I wasn't someone who would let things affect me to the extent that it became way obvious to everyone around, but I couldn't help how I reacted. I had found it difficult to move from Inoma's bed and had lost appetite. I had tried to get up and attend classes, but whenever I tried to get up, my body didn't find the strength to move. It was like I had fallen into some kind of hole, and couldn't drag myself out. I could neither eat, talk, or doing anything; I only wanted to lay in bed all day and talk to no one. It was only on some nights that I got out of bed around two or three in the morning, had a quick shower and brushed my mouth.

Inoma had tried to get words out of me, but I couldn't find the strength to reply her. Christopher had tried also, texting me, calling me, and even tried to get Inoma to give me the phone so he could talk to me. But I didn't have the strength. Inoma brought food for me every day, even though I never touched them. She didn't stop trying.

It had been about a week since the incident, and a week since I had done anything at all. Inoma sat gently on her bed, causing it to sink a bit. I curled myself in as I pulled the blanket Inoma had used to wrap me the night before. I didn't know what the time was, but with the way the atmosphere had become dark and gloomy -like how I felt within- I sensed it was evening time, and suddenly I felt the deep need for a long overdue stroll. I suddenly sat up, causing Inoma to turning to me with serious concern in her eyes. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me up down, making me super conscious about myself and my presence. I didn't say anything to her as I stood up, ignoring the way my roommates were staring at me and how the room had gotten quite. I had heard one of them ask Inoma if I had been served 'breakfast'. Inoma had replied with an awkward chuckle, and no words. I felt bad I hadn't told her what had happened, but I also couldn't bring myself to talk about it. When I had to forcefully relive everything, starting with the reassuring kiss we had shared before everything shattered. I had slipped on my black joggers and hoodie, using the hoodie cap to cover my face so I wouldn't be able to see the faces of my other roommates and them mine. I bent to whisper to Inoma that I was going to tell her everything when I returned, that all I needed was a stroll. She nodded with a smile when I stood up to look at her, giving me the reassurance I needed. With that, I picked my phone and purse and stepped out. My roommates didn't even wait for me to close door finish before one of them said, "Shey the man whey serve Celia breakfast get sense like this? Celia be spec."

"Nah wetin I talk too," another replied.

"Nah him go suffer Las Las, she go soon reconnect, find greener pastures."

I knew they had meant well, but them talking like that only made matters worse. I didn't want to never see Fareedah again and reconnect. I didn't think I was capable of reconnecting with someone else. I felt my heart beat in so much frustration that, I wanted to return to the room and curl back under the blanket. But I had already stepped out, I might as well have completed it. I sank my hands deep into the pocket of my hoodie as I began walking, trying to clear my head. I had been blasting electronic music in my ear, trying to focus on the lyrics and nothing else, but then a lot of the lyrics spoke about feelings and that wasn't helping.

It was a Friday evening, everywhere was bustling with different cars, students ready to head out for the night to have a fun Friday to Saturday crossover. A lot of them looked breath-taking in their risque dresses, pretty makeup and beautiful hair. I smiled a bit to myself when I saw a classmate or mine heartily chatting with her group of friends as they made their ways to their ordered ride. Their happiness rubbed off on me for a bit.

I had neither a destination or purpose, all I knew was that I was taking a stroll, and due to that, I found myself as Fareedah's faculty. The sky had become really dark, which made it feel like night already. By the time I found out I was in Fareedah's faculty, I was already staring at her. She had her hair in a messy bun, and had on grey sweatshirt and pants. She looked extremely tired and worn out, and it was honestly a first for her. I had never seen her so worn out, it showed so evidently on her and changed her ambience. I felt my heart ache as I stared at her, watching her pick up her phone every now and then like she was waiting for something, but then sighing and dropping it back down. Sitting down there, I came to the conclusion that, Fareedah's happiness was really all that mattered to me. I wanted to be in her life so bad, but when she was simply alone and looked better than she did at that moment, I preferred that. It preferred she kept me far off, while she had herself and her sanity. I increased the volume of the music playing through my earbuds, hoping to shut of the thoughts.

The memories of her curled on her floor mumbling to herself, only made me self-hate more. I shut my eyes as I stood up, about to leave, but then bumped into Jason who had a smile on his face. I paused my music, pulling out my earbuds and putting them in their case. I wanted to sigh out loud, because really, I wasn't ready for his wahala. "Did you guys fight?" he asked with a smile, but his smile seemed kind of sad.

I shook my head as I turned to leave.

"I observe a lot you know," he said in a calm voice, causing me to stop in my tracks as I felt the tears I thought I had cried away, began to well up in my eyes again. "She hasn't been doing well also," he added.

I pulled back a bit, so I was face to face with him. But that only made his eyes widen with some sort of realization. "And you too," he said with an almost gasp, his mouth opening as he placed his right hand over it. "So you guys did fight."

I sighed as I sat down, staring at her as she stared blankly at her painting board, yawning as she itched at her eyes. "We kind of did," I told him softly, slouching.

Jason chuckled. "If no be because say I know that your betroth, e for don sure me say una dey date or dey situationship," he said with a chuckle. "You guys act like two love interests. Which kain fight dey mess friends up like this?"

I didn't reply him, but simply sat there in silence, staring at Fareedah in worry. 'Was she okay?' I couldn't help but worry. But since she hadn't contacted me, I was sure she still needed her space and probably didn't want me around her anymore.

"She didn't come to class for like two days," Jason suddenly said, causing me to look at him. He nodded. "And that is something she has never done. She never misses a class, even when she is obviously ill. And then after those two days, she just showed up on Wednesday like nothing had happened, but she looked strange. She didn't look as composed as she used to, and often show up in sweatshirts and pants, like she didn't want to be here but have to."

I didn't reply him as I kept staring at her. Even thought her skin was still glowing, making her look as effortlessly beautiful as she always was. I couldn't help how burdened my heart felt with worry for her.

"I don't know what happened, but I think you guys should just reconcile, " Jason said. "It is obvious both of you are suffering from it. I no dey talk to Fareedah, but I fit talk to you. So, just be the bigger person and talk to her jare. Friends fight all the time, it's normal and helps with the building of the friendship. As long as you learn from your wrong." I could feel him shrug. He stood up, causing me to look up at him as he deepened him hands unto his pocket. "I have to go and buy food with my guys. I was about to go when I saw you. Have a nice night okay?" he told me, causing me to nod with a gentle smile – an attempt to show I appreciated his effort. "And stop sitting her and go talk to her okay?"

I nodded again as I looked away from him walking away. Fareedah had began to pack her things when I looked at her, and I felt my heart sink. I regretted taking the stroll I took, if not for it I wasn't going to be at her faculty, resisting the urge to go talk to her and hating myself even more. I sighed to myself as I sank further into the cement chair, wishing I could turn back time.

I stood up as I saw her standing, following her by a distance, until she got to her car. I had been leaning on the car next to hers, when I heard her say, "Cee?"

I jolted in shock as I quickly ducked.

"I could've swear I smelt her," she muttered. "I need to get my act together." She got into her car, and drove off.

My heart was beating rapidly as I stared at the back of her car, driving off. I did know why I had hid, since I told myself I was finally going to talk to her in hope I can set her at peace and leave, but hearing her call my name only made me panic. My knees still felt weak from the panic I felt, hearing her call my name. My heart was beating rapidly, and I became selfish once again. I didn't want to simply let her go. I wanted to be the one who brought happiness to her.

I sighed as I went back to seat on the cement chair, letting my mind wander. My mind kept on telling me I was going about it all right, giving her space, but I couldn't stop wandering why it felt so wrong. I didn't feel like the right thing at all.

It was already to ten, in the evening and I took that as my cue to return to the hostel. I didn't continue playing the music I had been listening to, but rather walked in silence. The way to FSS was becoming scanty, while the front of the Access bank was really rowdy, filled with different people who had different purposes. I ignored them as I got to New Hall, thinking of how I was going to explain all that went down to Inoma. I was about to enter the hostel gate, when I felt someone grab my hands, causing me to turn with a frown. But then I soon relaxed, when I saw it was Christopher, Inoma was standing next to him. "How are you?" he asked with a smile, causing me to fake a smile as I pulled towards him and Inoma.

I nodded, letting him pulled me into a bear hug as he squeezed me. At that moment, I felt home. I felt like, it was probably all I had needed all this whole, maybe not all, but most. I couldn't help it any longer as I felt my throat clog and my eyes itch. It didn't take seconds before I began to wet Christopher's clothes, which only made him hold me longer "Did she talk to you yet?" I heard him whisper to Inoma. But, I didn't hear her reply, which lead me to assuming she had shook her head in response. He changed the hug to a side hug as he led me to a dark corner close to our hostel gate, a stray white plastic chair was casually laying there. "Do you want to sit?" he had asked me, causing me to only turn to him so I could bury my head in the nape of his neck, shaking my head in response.

We had stood there for a while, Inoma gently rubbing my back, while Christopher stood in my embrace, saying nothing. It like I had finished my tears, so I leaned back with a fake smile as I said, "Thank you."

"Sit down," Christopher said firmly, causing me to withdraw from his hold with a shocked face. He nodded as he repeated, "Sit."

I didn't have the energy to argue with him about how he didn't have the right to command me, so I sat down, pressing my legs together as I tried to keep my fake yet real smile on. "Yes?" I said, but it ended up coming out cracked and almost incomplete.

"You look a mess," he said, causing me to chuckle.

"Oh wow, news." I relaxed into the chair, spreading my legs.

I might have not looked into the mirror, and intentionally acted like they weren't in the hall of the girls hostel, but I knew I didn't look well at all.

"Why?" he asked, while Inoma squat, getting tired of standing.

I tapped my laps, signalling for her to sit as I replied Christopher. "It is a long story."

"Well, I have nothing doing right now."

I sighed as Inoma sat on my lap.

"Take your time."

"We kissed."

Inoma who had been silently complaining on my laps, suddenly turned to me with open eyes, her lips spreading into a wide smile.

"Isn't that supposed to be good news?" he asked, looking at me with a bit of a frown, searching my face and causing Inoma to nod in agreement.

I nodded. "But she told me to get out the next morning. She was acting a bit insane, and I don't just know what to do. The kiss meant so much to okay?" Before I knew it, I started ranting. The tears I thought I had finished crying, began to well up again, causing me to itch at my eyes in attempt to send it back in. "It was like the highlight of my life, and it just was a green light, some sort of affirmation to me. It showed I wasn't the only one feeling what I felt. I thought we were heading somewhere from where we were, but now it just seems so lost. I can't bring myself to message her or look at her face to face, I can't bare to see the look of terror on her face once again. And most of all, I don't want to be the one behind the look. I want her to be happy, so bad."

Inoma used her thumbs to wipe at my eyes, holding my face in her hands a bit.

"And you thought crying and lying down all day was going to solve all that?"

I looked at Christopher from up to down, eyeing him. He definitely wasn't understanding my pain.

"Shut it," Inoma finally spoke, getting up from my laps to look at him. "Do you know what it feels like to be in her position right now? If it were me who that happened to? I would be devastated and want time to grief. I even think Cee is pretty strong for getting up right back to her feet after such. I would still need time, if it were me."

"I'd never do that," Christopher said to Inoma, which only caused him to earn intense eyeing from her.

"Now isn't the time." She turned to look at me. "I think you should message her, try reaching out again. Maybe then you'd be able to find out her reason."

Christopher nodded. "Makes sense to me. Maybe now that she has calmed down, she'd be explain better."

"But she hasn't even tried to reach out to me," I tried to tell them.

"She doesn't have to be the first person to reach out. You reaching out to her isn't a crime," Inoma said with a shrug. "There is no such rule anywhere. If you really care for her, I think you'd reach out."

I frowned a bit, feeling the feeling of selfishness build up within me again. 'Maybe things between us could work', I couldn't help thinking to myself.

"Do it," Christopher said. "No pressure, but I think you should so it also."

I slouched on the chair, sighing. "If you say so."

"To raise the mood up, Ice cream date tomorrow?" Christopher asked with a smile. "Since it is Saturday."

I smiled, nodding.

"It's a date," Inoma said excitedly, throwing her hands in the air.

I stood up, dusting my butt as I said, "Well I'd leave both of you to it."

I didn't get to take a step before Christopher said, "We are all best friends okay?" I stopped, turning to look at both him and Inoma. "One of us shouldn't get to suffer alone, while others consistently worry about them. In conclusion, what I'm trying to say is that, just as much as you are here for us, we are here for you. We are here for each other both in our good and bad times. We are your shoulder to cry on, okay?"

I nodded with a genuine smile, stretching my hands, so they could both walk into my embrace. "I love you guys," I told them.

"Can you please say that again, so I can record it," Inoma said, causing me to chuckle as I pulled from the hug.

"Yep, that's it for me. Talk to you guys later."

"Please repeat it."

I waved them as I walked away, smiling to myself. But, my smile didn't last long as I walked into the hostel. I immediately began to fumble with my phone as I climbed the stairs to my room. The thought of messaging her lingered in my mind. But by the time I got to my room, sat down and had my phone in my hands, I was stuck. I didn't know what to say, how to say it, and the memory of how she had looked on the floor that very day still played in my head like it had only happened seconds ago.

It was night already, and I still hadn't messaged her. Inoma had asked me if I did, but I told her I didn't know what to type. She told me when it was time, I'd figure it out. Most people had slept in the room, but I still found it difficult. I stared at our chat, not knowing what to do. The painful memory of her didn't stop playing, and before I knew it, I found myself crying again. With that, I felt my selfishness slip away as I realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't let her go through it more than once. So I did what was best. I sent her a quick 'I'm sorry', right before I blocked her. It was best I maintained my distance. My absence in her life, was the best.

I smiled faintly, letting my tears run slowly.

I be fool, e sure.

A/N:
So, this chapter was originally ready and has been a bit ready for a while. But, my computer has crashed, which led to the delay. I just want to take this as a mean to say, I was targeting weekly updates, but I don't know about that anymore.

One more thing, I just want you all to know 'Paint Me'  Wattpad comment section has become my happy place. You guys are the best, thank you. And, be nice to Fareedah okay? 😅.

Love,
AuthorEbun.