Zemira

"Take cover..." A shrill scream pierced the silence of the night. "Now..."

I sat bolt upright in bed, blinking in the darkness of Leo's room. I felt around for his body. The side of his bed was cold and empty.

My ears stood at attention, heart pounded heavily over my ribcage. Whatever residual sleep I had left in the wee hours of the morning evaporated. Leo was having another episode.

I'd witnessed it in the past. I had helped too.

Since his return, this was the first of an event when Leo left the comfort of his bed. I grabbed his T-shirt that lay on the side of my bed and tossed it over my body. The hallway felt colder than the room as if someone shut off the heater.

Romeo's soft whines emerged from the hallway. My feet skipped parts of the floor, darting towards the corner from where Leo's voice emerged.

"Leo," I called out, trying to separate the image of the darkness from the silhouette of the man. "Are you here?"

I was well aware, he wouldn't respond. I just needed confirmation of his sound. Any moments of his body.

I wanted to turn on the lights but played against it. I didn't want to jolt him.

Then I saw him.

Ducked near a couch in the corner of the room that faced the window.

Romeo stood guard near him, whining a little, nuzzling his head a little more. Unfazed by his therapy dog's concern, Leo remained in hiding from the enemies unknown.

"Leo," I tried again, voice easing into the silence of the room.

I could make out his face, drenched with fear and sorrow. His eyes, wider than ever snapped at my voice. His hand instructed me to hide.

"Stay hidden, Novak. Don't move."

Novak. Tag Novak.

That name, that person who once meant the world to me now haunted someone else's dreams.

Terror-filled nights were Leo's companion - he told me. What he forgot to mention was Tag's memories that triggered it. It made Leo fall back into the world of flying bullets and bleeding lives.

"Sergeant Brenton." My voice was laced with determination, to pull him out of the deep, dark rabbit hole of remorse he slid into. "Please listen to me."

Leo didn't turn.

I could see Romeo moving a step closer, then two steps back. His whines turned to barks then whining again as if he was suffering, seeing his master in pain.

Without any idea of what to do and how to help in the darkness, I decided to turn on the lights. My hand reached to the tableside lamp, pulling its suspended switch.

The room was illuminated with a dim, pale light. The corner of my eyes burnt. I blinked away the misty hue I felt over my vision, erecting my body from the hideout I'd slid into.

That's when my feeble, sleep-tortured mind registered the surroundings.

The coffee table had fallen to a side. So did the potpourri bowl and the decorative candles atop. The chair that Romeo loved humping was toppled, hugging the wall near the window. The place resembled the aftermath of a hurricane - named Leo.

How did I sleep through it? How on earth did Leo manage to do it so silently?

"Sergeant" I managed to utter, moving and halting my steps. "Leonardo Brenton. You're having an episode."

He didn't hear me.

His focus remained glued on the breaking dawn, the smog-filled city outside the window. For minutes, he didn't speak, peering at the corner. Then, in a quick motion, he flung his arm and grabbed me.

My knees buckled. I fell over his body, he covered mine under.

I felt my knees give out under me as I collapsed onto his body. My eyes were drawn to the pistol he held in his hand, and all I could do was stare in terror. My breath caught in my chest, a reminder that while I could try to help, I had to stay calm.

Romeo's whining, Leo's palpitated breath, everything, diffused from existence. Only my heartbeats resonated.

Thump thump thump thump thump

"Leo, no." I clutched his wrist. His bloodshot eyes darted at me.

"I'll have you court marshalled for this, Novak," he bellowed.

"No." My grip tightened. "I'm not Novak."

My vision fell on Romeo - helpless and pleading for an animal to rescue me. Us.

Romeo's body arched downwards. His hind reared up, tail thrashing to the sides. A steady leap towards Leo got him to the side where our arms crushed each other.

Jumping into action, Romeo fetched the service pistol from Leo's grip and darted into the room.

Leo's eyes flashed with something vile, dangerous. His fingers curled around my throat, crushing my windpipe

"Why?" He questioned Tag Novak for the betrayal. I clutched his wrist.

"Leo, it's me. Zemira. I'm not Tag. Please..."

Residual air left. I was choking. Not the pleasure-inducing, not the one which I liked when he entered me. This was hurting.

Woof Woof

Romeo nuzzled his way to Leo's left side, shoving him off my body, my space.

His front legs landed on Leo's chest, and something feral roared from the gut of the once cute and furry creature. Teeth bared, he growled.

Leo blinked. He looked around. He looked at me. At Romeo. At his trembling left leg.

"What... what did I do?"

Tears spilt over his stubble cheeks, tracing down his chin and dripping over his shirtless chest. His skin drank up any moisture that it could find. Leo's arms curled around the animal who saved me, his right hand suspended in the air.

I wanted to drag my body to where he sat and nuzzle my head on his shoulder.

I was reluctant to admit I was petrified. I was scared of my boyfriend's trauma. Of him possessing a gun inside the apartment.

I didn't want to think anyone of us could have been injured today. Or worse.

Romeo moved to my side. Bumping his head over my hand, my chest, he licked my face. He was trained for these situations.

Yet, I didn't feel fine. I felt scared. Scared of this incident being repeated. This, not being the outcome next time.

"Baby..." Leo whispered.

Arms still suspended in the air, he waited for me to embrace him. His eyes danced with the same inhibition as sparked in me.

He was scared, of the monster that bred in his head. I was scared of facing it again.

"Please don't leave me, Zem..."

A cry for help. A plea for company broke me. It broke through the wall of fear I built. He was vulnerable and scared. We both were.

At that moment, I didn't think of anything else but embraced him.

People spoke about that embrace after long departures. They spoke of the sweetness of holding onto that person who'd soothe the pangs of separation.

Then there was our embrace.

One that wasn't reconnecting long hauls of separation or distance. It was an embrace to hold onto the foundations of one another. To stabilize each other when everything around us felt crumbling.

That's when I knew, I couldn't leave Leo. I'd never leave him.

In the silence of the night, of the daybreak, we vowed to never leave each other. One, we spoke through our tears and kisses. Through our tender touches and choking apologies.

"I'll get help," Leo whispered into my hair, breathing the air that was part perfume, part night cream from my shoulder, and part shampoo from my hair. "I'll make an appointment. I know I need help, baby. I won't let it happen again."

His tear-stained face looked down at me. "Please don't leave me, baby."

My heart - wherever it was placed, shifted a little towards the right side.

Perhaps it was trying to gnaw its way out to pacify the man who broke in front of me...again. Maybe my heart knew that only if it appeared outside my body would Leo believe my words.

"I'd never leave you, Leo. Nobody leaves the air they breathe voluntarily. Nobody leaves the euphoria they feel voluntarily. I'd never leave you. I'd never abandon you."

His mouth found my trembling lips. His whispered apology caressed my promise. His tear-drenched face salted my mouth.

This wasn't a perfect kiss. We weren't making love or kissing to initiate it. Ours was a purgatory kiss, repented by the soul and reclaimed by the body. We were kissing away sorrow, pain and anger.

It was bitter, harsh. He nipped my lower lip, I bit into his upper. We both moaned, prayers an apogee with a hope to be salvaged. Or whatever was left of two broken souls.

"Baby..." Leo whispered, breaking for air. His thumbs traced the path of my jawline and into the back of my ears, crutching my hair behind. "Did I hurt you?"

Yes and no.

"No, you didn't hurt me. Neither did Romeo...for now..."

Panic grew into the green of his eyes, engulfing all the light.

"What did I do?" He asked, inspecting the state of the room.

Things had toppled off. A smashed vase shimmered under the pale lamplight. Withered white rose petals decorated the hallway from where I walked in without any footwear.

I checked Leo's body for any signs of bleeding, he did the same with mine, holding my palms outs. He knelt on my lap. His muffled apology hit me harder.

He needed to know the truth.

"You had a gun, Leo. I guess it's your service pistol," I said, forcing my eyes shut to disperse the scene that replayed in my mind. " Romeo took it away."

Anything could have happened.

Breathing into my shoulder, he gripped my back, pressing me against his chest. My hands trailed over his scarred, uneven back.

Was this going to be us? Broken. Always.

"It's not loaded. I'd never keep a loaded gun with me after the last time..." He looked away. "My mom was on the receiving end of it the first time. After that..."

"Then why do you keep the body... or whatever it's called without the magazine."

I looked towards the room where Romeo escaped with the gun.

Though the whole episode only ran for not more than a couple of minutes, it felt like a lifetime.

Broken. My understanding of Leo's troubles, his issues, wasn't even close to the state he was in.

"It gave me a sense of security," he said, pulling Romeo over his lap and running his hand up and down his silken coat. "It's a thing I couldn't get rid of. Trust me, I've tried. More than you'd imagine. So I got rid of the thing that makes it dangerous."

"Was this your last resort during the war?"

"Yes. I never had to use it. But it was the last of the reminders I'd kept with me."

That's when I realized. Leo's uniform and his dog tags all were kept in Miami. He didn't bring anything with him to the new city. Except for the one thing that may have assured him of staying alive on the battlefield.

"You don't have to explain, Leo. I was scared that it was..." I began.

"I'd never keep a loaded gun in the house when I knew my condition."

"Then why didn't you seek help before."

Long moments of silence where he contemplated his answer, followed by embracing me harder.

"Because I didn't want to reveal the magnitude of my failure in keeping it together."

"Keeping it together is highly overrated, Leo." I kissed his neck and wiped his sweat-laden forehead. "Sometimes losing one's shit makes us more human than anyone."

"You don't mind a cuckoo as your boyfriend?" Leo cupped my face. A smile I never thought would address this day, appeared on his face.

"I'd spend more than a month in a place which was an Arkham Asylum for the rich. So no, Mr. Leonardo Brenton, I don't mind a cuckoo boyfriend. Because your girlfriend isn't a specimen of sanity either."

"The Harley Quinn to my Joker." He tugged his forehead over mine.

"The mad to your madness," I said. I promised. I vowed. 

~

I don't know why but I loved writing this chapter

This for me, was Leo's most vulnerable moment in from of Zemira.

And he accepted his need to seek help, without much protest. 

Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. I'd love to hear from you :) <3