Song of the chapter: If You Don't Know - 5 Seconds of Summer

Ashton's POV

I expected to wake up on the cold linoleum tiles in the bathroom, but instead, I find myself lying in my warm bed. Someone flicks the light switch on and I squeeze my eyes shut more than they already are to shield myself from the obnoxiously bright light.

"Get up," Calum says a bit louder than necessary, probably aware that I am currently experiencing a major hangover and is purposely being douche and trying to make it worse than it already is. "You have class in an hour and a half." Calum waits a moment and then leaves the room once he realizes that I am in fact awake and not just pretending to get up just to plop back onto the bed like I had initially planned to.

I don't care about class right now. The only thing-person on my mind is Emilia. I can't remember what I said to her last night, but I do remember what I did. And I still don't regret it. I have never had the urge to kiss her before last night and when I did, everything that happened before that-everything with Natalie was completely erased from my mind and replaced with Emmie. She's all that matters now.

My feet touch the carpeted floors as I stand to my feet and I automatically feel like I am in Dante's fourth Circle of Hell. My head has a second heartbeat, the scent of the remnants from all the alcohol I had is making me dizzy, and I feel like I'm choking on my own tongue because of how dry it is. I take quick shower and try to erase any trace of beer that lingers in my mouth before heading downstairs into the kitchen where I run into Michael sitting at the breakfast bar.

"Did you have enough to drink last night?" Michael says. "By the way your head was in the toilet, I assume that you finally hit your limit."

I don't even have the energy or motivation to argue and tell him to shut up because I know that behind his words is a plea for me to stop drinking and quite frankly, I want to.

"I'm done," I say, and he raises an eyebrow. "With drinking; I'm done. I did something last night that helped me realize that I need to stop. I hurt everyone around me because of my selfish obsession with Nat. Like Luke said, Emilia should be my priority, and I'm not going to let my past interfere any longer."

Michael's face relaxes and the apples of his cheeks rise slightly in delight. "That's what I like to hear." He walks over and pulls me into a short embrace, his hand patting my back lightly before pulling away. "What exactly did you do anyway? One second Emmie is running out of the house like she has seen Cthulhu, and the next, I find you praying to the porcelain God. You even made me send a text to Emmie before I put you to bed."

I don't remember any of that. Well, I remember Emmie running away and me running to the bathroom, but everything before and after that is wiped clean from my memory. What did I make Michael text her? God, I hope it's not something embarrassing.

I run upstairs and to my bedroom in search of my phone. Luckily, I don't have to search far because it is sitting on my nightstand, plugged into the charger. I unhook the plug and tap on the message sent to Emmie.

"I meant every word I said."

What? What did I say?

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to remember what the hell I said last night, but I have no luck. I run back downstairs and Calum has joined Michael at the breakfast bar with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Where is she?" I ask, not really caring that I accidentally yelled. Their faces contour into confusion. How can they not know who I'm talking about? "Emmie," I say. "Where is Emmie?"

"Quit shouting," Luke says, as he walks into the kitchen, rubbing his eye with his fist and yawning. "Do you not remember anything from last night?"

I shake my head and he sighs.

"Would you like for me to explain things to you?"

I nod furiously and take a seat on the last stool at the breakfast bar, waiting for Luke to jog my memory.

"I'm going to make it short and sweet," he says. "You confessed to Emmie, kissed her, and she ran away."

My eyes widen and I can feel my mouth getting dry as it hangs wide open. I'm too focused on Luke to see Michael and Calum's reaction, but I'm pretty sure they match mine.

The kiss is one thing, but confessing? That's probably the worst possible thing that I could've done. Oh, God. No wonder she ran away. A light bulb goes off in my brain and I fully understand the text that I made Mikey send her.

"I also want to add that you are quite the charmer when it comes to love confessions," Luke says. "You have such a way with words." The sly smirk on Luke's face makes me uneasy.

"What do you mean?" I ask cautiously.

"My love for you," he mocks, mimicking my voice and bursting into laughter.

"Please don't tell me that I said that to her," I beg, hoping that he's just lying and acting like a total ass.

Luke chuckles. "Ah, but you did, my dear friend. Emmie told me."

Fuck me. Why would I allow myself to say that while drunk? Oh, maybe because I killed off so many of my brain cells by drinking so much that I became stupid and gave the worst confession known to man. Out of all the ways to phrase it, I chose that one.

I prop my elbows up on the counter and rest my head in my clasped hands. "When did she tell you this?" I ask.

"Last night, after I went looking for her," Luke says.

I need to see her. I need to apologize for coming on to her like that. However, what if she liked it? She didn't stop me in the beginning, but she didn't kiss back either. It wasn't until after the fact that she pushed me away. Either way, I need to see her and explain myself and try to fix this.

"Where is she?" I ask.

"I took her home," Luke says.

"Good. She probably hasn't left for class yet, so I can go talk to her-"

"No, I mean I took her home," he says.

"To Glendale?"

He nods. Why would she choose to go back home?

"Tell me the address," I demand.

"No."

"Luke, I'm being serious. I need to see her. Tell me where her house is."

"I'm being serious too, Ash. I'm not telling you."

"Why not?" I shout.

"Because she needs time to think!" he snaps, raising his voice. He is always so calm, so hearing him yell is new. "You've dropped a huge bomb on her and she's confused out of her fucking mind. She doesn't know how to act or think when someone tells her that they love her-"

"Falling in love," I correct and he rolls his eyes.

"Emmie has always viewed what you two have as a friendship" he says. "She has absolutely no experience when it comes to love and affection. She needs to sort her thoughts out or else things will be ruined for the both of you, and I know how much that will hurt you. Do you want me to tell you what she told me? She said that she doesn't want this to turn into another 'Jared' situation. Show her how much you care and that you're not going to be like him or do what he did. Give her space. She'll only be gone until tomorrow."

"But-"

Luke interrupts me. "I'm not asking for you to do this, Ashton; I'm telling you. Go to class, learn some shit, and let her be. She'll be fine." He pats my shoulder.

I let out a long sigh of defeat. "All right."

I can't help but wonder what it is she's going to think about. Is she going to hate me? Is she going to love me? Is the feeling even mutual? She doesn't know what to think and that scares me. I want her to feel the same way about me. I want her to want me. I want her to feel the cliché butterflies in her stomach like I do. If she tells me that she doesn't feel the same or pushes me away, I will end up heartbroken and I don't think I can handle my heart being ripped out again. I just pray that she won't let me go.

__

It feels so strange not having Emmie sit next to me in class. The vacant seat next to me is a reminder of my mistake, and I can only pray that this won't be permanent. We haven't gone to class without the other here since we met and now that she's not here, I feel lonely; empty. I never realized how much a small thing like sitting next to each other means to me.

I would always glance over at her small body and study her face as she concentrated on Professor Ross' lecture. Sometimes she would be so absorbed in what he was saying that she would forget to look down at her notes and notice that she was writing completely off the lined paper. When she would finally look down at her messy notes, she would huff in annoyance and continue on with writing. Then after class, she would go and rewrite all her crooked notes so that they would look nice and neat. I always thought that it was a waste of time, but she insisted that perfectly neat notes help to study efficiently.

The sound of the heavy double doors closing and Professor Ross starting his lecture break my thoughts. He looks around the classroom, smiling at the students who are sitting next to their partner since he announced the project. This is the first time that I've noticed that so many other pairs and not just Emmie and me, have been sitting together in class. I don't really pay attention to the other students besides Emmie, so I guess it's no surprise that others have also gained friendships with their partners.

Professor Ross' eyes glance up to the top of the room where I am sitting and he furrows his eyebrows, confused that Emmie isn't next to me. I'm not completely sure, but his eyes are filled with either disappointment or surprise. I prefer the latter. He keeps his gaze on me and I just wish Emmie were here to help take the attention off of me. I turn my head slightly, removing myself from this awkward staring contest and focus on the Emmie's seat. Professor Ross begins his lecture which gives me the okay to turn to the front of the class without having the eyes of the old man on me and pay attention to someone other than Emmie for the first time in weeks.

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Emilia's POV

You'd think I'd be disgusted by the fact that a dog is licking my face to wake me up, but I embrace it. It's been so long since I've had such a sloppy awakening by my furry friend. I gently push the Collie off of my stomach, feeling relief from the loss of forty pounds and ending her wet kisses to my face.

"Mila, as much as I love waking up to your affectionate attitude, I don't think we can make this a daily thing," I tease the fluffy dog who is now sitting next to my hip. I try moving my legs from under the blanket but they are trapped between the other three dogs that slept with me. I lift up the blanket and smile at the three fur balls warming up my legs to the point where I am almost sweating because of their thick fur. Link, the pug, is nestled between my legs, loudly snoring with his tongue sticking out and Laila and Lilah, sister dachshunds, are sleeping against either side of my legs. Just being in the presence of my dogs again brings a smile to my somber face.

In the short time that I have been gone away to college, I have missed my dogs beyond belief. I would love to be able to take them with me, but our apartment doesn't allow pets which should be illegal because who doesn't love dogs? I'm lucky, though. I can't thank Julia's parents enough for letting me keep them after my parents' death. Their house isn't as large as my old one, but they have accommodated the needs for both me and my dogs. If they hadn't let me keep them, they would have gone to a shelter and most likely be put down, which would only add to the immense amount of grief that I went through, but like I said: I'm lucky.

As much as I hate to wake up the sleepy dogs, I get out of bed anyways and grab whatever clothes are in the dresser before going to take a shower. There is so much that I have to do today. Thankfully most of it doesn't deal with running, just more walking. My legs are still sore from yesterday and I'm glad that the place that I need to go to isn't that far away from the house.

The hot water pouring from the showerhead helps alleviate some of the soreness from my body and overall, just lifts my mood a bit. I don't feel as confused as I did last night, but that could be because I've had time to recharge and sort out my thoughts in my sleep. I'm not even sure that's possible, but I'm going to say it is anyway.

I twist the shower knob off and wrap an orange towel around my body and soaked hair. Julia's mom always had a thing for incorporating bright colors into her home. It makes sense that Julia also inherited her love for vibrant colors, judging by her choice of furniture and décor in our apartment. Even though I complain about it to her constantly, I secretly love it because it reminds me of her caring and loving parents who took me under their wing.

I get dressed and brush my teeth before returning back to my room and grabbing my phone that fell onto the floor while I was sleeping. I don't bother to check it because I want to keep myself free from distraction and interruption. I place the phone in my pocket and descend down the stairs and into the kitchen which is filled with the aroma of coffee.

"You must have had a long night for you to sleep until one, Emilia," Candice, Julia's mom, says as she sits at the square dining table with a crossword puzzle in front of her.

You have no idea. "It was an...interesting night," I tell her, walking over to the empty chair next to her and sitting. "It was unexpected, that's for sure. Where's Hugh?" I glance around the house, looking for her husband.

"He's at work," she says. "He left early this morning so he won't be back until later this evening."

Candice's blonde hair is pulled up into a half-ponytail and her makeup is on point. Her small round face makes her look at least five years younger than she actually is which she finds flattering.

"How long do you plan on staying?" she asks, adjusting her reading glasses on the bridge of her nose.

"Just until tonight," I says. "I needed to get away for a bit to think."

"Is it because of that Ashton boy?" A grin engulfs her face as she speaks of the reason as to why I'm even here.

"How do you kn-"

"Julia likes to keep us updated. In return, we give her money to save for the two of you." She grins even wider, proud that she guessed right.

Classic Julia. I shake my head and smile at the thought of my best friend being an information broker. "Yeah, it's because of him," I say.

"He didn't hurt you, did he?" Her eyes turn serious for a split second before I shake my head and wave both hands in front of me.

"No! God, no. He would never do that." Except for the time when he basically pushed me away and didn't tell me about Natalie's wedding. "He didn't hurt me. He just did something that confused me."

Her eyes soften as she studies my face. "Whatever it is that he did, I'm sure that everything will work out. From what I hear, you two are basically inseparable." She rubs my arm in a comforting manner and it reminds me of how my mom would do that when I would wake up from a nightmare when I was little.

I bow my head sheepishly at her comment. "Thanks, Candice." In a little over two months' time, I have spent more time with Ashton than I do with Julia, which is weird seeing that I live with her. I should probably add this to my list of 'things that I need to think about and by think, I mean vent to a certain couple.'

Pushing the chair back, I get up out of my seat. "I should probably head out." I begin walking out of the kitchen to the foyer where I had placed my jacket on the coat rack last night.

"Where are you going?" Candice pokes her head out from behind the wall that separates the kitchen to the foyer.

"Out," I say softly, and realization strikes her, knowing exactly where I plan to go.

"Be safe, sweetie." She waves me off with a smile and I return her gesture before walking out the door.

Each step I take sends a dull pain up my legs as I walk down the familiar path. Note to self: Don't ever run again. A slight breeze travels through the bare trees, swaying the branches that have little to no leaves left. My hands are trembling, not from anxiety, but rather anticipation of what today will result in.

I push open the steel gate leading to my destination and walk in between the rows of stones. Flowers lay in front of many of them as a sign of respect and remembrance. I should have bought some...I continue down the path until reaching the location of a particular plot in front of a large oak tree. I'll admit they chose a great plot for themselves. The large branches of the tree shade the area surrounding their grave making it a perfect spot to sit comfortably. I stand face-to-face with the two marble rocks and stare at the epitaph engraved on each one.

Bennett Lee Anderson

1966-2007

Grace Fleur Anderson

1970-2007

The stones shine like they have been cleaned recently and I give silent thanks to whoever did it. I sit against the tree that isn't more than a few feet away from the graves and wrap my arms around my legs.

"Hey, Mom, Dad," I say, feeling a bit awkward that I'm sitting here talking to inanimate objects. At least the cemetery is empty, so no one will see me. "It's been a while. Sorry that I haven't visited you. A lot has been going on lately and I just haven't taken the time to see you, but I'm here now." I take a deep breath before continuing. "I hope you guys are proud of me. If you haven't noticed, but I'm sure you have, I've changed a lot. I met someone; you can blame him for that." I chuckle to myself and continue to look at the marble.

"When I first met him, he spilled my drink on me, well, I kind of bumped into him and I fell over, but that's beside the point. Great first impression, right? He apologized over and over and even bought me a shirt to change into. I really didn't want anything to do with him after that, but he wouldn't leave me alone. He declared that we were friends that day and I thought he was crazy. I wanted him to go away and leave me alone, but he didn't and I was okay with that for some reason. I found out that he was in one of my classes and we started to sit together. Then our professor announced that we have to do a project where we have to get to know another person and basically present them to the class at the end of the semester. I was nervous about it, but I wanted to get to know him. I don't know what it was, but I liked being his presence. He made me feel secure.

"I forgot to mention that his name is Ashton. He's from Australia. Mom, I know you always had a thing for accents, so at least you know someone who knows someone with one, now." I laugh and remember how much of a crush she had on Hugh Jackman. "Anyway, we became friends. We've grown really close to one another in such a short amount of time and so much has happened. He threw me a birthday 'get together' which resulted in me getting drunk, but I promise you that I won't drink that much again. Hangovers are terrible. He even invited me to this formal party thing and I had to wear a dress. You both know how much I hate anything girly, so I was just as surprised as you when I agreed to dress up.

"Something terrible happened at the party though. You don't know him, but my ex-boyfriend Jared assaulted me. He wasn't able to do much because my other friend-who is also one of Ashton's best friends-found me before he was able to do anything. Ashton promised to protect me, but he couldn't help me at the time. He blamed himself for what happened and hated the fact that I got hurt. He stayed by my side the entire time after that and became my rock. He even helped me in the process of getting a restraining order against Jared and since then, I feel like we have become closer." I picture his hand in mine when we were waiting in the court house and I remember feeling his rapid, heavy pulse which only makes me smile. I love the way that our hands fit perfectly in each other's and that it wasn't weird at all.

"Things changed recently though." My smile falters and my eyes begin to burn. "He wasn't himself and he pushed me away. I hated the feeling of him not being able to confide in me and let me in. He has never kept anything from me, so I knew something big must have happened for him to close himself up. Last night, he told me some things and then kissed me and now I don't know what to do. He feels so strongly towards me, and I think I feel the same way. I care about him. I care about him so much that it hurts. I always want to be around him and feel the warmth radiating off of his skin when we are close to each other. There are times when my stomach flips around and my heart races when I'm with him. He's all I think about and all that I want to think about."

My eyes finally release the tears that I have been trying to hold back. "I hate that you guys weren't here when I was a teenager. I hate that you left me at such a crucial time in my life. Mom, I hate that you weren't here to teach me what some boy's motives are with girls. Maybe then, the 'Jared' situation wouldn't have happened and I could have been normal and experience a real relationship." I choke out a loud sob before continuing. "Dad, I hate that you weren't here to be over protective of me and see the danger signs that surrounded Jared. You could have helped me stay away from him. You could have helped prevent everything. But neither of you were here. I had no guidance." I wipe the remaining tears from my eyes and sniffle. "But Ash...He's done so much for me. He's been my guidance. He's helped me become more sociable and talkative. I'm doing better with being around people. I have friends because of him. I feel normal-well, as normal as I can get.

"He told me that he loves me and I want to allow myself to feel the same way because I like him. I like him so, so much; more than I thought I ever would. I've denied it so many times because I don't want to lose him as a friend and revert back to my old self. I can't picture a day without him and just thinking about it gives me chest pain. I see him on a daily basis and even going one day without seeing him drives me nuts. I don't know if I love him just yet, but I do care deeply for him. This feeling of affection is so foreign to me and I don't understand it. Day after day, his kind words and acts leave me on cloud nine. The rush that I get from being around him is so riveting and I crave more and more. I want him to show me what love is and learn how to be in a healthy relationship. I trust him with everything, and deep down, I know that things won't change because of this.

"I can't believe I didn't realize this myself before. I guess that's what Luke meant when he said that mine and Ashton's relationship is more than just a friendship. I've been stuck with my head in the clouds and didn't pay attention to all the signs that indicated that this was turning into something more. I'm such an idiot."

A gust of wind flies past me, drying up my tear-stained cheeks. I look up and notice the sun beginning to set. How long have I been out here? I guess talking to your dead parents really makes time fly. I pull out my phone and check the time. It's already almost six o' clock and I should probably head back to Denver before it gets too late. Before locking my phone, I notice the notification of Ashton's text that I didn't read last night. I tap the message and read the six words that make my lips curve up and my cheeks flush with heat.

"I meant every word I said."

I type a message in response and hover over the send button, hesitant to press it. I muster up the courage and quickly tap the button.

"I know you did. I'll see you in class on Friday?"

It only takes seconds before I receive his reply. "I'll be there."

I stand to my feet and brush off any grass that is sticking to my jeans. Walking over to the headstones, I graze my hand over the cold stone and smile.

"I'll bring him with me next time," I say. "I know you guys will like him. God knows I do."

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A/N:

I tried to take my time to write this chapter because I wanted Emmie to say and think the right things. But at least we are getting closer to some Ashlia!!

I was listening to my music on shuffle while I was writing and 'If You Don't Know' came on and I stopped typing and was like 'oh crap, this actually kind of fits the chapter.' At least, I think it does, I don't know about you. So I ended up putting it on repeat for the remainder of the chapter.

Thank you guys for 3.3k reads! Every time I see that number rise, I keep questioning as to why people like my writing. I'm happy that you are all enjoying this story just as much as I am enjoying writing it.

Please keep on commenting and voting!!! Recently, I've been receiving so many lovely comments and it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I love hearing your thoughts! I'm not the best writer, but I am trying my best to make a good story that is hopefully worth reading.

Thank you guys again. I truly love you guys and all your support! -Rebecca xoxoxoxoxo :)