Leonardo

I witnessed the phrase 'a person had many layers to them' turn into a phenomenon. 

When Antonio spoke about Zemira, I assumed her to be a serious, calm girl. Through our interactions, I witnessed the fun side of hers that she hid in plain sight. Today, after quaffing half a bottle of wine, she peeled off all remaining layers, revealing her truest form.

She posed for photos, talked to strangers and even went around embracing those who yelled her name. For a mere moment, she seemed happy. Unclasping everything that held her back, she breathed freely.

Nesting her in the comfort of the passenger seat, I drove. Her locks ruffled in the air when she tossed up the sunroof like the stallion's mane, making love with the wind. An untamed girl wasn't what I pictured her to be when we met but there she was, untamed yet caged.

Zemira blasted the music as engines revved, tires burnt up on the street.

"...No time for losers, for we are the champions... Of the sea..." Her bellowing overtook the lyrics.

"Of the world."

"Oh okay. Of the woooorld." Sliding her seatbelt off, she leaned over to my side. "Wchha doing?"

"Drinking..."

"Ohh, yay. Let me give you company."

With that, she went back to nurse her bottle, finishing its content. When we arrived, Zemira stumbled into the hall like a baby learning how to walk. The wine seemed to be her kryptonite.

"Why don't you remove those bamboos you're balancing yourself in?" I was concerned, she would trip sooner than later. She smacked my finger and carefully undressed her feet.

"It's a Louboutin."

"Lobe what?" I wasn't sure, what she said. 

Giggling at my words, she stepped out of them, closing her eyes while the cold of the floor soothed her pain. She stumbled, gripping my shoulders for stability only to drag me with her.

My mind relinquished control of my heart when her soft fingers ran over the side of my face. It took everything in me, not to peel her off the wall and over my body. 

Our gaze danced over each other, my hand-cage pulled her closer. Leaning in, I sought an invitation. She affirmed with a soft smile.

The clock chimed midnight.

It knocked off my drunken stupor. It reminded me constantly, one wrong move could destroy everything we worked for.

"I need to go." I pointed towards my bedroom. Zemira nodded gingerly, looking to her room.

Returning to the safety of my bedroom, I invigorated my body with long drawn breaths. Though every cell in my body pulsated hard, punishing me for leaving her, I knew I did the right thing. My forehead slanted over the wall, soothed by its cold kiss.

Was it the right thing to do?

My phone vibrated in my pocket, tossing up the reminder for tomorrow's event.

Squeezing open the doorknob, I walked out of my room. Darkness surrounded Zemira's room, verifying my assumption that she was asleep. I scribbled a note and I tucked it safely under a fridge magnet for her.

In this state of chaos, a hot shower felt like a good option. Inside my closet, I grabbed a towel and my track pants. My hands arrested their movement when my peripheral vision focused on a lone shelf.

I moved closer, running my fingers over the locked attaché inside. The call of the past was strong, tempting. It invited me to reopen those things, revisit those memories. 

Over months and years, I managed to ignore the box, the shelf itself. My mind created an illusion of nothingness around the site.

Unknown to me, that area had powers of its own. It dragged me into its hold. Bright lights embedded in the ceiling shone over the silver-colored case, focusing on its lock. The key was tucked safely beneath several layers of my clothes, having vowed never to unlock it.

The case creaked when I keyed it. The scent of familiarity gripped my throat, choking me. I stood near the opened attaché, eying the opaque covering underneath which the dark magic of memories remained subdued.

I tossed aside the covering. Her hoodie, her photos, her hospital tag, everything came into view.

Two years ago

The warmth of the sunlight spread inside the cold room. Constant beeps from the heart monitor always had me worried. What if the sound stopped?

On the bed, Sofia rested with a pallor face and hopeless gaze. 

Ever since our first meeting, my heart betrayed me, declaring her to be the rightful owner. It continued doing so, even when she was bedridden. When she couldn't speak or blink.

Sofia's fair features and the rosy tint on her cheeks had disappeared. Those brown-colored eyes that stared into the ceiling were always hazed. Emotions and expressions evaded her.

"Hey, Softie." I sat beside her, curling my hand around hers. "Softie, look what I brought for you."

It was her favorite gray sweatshirt. Unlike other times, she didn't snatch it from me, accusing me of loosening its elastics.

"Softie, I talked to your mom. She'd be visiting soon. And when she does, you have to dress up well. The last time she came, you didn't..."

My throat thickened. Pain radiated in my chest, seeing her feeding tube fog.

A soft door knock on the door turned me. 

The doctor walked in with his usual fallen face. I wondered if it had become his usual too - a no-smile expression just like my girl.

"Good Morning, Leo..." He didn't bother looking at me, eyes glued to Sofia's charts.

"Hello, Doc. Umm... Any new developments?" I asked, eying his neutral tone and expressions.

"It's the same." The man sighed, having grown tired of delivering the same news for the past year. Yet, I persevered.

"What about the new medicines that you prescribed? Aren't they working?"

"Leo." His face furrowed. "Those medicines are slow in getting her back and even if they do, she'd never be her past self again."

"What are you talking about? You said she'd be fine after..."

Crack.

My faith faltered. My dreams fractured.

I couldn't endure his hopeless words anymore. My chest heaved for air, my eyes fogging up my fiancée's image. When I thought I couldn't take another ounce of pain, my knees buckled, crashing me on the tiled floor.

"The family's given up hope, Leo. Only on your insistence, they've held on." Like needles, his words pricked. "But now, her folks have signed. They've decided it's time to take her off the ventilator."

"No, no... No, you can't do that, doctor." I clung onto his lapel, a drowning man managing to stay afloat.

The only thing that gave me solace was knowing Sofia was still here, still with me.

"What is it that they want? Money? I'll take care of her." I was convinced, it was the financial burden that led to this decision. "They don't have to spend anything on her healthcare. Tell them, I'll bear all of her expense."

The doctor knelt before me, matching my height. His eyes glistened with a hint of kindness in an otherwise cruel world. In a world, where people wanted to move on.

"It's not about the bills, Leo. They're looking for closure and I suggest you too should do the same."

Closure. Such an easy word to toss around. 

How was I supposed to find it?

My heart was ripped from its place when she met with an accident. It was crushed beyond repair when I discovered she would never escape from her present state but now, what remained of me, of my heart was set ablaze.

We as humans were the worst of the species. We sought unconditional love but when it didn't suit our requirements or troubled our comfort, we tossed people away like garbage.

"Can I have some time alone with..." I began. 

Left in the room with only machines to witness us, I cupped her face, tilting my forehead over hers.

"Softie... I think it's time for you to finally rest..." I wet my lips but couldn't state further.

Closure - the thing everyone expected me to miraculously attain, was just a word for me. 

I would never have closure because the dent she left in my heart wouldn't heal. By ending her life support, they were terminating mine too.

By letting Sofia go, I was murdering Leo too.

Kissing her warm forehead, I looked into her shrunken eyes. 

"Softie, you used to say that I should move on if something happened to you. Guess what? I am. I'm moving to another country because I can't stay in a place that took you away. I hope you find peace till we meet again."

I chucked, hearing her voice in my head. Kissing her fragile skin, I embraced her. 

"I hope, all those church visits of yours have booked us a slot in heaven." The machines beeped rhythmically, answering on her behalf. "We have so much planning to do up there, Sof. Your wedding gown is pending. And those Jimmy-Chang whatever shoes you keep talking about, also need customization."

I tucked her partially under a blanket, knowing it would be the last of our interaction.

"Softie, I'll always love you."

Rushing out of the room, my steps halted when I heard my name. The doctor trotted behind, his chest heaving with every step he took.

"I've talked to the family," he said. "They want to proceed with the formalities sometime next week. I can call you with the date-"

"No. No need of that." My arms slit through his words. "By next week, I'll be gone. My brother will collect her stuff once the formalities are complete."

Shifting weight over his legs, the doctor scanned the floor before addressing me. 

"If I may, where are you going Leo?"

"I'm deployed. My letter arrived weeks ago but I kept asking for more time. Now..." One last time, I glanced at the room where she rested. "...there's no need to prolong it."

~

I shut the attaché but the damage was already done. 

Her memories permeated through my skin, into my soul. Like a time traveler, I replayed every single moment from the past like it was only yesterday when I received Antonio's call, having collected her possessions.

I donned her favorite sweatshirt. Enveloped by her residual warmth, I walked back into the bedroom, nesting my head over her favorite pillow. 

Her scent swaddled me, her dreams lulled me.

~

It was heartbreaking to write Tag's background story. And so was Sofia's.

Hope you would let me know, your thoughts.

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