Hey, why are you like this?

I don't know really.. I'm..just like this though..

Why are you sometimes so sweet but so cold too? I just don't understand at all

I ask that question to myself too, all the time. There's something wrong with me i guess jaja..

You're..laughing?

Yeah, i do...you know why?

-denies with the head-

-smiles a little- You know..i used to have a friend.. We were kinda like brother and sister, that's how are friendship was

..Oh, yeah..

We weren't like that at first, just a simple friendship, no more. But through the time our bonds of friendship grew, so he started seeing me as a little sister. Like the little sister he never had.. so, i started to do it too. Maybe that was kind of our mistake..

-frowns- ..Ah?

..No My mistake.

What do you mean?

..Four words...

i fall for him

-looks at her-

-looks back but smiling in a nostalgic way-

..But..that doesn't answers my question. ..Oh..you're talking in..past..so...

.. -her sight became soft while smiling-

Oh..

Relax, it's ok..

What happend with the two of you?

.. -bits her lower lip- ..

-just looks at her-

-sighs- ..He started to care about me more, to love me, to worry more about me.. and i..liked it. But that like strated to turn into something more...he didn't know of course, i hide it from him for both's sake i guess.

I see

Yeah.. -smiles- those were kind of good times though.. -her smile starts to disappear little by little- I started to get jealous when he treated a girl kinda like he treated me.. i thought i was the only one..again.. and that hurt me in that time. "..Again? Really?..." was what i thought, ahrg that's one of the things why i hate myself...

You..hate yourself?

Yeah, i do

..It doesn't seems like it

It doesn't need to seems like it

But you don't look like you hate yourself, besides you even are the opposite of that--

I pretend

...

I'm confusing aren't i? Yeah, i know jaja.. so, to end what i'm talking to you about.. what i feared the most was that, starting to develope feelings for him, and not friendship ones..not any more, but it happend. For him, i was being different then i usually was, i lied to him saying that there was nothing, that i was fine, that he didn't need to worry. But he did, that was the type of worry i didn't want from him in those moments. Then..his kisses, his hugs, his actions towards me..scared me, 'cause i didn't want to fall for him, not completly..but at the same time i didn't want him to stop, i wanted that and just for myself. So stupid isn't it?.. i'm so complicated, i'm a total mess that's for sure..it's frustrating.. One day, that day was when i decided to tell him everything..that damn day..

..Look..i want to tell you something, i have to..

Yeah sure, go ahead -smiles-

(Shit..) -she thought- ..I..

You? -tilts his head-

-presses her lips together a little for a second- ..I think i'm starting to develope feelings towards you..kind of some days ago.. -looks at him straight in his eyes- (and that scares the shit out of me) -she thought-

... -he was just looking at her kind of shocked, he didn't know what to say, it got him by surprised- ...Sis... -was the only thing he could say-

-That felt like a stab in her heart, tears started to form in her eyes. Hearing him calling her by that nickname was enough to understand, she just couldn't do or say anything anymore and she hated it. She wanted to run away, she wanted ro cry, to scream, to beat him on the chest while crying and asking "why" over and over- (Ah..these fucking feelings again..) -she thought-

-when he saw her like that, when he saw her eyes, his eyes opened wide. That was the last thing he wanted to do to her, hurt her. But he just did it right in that moment without knowing. He was abaut to walk in her direction but then, she moved backwards-

-She lowerd her head when she steped backwards seconds later- ..It's ok, don't get near to me..please.. you don't need to, i don't need it.. -she managed to say in a soft yet a little broke voice. Then, seconds later she looked up and smile with tears in her eyes and on her blushed cheaks- ..Thank you, for everything you did for me..Sorry... -she had a sad-painful nostalgic sight in her eyes while looking at him with a smile still plastered on her face-

-He was about to say something even though he didn't know what to tell her, but she turned around and run away not letting him talk or do somethnig abou it leaving him there, speechless-

-Days later, they saw eachother. When that happend, seconds later, she just smiled at him. The same smile from that day, he felt bad giving her a worried yet sad look because of what happend between the two of them, because of her smile towards him. That smile started to disappear slowly while she continued to walk on the opposite way he was going.-

That happend. ..I wanted to tell him more than that, but those where the words that got out of my mouth. I feel so..bad.. Now, i don't know how he's doing 'cause we don't talk with eachother anymore... From that time, i started to be this way. You know? I don't regret to met him, he always will a part of me, of my life. Because, at least in that time, he was what i needed

..Wow..i..have no words for that..

-smiles-

Was that a one sided love?

..Yes, i think it was..