Leave Out All The Rest - Linkin Park

Chapter Twenty One: A Conversation That Is Long Overdue

Following the incident with Nora in the hallway, I might've went and punched a few faces before Lannon finally drew the last straw and expelled me. Yes. You read that right. Expelled. As in never returning to school again so any chance of me getting into film school next September is gone.

On top of that, I'm the one who is currently housing the English project. Our model of Hogwarts is sitting in my room, 3/4 of the way finished, and I won't be able to either present it or give it back to Nora for that matter. She wants nothing to do with me now so I seriously doubt she wants the model back. That would only mean I'd have to show my face around her place. 

On another note, Josh is livid. I've never seen my brother so legitimately mad that the veins in his neck stood out when he yelled at me in the car on the way home.

"Expelled?! Jesus Christ Laney what were you thinking?! Were you even thinking at all?! What am I supposed to tell our dad?! 'Oh by the way Laney got kicked out of school but we all knew this was coming eventually'."

Most of his lecture just went right through one ear and out the other as I just stared out the window at all the buildings we drove past. We passed the secondhand bookstore where Nora got me the first three Harry Potter books. The bakery where I got her treats that same day. Basically anywhere that we shared happy moments sped past my window. I get it, Universe. Fuck you too.

After Josh finally fell silent, I could see that his face had turned into a calm expression, much unlike the way it was just minutes ago. He looked more worried now than angry.

"Laney. I can't help you if you don't talk to me," his voice was soft and low. He turned his head, his brown eyes gentle. This was the Josh I knew and loved. He might be mad but I know deep down he cares.

"I don't want to talk." I shoved my earbuds in my ears and started to blast music. Linkin Park. Loud and drowned out the world, just the way I liked it.

"Laney," I could barely hear my brother say. "Lane-" To my distaste, he pulled a bud out of my ear as he drove. "Please listen to me. Don't block me out."

I sighed heavily. "Fine. I'm listening."

"Good. It's about time." Josh pulled up to a stop sign and took this opportunity to look at me. "I don't know what happened at school or why you....punched multiple students in the face but I don't care about any of that. I mean I do-"

"Just get to the point, Josh."

"Right. Sorry. Like I said, I don't know what happened but I need you to know that I'm worried about you, squirt. And I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

The light turned green which gave Josh no other choice but to look away and focus on the road again. There was a brief moment where I thought I was going to confess to everything and tell him the whole story. Maybe I should've. Maybe I should just tell him everything about how I feel about Nora and every other emotion that I've kept hidden from him over the years. If this were a movie, this would be the part in the film where the main protagonist talks about their feelings and gets advice from a supporting character. But this isn't a movie and I'm not a main protagonist.

But I didn't tell him. And I probably won't ever tell him.

It took me a while to realize that we had long driven past our street. I glanced at my brother, confused.

"You went past our road....am I not going home?"

He shook his head. "No. He wants to talk to you."

Oh shit. "Now he wants to talk? Seventeen years later?!"

"Better late than never."

He had a point there.

We pulled up to the hospital and parked near the entrance to Emergency. Before I could even take off my seatbelt, Josh put a gentle hand on my shoulder to stop me from going any further.

"Promise me something for when you go in there?" He asked.

"Depends on what that promise is," I shrugged. "Does it have anything to do with dad?"

He nodded. "Listen to him, Laney. Just listen to him. It would put his mind and heart at ease if you just sat there with him and listened to what he has to say."

I breathed out a long sigh. Though I wasn't one for sitting and listening to the rambles of a man who's ignored me for the majority of my life, something in me said it was the right thing to do. The man was dying. The least I could do is hear his last wishes and maybe even hear him apologize too.

"I'll listen. But I'm not obligated to take his words to heart." I ripped off my seatbelt in a hurry. "Come on. I might have some extra time to spare now but I'm not really in the mood to be spending it in a hospital."

My brother shot me a look as we both got out of the car. "You wanted to see him, didn't you? So here's your chance before he's gone for good."

I hate hospitals. Everything about them just gives me the creeps; the white walls, the smell of bleach that they cleaned everything with, the sound of heart monitors and people coughing. Even the children's part of the hospital made me sick to my stomach. This place was just filled with death and heartache and I'd rather die in a ditch then have to come here for any particular reason.

A nurse at the front desk looked up from her papers and smiled as we came in.

"Hello, Mr. Lee. In to see your dad again today?" Her voice was barely a whisper. Why did everyone have to whisper in hospitals?

"Yes. My sister will be joining me as well. She hasn't been in to see him yet," Josh told her.

"This is Laney?" The nurse smiled warmly at me. "Nice to finally meet you, Laney. I'm Sheryl. Your dad's nurse."

"Hi," I mumbled. The white walls were already getting to my sanity and I haven't even been here five minutes.

"He should be eating breakfast by now but you're more than welcome to go see him," Sheryl told us. "I'll lead the way."

Josh nodded his head for me to follow her. "How is he feeling today?"

Sheryl looked back at us. "He's his usual cheery self. Threw his jello at one of my coworkers yesterday but other than that? No change."

I winced. Even sober, he was still a jackass to people. Once an ass, always an ass I guess.

"Lovely. This should be a piece of cake then. He wants to talk to Laney today so that's why I brought her along," Josh told her as he gently took my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It's a long needed talk that's much overdue."

My dad's room was filled with flowers. The moment we stepped into the room I was hit with the powerful aroma of all different kinds. Roses, lilies, dahlias. And those were just some of the ones I recognized. This was no doubt the work of my sister-in-law in an attempt to liven up the place a little but even the flowers looked like they were ready to die from how depressing this place was.

"Dad? I brought her," Josh whispered in the doorway leading to his room. "Did you still want to talk to her?"

I peered over Josh's shoulder. Our dad was sat up in bed slicing through a piece of chicken breast and dipping it in what looked like gravy. He looked up from his food and sighed. "Bring her in then. This stuff isn't going to stay hot forever."

Josh nudged me into the room. By now I was completely inside my dad's room and in his line of sight and who I saw laying down in bed didn't look one bit like the father I once knew.

This man was thin to the point of borderline skeleton yet somehow or another he managed to find the strength to lift his arms to move them and eat. His face lost so much weight....I almost broke down into tears seeing him this way. It wasn't supposed to be this way yet here I am standing in his hospital room more than likely getting ready to say my final goodbye.

"Leave us," my dad told Josh. "I'll send her out when we're done here."

Geez. I wish he didn't have to make it sound like he was the captain of a ship and we were crew members.

Once my brother left the room, I immediately felt awkward with a side of uncomfortable. Robert Lee was now looking straight at me with that look he usually gets in his eyes when he's getting ready to say something. There was no running away and hiding in my room this time. I had no other choice but to listen to him.

"Well sit down. This could take a while," he pointed to the chair beside his bed which I sat down on immediately. "Being holed up in this hell has made me stir crazy. What's going on in the outside world? How's school?"

Is he being serious right now? He's asking about how school is going? "Um....I've actually been expelled today...."

His eyes widened for a fraction of a second. "Expelled? What for? Actually, don't tell me. It doesn't surprise me."

If he wasn't sick and in the hospital, I would've snapped at him for that comment. "What doesn't surprise you? That I've been kicked out of school?"

Robert shook his head. "If I know you as well as I think I do, I know you got kicked out for doing something you believed was right." He took a sip of his water, sighing as it went down. "Was it for that Nora girl?"

"Huh?"

"That blonde haired girl that I used to see sneaking out of the house-oh don't look at me like that. I know about your little escape contraption you've got set up at your window. I just don't know why you don't use the front door."

I scoffed. "I did it so I didn't have to deal with your drunk ass downstairs. I was sc-" I closed my eyes so tightly that I saw colors.

"You were scared. Weren't you?" When I opened my eyes again, my dad was looking at me with a sad expression on his face. "I would never hurt you, Laney-"

"How was I supposed to know?! You were angry all the fucking time! Charging up the stairs like a goddamn angry bull, yelling at the top of your lungs like you normally do! Of course I was scared, dad! You know how many times I slept in my closet with the door locked at night? It's no Five Star hotel, I'll tell you that."

Robert sighed heavily through his nose. "Laney Rubia, I'm going to tell you something. Whether or not you believe me that's fine. But I'm saying this from the bottom of my heart. I would never lay a hand on you. Yes, I'll admit I yelled. I was drunk. But even under the influence I would never touch you in any way. So my first order of business is to apologize for frightening you."

I raised an eyebrow. "That was just the first order of business?"

"Yes. There are a few other things I want to apologize for. Consider this like confession at church and you're the priest. Or priestess."

I chuckled at this. "I'm far from being a saint, dad."

"That makes two of us."

We both looked at each other in the eyes and I knew right then and there that I was about to get 17 years worth of apologies. To be honest I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear them but deep down I needed to hear them. Much like how my dad needs to apologize to put his heart and soul at ease, a part of me needed to hear it to put myself at ease.

"I know I haven't been the greatest father ever. I'm painfully aware of that," he took another sip of water, cursing under his breath when a bit spilled on his hospital gown. "After your mom left I just drowned myself with work and alcohol to fill the gap in my heart that she left behind. I didn't want to....deal with anything."

I nodded. "You didn't want to deal with me."

"That's not true. I wanted to be there for you so much, Laney. I truly did. But you-you're so strong. Did you know that? You're so much stronger than I can ever dream of being."

I swallowed past a lump that was forming in my throat but didn't say anything.

"When your mom left, you handled yourself so much better than I did. You didn't cry. You didn't act out. Do you remember that day? The moment she walked out the door you got up off the couch and cooked us your first ever meal-"

"Chicken wraps," I snorted. "That'll hardly get me a spot on MasterChef."

"But it was the best damn meal I ever had. I'll never forget it. You had such composure whereas I crumbled and hid behind my work to hide how I truly felt. I always did envy you, princess. You're so strong and I'm so proud of you."

When he turned away to reach for something on his bedside table, I quickly wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall down my face. He hasn't called me "princess" since I was a child. He turned to face me again, a piece of paper in his hands.

"I also want to apologize for making you feel unsafe growing up. Or unloved. It was never my intention to make you feel that way. In my mind I just thought that if I just gave you a large allowance, it would make up for the fact I was practically a deadbeat dad. So I want you to have this."

I took the paper from his hand, briefly looking it over. "What is this?"

"It's the deed to the house. When I'm gone, it's yours. I know it's not much but I want you to have it. Make it the safe haven that you never felt you had."

"Dad-" I finally choked, the tears now falling freely. "I can't. This is too much-"

"No. It's not. This is my way of saying sorry. I know it's awful but it's the only way I know how. I'm assuming Josh told you that I won't be around for much longer?"

Wait what? This was news to me. "He never mentioned it....how much longer?"

My dad shrugged. "Doctor says it's just a matter of time. Could be a month. A week. A day. That's why I wanted to talk to you today. In case I don't last much longer. Laney....look at me."

His hand reached down and held mine. I looked down at our hands. His bones were so prominent now that it made me cry even harder.

"Princess....I'm sorry for being a terrible father. It feels like it's too late to make amends but I didn't want to leave this earth without you knowing how truly sorry I am. And I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

A sob escaped my throat but I tried to cover it up with a laugh. "I get expelled from school and you're apologizing to me?"

A hearty laugh came from him. He had such a contagious laugh. I'd almost forgotten what it sounded like. "What a weird world we live in, huh kiddo? I'm not mad at you for that. I know you had good intentions behind your actions."

"I knocked a dude's teeth out."

Robert leaned forward and winked. "Could've been worse."

I laughed, wiping the tears from my face. "Wait. How did you know about Nora? I made sure to be extra careful when sneaking her out."

"I may be riddled with cancer but I'm not stupid. The girl makes so much noise when she's climbing down that damn ladder. Plus I caught her taking food out from our fridge one day."

"Oh." I felt the color drain from my face. "I-I told her she could make herself at home whenever I wasn't there-"

"It's fine. She froze like a deer in headlights when she saw me so I told her she's more than welcome to help herself to whatever. Then we sat down and talked until we saw you coming home."

I gulped. "What did you guys talk about?"

My dad put a piece of chicken in his mouth and chewed, cringing before spitting it out into a napkin. "Oh. Nothing you haven't already seen on the news-"

"You saw the news?!" I squeaked. "Who let you have a tv?!"

"Relax, Laney. It's fine. She's a surprisingly nice young woman. Well educated and intelligent. She wouldn't have opened up to me if she knew she couldn't trust me. As for what we talked about....well you'll just have to ask her about that. I'm taking that secret to my grave."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not funny, dad. Seriously. What did you guys talk about?" When he zipped his lips I let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. I'd ask her but we're not exactly on speaking terms anymore."

"No? How come?"

So I told him about the video that he saw on the news and how she made it seem like I was the one who put it online. The entire time I was talking, he listened carefully, throwing in a question here and there. But he was actually listening.

"So it seems that there's a misunderstanding here. Have you tried talking to her yet?"

I rolled my eyes. "My ass got dragged here right after I got the boot from school. I haven't really had time to speak to her. Even if I do, what do I say? She's not going to listen."

"Yes she will."

"How can you be so sure?"

My dad held my hand for the second time this morning. "Because from the way she spoke to me about you, she sounded like she'd do anything for you. Give her a chance. She just might surprise you. Try bringing some sweets to her to break the ice."

A knock on the door interrupted us. Sheryl popped her head in and smiled apologetically.

"I don't mean to interrupt you guys but your dad needs to take his medication now, Laney. You're more than welcome to stick around after that."

"My daughter was just leaving anyway. She has some unfinished business to take care of," my dad told her while smiling at me. "Go get her, tiger. Make things right."

As I got up and made my way towards the door, something pulled me back and made me run to his bedside to give him a gentle hug. He froze, probably surprised more than anything, but eventually hugged me back.

"I'm sorry I've been a shitty daughter. All these years I've convinced myself that you were this demon who didn't care about anything but himself and his alcohol," I whispered to his ear. "I'm so sorry."

His lips kissed the side of my head. "You're far from a shitty daughter, Lane. Far from it. Be proud of who you are because I sure as hell am."

We finally broke apart and the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face shone up at me. He was finally at ease; I could see it in his eyes.

Josh sat out in a chair out in the hall. He jumped from his seat when I walked out, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"So? What did he tell you?" He asked. "What did he say?"

I breathed out a long breath and nodded. "Everything," I answered. "Everything."
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I know I said I was going to update on Friday (it's currently 12:14 am Saturday morning as I'm typing this) but I haven't had a chance to get anything done so I'm sorry for that.

Man this was a powerful chapter for me to write. I needed Laney to have some clarity in her life now that everything's been turned upside down. She needed to hear everything her father told her and he needed to tell her everything that he said. So both characters reconnected again even if it may be too late.

Leave a comment and a vote if you enjoyed this chapter! And thanks for reading ❤️