Zemira

My feet dragged me outside the community center. Thoughts clashed in my head and rebounded in my eardrums. My steps misaligned on the pavement, much like the beatings of my heart.

Like the missing pieces of a puzzle, everything began falling into place.

Amara, the nurse who looked after Leo at the hospital, was here with him. He left Miami to be with her in a new city!

When Kiera visited me before I left for New York, she always had an update on Leo. Somehow, she knew the right people who helped convey how Leo was doing. She was aware when Dave Brenton managed to get the gossip columns to run fake news about Leo, blaming him for the mission's outcome.

I came across one such publication about his new love interest, which according to my father, was Dave Brenton's smear campaign against his one son to protect another.

So, it wasn't surprising that Leo left the place that danced to his father's tunes and waited for him to be burnt at the stake.

What bothered me about his escape was the company he retained.

The brisk air invigorated my lungs. It was then that something pricked me about Amara.

I visualized her face clearly from the day we met at the hospital. There was somewhere else. I couldn't keep a finger on it. My senses churned. I'd seen her.

Somewhere.

Debby's gender reveal party!

It was Amara who drove Leo to the party. It was she who sat inside the car.

Suddenly, all the gossip about Leo's new love interest began weighing down on my shoulders. It whirled in my stomach, unwilling to be absorbed into my bloodstream.

Here I was, waiting for Leo to recover. Waiting for him to walk back into my life.

He chose someone else to give him company.

My mouth felt like sandpaper. My brain consumed every bit of residual energy in comprehending the truth. My trembling legs were inadequate to handle the additional weight pushing me towards the ground and ripping me from the inside.

Black dots appeared around my vision. My head felt weightless. Distant noises sublimed in my senses.

I knew I was falling.

I tried opening my eyes.

I should have eaten more than a salad.

My head would hit the concrete pavement.

Wake up.

I've to hold onto something.

Zemira, focus.

My head did hit something.

Soft.

Warm.

Darkness.

~

Something fishy and slimy slid over my face.

My eyes sprang open.

Woof woof.

An ivory-toned Retriever tilted its head, watching me. Thrashing its tail on the wooden floor, the dog widened its eyes, lending a paw towards me.

"What's your name?" As if the dog could talk, I asked.

The apartment I sat in came into focus.

Where the hell am I?

The orange-hued New York skyline stood at the horizon, tempting me to walk over to the window. I ignored the minimalist, beige-painted room with cardboard boxes piled up in one corner.

I pulled my handbag from the grey couch I sat on, looking for my phone.

Focus.

I was in a stranger's house.

Was I kidnapped?

No. Kidnappers don't keep cute dogs.

"Rome..." A familiar voice called.

The dog barked once before running towards a corner, which I assumed was the kitchen. A few seconds later, the soft taps of the furry animal's nails drowned the silence.

"Calm down, buddy. Nobody's taking your food away. Eat slowly."

It was Leo's voice.

I turned around, scanning every corner of the place.

That's when the patterns emerged. Like Leo's Miami apartment, this place appeared empty yet felt like home.

A couple of squiggly paintings hung in the hallway towards which the dog ran. The hall looked barren - a couch and a couple of grey chairs faced each other. A few photo frames without any photos, a used candle and a chew toy - all rested on the small mahogany table near the window.

I moved towards the unopened boxes, mustering the courage to peer inside.

Heavier footsteps from the background arrested my actions.

When did Leo move?

Why didn't he unpack?

"Zemira." Leo's voice emerged as he walked from the hallway and reduced our distance. "How are you feeling now?"

Something steamed from the cup he held.

"Here, have some cocoa." He offered, sliding the mug near the table where I stood.

I was about to gulp it down when he delivered a side look.

"Careful. It's hot."

Why did he care if I burnt the roof of my mouth? Or crush my heart merely by talking to him.

He had a new person to be concerned about.

Then why was he pretending to care?

"How did I-" I began.

"You fell unconscious," he said, looking around. "I came to talk to you when it all happened."

Even with a full-sleeved red and black checker shirt, loose, grey track pants and a head full of overgrown, curly hair tied in a bunch, Leo looked alluring.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Nah. Nothing," he said, running his ring-bearing fingers through his hair and into the back of his neck. "How are you feeling now?"

"I've been better, Leo." I gulped down the lukewarm beverage. "Why didn't you pick up my calls?"

I moved closer to him.

He dragged his steps backwards like the way he moved when we met at Debby's place.

Did I repulse him?

Without a word, Leo slid to a side. It felt like a game of chess. I countered every move of his. Cornered by the sidewall and me in front, he coiled his fists.

"Are you afraid of me, Leo?"

I knew that even his affirmative nod would topple months of intensive therapy that made me accept the reality - I couldn't force my love on him. Leo needed his space.

Look what giving him too much space did.

It paved the way for someone else to enter his life. Someone who stood by his side while I was away managing my business.

It could have been the nightingale syndrome for him to give Amara more importance. But the fact that he moved with his nurse to a new city loomed over my senses, blocking rationale from seeping in.

"I'm not afraid of you." His intense gaze sizzled my skin. "Please don't be under the assumption that I left Miami because I was scared of you, Zemira."

The first time Leo called me Zem Zem, I hated it. Then, it became our thing. We became friends, and then something more.

We became two people who helped heal each other, the Band-Aids for the other's traumas and heartaches.

When he referred me by my full name, I realized that Zem Zem and Leo Leo ceased to exist when Leo crossed the borders and decided not to inform me.

We became strangers the day he accepted Amara's help over mine.

"It's not what I meant, Leo, and you know that."

"Then what is it?"

"Why were you dodging my calls? Why couldn't you simply pick up and answer and let me know you needed more time-"

"More time for what, Zemira Ford?" He roared. "More time for you to play around while I waited? Or more time for me to realize it was all a lie?"

"What are you saying, Leo? I don't understand anything. Please-"

"You don't understand anything now, do you?" Hate and anger spewed from his voice. His eyes. "Are you so naïve to understand your mistake? Oh, wait. Zemira Ford cannot make any mistakes, isn't it right?"

Leo wriggled out of his entrapment. With his shoulder, he shoved me out of the way. In that one tiny action, I realized another thing.

Whatever relationship we built in the past was gone.

"Leo, I swear. I don't understand what you are talking about. Please tell me what you think I did wrong. Please."

I felt pinpricks in my chest, the pain radiating into my lungs and choking me. A bitter tang hit the roof of my mouth. I stooped. Huffing air through the gaps between my teeth, I clasped the roots of my hair.

Leo didn't speak, neither did he look at me. The way he'd turned to face the wall, I knew in my heart. He was turning away from us too.

"Talk to me, asshole," I yelled. "Don't you dare stay silent now."

Woof Woof.

The dog trotted into the hall, panting and rubbing his head on Leo's knees.

The anger dancing over Leo's blotched face vanished, replaced with a soft yet genuine smile. He tried kneeling in front of his dog but halfway through decided not to.

Patting the ivory fluff on the animal's head, he bent close to the dog's ears, scratching them.

"It's okay, buddy. It's just a fight. I'm not in any trouble. I promise..." He continued scratching under its chin. The dog started wagging his tail. "It's okay. Please, go play..."

Leo pointed towards the kitchen and the darker alley I assumed to be his bedroom. The dog turned around, baring his teeth and warning me against harming his master before trotting away.

"Please keep your voice down," Leo said, looking at his retreating pet's figure. "He's trained to come to my aid-"

"He's a therapy dog, isn't he? Rome?"

"His name is Romeo. I sometimes call him Rome. He likes it."

Therapy dogs were also a part of my previous therapist's diagnosis, but only for severe cases.

At that moment, Leo's past PTSD episodes and his war-zone terrors flooded my mind.

Did it get worse since his last mission?

Seeing a pet as Leo's roommate gave me solace. It meant Amara wasn't staying with him.

Maybe they were in the initial phase of dating.

Fuck. Were they dating?

"Leo." I placed one foot after another, creaking the wooden floorboard. "Can we talk?"

As a child, I came across an injured cat on the street. My mother taught me to employ a soothing voice and a cautious approach to lure it out of hiding. I did the same now.

Leo reacted just like that injured cat, hissing. He was readying to attack when cornered.

"Please don't push me away, Leo. Let me help you."

"I don't want any help, especially from you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Unknowingly, I crossed the threshold into his personal space.

His eyes darkened. Leo dragged his left leg to the side. Then his right. His hand twitched momentarily. He shoved it inside his pocket.

A lot could be derived from his mannerism and his bodily reactions. But my mind was stuck on his words.

"What the hell do you mean by especially from me? Am I a stranger to you, Leo?" I wanted to push him. Hurt him. "What you said in those letters, were they all fake? Did you mean nothing?"

My heart pounded at the same pace as the thoughts in my head. I refused to cry. I refused to appear weak because of love.

As my Dad rightly said - love only empowered. It never weakened anyone. If I felt weak, it was due to some other emotional adulterant that spoilt my love for him.

Seven months of intensive therapy taught me the same.

As I encroached further into his personal space, I felt waves of anger blister my skin. His teeth gritted. The muscles of his jaws tightened.

"Why didn't you write back to me, Zemira?"

Leo's voice was hoarse. Watching me with hooded eyes, he moved ahead, reducing the distance he created. Barely inches from me, his hot breath fanned my face.

"What was so urgent that you couldn't find the time to reply to at least one of my letters?"

"Leo... You've got it all wrong. I didn't receive your letters on time. They were misplaced. By the time-"

"Woman, stop lying to me. At least now, admit to the truth."

Raw, unadulterated hatred in his words dissolved the tiniest specks of love he held for me behind his greenish eyes. All I saw was darkness. And despair.

"I'm telling the truth, Leo. Our office got those letters and-"

"Get out," he shouted, pointing towards the door. Leo was unwilling to listen or look at me.

Misunderstanding-induced anger hurt me even more.

Time - my father's words replayed in my ears. Leo needed time. This time too, I let him have whatever he wanted. Even if doing so emptied me, draining my happiness.

I grabbed my bag, palming the knot I felt over my chest. A suction that made it impossible to breathe.

When I moved towards the door, I heard him mumble.

"I can't believe I fell for your lies."

~

Some fight break.

Some fights make. 

And some fights like these are only the beginning.

Do you think Leo and Zemira would stop fighting long enough to acknowledge their love for each other?

Or will misunderstandings break them apart?