Leonardo

Every time I blinked; a realization hit me. She was mine.

Zemira sat near me and cuddled Romeo. My dog was more than happy to show his summersault theatrics to impress her.

"Yuu all the cudest lil doggiee evaaa," she said, rubbing his belly. "Why all yuu cho chweet!" Rendering a glance at me, she bent closer to the sprawled dog, whispering. "Stop being so cute or I'll put you in a bag and take you home."

My useless pet drooled and wagged more as if he was ready to be coiled inside her small bag.

"He won't fit," I said. "He's too big... you know."

I didn't know what was so hilarious about what I said but whatever it was, Zemira cuddled my dirtbag of a dog harder, pampering his forehead with kisses.

"You're not big. You are smol. Velly velly smol. Innit it?"

Woof.

Of course, my dog would agree to all her words. After all, he loved being cuddled and I was rarely the person who did that with him.

Like a child devoid of love and affection, Romeo got what he wanted after meeting Zem. I was very sure that if he could have, he would have left with her.

A soft, vibrating alarm came from Zemira's handbag.

She gasped, diving over to unzip it. She asked me to give her a quick second and moved farther into the hallway to attend to the call.

"Sure Dad," she said, clearing her throat and moving back and forth around the couch on which I sat. "I can look at it in an hour. No problem, Dad. You just rest. Okay."

I straightened when she walked back. Her smile had diminished.

"Leo..."

"Is your father okay?" I asked. "You look stressed?"

"Oh, yes he's fine." She tossed the phone back into her bag, plopping next to me. Her head slid nearer to my shoulder. "He's advised to rest because he ended up stressing too much about work and the new branches."

It all made sense now. Of why she was in New York. Zemira was helping her father. She wasn't cashing on the publicity, as I assumed.

At that moment, everything I did to hurt her clouded over me. My head felt heavier. The guilt of conjuring things against my saint-like Zem hit my conscience.

If only I would have picked up her call.

Some 'if onlys' had the power to fill you up with such remorse, you'd not be able to breathe.

I didn't deserve the love Zemira had for me.

How could I be worthy of her when a while back, I wanted to hurt and punish her?

"Leo..." Zem looked up for a moment before straightening on the couch. In a soothing display of affection, she ran her fingers into my hair. "You are thinking something...deep."

I nodded, holding her free hand and running my lower lip over her knuckles. I could feel her unsettled under my touch.

Had it been any other moment, I could have had my way with her on this very couch. I could have made her see galaxies and brought her back to my arms.

However, at this moment, I wanted nothing better than to ensure she didn't see my truth.

No matter the amount of love Zemira had for me, I was still grappling with the reality of my new body. Subjecting her to something that I wasn't comfortable with didn't feel right.

"Could you stay?" I wasn't asking. I was hoping. And pleading.

I wanted her to be with me since I realized, she never stopped loving me. I wanted to be wrapped around her, inhaling her scent and adoring her beauty.

"Actually." She looked at my sprawled dog. "I've some urgent hotel work and all my stuff's back home. Dad needs me to look over them before tomorrow's meeting with some potential investors."

"Oh, so you are leaving now!" I was being selfish...again. "I mean... can you stay a little longer."

"I want to... but I can't, baby."

A smile spread across my face. It emerged from the way she called me baby. A fucking grown-ass man like me was smiling like an idiot because the woman he loves called him a baby.

"Say that again."

"I didn't say anything." Her voice was muffled, her eyes tightly shut. "Shut up."

"Are you blushing, darling?"

"No."

"Really!"

"Shut the hell up."

"Okay, fine." I turned, watching her coiled like a prawn. "If it's any consolation, I like that word."

My chest felt lighter, drifting up as I said it. It felt as if those butterflies in my stomach were set free and somehow, they managed to make me feel light.

"Zem, can you say it again, please?"

"Baby..." she said. "I love you babiieee..."

Zem dipped me on the couch, nestling her head into the crook of my neck. With no space to move or even adjust, she lay on top of me, smiling.

It had been a long time since I saw her so content.

We stayed wrapped in each other's arms.

I hoped for her to have slept off so she wouldn't leave me. Like all happiness, mine was short-lived. Zem tied up her hair, blinking to adjust to the evening light before checking her watch.

"I'm late. Fuck, I'm late."

My Zem never swore before.

Then again, we weren't the same people we were in the past. We have changed.

Zemira felt like a different, more determined girl than I had considered her to be. She wasn't willing to break promises nor was she ready to compromise on her work.

Sliding into her coat, she checked herself in the washroom mirror before running back towards me, embracing me with all her might.

"I'm so sorry, Leo, but I promise, I'll make up for it. I swear."

"How?" I asked, holding onto Rome's leash.

"How about a date?" she said, tossing her things in her bag and turning around to face me. "Let's start there."

"Darling, we've had plenty of dates. If you'd remember-"

"Not like that." She adjusted my dishevelled shirt and pulled up the collar. "That was all a game. This will be genuine."

"Okay." Though I nodded, I wasn't willing to move out and meet people. I wasn't ready. "You have someplace reserved for it?"

"Yes. My place. I'll cook. You can help clean." Her eyes glinted. "And bonus, we can avoid the whole drama of dressing up and not being able to eat from each other's plate."

"So, I finally get to kiss the chef if the food is good..."

"Anddd..." She knew I was holding my judgement.

"And be resuscitated if somehow I have food poisoning."

"Shut up, Leo." She grabbed her bag and moved towards the door. "I'll have you know that I'm an excellent cook now."

"And I'll have you know that I'll still have an ambulance parked outside."

Zemira did her classic move. She coiled her arm around my back and slid her fingers into my hair, then winked at me.

"We'll see who needs an ambulance."

"Oh, I would." I pulled her closer. "If not for the food, then for my beautiful, hot girlfriend, who still arrests my heartbeats."

"If I didn't know any better..." Zemira dripped her lips over mine. "I'd say you're trying to make me stay."

"Did it work?"

Tiptoeing, she whispered. "We'll see that tomorrow, baby."

Zemira knew, if she stayed for my reply then it would only keep her for much longer. Kissing my cheek, she opened the door and ran towards the elevator.

I wanted to watch her go. At the same time, I didn't want to see her retreating figure.

In all my time with Sofia, I never liked seeing her go. The same remained true with my Zem.

As soon as I closed the door, Romeo's soft paw taps turned me around.

The always-tail-wagging dog slid near my leg, whining.

"I know, buddy. I miss her too." I scratched underneath the thick flurry part of his chin. His hindlegs danced in tandem with my scratching. "She's too good for us."

As if my dog understood what I meant, he straightened from his puddled position and barked some more. The apartment echoed with his sounds, already missing Zemira's cackles.

"Let's get you cleaned up buddy before you turn into a rodent."

Romeo walked with me to the washroom and hopped into the bathtub as trained.

"So now you can be good. And in front of my girlfriend, you acted like a numb nut."

Woof.

Before I turned on the hot water, I dragged a chair inside. I had a routine - to take off my prosthetic leg - before Rome's shower.

Had Amara been here, she would have bickered and stopped me. She would have told me to get used to it. But while being alone, I could do anything.

After Romeo was washed and dried, I cleaned the tub when my phone rang up.

It was Amara.

"Yes, tell me," I said, trying to clean all the grit my loyal friend had accumulated at the bottom of my bathtub.

"Are things good between you and Zem?" Amara asked, sounding apprehensive.

I smiled to myself like a teenager who had a crush on someone and every time her name came up, I couldn't help but feel those flutters in my gut.

"Yes. We spoke. It's sorted."

"Jeez. Talk about being reserved."

"For you, yes. But I tell my girl everything."

"Ohh...Your girl!" She giggled. "Is this an alien invasion? Cough twice if the real Leo is trapped inside."

"Are you done?"

She chuckled, then sighed.

I knew what was coming.

At Amara's request, I sighed up for a few therapy sessions, one of which she ran. Since Amara had combat training and checked all the boxes for veteran counselling, she managed the more complex level of traumas.

"There's something I want to ask, Leo. I won't be available for tomorrow's session. I only have a day with my son tomorrow and was hoping..."

"I don't have the qualification to talk to the veterans, Amara. How can you even suggest that?" She didn't protest. All she did was remain silent. "Can't I be in charge of Faizy instead? I can handle teenagers."

Since her return, this was the first time Amara was able to meet Faizal. Her soon-to be- ex-husband had done everything in his power to keep her son away.

"You know what. I'm in." The moment I spoke, I heard a sigh of relief from her side. "But you need to dog-sit in the evening. I can't have Romeo with me."

"Sure. Faizy will be back with his father by then," she said, sadness dipping her tone. "May I ask, where are you going?"

"I have a date... with Zem."

"Finally, I've been waiting for this. Thank God. He knocked some sense into you."

Amara continued her verbal training on what must be said and done for my first date. Like I needed one.

I sat in the corner of the washroom, eying my prosthetic leg.

I was postponing another difficult conversation with Zemira. Every time I looked at her beautiful face, I wanted to hide my hideous body.

How could Zemira love what I had become? Even when I couldn't?

~

We assume our scars define us but they don't.

They are just part of us and we are more than our scars, our failures and our insecurities.

We are whole because we are we, and nothing can diminish that.

I Hope Leo understands that before it's too late.

Like this chapter? Let me know what would happen next in the comments.