cry.

He's not going to either way. Maybe there's no more pain inside for him to hold onto, or even have that sentimental vulnerability that he use to cradle in his hearts. He's usually so emotional when it comes to things, but now he's just so out of it.

During these moments he actually wishes Ten would slap him with something, anything, just to get him back to his feet. Something about Ten's attitude to somehow always know what to do is what keeps Jeongguk's head to keep moving, to be better.

But now Jeongguk doesn't even know what is going on with Ten, he just hopes it's nothing too severe that he can't overcome.

As for now, Lisa listens to him. She never holds this judgement in her gaze, if anything she looks as though she understands his difficult situation. She slowly nods and raises her other hand, caressing the side of Jeongguk's face the same way she would when they were kids.

She always took care of him, still does.

"I believe that.... You and them go way back, you know? Shit, you guys practically grew up together. They're all you ever have known Jeongguk, I can see why you would want to be near them and not lose that chemistry," She then bites her bottom lip to think what she was going to say next, twitching a more deeper frown, "You guys suffered a lot together. It's like every drop of emotions was drained out completely that you became even numb to it. It's only natural that you still feel that same emptiness now, no matter how much time has passed, they did leave a mean scar in your precious heart."

Jeongguk had to close his eyes when he felt it burn, raising his interlaced hands with Lisa to his cheek to keep him anchored, "I just want to start feeling alive again. I'm scared that... I won't get to anymore."

Lisa let's go of their hands and melts into his embrace this time, wrapping her frail arms around his waist burying her face against his chest. Jeongguk clutches onto her tighter, letting his nose rest against the crown of her head to the familiar scent of his sister.

He's not afraid to feel fragile with her, he never does.

"It's time you start to be more on your own Kookie," Lisa mumbles shakily, his body quivering now that had Jeongguk's heart tearing to how worried her voice was laced, "You've been through a lot, you need to be alone for a while before getting back into thinking about something more or even friendships in general. I.... I lost you once, I'm not going to lose you again."

Him and Lisa have a very odd relationship really. They don't typically get emotional with each other. Sure they're open about this emotions, but they don't express feelings like cry or throw a tantrum. Lisa always wanted to keep the big sister role and be strong, making sure her brother never sees her crying or even upset so he wouldn't have to worry.

Now he's seeing her this fragile and in pain to his own emotional state is something much more aching than any type of messed up shit Jimin and Taehyung have ever done to him. He hates seeing Lisa like this, and it hurts more that it's because of him.

"You're.... My only family Lisa," Jeongguk whispers against the crown of her head, caressing her hair to calm her down just like she did to him, "You won't lose me so easily, as if I'll ever leave you alone. You're right though, I do need my space to focus on myself and just.... Ugh... Just stay by my side please."

"You know I always will," She whispers, pulling away to look at Jeongguk's face with a small smile despite her teary eyes, "Merry Christmas by the way."

Oh right it's Christmas.

How fortunate for him.... Since everyone in this house now has this rising tension that's ready to explode.

However Jeongguk is not as afraid as before, now that he has a new reason to be strong.

And not only for himself.

So he twitches a smile and boops her nose, "Merry Christmas. Oh and you should probably brush your teeth, your breathe kinda stinks."

Lisa slaps his arm, to which made both of them break into wide smiles while still being cozied up under the blankets as they let the morning flash, not wanting to get up and much rather prefer being in this tender presence a while longer.

They say a prince charming are always the one's saving the damsel in distress, but for Jeongguk it just so happens to be a woman with a heart of gold and a tough attitude that saves him every single time.

His family.

And no matter what the odds may be, she will never let her baby brother down.

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A/N:

I'm so sad.

I love their sibling relationship so much.

It's just so..... Comforting to read honestly. It's like one would think that Jeongguk's anchor to himself would be his lovers or something, but in this case it's his sister and- Wow I'm going to cry.

Well time to endure my classes, wish me luck!

I PURPLE YOU! <33