Zemira

My arms outstretched into the colder side of Leo's bed. After the turbulent night yesterday, I woke up in his room, alone. Somehow I knew he wouldn't be present in the apartment either. 

An early riser, Leo was a strict professional on the work front even if he detested working with his father.

I tossed the covers off, conducting my morning routine. Seeking aid for my rumbling gut, I entered the kitchen to notice another memo sitting under the fridge magnets. My heartstrings strum, playing the sweet music of happiness every time I read his message.

I have got a surprise for you.

Be ready by evening, around 7.

FFFF

The signature - Fake Fiancé Friends Forever - launched a thousand firecrackers from the deepest pits of my stomach. A smile dwindled at the edges of my lips, replaying our night at the terrace. 

As usual, I realigned my gaze over his writing, adoring the slant of letters, and feeling its angular toll over my chest. It didn't take long before I leaned over the countertop, the paper fluttering beside me. 

Simple words of his affected me the same way as his vibrant smile, jellying my insides.

A grin simmered on my face as I pulled out my phone, contemplating how to play along. A storm of thoughts drifted through me, nudging me to take the next step. 

Leo was going above and beyond with his kind gestures. It was time for me to return the favor.

The call went through while I sat on the barstool, eying the piece of note. Ever since I met Leo, my own rotations recalibrated. He possessed the power to pull me off my center of gravity, riveting it on him.

"It's too early." Kiera's soft groggy voice addressed me. I muffled my giggles, aware of her likeness to sleep in late.

"Sorry, but I wanted to ask you something."

"At... whatsthetime...eight in the morning?" Kiera's voice rose and fell as if she thrashed her legs on the bed. Tainted with annoyance, she spoke. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I wanted some advice from my dearest friend." 

Unwilling to divulge about the nights since my move, I stayed mum. When needed, I shall tell her everything. For now, I focused on getting her help.

"Fine..." A milder, complacent grunt later, Kiera cleared her voice. "Tell me, what is it?"

I gnawed at the insides of my cheeks, trying hard to shield my mind from Leo's thoughts. 

"So Leo and I've been talking... like friends..." 

I had to clarify now or else waddle through her commentaries for all eternity. Deep breaths emerged from her end, waiting for me to finish. 

"And he wanted to surprise me...again. But I want to do something beforehand. I mean... you see... the thing is..."

How could I explain to anyone, what I felt? 

How to word the tug I felt in my heart every time our eyes met? How to braid thoughts to reality about his honeyed tone intoxicating my senses, burning me to blush. 

I had fallen victim to a man and his vulnerabilities.

"Okay, smitten kitten. Here's the deal. You surprise him at the workplace. Wear sexy lingerie and an overall..."

"Wait... No..." I tapped at the marble top, halting her seduction rant. Kiera was known to go rogue and into steamy stuff at a lightning pace. I was to be blamed for not clarifying the context. "It's not like that. It's different, Kiera. As I said, we're only friends so suggest accordingly."

"Yeah, right. Because friends do keep surprising each other at the office, isn't it? Remind me how many times you've come to surprise me?"

I wanted to laugh but palmed the speaker. "Please help me. I promise I'll surprise you too."

"No, thank you. I don't need your charity," she said sternly. "But I'll help you because I've grown to like Leo." She huffed air before going radio silent. Then her voice came crashing back, full of zest. "Surprise him by appearing at the workplace, take him out to someplace he'd never been to. Not fancy, remember that."

"Oh, I know just the place," I said. 

My feet were already in motion, I dashed into my room. I gazed over my footwear while my fingers hovered over every attire hanging in the closet.

Kiera stayed on the phone for a little longer, smoothing the details to adhere. I moved around with adrenaline coursing through me as if I had a mission to accomplish. I rushed to freshen up, sliding into simple denim jeans and a white t-shirt before escaping from the apartment.

Chest-strummed symphonies played in my ears which was quite unusual because most of the time, my heart dwelled in silence. 

My destination was an unused family garage. My car's navigational command blared the arrival confirmation as soon as I parked.

Since childhood, my father brought our family out for special movie screenings at this place. Back in the day, I used to protest, unwilling to step away from my toys and begging him to play the movies in our home theatre system. It took a while to realize the charm of old-school screening.

With the projector displaying the reel on a pale wall, the garage morphed into an eighty's era theater, rendering an experience very different from any home movie-watching one. 

A small, cobwebbed, dusty garage held the scintillating glamour of the retro era and donned the subtle sheen of the present.

We sat inside an old carriage car, popping the top open for the screening. The five-year-old me fell asleep to the background music of Eastman color movies, lulled by the symphonies of violin and piano.

Years later I realized those outings were our parent's date nights.

Growing up, that's how I pictured my life to be. Filled with joy and brimming with excitement. Basking in the warmth of love in a rust-infested garage and carrying back their sleep-comatose child in their arms.

One could dream, right?

A few hours passed in prepping the garage for yet another movie screening. 

My lungs were ready to collapse, my throat itched with the dust I had swallowed while clearing the covers. My enthusiasm, however, electrified for the next segment of my plan. 

The part that involved nabbing Leo from the office.

As I got in my car and reevaluated the exteriors of the site, the storm of buried emotions whirled up. 

After Tag broke the news of his deployment, I brought him to this place. The first and the last man to have visited my folks' love shrine.

My forehead rested over the steering, fighting the yearning to stay in the past. The corner of my eyes crinkled, irritated with sandy grains of memories. Bringing Leo to become a part of the place, of the love and loss it represented, twisted my gut.

Even the notion of continuing life after Tag soured the inner linings of my mouth. 

The past couldn't change but the future could. 

Hope rekindled, engulfing the shadow of sorrows. Tag would always remain my first love. Nobody could replace him.

Being happy, however, depended on my decisions. Staying stagnant on him never meant staying sad too.

The engine revved up as I punched the gas pedal. The drive till Brenton Media passed in a blur. 

Walking inside the lobby, I feel bouts of nervousness punch my stomach. My mouth dried and soured as if trying to hold me back. The rest of my body remained numb, carrying a layer of sweat that thickened with every step I took.

The ascent towards Leo's floor pounded my heart against my ribs. My lungs craved for air and it seemed, the elevator car lacked oxygen. The doors chimed open and I held onto its sides, easing my warm body into the colder surrounding.

Ignoring the night at the hotel, this was the first time I decided to do something impromptu. Exiting the elevator, my legs froze. I stumbled into the reception area.

"How may I help you?" The receptionist gave me a side glance. 

My hands dove, stabilizing me over her desk as if the building's foundation crumbled. She revolved her chair to face me completely. 

Her frown, from working the desk turned upside down. 

"Good afternoon, Zemira. Shall I inform Mr. Leonardo about your arrival?"

I inhaled deeply, regaining command of my jumbled senses. Lowering my head, I stood in silence while playing out the whole plan in my mind. 

"No. He knows I'm here."

Delivering a curt smile her way, I walked inside. 

The whole office buzzed with phone calls, murmurs and soft taps from the keyboard. The staff was too involved, staring at their desktop screens to look up. Privacy was a boon for my flaring nerves.

The doorknob at Leo's office entrance felt the coldest. My body, on the other hand, turned into a sauna with every passing minute. I was sure if I hung my head, I would stand in a pool of my sweat.

You deserve it. My conscience came to my aid. Take another step.

The place, the people melted in the background when I opened the door. My body froze in place and my eyelids blinked constantly, trying to clear the image in front of me.

It was hard to ignore Leo's hands over Haley's back while she devoured his lips. It was harder to register him moving back. Engulfed by the fog of my hazed vision, the rest appeared blurred.

I retraced my steps and hastened my escape from the office premises. Inside the security of my car, pent-up anger raged. My organs turned stony, pounding my ribcage, punishing me for hoping. 

Why did I try moving on?

Gloving up tissues in my hand, I wiped my face harder, stronger. The displaced mask of solitary needed to be put in place. 

Why did I try abandoning Tag?

The realization hit harder than a lightning bolt, branding each cell in my body with a lesson. I only ever had one man who loved and cared for me. The one for me who left me with an unfulfilled promise of returning.

I reached home, rushing to my room. Clutching Tag's letters to my chest, I coiled myself on the bed. 

Maybe I was wrong, trying to be happy. Maybe, all I deserved in life was the leftover joys of the past, tossed as a charitable memory.

Sleep had a weird connection with tears. It took over instantly, cradling me in its embrace. The numbness and breathlessness from my chest lifted, followed by a sensation of touch I didn't experience the longest. 

It wasn't human, it wasn't describable. It could only be felt through the longings of the heart.

"I can't bear the sight of you being sad, Mira."

~

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