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CHAPTER 2

I blinked several times at what I saw, unsure if I was just imagining things or not. For the past four years, not a single day went by that I didn't think about how he was doing, even though we were no longer together.

Parang tinambol ang aking dibdib ng makumpirmang siya 'yon. My heart was pounding so fast it felt like it was about to burst out of my ribcage. He was wearing a white shirt and gray shorts. I knew he was looking at me—we were both staring at each other without saying a word.

I let my tears fall freely down my cheeks, simply overjoyed to see him again. Parang may sariling utak ang aking paa, they automatically started walking toward him, but I stopped when I suddenly heard Thalestris cry.

"Thalestris," mahina kong wika at nilingon ang bahay.

I glanced back and forth between the house and Louie several times. He was still standing there, staring at me, and the only sounds I could hear from where we stood were the rustling of the wind and the chirping of birds.

I was conflicted, struggling to decide whether to go to him or to tend to Thalestris first. Pero nang marinig ko ang pagtawag ni Maja sa aking pangalan, napagdesisyonan ko na unahin ang aking anak.

"You've been outside for so long. Alam mo namang may favoritism 'tong anak mo sa 'yo lang nagpapakarga ang bulinggit," Maja greeted me as soon as I stepped inside.

Dumiretso agad ako sa kanya at tipid na ningitian. Agad niya naman binigay sa akin si Thalestris kaya binuhat ko 'yon at hinele habang nakahiga sa aking braso.

"What's wrong? Why did my baby cry?" malambing kong tanong habang nakatingin sa kanya.

Her hand lifted as if she wanted to reach for my face. "Mama."

Ngumiti ako at hinalikan ang kanyang noo. Nilingon ko si Maja na ngayon ay nakaupo na sa sofa habang nakatingin sa akin. While carrying my child, I turned my back on Maja and carefully ran toward the outside of the house to see if Louie was still there.

When I stepped outside, it felt as if the sky had collapsed on me—he was gone. Maybe I was just seeing things? Wala na akong nagawa, kaya naglakad na ako papasok sa loob ng bahay na nangingilid ang aking luha.

Nang makita ni Maja ang aking mukha, ay nataranta naman ito. Naupo ako sa kanyang tabi at huminga ng malalim para kalmahin ang sarili. Tears were about to fall, but I tried my best to hold them back. She got worried and came closer to me.

"What happened? Bakit mukhang naiiyak ka diyan?" She asked me in a worried tone.

Because of Maja's question, my tears started to fall uncontrollably. They streamed down my cheeks like a waterfall. I couldn't hold back my sobs in front of her. Ilang beses akong huminga ng malalim at napapikit pa bago siya sulyapan. Mapait akong ngumiti sa kanya.

"Si Louie kasi, Maja," lumuluha kong wika. "Nakita ko siya kanina sa labas, pero pagbalik ko kanina wala na siya. Alam kong siya 'yon, Maja."

Agad na natigilan si Maja at huminga ng malalim bago magsalita. "Si Hylo?" tanong nito.

I nodded and stroked Thalestris's hair. The truth is, Louie is his second name, and my ex-boyfriend's full name was Hieyro Louie Yiazon. He often went by Hylo as his nickname when others called him. But when it came to me, he preferred that I call him Louie.

"Cheska, nag-dedelusyon ka na naman, eh. Niloloko ka lang ng utak mo," mahina niyang tugon sa akin. "Bakit mo pa kasi pinakasalan si Davis kung alam mo sa sarili mo na mahal mo pa si Hylo?"

Her words tightened my chest. It felt like I had been slapped. I shook my head while my tears continued to fall. Pinunasan ko 'yon, pero wala rin namang nangyari dahil napapalitan ulit ito ng panibagong luha.

"You know what my answer would be, Maja. I didn't have a choice, okay? I just did what they wanted because it was for the company's benefit. My husband's parents are helping our company get back on its feet, and I can say that their support has made a big difference in making my dad's company start to recover. But the cost of that is my happiness," sagot ko habang patuloy parin sa pagtulo ang aking luha.

"I sacrificed the relationship that Louie and I had," nasasaktan kong sambit sa kanya. "Now, I'm bound to Davis for life. I never wanted this. I have no choice but to accept my fate."

Napabuntong hininga si Maja at niyakap ako. Magaan na yakap para hindi maipit si Thalestris sa pagitan namin.

"I understand. Stop crying, Cheska. Take a deep breath," pagpapakalma nito sa akin dahil sunod-sunod na ang hikbi na kumawala sa aking labi kasabay na rin ang pagsikip ng aking dibdib.

Siguro ay nagtagal kami ng ilang minuto sa ganoong posisyon hanggang sa kumalma ako. It was already past midnight when she said her goodbyes, telling me she had an early training tomorrow. Thalestris had fallen asleep, so I was able to clean the living room once again.

I moved quickly as the clock struck seven in the evening. I started cooking right away and made sure there was no mess that Davis could see. Thalestris's toys were neatly gathered in one corner, not scattered around. Nakalagay na rin sa mahabang lamesa ang pagkain ni Davis at siya na lang ang hinihintay.

Isang pamilyar na tunog ng kotse ang narinig ko. Here it is again, the feeling I always get—the rapid beating of my heart, filled with nervousness. My palms were sweaty, and even my forehead felt damp. I immediately went outside to greet him.

"Good evening," I greeted.

Tango lang ang sinagot niya sa akin. Nang makapasok siya, ay dumiretso ito agad sa sofa at doon niya nilapag ang mga dala-dala nitong gamit. The suit he took off was carelessly draped over the backrest of the sofa, and his shoes were left by the door.

"What's for dinner?" seryoso nitong tanong habang niluluwagan ang necktie na sout nito.

"Calderetang baka at saka steak," tugon ko.

He went straight to the dining area without even glancing at Thalestris—that's how indifferent he was toward his own child. He sat down on the chair and quietly began serving food onto his plate. Lagi siyang nauunang kumain, at ako naman ay huli, simula't sapul, hindi kami nagsabay kumain kahit meryenda man 'yan.

"Can you pour some juice into my glass? Hurry up," bigla nitong utos nang tignan niya ako.

"Okay," tugon ko.

I took the pitcher of juice from the fridge and poured it into his glass. My hands were trembling with fear. I was terrified that I might mess up again and that he would hurt me. Umangat ang tingin ko nang marinig ang malakas na iyak ni Thalestris. Nanlalaking mata na sinulyapan ko si Davis.

He paused mid-bite and slammed the spoon down on his plate, the sound ringing sharply. He stood abruptly, and I instinctively stepped back in fear. The pitcher I was holding was still pouring juice into his glass, and with my sudden movement, the juice spilled over the table, soaking his black slacks.

Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. Mabilis na ang aking paghinga dahil alam ko ang susunod nitong gawin. Napaatras pa ako habang nakahawak sa aking dibdib dahil sa kaba na aking naramdaman.

He closed his eyes, then slammed his hand on the table in frustration.

"Davis, I'm sorry. Maybe the baby is just hungry," natatakot kong wika sa kanya.

He grabbed his hair in frustration, his eyes burning with anger as he stared at me. If looks could kill, I would have been lying lifeless on the floor by now. Tumakbo ako at pinuntahan si Thalestris na ngayon ay umiiyak pa rin. Binuhat ko siya at mahigpit na niyakap.

I was taken aback when Davis grabbed my arm and roughly pulled me to face him.

"Have you really not done anything right, Cheska!?" gigil at galit nitong tanong sa akin.

I felt like a crazy person shaking my head in front of him while my tears kept falling nonstop. I took a deep breath and smiled at him, even though I was scared for myself.

"Davis, please calm down. Maybe the baby is just hungry, that's why she's crying. Don't take it out on Thalestris because of your temper," mahinahon kong wika kahit na lumuluha sa kanyang harapan dahil sa takot.

Napadaing ako ng kinulong niya ang aking panga sa kamay nito. His grip was tight, and it hurt even more because my bruise from what he did this morning hadn't healed yet.

"You're really getting on my nerves!" nanggigil niyang wika. "Did you flirt again? Did you meet up with Hylo?! You're really a slut!" he yelled, slapping my cheek hard with his palm.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Natataranta na ang buong pagkatao ko dahil sa nangyayari. I felt torn between myself and Thalestris, who was now crying loudly because of Davis's shouting. I held my child close and gently stroked her back, trying to soothe her as best as I could.

Kunot noo ko siyang kahit na nanlalabo ang aking paningin. "What are you talking about, Davis? I didn't meet with Hylo! We've been over for a long time—"

"I didn't say you should answer!" singhal nito sa akin at hinila ang buhok ko papunta sa sala.

My breathing was quick, a mix of emotions overwhelming me. I held onto his hand that was gripping my hair, trying to pull it off.

"I have a mouth, so I have the right to speak!" galit kong wika habang lumuluha.

Panic immediately overwhelmed me as he tried to take Thalestris from my arms.

"Davis! Not the kid!" I shouted.

Hindi niya ako pinakinggan. Umakyat siya sa taas, at hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto siya nagtagal doon bago siya bumaba at nagtungo sa akin. Thalestris's crying voice was gone. Fueled by the anger swelling in my chest, I couldn't stop myself from rushing toward him. I slapped his chest in fury.

"You're a demon! I told you not to drag Thalestris into your anger! Why did you leave her in the room?!" I shouted angrily, hitting him.

"I just put your child to sleep! You're overreacting!" sigaw niya pabalik sa akin.

My tears wouldn't stop falling. I could barely breathe with the weight in my chest. A soft cry escaped me when he held my arm firmly, pulling me toward the sofa and pushing me down roughly to sit.

My chest was gripped with fear, my heartbeat pounding in my ears, and it felt as if everything else faded away, leaving just the sound of my pulse. I saw him unbutton his polo shirt one by one.

"W-what are you doing?" kinakabahan kong tanong sa kanya.

"Has something happened between you two? Is he good in bed? Aren't you content with me? Is that why you're seeking your needs from someone else?!" galit nitong wika, at ng mahubad ang polo, ay sinunod naman niyang tanggalin ang sinturon sa slacks nito.

Ilang beses akong umiling sa kanya habang pinupunasan ang aking luha. "Please, Davis, I don't want this. Hylo and I didn't meet, believe me. For pity's sake, please."

He didn't listen to what I said. His face remained serious as he grabbed my jaw tightly again, with his face so close to mine.

"No, Cheska. Wala na ba akong karapatan na gawin 'to? You're my wife, and having sex with your partner is normal for a married couple. I have needs, and so do you," He whispered to me, and the tension in his voice was evident.

Umiling ako at impit na napasigaw ng hilain ang aking hita papalapit sa kanya. Umibabaw siya sa akin at pinunasan ang pawis kong mukha.

"You look beautiful tonight, hon."

"Davis, itigil mo na 'to—"

"Shut the fuck up! You'll choose Hylo over me while I'm not even in the picture!? Who's your husband between the two of us, huh!? Who?!" sigaw nito sa akin.

"You can't be content with just one, Cheska. What does he have that I don't?" tanong nito sa akin. Yumuko siya at pinatakan niya ng halik ang aking labi. "Don't worry, I'll do everything you want. I'll satisfy your needs."

I quietly cried and just shook my head in front of him.

"Thalestris needs me, Davis. I don't want this," nagmamakaawa kong wika sa kanya.

"Thalestris is asleep, Cheska. Are you still throwing a tantrum?" He asked me.

And that night, what he wanted to do to me happened. While I had no choice but to agree because I was scared he might hurt me. Why is this happening to me?

SHANGPU