Leonardo

Growing up, all my friends had their list of favorites - favorite food, color, places to visit. Memories even. Atypical of them, my mother and I shared a love for favorite words.

Though my preference shifted from a simple 'Always' delivered by Severus Snape in Harry Potter to a 'Definitely' when Sofia agreed to my marriage proposal to now - Fake fiancé friends forever; throughout all these years, my mother's favorite word remained constant.

Precipice, her favored word had always piqued my interest. 

I wondered about those situations that led people to the precipices of their lives.

What could have they done differently to avoid such crossroads?

In the partially clouded month of August, while hurricane Erica was expected to wreak havoc in the state, yet another storm brewed in my life. The one created by my brother.

When I saw Zemira rush into her car in the parking lot, clutching onto her broken self - not skin and bones but of spirit, I felt a gnawing inside my stomach. I knew something grave had happened. Something that injured her soul and bled hope.

The seven-minute video from the security camera in my office felt like a lifetime movie. Helplessly, I watched those precious moments pass when I could have returned to the office sooner. Those few seconds when Antonio morphed into a monster, never to return to his human form.

That video ended, then replayed and all I could do was watch.

Flashes of red and black danced across my eyes, pinging my head with one instruction - revenge. My feet fired, dragging me into Antonio's room but every other part of my body remained numb.

The moment I entered his office, Antonio rushed to lock the door behind me. Paled by guilt, his head hung.

"Let's just talk first, Leo. She's lying," he said, his hands surrendered in the air. "Hear me out."

Lit with rage and vexed by his actions, my body vibrated and seeped his guilty confession into my pores. Every breathing moment he used in explaining, my clenched fists floated up. When he closed our distance, something inside me snapped.

"You bastard." I held his collar. "I wish you'd died the day you were born."

"Listen to me, Leo..."

Rage - the untamed horse galloped. I felt a prickly pain over my knuckles. 

The rest of the scenes blurred from my vision. Blinking back to my senses, I was greeted with the sight of Antonio bleeding profusely from his nose and cheekbone.

What did I do?

"You hit me, fucker," he groaned, wrapping his palms over his face, thick blood dripping through the gaps of his fingers. "You hit me for a woman."

"I hit you for the vile man you've turned into." I moved a step closer, watching his body tremble backwards. "You'd be dead by now, you pathetic scum, had it not been for our Mother."

I swung the door open and walked out, feeling the heat of everyone's gaze sliding off my back. Whispers floated, and mobile flashes blinded me as I entered the elevator.

Nothing mattered but one person.

I walked outside, watching Zemira still seated inside her car. I reached for her keys but she refused with a nod.

"Don't argue with me, Zem," I said, peeling my hand off the car's roof and towering over her in the driver's seat. "You're not in the right state to drive."

"I'm in a better condition than you," she said, her voice carrying no conviction to convince me. "Either get in or get an Uber."

I was well that she had registered my bloody knuckles. After an intense staring match, I gave up. Zemira drove us back and led us into the apartment.

My chest thundered while the surroundings phased in and out of my vision. Blurred. Cleared. Dark. Light.

Adrenaline left my body, replaced with reality. I held Zemira's elbow when she navigated me through my room, passing the bed and the closets before landing inside the pristine, white washroom.

Her gaze remained fixed on me while pressing the shower buttons and setting the temperature. Lukewarm water washed off the madness of the day. Its balmy touch drenched my skin, plastering my clothes. 

Zemira stood with me, holding me against the wall like I would run away if she moved.

"I don't know where to begin but I'm sorry for what he did..." I wanted to say more.

I wanted to tell her, I beat my brother black and blue but it wasn't sufficient. It would never be enough. His broken nose and jaw were nothing compared to the injuries he inflicted upon her. Antonio's body would heal after a few hospital visits.

Zemira's soul would always carry the reminder scar.

"I should've been there, Zemira. I shouldn't have left you alone."

"You're not responsible," she said, looking at my bruised knuckle. "Stop blaming yourself."

Her soft kisses over my reddened, peeled abrasion was the ligament she fashioned to relieve me of my pain. 

Truth be told, it wasn't my knuckles that hurt. It was my chest, my spine and my body as a whole.

I once failed Tag. Today, I did the same with Zemira.

From the moment I watched the video of her assault, anger and agitation boiled my insides. Zemira, however, showed no such signs. She seemed calm like channeling her strength from an unknown place.

Looking up at me, her smile faltered. My fists curled up again, ready to bash up Antonio's image from my mind.

My dreamy-eyed little brother died a long ago yet, it was only today that I discovered the truth about a monster inhabiting his decayed body.

Zemira clasped my shoulders, moving me out of the shower and halting near a seat beside the sink. 

Dripping from my clothes, I heard a soft hush of the drawers opening and closing behind me. She peeled my shirt off, replacing it with a towel that coiled around my shoulders. Dressed in a velvety robe, Zemira knelt before me.

"Are you alright?" she asked. I wasn't sure if I heard her correctly. "Leo, answer me."

Those seven minutes from the video replayed, this time from Zemira's perspective where she pointed a trembling finger at me.

"Same blood. Same man," I felt as if she was blaming me. "I wouldn't trust you either. You're both brothers. You're both the same."

I tossed the towel away, draping a robe to slide out of my wet pants, and moved into my room. Unable to match her tear-streaked face, I ran like a coward. Wearing a hoodie and tracks, I walked into the terrace.

The dissonance in my head culminated into one resembling Zemira's voice. It blamed me and cried, bleeding my eardrums.

It was my fault that Zemira stayed bound by the agreement. Had I not jumped to help her the first time, she would have broken up with Antonio after his scandal. 

The news would have died down and she would have moved on. Whatever it was, she wouldn't have undergone this day had it not been for my recklessness.

"Leo." Zemira's voice emerged. She moved across the terrace with trembling lips and fluttering nostrils. "If this is your attempt to avoid me then you are doing a really shitty job. Because as of now, you are making me feel like somehow I'm responsible for what happened. That it's my fault..."

"I'm not avoiding you." I sprang from the corner, pressing my finger over her lips. "I'm merely ensuring that you don't have to see me. I know I'm a reminder of..."

"I feel sane, seeing you." Pain flashes across her eyes. "I might've done something terrible by now, had you not come. So please don't go. Don't take away my peace."

Like a baby who tied to grasp its guardian's finger for the first time, Zemira held mine. She tipped her forehead on my chest, permeating her pain to me. Her branding over my heart, seared, pulling my skin tighter.

I didn't wrap her in my hold. Something about my inability to save her from the monsters of the world plummeted my will to do so.

When she tugged an arm around my neck, I deployed restraints from inhaling her scent, embracing her. Zem's jaw twitched, her fingertips grew cold and her eyes whispered the secret she held for long.

"Leo, I... I..."

Air drained my lungs. I heard the thumping of her unspoken words.

Please don't say it.

"I... love you, Leo. I love you. I want to make this work, to make us work. I don't want you to leave without knowing what I felt and I hope-"

"No," escaped as I unwrapped her grip. Whatever situation led me to this moment pushed me further. I found myself hacking at the lifeline called us. "I don't love you, Zemira."

Shards of her broken dreams, her heart, pricked through my skin. Yet, I knew it was the only way I could have helped her.

I didn't want to hold her heart at ransom, asking her to wait while I remained unaware of the duration or the chances of survival for my next mission. 

I couldn't tell my girl to hold onto the possibility of a bleak future.

That was the thing about assumption - we only saw what we needed to see. I assumed I was doing right by her. I assumed she would move on.

I was masking my selfishness in the name of protecting and caring for Zemira. By dragging our play for so long, and making her fall in love, I was already inconsiderate. I was heartless to hear her confession without reciprocating my feelings.

Most of all, I was so self-absorbed to notice her cry for help.

~

Ever confessed and faced rejection?

Then you'd know, heartbreak only comes in pieces...

Do you think Leo would do the right thing and confess before leaving? Would he even leave?

Let me know in the comments...